


Sweet Disposition

by TrashyNovelist



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A lot of inaccuracy but its okay, AsaNoya - Freeform, Asahi has anxiety and self esteem issues, Coming Out, Getting Together, Haikyuu - Freeform, M/M, More Pining, Mutual Pining, Nishinoya is a mommas boy, Opening Up, Original Characters - Freeform, Saekos a bicon and has a girlfriend by the way, Sibling Bonding, Slow Burn, Volleyball Dorks in Love, asahis a disaster gay, basically all fluff, dense pining idiots, if that makes sense lmao, inverted canon, learning acceptance, lots of pining, minor original character death, noyas a disaster bi, side daisuga, slow burn but it’s so worth it, tanaka said bi rights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 131,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24167977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashyNovelist/pseuds/TrashyNovelist
Summary: As the team prepares for the Spring national preliminaries, Asahi and Nishinoya are left with realizations and growing feelings that soon become so demanding they have no choice but to acknowledge them.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 17
Kudos: 139





	1. Rain

**Author's Note:**

> hi! So this is my first contribution to the haikyuu fandom, asanoya has taken over my life, I don’t know why but something about their relationship and the unwavering support and belief they have in each other makes way for such a pure and genuine connection. I hope I write them to their best.  
> A few things to know before starting-  
> This is sort of like inserted into canon, slightly. Some details might be off, like time frame and technicalities, You get the idea. This is going to be all over the place because I just started writing and didn’t really have a plan, like at all.  
> Also, I’ve inserted a few of my personal headcannons revolving around the players families since there isn’t a lot of information on them. So I gave tanaka another sister, And I introduce noyas family in its own image, sorry if it really makes no sense, I just thought it was a good way to flesh out the characters and give them more depth and establish their relationships with their family. This is supposed to be around 9 chapters, That should be it. It’s a little short, but I hope you can enjoy it nonetheless:)

Yuu Nishinoya remembers the first time he met Asahi. 

He was a small first year with a big spirit. Straight out of chidoriyama, a powerhouse of a middle school that inevitably got word around just how talented the small volleyball player is. He was eager to start his days as a highschool volleyball player and more than earned his title as libero, eventually being crowned the guardian deity, for how dedicated he is to keeping the ball in the air and creating a foundation for the team. He thought he knew everything when he waltzed into Karasuno’s gym on his first day of highschool. But then he quickly knew, He still had a lot to learn, more than just about volleyball, but who he was and where his heart would settle. 

Nishinoya claimed he came to Karasuno for the uniforms, a shallow reason he can admit, but he also knew the history of the school, and he thought what better place to leave a legacy. His old friend Ryuu had suggested the place anyhow, and he didn't want to separate from his bestfriend. 

Noya and Tanaka knew everything.  
But they didn't. 

Nishinoya knew karasuno was different the moment he met Asahi and the rest of the second and third years. The third years were reserved and had less than anything to do with nishinoya, but his other upperclassman, there was something different. Tanaka had won them over immediately with his friendliness and just how extroverted he could be, And After a long session of trying to flirt with the hot second year manager, He'd found that Tanaka and Nishinoya would fit right along. Nishinoya had been the perfect candidate for the new libero position, the last one having graduated so recently, But it felt right.  
Nishinoya had been the one to great Asahi. He'd been nervous, miraculously, despite the amount of false confidence he had mastered in pulling out of his ass when it came to people that intimidated him, But then, After the tall upperclassman, who looked like he could have been in college just as a second year, smiled, and Nishinoya lost all composure as to what he thought he knew. 

Asahi was the first person to teach him that looks don't make the person. 

Nishinoya had looked up at the tall guy, He knew in his mind he found him handsome, he knew he looked rough and cold and Intimidating, like he could probably snap nishinoyas neck the moment he said the wrong thing or found him annoying, And Nishinoya, absent minded, had decided that he had to be the teen boss of some gang, and was probably apart of an underground operation that took down supper villains. 

Nishinoya has always had people tower over him, always trying to scare him into treating them like they’re better than he was. Nishinoya would never have it, he overcompensated his volume to make up for how barely anyone took him seriously. Sure he was eccentric and loud, that was his personality, him and Tanaka got along so well because they were compatible, equally as impulsive and in love with the urge to live life to its full capacity, and as First years, they felt like they had all the time in the world to live. 

As for Asahi, Nishinoya wasn't gonna let a scary looking upperclassman run him off the team so quick, and from how Tanaka took to the others so fast, how everyone just accepted the newcomers so openly, Nishinoya had found new determination in befriending the mysterious guy who was quiet, but smiled like he couldn't hurt a thing in the world. 

And so, Nishinoya figured he knew everything there was to know about living and being happy. And feeling like the world was ahead of them.  
But Asahi taught him that maybe there's more to all of that than what he thought. And Karasuno proved to be the school to change Nishinoya’s life, and everything he assumed about the world.

•••

It was half way through Nishinoyas first year at Karasuno. 

Practice had run late, clouds had darkened an already dimming sky and noya had forgotten his umbrella. As a lower class man, Nishinoya, Tanaka and the rest of the newcomers had been given the responsibility of cleaning up, allowing third year players to get home and study up, as they're preparation for college heeded the extra time it took to clean. Nishinoya didn't mind it, in fact it was always a good time, the upperclassman had ditched the first and second years to acting stupid while they cleaned, Nishinoya had jumped in the ball cart and Tanaka tried to see how many volleyballs they could pile in there with Nishinoya, Asahi, bless is heart had accidently ran into it and spilled the entire cart along with Nishinoya right onto the gym floor. 

The way he laughed was the first indication that Asahi was not how Noya and the rest of the first years were making him out to be. Daichi even as a second year, had scolded them to actually get work or they'd be there all night if they kept messing around. But Noya has just looked at Asahi who had fallen on the ground with Noya after the cart had wiped them out, Tanaka was laughing and apologizing to Daichi and Suga held in his own fit of quiet snickers. it was chaos with the first years, and Nishinoya was the prime source. 

After that practice, Nishinoya had watched as his teammates who were smart and prepared, opened their umbrellas as they departed. Noya has thought he was the last one, hidden under the awning by the front of the gym to decide what he was going to do. He could risk getting his gym clothes wet, but his bag wasn't necessarily water proof and that had his school uniform, books, and phone it. So he was at a stand still.

He thought about calling his mom and saying he would be home late, and he was half way grabbing his phone from his bag when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

Startled, but trying not to show it, he swiftly turned his head around. Asahi was standing there, Head tilted and holding an umbrella. "Hey Nishinoya" 

Noya stared up at him like a confused cat, Wondering why he hadn't left already, He could have sworn the rest of his teammates had left, but Asahi was standing there, all tall and...he was smiling. 

It's not that Asahi wasn't prone to smiling, Noya had noticed it in the past, during practices, After wins and post game meals with Suga and Daichi, but it only had ever been directed towards others, not Nishinoya. But then again Noya had never given his intimidatingly attractive upperclassman a reason to smile at him, much less talk. 

Of course they've talked before, They're teammates. Nishinoya had already managed to become close with the first years, and the few second years, he's in the starting line up, Asahi was supposed to be the teams ace by next year. So they knew each other. 

"Oh, Asahi" Noya straightened, His face was lit dimly from the few campus lights, but Noya could see him clearly. "Why haven't you gone home yet?"

Asahi shrugged, like it was obvious, "I uh, You haven't left yet either, I don't leave until I know everyone else is getting home somehow"

That, was the first clip of Nishinoya’s string of his pre decided depiction of Asahi. Why would he care so much about everyone else.

Because that's who Asahi is. And noya just sort of stared up at him wide eyes from his crouched position near his bag. 

"Have you always done that?" Noya questions, letting his phone slide back into his bag and zipping it up. 

Asahi seems timid, too timid for someone's who's only talking to Nishinoya’. Sure Noya can come off strong, But he never thought it'd make someone nervous to talk to him. But as it always comes down to, Noya is standing at his full height because it's all he can try when he's around someone so much more powerful than him, and he's smirking like he isn't getting worked up for some reason being around Asahi when he's practiced with him for a while now, when he's scolded him in practice and praised him all the same. They were friends by now, but they'd never been alone like this.

"Yeah- yeah I have. It’s a stupid little thing, but I just, I wanna make sure no one gets left behind"

Noya barely reaches asahis chin, but it doesn't stop him from leaning towards him, slinging his bag back on his shoulder, "I never noticed that"

Asahi blinks, "well ya know, I don't- like make it obvious, I just mess around until I know everyone's gone, plus, it gives me a reason to stay longer,"

"Stay longer?"

"i don't really like going home."

Noya jerks back, eyeing Asahi wide eyes. This guy he had imagined had it all, looks, height, skill, spoke so shyly, so, not how you'd think he would. 

But Noya didn't persecute him for it, why would he, just because he's not like what Noya had preconceived doesn't mean he doesn't like him, if anything this gentle part of a strong guy has his heart doing weird palpitations, like he's not standing around his teammate but a close friend. But that's not the case. At least it wasn't yet. 

"Oh," Noya says quietly, Asahi’s eyes widen and Noya suspects it's because Nishinoya has never lowered his volume to such a degree much less sounded so serious, but Noya knows the connotations behind Asahi’s urge to want to postpone leaving. He knows when somethings serious.

"Well Hey!" Noya slightly startles Asahi by his sudden raise in his voice, "don't worry about me man okay! Don't wait for me to get home, I just forgot my umbrella"

"What are you gonna do then?" 

Noya shrugs, glancing sideways at the downpour around them, cut off by the roof of the connecting awning to the school. "I may wait it out, or say fuck it and go for a swim" 

"A- a what?"

Noya snorts, Loving how dumbfounded Asahi looks by how casual Noya is about doing anything slightly stupid. "It's just rain, I can leave my stuff here and get it tomorrow, I have an extra uniform and gym clothes at home,"

"So you're, gonna walk home, in the rain?" Asahi speaks like he's trying to comprehend how idiotic it sounds. 

"Well I mean, it's fine, I love the rain anyways, especially running through it, Literally best feeling ever," Nishinoya grins at Asahi who's still apprehensive at Nishinoya’s choice of after practice activity's. "That doesn't sound like a good idea,"

"Well what do you suggest them? My impulse control is 90 percent My mother and 10 percent Ennoshita, and neither are here right now so-" Nishinoya moves to slip his bag off his shoulder again when Asahi stops him, "I'll just walk you home then"

"What?" Noya blinks up at him. 

"I uh-" Asahi lifts his hand that's not holding his umbrella to scratch the back of his neck, "I said I could just walk you, I have an umbrella, Unlike someone who came unprepared,"

Noya stares at him, And Asahi shifts his feet. "So what, did everyone just like check the forecast except me? How did-"

"The principle announced it the day before to expect some storms and for those to be careful who walk to and from school" 

Nishinoya is still just staring, blinking as he processes this, and Asahi doesn't really know how to react, So Nishinoya Just snorts, "must have slept through it,"

Asahi without missing a beat, "why am I not surprised"

Nishinoya glared at him through a playful gesture, "you're serious? About walking me home? Isn't that like completely out of the way, you'll get home late," Noya won't admit it, but he cares. He may seem obnoxious and arragant, but those closest to him know how deeply he cares about his friends, and so what if He and asahi weren’t best friends, Asahi was offering to sacrifice time to walk him home through the rain, that prompts enough out of Noya to care whether this is in this caring giants best interest or if it will just be Inconvenient.

Asahi looks to the side, the rain doesn't let up, it's loud as it ricochets off the roof and hits the ground around them, Even Noya knows he'd be soaked after five seconds in the downpour. Despite it, Noya really doesn't mind the rain, He had a special fondness for it all his life, His Aunt Himari was the reason for it all. 

He felt connected to her through it. But he wouldn't tell Asahi that. Not when this is the first one on one conversation they'd had since they met. Maybe it'd do Noya some good to get closer with the teammates he hasn’t had much to do with. Maybe it'd make their team stronger. 

Maybe it'd make him stronger, or Asahi stronger. He noticed Asahi didn't have many friends, His group was only Daichi and Suga, But they were good guys who were probably all anyone would need to have a stable experience throughout high school.

But what about the part of living. Suddenly Noya was interested if Asahi had ever snuck out, Ever drank under age, ever stayed overnight somewhere they weren't supposed to, went on midnight adventures with friends, ever danced in the rain. Had Asahi lived like Noya has wanted to since he started highschool. 

Nishinoya hasn't don't much, The most ambitious thing he'd ever done was sneak out with Tanaka to go skateboarding at the park at 3 am, they'd been skating down the street and ended up stopping at a convenient store for slushees. He still had the rest of his highschool years to do the rest, he was only a first year after all. But Asahi, He had one year left after this one and then he’d be a third year, Worrying about after highschool planning and graduation. 

But Nishinoya caught himself, wondering why this all mattered at the moment. 

"I don't mind it, really. And besides, your house isn't too far from mine"

Noya takes a step forward, he's not sure why but he feels the need not to be so far away, like he wants to hear him clearer through the sound of the onslaught of raindrops. "How do you know?"

"I've seen you on your way home, we walk almost the same route, I just, I never talked to you, always hung back with Suga, he lives near me too,"

Nishinoya opens and closes his mouth, before smiling, And something compels him to slap Asahi on the arm, he's not a stranger to being affectionate, Or touchy, he expresses himself that way, everyones used to it, "why didn't you ever talk to me then!"

Asahi jumps, "well I- I didn't think you liked me very much"

Noyas mouth drops, And Asahi awkwardly glances at the dark ground, before Noya shakes his head, "that's ridiculous, you know you outta not assume stuff like that about people" 

Asahi grunts like he's surprised, "what-"

"Don't just assume no one likes you when you don't even try to talk to them," Noya scoffs, "that'll get you nowhere, Besides you should think higher of yourself,"

Asahi just stares and stares and noya isn't phased, "I don't know if I ever gave you a reason as to why I might not like you, but by the looks of it, you're a nice guy, who does not act the way he looks-"

"Hey What's that supposed to mean-" 

"Anyways Asahi-" Noya turns, smiling as he picks up his bag. He’s fun to mess with, Noya idly thinks.  
"If you're being for real, let's go then, I'm starving and I wanna get home to see what my momma cooked for dinner"

"Momma-" Asahi snorts and Noya eyes him, "shut up, let's go" and he's grabbing Asahi’s arm, and they're suddenly crowded really close together under the cheap little umbrella Asahi had kept in the club room for this occasion exactly. 

Noya swallows, and isn't aware just exactly where the newfound nervousness comes from. He clears his throat and bites his thumb to keep him from saying something stupid, he tends to do that even more when he's nervous. Asahi seems collected anough despite how shy he was earlier, and it's like he can see how Noya tensed up. It's a new side Noya hasn't really let anyone acknowledge. Of course there's instances when he's tense in the game, but he always alleviates it by playing his best, and on the sidelines when he's waiting to go back in, he’ll bite his thumb and his leg will bounce, he's always moving, and asahi has all noticed all this it seems. Asahi lays a sturdy hand on nishinoyas shoulder and makes sure the umbrella covers both of them, keeping them dry as they move to leave karasuno highschool. Maneuvering close together, Asahi and Noya walk together under the loud beating of the rain on the umbrella.

"It's not even a storm" Noya says, A little loudly so Asahi can hear over the rain. Asahi glances down at Noya by his side, swallowing, "I know, it's just rain,"

It's just rain. But Noya’s own forgetfulness and this rain has moved something in the connection between Asahi and Nishinoya, though neither would ever realize it. 

The whole point of Asahi walking Nishinoya home becomes completely in vain and invalid when Noya and Asahi come across a bench under an awning by the bus station. Noya grins and the light from the surrounding street lights make him appear like he's glowing, and suddenly, Asahi’s hard of breath when Noya pulls him under the awning and props his umbrella closed. "What are we-" 

Noya doesn't even say anything as he slips his bag off and sets it under the the bench where it will remain dry, Asahi just watches with wide confused and slightly tired eyes. "Come on Asahi take your stuff off!"

"What-" Asahi almost chokes and Nishinoya’s unzipping his karasuno jacket and placing it on the dry bench too with his bag and asahis umbrella. 

"Your bag, and your jacket we don't want it to get ruined."

"But why-"

"Oh come on just trust me," 

Asahi doesn't really think he has a choice when noyas grinning at him like that. It's late, and asahi should have been home by then, in fact he's sure noyas house is just a block or two ahead and his house is the next few streets over. Asahi couldn't have known what he was getting into when befriending Nishinoya that night. But it became painfully clear when Noya dragged Asahi into the empty street in the pouring rain that night, just to dance with him. 

"What are we even doing!" Asahi was laughing incredulously and smiling in the most carefree unreal way he ever has. It's a new feeling he hadn't had to force within his anxiety and overbearing thoughts. It came natural and it scared him how it was because Noya was spinning around in the street, Under the rain with his arms out freely, leaping around and laughing like he's the happiest person in miyagi, shoes getting soggy as he splashed in the puddles, his hair had fallen to droop over his eyes, the spiky nature of it gone, His all black hair in its natural state, down and Beautiful. 

It's an intrusive thought Asahi pushes away as quick as it came, and noya felt the same exact thing in the secret of his heart when he saw Asahi laugh at Noya and his wet hair, and how Noya spun and found innocent joy in the rain and getting soaked. He grabbed Asahi’s hands and spun with him, and asahis long hair came undone and fell too, and noyas heart sieved in an unfamiliar way, and his upperclassman looked like How Noya felt. Spectacularly careless. 

That night Noya learned Asahi wasn't scary, wasn't intimidating and cold with a superiority complex because he had it all, he was the farthest thing from it. He was gentle, He was timid, And he had heart. 

Heart that Noya would reveal to the world in his own way. In the practices that would come, the after practice treks home, in the exhausted pat on the backs after long games, the praises and lending each other confidence. 

It was the first click inside Nishinoya’s and Asahi’s relationship. But they'd never imagine where they'd end up from there.

•••

Asahi Remeber When Nishinoya died his hair. It was amazing. He waltzed in all confidence and easy smiles as he awaited the compliments on the slight change in his apparenence. He made a fuss about it, about how no one made a big deal about the 'amazing' upgrade of his hair, how he was under appreciated and No one could ever accept the awesomeness that is his hair. Asahi had complemented it though, he felt obliged too, but he did think it was cool. 

He thought everything Nishinoya did was cool, despite him being a foot shorter than him, and being a year younger. If anything, Asahi looked up to Noya. It's almost embarrassing he'd admit, but with Noya’s superhuman talent as a libero, A big name in the prefecture, and his charisma, Noya was everything Asahi wanted to be.

Asahi had struggled his entire life with being perceived as something entirely different than he actually is. People are often disappointed when the suave tall and older looking tough guy Asahi turns out to be a wimpy, anxiety riddled guy with self confidence issues. 

Part of what drew Asahi into volleyball was how everything about him that he didn't like melted away on the court. On the court he was a badass who people could count on to get the point. Anointed the ace of karasuno as a second year was something he'd never expected, but then His friends hugged him and told him he would be the best ace Karasuno ever had, Sugawara confided in him and set to him in the way he liked, Daichi was always there to back him up, and Tanaka was right there with him slamming the ball down. The captain had taken a liking to Asahi much to his dismay, and then came Nishinoya, the spunky libero had intimated Asahi at first by how- friendly he was. He became friends with everyone so easily, something Asahi had barley managed to do after two years, and yet here he was being a kickass foundation for the team and Even he got his own nickname. 

Asahis eyes could have practically shined when he heard someone call Nishinoya the guardian. And when people called him the ace, something sparked in him too. 

Asahi felt different on the court, And with Nishinoya having his back, soon not only on the court but as a friend, it all got easier to deal with whatever problems he internally faced. He devoted himself to volleyball, And he loved the game, he loved who he was on the court. 

But then the day came where that wasn't the case anymore.

In the march before the new first years would come to the team and the karasuno Asahi knew for a while would change completely, Karasuno faced date tech. 

And Asahi was faced with the iron wall.

It crumbled all his resolve. Being shut down like that, when he'd been the one they depended on to score points, It ruined his confidence as the ace, and in the span of one game, the Asahi that called for the ball, that could score a point no matter the struggle, that was there for his teammates and depended on, Crumbled into every part of Asahi that he hated in his world outside volleyball. Hesitant, Doubtful. Quiet. He'd stopped calling for the ball, He'd heard the struggle in Nishinoya as he couldn't save the ball anytime Asahi was shut down, he could hear Daichi’s frustration, Suga’s attempts at getting his team together, but Asahi had just gave up. 

He'd crumbled under it, and he'd realised all he did was hold the team back. He'd been the reason for they're failure. 

He decided, If he couldn't score a single point, then what better off was the team without him.

Then came the moments after. Nishinoya crying was what struck him. Fursturated angry tears as they went home and met at the gym, and Tanaka trying to console him. The team didn't seem to blame Asahi, or Nishinoya, but they blamed themselves more than anything. Asahi held no resentment towards him, Asahi lost the game for them not Nishinoya. So why was he the one bent out of shape, why was Noya crying, unless it was because he realized how worthless Asahi could be.

"Dammit!" Noya threw the Mop against the rack, but it richocheted off and fell to the ground, Nishinoya’s teeth clenched and anger pooled around his heart. The exclamation caught the ear of the other upperclassman, Suga Daichi and Tanaka glanced from the opening of the supply closet. Nishinoyas eyes gleamed in self loathing, "I was worthless out there, I couldn't save a single blocked ball," his voice was close to cracking. 

Asahi turned, his own hurt from the loss stinging him, facing his friend, "Nishinoya-why won't you blame me for this." 

Noya turns, staring at his friend, "I am the one who cost us the game-" Asahi glares, his voice rising, "even if you could have saved one, it would have been pointless because I couldn't make it count-" Asahi’s cut off by Daichi, standing beside Suga’s baffled look and Tanaka’s shocked and worried face, "Asahi!" Daichi makes an effort to stop the yelling.

A beat passes, Asahi can feel it in his chest, the hurt, how worthless he feels compared to his teammates, how Nishinoya is standing there blaming himself when Asahi Had let everyone down. they stare at each other, covered in the dimness of the dark closet, the light pouring in from the opening to the gym, where his friends look after them, shocked and still, the tension is sharp, and harrowing. Nishinoya finally says through fists at his side, eyebrows down turned in an expression that isn't meant to be malicious, but fills Asahi with dread. 

"What exactly do you mean by pointless, and while we're at it why didn't you call for the ball at the end?" Nishinoyas gaze and catlike eyes glare into Asahi like knives, he's never seen his friend this distraught, this angry.  
"Come on, you were in the perfect position" 

Asahi Grunts in a hurtful response, just slightly, his own gaze down turned and upset, But he doesn't say anything before suga cuts in, "hey just lay off him Nishinoya, it was my fault for sending him too many sets in a row" 

"Even if you did suga-" Asahi says, "it wouldn't have mattered anyway." 

Noyas eyes widen a fraction and his anger turns into impulsive hurt as his emotions strengthen, and the libero grabs his friend by his jacket, voice rising even more, "you'll never know until you hit the damn thing! You know that!" 

Noya pushes on him, still shouting, the others want to move to break it up, but they're frozen as Noya continues, "the next spike could be the one to break through!" 

Noya shoves him harder, backing Asahi up as Asahi grabs at the wrist gripping his jacket, hurt by his friends anger, But angry for feeling sorry for himself, angry for being weak, weak like the kids who knew him when he was younger always said he was, and hating himself for making Nishinoya so upset. Making someone he cared so much for, Act like this. Asahi never hated himself more in that moment than he had in his entire life. 

When he had stepped back, the handle of the mop snapped under him, splintering into two as suga shouted in distress, "hey!" 

Noyas trio only tightened as more emotion poured into his voice, "Don't you ever give up on a ball! Not while I'm keeping it in for you!" Asahis clenching his teeth, Trying to get past the way his throat is closing up by seeing Nishinoya this way. 

Suddenly Tanakas there, grabbing his friend back, "Noya take it easy-" Noya releases his grip from Asahi as Tanaka pulls him away. 

Through Tanakas hold back Nishinoya keeps going, Voice cracking, "I'm the libero! I'm the last defense! The team needs me!" Tanaka struggles as does Noya, Noya resolving as he stops, Asahi can only watch in his shame, in his final decision that he's right. The team would fall apart without Noya, but it isn't the same for Asahi. 

Noyas voice lowers, still filled with the passion and frustration, "but...I can't score us points" he finds his composure, and Tanaka releases his grip on Noya, who stands there in front of Asahi, barren, and frigid, Staring at the ground as he stays still through a sad livid voice, "I can't even attack either, so-" Noya says, "I don't care how many spikes get blocked, I'd never blame you for that" 

Asahi wants to take another step back, wants to run away like the coward he is. And the Noya looks at him in a way that Asahi can't bring himself to forget. 

"But quit, and I'll never be able to forgive you."

All Asahi can do as Noya stands there, fists tight at his sides, Tension and emotion hanging eerily in the air, is walk away, Slipping by as he walks away and doesn't turn back even as his friends shout, "Asahi!"

"Wait Asahi!"

"Don't go!"

And the light of the gym is left to peer through the doors onto the broken mop handle. Splintered and left there, not quite sure if it will ever be fixed. 

And then came the day Noya got suspended. 

He'd walked into Asahi’s classes hallway, obvious in how frustrated he was, but more so how he was hurt, Confronting Asahi in the hallway. "Tell me, why weren't you there yesterday" he says, and it sounds like he's close to crying. 

Asahi doesn't understand. Why Noya cares so much. Why he's so adamant on Asahi alone. The team is fine without him. 

Asahi looks at his friendly sadly, as Noya says, "did you forget or something."

"The inter high tournaments coming up" Noya tells him.

Asahi looks to the side, tired of it all. "Yeah where's the fun in hitting spikes that don't mean anything."

What am I saying? That's not how I feel Asahi thinks. But he says, "you must be sick of retrieving balls for no reason"

Stop. Nishinoya doesn't think that way either. 

"I know suga feels guilty Everytime I get blocked" Asahi says, and noya glared even worse before his volume makes Asahi jump, 

"Oh who gives a damn what anyone else thinks about it!" Nishinoyas voice brings out the vice principle, who slides a near by door open to address the ruckus. 

"What on earth is all the racket about out here" the man says and asahi and Noya's gaze don't waver on each other. Asahi misses his friend when he didn't look at him like a helpless misfit. No, Noya doesn't look at him like that. He looks at Asahi like he sees someone who Asahi knows isn't him. Like someone who's strong, Like someone who could never give up. 

That's not true. Asahi could never be those things, he can't live up to the expectations people have of him, he can't even break through the wall. He isn't what Noya sees. 

"Stop shouting in the halls!" The vice principle supplies.

Asahi can't look at Noya anymore, not his friend who has such a wrong idea of who he is, It's better off this way he tells himself, as he turns his back.

It takes everything in him not to turn around when Noya yells "Asahi!" And he hears the vice principle say, "young man," followed by Noya's shout of "Don't touch me!"

There's a crash, and Asahi’s tempted to turn around but he can't. He has to keep walking. Despite how Noya stands there, On the verge of tears as his friend, his partner, his teammate walks away from him. "Don't you want to make a spike that matters?!" Is the last thing Asahi hears, and It's what he thinks about for the next month, before he steps back into the court in hesitancy, and acceptance of his old friend Nishinoya, who's just as unsure and hesitant. Asahi is sure he’ll never be back to who he was on the court before the date tech game, until Asahi in the scrimmage against the newcomers remembers it all, "I want to keep trying to break through the wall," he'd said, and noya crouched into his ready position behind him, back on the court, together where they both belonged. This was his home, and Nishinoya belonged there, as his libero. He'd never give up. Not while Nishinoya had his back, not while Daichi, and suga, and the rest of his teammates depended on him. 

And that, was the second click in Their hearts, as to how much Asahi truly meant to Noya, and how much Noya having Asahi’s back meant to him. 

Through the doubt Asahi felt, Nishinoya’s smile that assured him he could do anything. 

Asahi started to beleive it.

•••

Nishinoya was loyal. Asahi knew this much. He was loyal and stubborn and held everyone to a standard. That's what scared Asahi.

Because Nishinoya made him feel bigger, unstoppable. Nishinoya looked at him like he believed in Asahi more than Asahi believed in himself, and he slowly began to appreciate it in the same way he used to hate it. He'd need ways to convince Nishinoya he isn't the badass ace of karasuno they made him out to be, that who he was on the court wasn't who he was in real life. But then, Nishinoya found himself at Asahi’s side, walking with him to practice, eating lunch with him despite the class ranks, Being his friend despite how he seemed to not ever be cool enough to be Noya’s friend.

He learned a lot about Nishinoya, and as his third year was coming to its close in a few months, he was starting to become scared again. But scared that his time with this kid wasn't much longer. That this comfortable normal he found with his loud libero, his teammates, his bestfriends since his first year, was coming to an end. 

He tried not to dwell on it but he can't control where his anxious thoughts travel when he's not preoccupied, So lately, he's tried to preoccupy himself more and more. 

"Hey Asahi," Nishinoya pops over his shoulder as Asahi collapses on the floor for his water break, tired from all the jumping, he has stamina, he can go for an entire game without a break, but lately his lack of sleep from the countless studying and graduation preparation has worn him out. "Hm?" Asahi glances to the side.

"You seem tired" Noya deciphers like he's cracked the code and asahi snorts, "what gave you that idea," he yawns.

Asahis vaguely aware of suga and Daichi sitting by him, stretching out their legs, leaning forward. Tanaka hovers around the other second years, Tsukkishima and yamaguchi are off to the side as always, and hinata and kageyama not bothering to take a minute to rest. 

"Help me stretch will you" Asahi says and noya grunts in response, leaning his knee against Asahi’s back and pressing down. Asahi curses, "ow not so hard" and noyas laughing, before he moves his leg to instead use his hands to help stretch asahis back, who leans forward, Suga stands to help Daichi, Practice is more than halfway over, But Asahi wouldn't mind going home early. He doesn't relay this to Daichi of course. 

"You running yourself ragged outside the gym?" Noya says and Asahi shrugs, rolling his neck, he likes the pressure Nishinoya puts on his shoulders, he feels loose, and the tension in him he constantly seems to be carrying resolves for a moment. 

"I mean, no more than usual, I've just been pulling a lot of all nighters,”

Noya hums, "didn't take you for someone who stays up past 9 pm," 

Asahi turns his head to blink at him, "what do you even mean by that"

Noya stands, rolling his own neck and stretching his arms, they're bruised as usual, and Asahi’s spare knee pad from last year resides on his dominant elbow he dives on the majority of the time, "that You’re like an old grandma,"

"Oh really" Asahi raises an eyebrow, and he shakes his head as he tiredly rises to his feet, coming to his full height so Noya's left looking up at him with his hands on his hip. "You should get some sleep though, You shouldn't over exert your body" 

Asahi looks at him, "you're telling me this? You, who's constantly moving, Who literally throws himself all over the place-" 

Noya lifts a hand, "uh- not the point." He grins as Ukai calls them back onto the court for a few last drills and a 6 on 6 scrimmage. Asahi slips on the green practice jersey over his t-shirt. Sugawara comes up behind him to pat him on the back, "you doing alright?"

Asahi sighs, "why is everyone so worried about me all of a sudden,"

Hinata cuts in from his side of the net, "well you sort of look like death Asahi," And Hinata goes red with mortification, "I mean that in the nicest way possible"

Asahi waves him off to let him know he's fine, "guys don't worry, I just need to get some sleep, I'm fine, now come on, we have to win this right?" He turns to his side of the court, where Noya, tsukkishima, ennoshita, Sugawara, and yamaguchi await looking at him with big eyes. Noya holds out a fist, and Asahi bumps it without a second thought. 

The scrimmage goes by untamed, and quick as Asahis team barely wins, Somehow maybe having the ace and libero on the same team was unmatched but when Asahi thinks about it, the little freak duo is on the other side of the net coupled with mr Defensive specialist Daichi and Tanaka most likely the next ace of karasuno. 

So he didn't feel to bad as the losing team was tasked with putting away the equipment. 

In the club room afterwards, as Asahi yawns for the millionth time and tries not to think about really anything else other than practice, not about the upcoming tournament, not about how pathetic he feels when someone mentions boyfriends or girlfriends(asahi hasn't had one in years, And the one person he comes close to feeling something around is complete and utterly off limits), and not about his future, or what his parents expect him to do. 

He sets his spare gym clothes in his locker after having washed them. He doesn't have his other shirt on yet, and he's sort of just stalling. He does this after every practice, he hates going home. Not because of his situation, he has a loving family, he has a nice house, he has it good, but he's selfish by not wanting to go home because he knows he'll only step in the door to be lectured, and the longer he's out, the more likely he won't have a run in with his father that expects far too much of his son. 

Expectations. They're needed for everyone to be the best of themselves, but sometimes those expectations make Asahi more anxious that motivated to meet. 

Go to college. Get a good job. Raise a family. Be a working class member of society. Contribute to the world. Cure cancer, become famous, get an engineering degree, be a doctor like your brother. 

How can Asahi do that as just one person. He doesn't even want to go to college, having gone through 4 years of highschool just to step back into the education system for a degree he might mot even use seems awful.

"Asahi!" Asahi startles as Nishinoya appears at the side of his locker. He's been in his own train of thought to notice him even enter the club room. Hinata and kageyama had already left, and Tanaka, Ennoshita, And the other second years were last to linger before leaving. "Noya you gonna come over and study tonight?" 

Asahi glances at Tanaka who stands from the doorway, face oddly calm. He's looking at Noya before he starts laughing, "right okay, Nevermind, Bur hey, Seako’s hosting a charades night on Friday and she's guilt tripping me into going so you're gonna come suffer with me" Tanaka tells him and noya beams, "right! Tell big sis I'll be there, duh"

"Right- U want me to wait up?"

Asahi just watched the interaction between Noya and Tanaka, still painfully shirt less and not put together to leave. He's been so distracted he can't blame himself. But Noya isn't much ready yet either, his bags still sort of strewn across the floor with his knee pads thrown across the room in his endeavor to see if he could get them off without his hands. 

"Nah, I'm gonna walk home with Asahi, but tommorow" 

"Alright," Tanaka snorts and waves bye to Asahi, and noya. 

When it's them two left, and asahis yawning in the silence that's rare when it comes to nishinoya, Noya sighs as he sits on the bench by asahis locker. "You sure you're okay?"

Asahi smiles, Noya has a habit of being a little too worried about his friends. "Yeah, don't worry. I'll go home and sleep."

"You better," noya tells him, standing up on the bench so he's just a little over Asahi’s height. He grins like this amuses him when Asahi turns after slipping his cotton shirt on. "What?"

"Nothing" Nishinoya shakes his head. 

"Are you doing that thing you do?"

Asahi says again, "huh?"

"Where you always linger to be the last one to go home,"

Asahi shrugs, he has done that for a long time, Prolong his existential dread of his home responsibilities. 

"Well, I mean, Maybe" he closes his locker, crossing his arms, "go pick up your stuff or I'm leaving"

Nishinoya sticks his tongue out at him, but asahi smiles anyways. He may be timid, and shy sometimes, of course he is, that won't change, not even around Noya, but they've developed enough comfort around each other that Noya doesn't have to be so hesitant messing with Asahi, and asahi can manage whatever chaos Noya ensues. 

At least he tries to.

"How about we stop on the way home?" Nishinoya suggests as they close up the club room, it's dark and the grasshoppers are buzzing nearby. 

"Stop where?" Asahi asks, pocketing the key to the club room. The third years alternated who kept it but it was mostly always Asahi for the sole purpose of him being the last one all the time.

"A convicence store, I'll buy us something,"

Asahi walks down the steps beside him, Noya looking up at him like it's obvious. 

"Why?"

"You're always so apprehensive Asahi, let it go, just trust me,"

"And you're always so cryptic about where you're taking me, I'm surprised I've lived this long being your friend," Asahi tells him. 

He earns a light laugh from Nishinoya and he tries not to smile in his reaction. But it comes on impact. Nishinoya sees it, and his doesn’t waver. 

"It's a surprise, just come on it's on the way," Noya grabs Asahi's wrist to drag him further along. 

***

"So," Asahi says as he sits on the curb beside Nishinoya, Their height difference is tall tell even as they sit beside each other, the newly risen moon is the main source of light besides the dim fluorescent convenience store lights behind them. They stretch their legs out onto the street, before Noya just ends up pulling them back in to his chest.  
"What compelled you to but me a popsicle?" Asahi holds the ice cream in his hand, eating in it hesitantly, but he's almost thankful, the coldness of it is refreshing and for some reason, he didn't even know he wanted one. 

Nishinoya's already almost done with his, "I just thought it'd cheer you up" 

"Why do you think I need cheering up?" Asahis eyebrows crease. Noya looks to the side and Asahi almost wants to say that he's blushing. But it'd be too good to be true.

"I just know you okay, I know my teammates"

Asahi grins, leaning against Nishinoya, "or did you really just want one for yourself"

Noya shoves him slightly, grinning as he finishes his popsicle in four bites, "oh whatever, just let me do something nice,"

Asahi doesn't say anything, just finished his own popsicle, and setting the abdnonded stick next to noyas on the pavement, leaning back to crane his head up to the sky. "Thanks. You know..."

Noya says after Asahi pauses too long, "know what?"

"You're really compassionate"

Noya sounds like he sputters, before laughing like Asahi made a joke, "I just bought you a popsicle Asahi, don't get too sentimental"

Asahi starts, face reddening and suddenly the little bit of confidence he has with Noya, which is always brief, is gone and he's nervous. Blushing. 

"Well uh- I-"

"It's fine" Noya moves to stand. "You're just an emotional guy" 

"I'm-" 

Noya grabs the popsicle sticks and throws them in a nearby trash can, Moving to keep on walking home. Leaving Asahi sitting on the curb sort of dumbfounded. 

Asahi scrambled for his stuff to catch up with Noya, "you know, for someone so big and tough, you're really just a softy" Noya speaks to him like Asahi isn't his upperclassman, but Asahi doesn't even mind it. He just opens his mouth and noya keeps going, "but, that's admirable" 

"Admirable?"

"Well yeah" Noya goes on casually, “you're like..."

Asahi and noya walk in the quiet of the evening as Noya doesn't continue. Asahi thinks about saying something.

"You're grounding," he says after a while. 

"I'm grou-"

Noya walks a little fast, prompting Asahi to follow, but it's seeming like noyas being oddly bashful. "Anyways, Look," Noya seems to calm down, and Asahi tilts his head down at his friend. "Whatever's on your mind, don't worry okay. Things will work out. No matter what it is." 

Asahi looks at Noya for a moment, not quite sure how Nishinoya knows him good enough to really know Asahi has had things on his mind that he's worried about. But maybe he knows Asahi worries a lot more than he should. 

"Thanks Nishinoya," Asahi smiles softly and it's genuine. He lays a hand on Noya’s shoulder, Feeling oddly fond for his teammate. Noya reassures him of a lot of things, not just on the court. Anyone's lucky to have him care for them like that. 

He's compassionate. He meant it when he said it a minute ago. Through his intensity, and Questionable decisions, he's kind, and his heart is stubborn and pure gold.

But Asahi won't relay this, Instead he’ll let his heart rise with noyas smile back at him, and the small fist bump sent his way as they part ways to get to their homes. And Asahis left that night thinking about Everything he found admirable about Nishinoya, rather than every little problem piling around him that he spends too much time worrying about and trying to control when he can't. 

It brings him ease. And he's okay with letting himself think about Nishinoya in the most uncomplicated version of the sense, but he never lets his mind wonder to places he won't be able to pull himself out of.


	2. inevitable

Nishinoyas bedroom is big, and crowded.   
Crowded with things he likes, Nishinoyas made his room entirely his own and everyone who's ever seen it can tell. With bikini pictures of his favorite supermodels to posters of his favorite d1 volleyball players, and even a stolen traffic cone in the corner and a book shelf filled with a messy collection of movies and manga, his room is just, Nishinoya. 

He loves his bedrooms, it's where he's spent a lot of memories. Kissing a girl for the first time, he'd invited her over to study during his first year, she'd friend zoned him afterwards but regardless. It's where he and Tanaka would stay up all night playing games and being stupid. It's where he could be alone sometimes, despite how extroverted Nishinoya could be, theres those moments where being alone was a reset for him.

Nishinoya trudges himself inside after practice, tired and yawning, letting himself fall atop his mattress.   
He considers letting himself fall asleep right there, but then his mother, bless her heart, is knocking gently on his door and he lifts his head, letting her know she can come in.

Nishinoya appreciates that about his mother. She respects his boundaries so long as he keep his volume low and doesn't cause to much racket when she's home. She's about an inch taller than him, and he knows he got the short gene from her. He's not quite sure how tall his father had been. He'd never met the man. 

"Yuu? You got home pretty late tonight," she says gently as she walks in, finding her spot at the edge of noyas bed. He sits up, presenting her with a soft smile.

"Yeah I stopped to buy my friend something to cheer him up,"

She smiles, reaching up to smooth his hair down, she never understood why he insisted on wearing it so ruffled up, when he looked just as handsome with it down. He'd told her it makes him taller, and keeps it out of his face, But she still didn't think it was a good reason. "Isn't that nice of you,"

"Yeah I guess, I don't know, he needed it."

"Well, I did the laundry for you," 

Noya groans, "crap, I forgot about it, i would have done it right now, I'm sorry momma" 

"S'fine yuu," she smooths our her skirt and noya slouches, "I won't forget next time okay. I just get-"

"I know how you get," she snorts, "distracted, sidetracked with living your life, don't worry" she stands, "however, If you wanna go anywhere this weekend you'll make sure your list is done right?" She refers to the paper list in the kitchen with tasks he's assigned to complete around the house throughout the week. With his mom working a lot to support him and her and their little house, and to give Nishinoya more than he deserves, It's at least that much he owes to her. 

"Of course," he nods. His mother nods and yawns, And so Nishinoya assures her he's all good for the night, and she kisses his forehead with a soft "goodnight, Don't be up too late. Remeber morning practice" and noya tells her again how he's fine, but he appreciates her concern anyways.

There's no denying he's a full blown mommas boy, But she's all he has besides his grandpa. They have to look out for each other. His mother only had him and his grandpa, After losing her sister so many years ago, She's become so much more quiet, he worried about her for a long time, he'd sat aside his own grief to make sure his mother didn't completely lose it. 

Nishinoya sighs, leaning back as it comes flooding back again like it does every now and then. Getting the call that his Aunt Himari has been hit in an accident, His grandpa showing up to console his mother and maybe his own old heart. Nishinoya had learned from his grandpa to be strong, but sometimes it's okay to let yourself feel or there's no way you'll ever heal. Nishinoya was 9, crying into his grandpas chest, for one of the most important people in his life left without a goodbye.

But he doesn't dwell on it much now. He keeps his aunt close to his heart, every instant the rain pours, every ball he saves, he has her in his heart and he has the strength his grandpa taught him to have.

"You spend all your life scared and worrying on the things you can't control, and you'll miss out on every chance you have at living" His grandpa had told him at the funeral. He was too young and grief stricken to care at the time. But he still remembers it now, when he's almost 17 and close to moving onto the real world. 

He'd spent everyday living for his Aunt, he'd spent it being authentic as much as he can, making sure those around him weren't hurting like he had a long time ago. 

His mothers still affected by it, he sees it in the age lines on her face, In the locket she grips around her neck when she's nervous or stressed out. But she smiles a lot more now, when she's with Noya, when she sees him play the sport his aunt had loved, had introduced Noya into loving. He's glad he can at least give solace to his mom when she's given him everything. 

Noya sighs as he rises out of his bed to change into night clothes, tossing his cell phone on his bed after digging it out and briefly glancing at his notifications. 4 of them are from Tanaka he assumes, there's another from someone else he doesn't bother to check, but he's not concerned as he walks to the shower to clean up and get to sleep. He supposes he's not that tired, But there isn't much to do. He could study, maybe start on his homework, but he knows there's no use. His best works done in the morning as he races to finish it while the teacher picks it up. 

Noya strips off his clothes, he finds himself yawning as he steps under the water. Closing his eyes. It's a reset. He's not talking for the first time all day, he's just there, quiet. His thoughts in the quiet pummel of shower water against tile and skin drift to earlier. Asahi sitting by him on the curb, legs stretched out into the road because his long limbs made it difficult to pull them up. He grins subconsciously thinking about Asahi. His friend that's so completely opposite of him but still so admirable. 

Noyas the boisterous fiery kid that attracts attention to compensate for his size and being overlooked, while Asahi’s appearance makes him so very un approachable and scary, but contrastingly gentle and quiet. Noya loves that part of Asahi. How he has completely reversed Noya’s expectations and showed Noya not to really judge so quickly. He relies on Asahi to be strong and Score points, and to just trust him on the court, but he also relies on him as a friend. Noya had warmed up to him the day they finally held a conversation and began to play as partners, now Noya doesn't have trouble admitting how fond he is of the Ace. 

But he has a little bit of a struggle realizing maybe it's not the fondness that comes in close friends. But maybe the heart racing induction Asahi causes is within the same nature upon Noya seeing kiyoko, Or anyone else catching his attention. He's just to in denial to think he could possibly feel something like that so strongly around Asahi that it can be anything more than strong friendship. 

That's it he decides. And who cares if Noya thinks Asahi’s attractive, everyone else does right? He's a handsome guy, Anyone with eyes can see that. 

Right?

Noya shakes his head, what's he getting so worked up about. He turns his mind to Kiyoko, and other cute second years in his class. He’ll never talk to them, he knows this, They're all taller than him somehow and as superficial as it sounds, he doesn't have to deny that it's obvious they'd never date him solely because they're all looking for someone taller, stronger, Less temperamental and loud. 

Noyas never been very insecure, but there's always been a soft spot about his height. He doesn't let it get to him often, he knows it's out of his control, And that something as trivial as height shouldnt outweigh someone's opinion on him rather than his personality. 

But even then people tell him to bring it down a notch. Noya likes to stay true to himself, But sometimes that's hard when he has people telling him to be quiet all the time. 

But on the court. No one tells him that. Everyone respects him as the guardian, They see how serious and focused he takes the game, and It's in this that he knows his team will never truly think ill off him. 

And anyways, Tanaka loves him like a brother, Hinata’s his little underclassman buddy that's just as excitable as him, And Asahi’s his upperclassman who's been there for him since his first year of high school, who treats him like they're equals on and outside the court, who Nishinoya admires and wishes he could be more like sometimes. 

Tall, handsome, talented, Able to break through any wall out of strength and tenacity, and loyal despite the blow out earlier in the year, Because he came back, and noya knew Asahi’s love for volleyball was irreplaceable. But maybe it'd been the team too. 

So really, who does Nishinoya need anyways. A pretty girl on his arm sounds pleasant, someone to spoil and love, But Noya’s never been adamant on it. Love is despite its appeal and the way noyas uses it to describe any type of attraction towards a pretty girl, is heavy and messy and noya won't admit how's he scared of the real thing. 

Noya isn't scared of anything he claims, But deep down he knows there's only a few things his grandpa hadn't managed to convince him to be brave about. And that was true romantic feelings of admiration, infatuation, Loyalty, and fondness, moths, and onions.

He's not even that scared of moths and onions. He just heavily dislikes them. 

And there's kiyoko, the pretty manager of karasuno. Noya knew when he saw her that she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, His crush had been heavy and hard for a while before Tanaka expressed just how intense his was on her too, and he pointed out how a lot of guys probably liked her, And Noya slowly got over it, he still thinks she's gorgeous, and the far off idea of ever winning her affection is like a dream that could never happen, and besides, While noyas scared of the intensity of love, he can tell tanakas care for kiyoko goes deeper than any crush. 

So he's given her up, but something lately, ever since Asahi came back, has been different in Noya.

He doesn't show it, but the fondness for kiyoko he's had in how he appreciates her beauty has traveled over to Asahi. He'd always appreciated how his friend was oddly rugged for a 17 year old. But he'd chalked it up to jealousy because who wouldn't want to look tall and muscular, Until Asahi had confided in Noya that he hated how he looked, and noya was so dumbfounded a guy like Asahi could be insecure when he had everything Noya admired. And noya learned that rumors around Asahi centered around his appearance had spread, that he'd been held back for 5 years, that he was the leader of a gang and sold drugs, it was alienating Asahi among the third years and noya had put a stop to that real fast.

No one really said anything after spunky loud and raging second year Nishinoya had barged into the hallway and asahis classroom shouting threats and letting everyone know just how Asahi isn't any of that, and that he's a great volleyball player with a heart of gold.

Maybe Noya could admit it was excessive and asahi was mortified, but he was pleased when he saw Asahi smiling a lot more after it.

After zoning out in the shower, blinking tiredly as he finishes washing his hair and body, he steps out onto the bath mat. He dries up as he puts on night clothes and places himself in front of his sink and mirror.

Saeko has suggested Noya use her face masks after a bad breakout fit in his first year. Now Saeko would give Noya a new one everytime she saw him and suggested which ones were her favorite. Noya loved Saeko like a sister and entertains her antics, and he's actually come to love the facemasks she lent him. Tanaka gives him shit for it but he doesn't really care. 

Saeko had been the one to help dye the strip of noyas hair too. 

Noya takes care of his face, brushing his teeth before slipping under his covers. He'd listen to his mother and not stay up too late, He should start on homework, but he has zero motivation as always, and he spends the rest of his time scrolling through his phone. Before he's yawning and his eyes sting and the clock reads 1 am, but he can't seem to fall asleep. he gets a strange text.

From Asahi: thank you for the treat again, I know it's late, but I just forgot if Ide said thank you or not.

Noya smiles into his pillow, typing back a reply. 

Noya: I'm pretty sure you said it like five times. But again, it's no problem, I figured it couldn't hurt.

A moment passes, Noya stares at his phone.

Asahi: why’re you up so late? I wasn't expecting a reply"

Noya answers. 

Noya : can't sleep 

Asahi responds a second later.

Asahi: me either 

Noya: is it because you still have something on your mind?

Not even a breath. 

Asahi: I still don't get how you could just tell, you're weird 

Noya: I'm observant 

Asahi: I'm fine.

Noya pauses, his fingers hesitating over the keyboard. He props his elbows up on his mattress. 

Noya: Hey, it's 1 am, whole worlds asleep.

Asahi: Okay. But technically no because of time zones.

Noya: Shut up I'm trying to get you to confide in me stupid 

Asahi: ouch 

Noya types back.

Noya: I just meant that like, You can tell me what's up, not like anyone will find out if that's what it is, And I'm just Noya

Asahi: Just Noya?

Nishinoya purses his lips to hide a smile, despite how he's alone, under the cover of his dark room, face being illuminated by the floruscent light of his phone. 

Noya: yeah, I may be loud sometimes but I don't share secrets. 

Noya hesitates, he sends a double message.

Noya: I'm here for you. 

A second, a minute, 2 minutes. Asahi responds.

Asahi: thank you. I'm okay, honestly, I just, get so worked up sometimes about things I shouldn't be so anxious about

Noya: Thats right, you have anxiety don't you.

Asahi: a mild case, I'm medicated, It's just sometimes it's overwhelming. I'll be fine. 

Noya: Hey 

Noya: If it ever gets bad, at like practice, or during school, and you don't know who to come to, Talk to me okay. I can help keep your mind off it, You know,

Noya: ground you. 

Nishinoya rethinks his message, maybe he sounds like what he'd made fun of Asahi for being: emotional, sappy. But he thinks it's fine because it's Asahi, he wouldn't care and this is a serious topic. Asahis well being is more than important to nishinoya. And he'll admit that. Because he loves his friends.

Noya types another message.

Noya: You Don’t have to come to me, I just meant- I know it's hard. My aunt had really bad anxiety and my mom does too.

It takes Asahi 3 minutes to respond, and noya lets out his breath he'd been holding. He's not sure why he's nervous. It's just Asahi.

Asahi: You're a really good guy you know that.

Nishinoya can't explain why he feels his face heat up, or a smile appear suddenly only for him to find it irrational and stop randomly smiling at his phone immediately.

Noya: I try, and still no girls want me

Asahi takes another 3 minutes. 

Asahi: maybe it's because they just don’t see it like I do

And that, that's when the butterflies flurry through Noya in a sickening twist of his stomach and skip of a heartbeat. Noya has to turn his phone off for a minute and debate his entire life choices.

He responds a few minutes later. 

Noya: I'm serious though...

Noya: I'll be there for you if you need it. Just like on the court. 

4 seconds.

Asahi: that almost sounds like something Daichi would say, or me.

Noya: oh shit I take it back.

Asahi: but thanks. A lot. You're a good friend. I can't believe I almost quit the team, would have been deprived of such good teammates.

Noya: you’re getting all cliche and emotional again

Asahi: what's so wrong with being in touch with your emotions geez, just because you have the emotional capacity of a celery stick doesn't mean you gotta hate

Noya: oh come on I have the emotional capacity of at least a Golden retriever

Asahi: a dog huh?

Noya: Yes! They're so happy all the time, I love dogs so much

Noya wants to talk to Asahi face to face right now so he can hear him laugh.

Asahi: Do you have one?

Noya flips back down to lay his head on his pillow, holding his phone above him as he types, 

Noya: Not yet, but I want one really bad.

Asahi: I have a cat.

Noya snorts. 

Noya: I'm allergic

Asahi: Weak

Noya: rude 

And it goes on like that for a while, Neither fall asleep till around 2 am, and nishinoyas found he likes late night conversations with Asahi. They’re fun. He seems less on edge when all of japans asleep and asahi isn't left with anyone to judge him falsely.

Nishinoya knows how that feels.

•••

Early morning practice used to be noyas least favorite thing. Sure he loved volleyball, so much of his time, energy, and devotion has been put into this team and sport, But getting up early was not on the list of his favorite things to do. Nonetheless he still found the energy, and walked to school early that morning with a yawning Tanaka and the crisp morning air biting at his grin as Tanaka went on about how much a pain Saeko can be and noya laughing at how dramatic his friend is. 

His mom had already been gone to work for the early shift so she's left him a few energy bars and money for lunch. Noya was used to his mom working constantly, he just hoped she wouldn't run herself ragged.

"You still coming over tonight right? charades is never fun without the king of them,"

Noya snorts, rolling his neck, "you bet, I win Everytime, Saeko’s teams gonna need me,"

"You always choose hers," Tanaka shakes his head, "You practically carry Seako and moms team,"

"I'm just that good," Nishinoya laughs, "I'm a badass on the court and at family game night,"

Tanaka shoves Nishinoya off the sidewalk, laughing as Noya races after him to dead leg him. It's playful rough housing they've been doing since they met.

Eventually Narita and Kinoshita fall behind Noya and Tanaka on the trek to school, the two are the more reserved of the second years, and Ennoshita’s the stability of the second year class as well, With the only one with the concept of proper grammar, rules, and chaos control. 

The second years find Ennoshita already at the gym, The third years as well. Kageyama and hinata are already on the court hitting warm ups, Daichi and suga are peppering and ukais leaning outside the gym with a cigarette. 

"Isn't there no smoking on school grounds?" Kinoshita comments as he passed, and ukai snorts, "its not hurting anyone," and nishinoya grins as he says hi to his coach and spots Asahi right off the bat as he enters the gym, setting his bag down on the side and finding the ace hitting the ball down at the wall in a series. Noya jogs over, greeting his friend as he moves in the way of Asahis down ball to pass it up. 

"Morning," Asahi yawns, as he passes it back to Noya, who sets it. It's back and forth, hitting down, Passing up, setting the other, hitting it, digging, Asahi and noya could go on all day peppering. 

Noya grins, "morning, howd you like that 4 hours of sleep?"

Asahi scoffs But Noya can tell he's tired, "never let me let you keep me up ever again"

"I didn't do it! You texted me dummy" Nishinoya says digging the ball up by lunging forward on instinct. 

Asahi retrieves it with a set to himself, hitting it down at Noya to dig again, "okay okay, but you answered,"

"Don't lecture me about staying up late," 

Asahi smiles as he passes the ball up to Noya to hit it at Asahi so he can dig as well, "Don't make me out to sound like Daichi," Asahi accuses.

Noya sees Daichi’s head turn at the mention of his name but he dismisses it, and noya snickers, diving to save a short hit Asahi had tipped, Asahi sighs as Noya barely gets it up. "How do you have so much energy all ready, practice hasn't even started."

Noya shrugs, from his spot on the floor where after his dive he'd decided to just flop there on his back and look up at Asahi who holds the ball to his side, leaning over his friend. "Who can say."

Asahi just shakes his head, holding out a hand to help Noya up. Noya looks at Asahi for a moment, not quite sure why he spends so much of a brief minute just looking at his face, And smiling, before he takes Asahis strong hand and is lifted up off the floor so easily. Nishinoyas convinced Asahi could probably throw him across the room with minimal to no effort.

Soon enough, the rest of team gets in the gym and they all get together to stretch. Takedas off to the side discussing new drills with coach ukai, And Noyas counting along with the team as they stretch their hamstrings, leaning down. He glances over at Asahi and finds him looking at him, he sends him a playful smirk and asahi shakes his head again and looks away. It's odd, Noya wants to think, but he loves when Asahi looks at him. 

Noya will worry about what this all means later, he's not concerned with anything other than his sport right now, he can't afford distractions, He tells himself. 

Nishinoya loves procrastinating his emotions.

•••

Tanakas gushing about kiyoko during lunch. Hinata has dragged Tanaka and Noya up on the roof with kageyama to sit around and eat lunch, having the same lunch period as the first years helped benefit the chaos inducing trio of hinata Noya and Tanaka, and Kageyamas tag along quietly in the back with his box of milk.

"I'll get her to talk to me for a full conversation someday, I know it," 

Noya leans back against the guard rail on the ledge, Taking a bite out of the crappy sandwich he'd bought with the money his mom had given him, he laughs, "I thought you liked it when she ignored us,"

Tanaka squares his shoulders, "true, however, Imagine her actually," Tanaka fakes tearing up, "giving me the time of day,"

Noya rolls his eyes, Focusing on hinata who's staring lazily at the sky next to kageyama, the first years opted sitting on the floor of the roof rather than the ledge with the railing, "I bet you'll win her over Tanaka!" Hinata smiles, and then he blinks and glances at Nishinoya, "uh- you too Noya, you guys are awesome she'll have no choice,"

Noya laughs, hopping off the ledge to stand before his friends, "thank you Hinata, but I've already given the prospect of Kiyoko over to Tanaka, ryuu is too in deep for me to steal his lady, I'm still allowed to crush on her though"

Tanaka snickers, "at least I have someone who appreciates her beauty as much as I do," 

Noya fist bumps his friend, "exactly, But I'm sure everyone knows how pretty she is,"

Hinata blushes and kageyamas aloof beside them, On his phone and ignoring them. He looks up when Tanaka says, "so hinata, what about you, I've seen you getting a little comfortable with the first year manager, Yachi,"

Kageyama glances at his friend, and noya doesn't miss the way hinata half way coughs and chokes in mortification, Hinata doesn't look at the now attentive kageyama beside him, he just shakes his head, turning his attention back to his lunch. "We're just friends," he hums, "besides, I'm not worried about stuff like that right now, not when we're trying to get to nationals,"

Noya smiles, "always have your priorities straight dont you,"

Kageyama speaks beside him, "that's a good thing, We don't need distractions,"

Tanaka laughs, "always so lighthearted kageyama"

Kageyama scoffs and goes back to ignoring the others. 

"Well," Tanaka continues, "that is a priority, We're gonna make it to nationals and beyond, our teams strong enough, especially with players like you two, Our libero here and a future ace!" 

Hinata face lights up, "you think I can really be a future ace!"

Tanaka pauses, "I meant me but of course you too! Maybe even by that time you'll grow a few centimeters, might reach a whole 5'5"

Hinata huffs but he’s still grinning and kageyama nudges him, "won't that be something, Growing a whole inch,"

Hinata bickers with kageyama and noya turns his attention to the entrance to the roof. A few other groups of friends have spread out to eat lunch, And speaking of aces, he remembered about Asahi and oddly started wondering what he was doing. 

All the classes had lunch at the same time but Asahi always sat with suga and Daichi, in the stairwell. Noya knew exactly where. But did he want to interrupt upperclassman gossip? What would he even say, oh yeah I just came to check up on my big upperclassman that can totally take care of himself I just want to be around him for no really valid reason. 

Of course tanaka was closer friends with suga and Daichi, And Noya wasn't far behind, but he was close with everyone on the team. It's who Noya was, He was a sturdy friend who wanted everyone to feel like they had someone.

Hinata waves at Noya, "hey? You good? You look zoned out,"

Noya blinks, but Tanaka but's in, "Noyas just probably thinking about some girl that smiled at him a few weeks ago, It's always the little things-"

Noya elbows his friend in the gut, "I was wondering what the third years were doing is all,"

"Why?" Hinata blinks and Noya shrugs, "I don't know, I've just been kinda bugging about how they're gonna be leaving after the next inter high tournament,"

"Ah that's not that close though, So we still got time," Tanaka slaps Noya on the shoulder, And Noya winces. 

Hinata leans back, "that does make me realize karasuno won't always be like this,"

"He's right," kageyama says, still preoccupied with his lunch, "The third years will be graduating soon, A new captain will be needed, We won't have Daichi or suga anymore holding the team together like glue- and we won't have Asahi,"

We won’t have Asahi.

Noya flinches and he doesn't mean to, He really doesn't know why that sentence fills him with an anxious type of dread he needs to immediately alleviate. 

Hinata groans, "god you’re making me all bummed, I just want the team to stay this way forever!"

"It'll still be strong even after, I mean you'll still have me next year! And noya, and Ennoshita whos definitely captain material" Tanaka says sitting back down, "wouldn't you wanna be the new captain?" Hinata asks.

Tanaka scoffs, "I'm not the type, A captain needs to be strong, sturdy and Mature. Someone to really hold the team accountable"

"Ennoshitas already been somewhat decided amongst the second years," Noya says crossing his arms, "it's like an unspoken thing you know,"

"Why Don't you wanna be captain next year?" Hinata leans forward.

Noya blushes, shrugging, "uh well- I, Like tanaka said, I'm not fit for it, besides, I'm pretty sure liberos can't be captain,"

"He's right" kageyama says, "I think ennoshita is a good choice" 

The group blinks at kageyama like he's grown a second head. He flinched comically, "what?"

"Well anyways," Tanaka leans back, "I don't want to think about the third years leaving, makes me feel all depressed, I mean They've been with us our entire time in highschool so far, We've been on the same team for forever and it'll be so weird playing without them," 

Noya sighs, squatting down to sit next to his friend in defeat, he's trying not to let it dampen his mood but it has been residing in him for a while, He’ll hear Asahi talk about career counseling, overhear Daichi making preparations and talking to ukai about leaving the team in good hands when they leave, it all just hits Noya in the gut and he doesn't want to admit that the day the third years leave is a day he doesn't wanna see. 

"I can't even imagine not being on the same team as Asahi," Noya mumbles. He catches Tanakas attention, "that's right, I mean you almost quit just because he wasn't coming back, I mean that's some pretty intense attachment issues," 

Noya glared at him, "hey! I don't have attachment issues, he's just, Been my ace forever you know, Er the teams ace, It wouldn't have been the same without him!"

"Would you say the same about Daichi or suga?" Tanaka smirks and noya thinks maybe he's been caught with favoritism towards the certain upperclassman. He rolls his eyes, hinata butting in, "you’re close with Asahi-San aren't you? And Tanaka, you Daichi and suga were the first people me and kageyama had met, so I'm sure you're pretty close with suga and Daichi,"

"Of course I'm close with Asahi," Noya mumbles, "I mean we've just been through a lot with the team, It won't be the same if he's not the one in the sky,"

"Don't get all sappy Noya," Tanaka snickers, "but yeah we're really close with those guys, They were there our first year, the way we are for you guys you know,"

Hinata’s eyes shine and he nods, "I haven't known them half as long as you guys and I'm already getting sad about them leaving,"

"Oh don't be a baby" kageyama says beside him, he sighs, "I know it'll be hard, but it's inevitable. The only thing we can do about it is make sure their last season is memorable. And we can do that by staying on the court with them as long as possible"

"You mean making it to nationals, and playing as many games as we can," Noya grins. 

Tanaka raises a fist in the air, "he’ll yeah! We'll give them as much time as possible, we all want this season to last forever, I don't think karasuno will ever be like it is now with this specific team!"

"We are pretty unique huh," hinata smiles.

Noya stands, his back to his friends as he stares at the pavement. "Noya?" Tanaka asks.

"That said, we will go to nationals. No doubt. We have to. We'll beat ushijima, and from there we'll make it all the way to the top,"

"That's gonna take a lot of hard work," kageyama says, "but I don't plan on losing anyways,"

"Well stay on the court the longest!" Hinata grins happily.

Noya lifts his hand and then his gaze to the sky.

I'll get there, for you Himari, for mom, for suga, for Daichi. For Asahi. 

•••

Nishinoyas in a weird mood for the rest of the day. 

A part of him has always known it was coming. Graduation day. Goodbye. 

But it really hasn't hit him until their conversation at lunch. 

During after school practice he tries not to act like it's bothering him, He's the same old energetic chatter box, and Doesn't waste his energy on being distracted. But when he's left a moment alone while stretching during breaks, Leaning iver his leg to stretch his calf's while sitting down, his gaze falls on a lonesome Asahi who drinks water and loops a towel around his neck. He's in his own world, and nishinoya briefly wonders if he's anxious at all, if Asahi thinks about graduation and everything in the same Noya does. As a goodbye. 

Or maybe he thinks of it as a step forward in his life, Maybe putting the volleyball club behind him, as an old expierience hell just tell his kid should they ever play. Asahi will sit down with his wife and daughter and tell them about His old teammates, about this one kid he'd taught with and broken a broom, Who'd even then he still came back too for volleyball.  
Nothing more than a mere memory. 

Nishinoya hates the idea of losing touch. Being nothing more to Asahi than a mere nostalgic highschool memory.   
It makes everything bug him even more.

"Nishinoya?" 

Noya starts, focusing on who said his name. It's Asahi, of course it is, he's looking at Noya like a confused puppy. 

Noya blinks, "what?"

"You were staring at me? Do I look weird?"

Noya panics, Shit. "No! Not at all," he assures his friend, springing up from his stretching position. "Just zoned out,"

"That's odd for you, never seen you so in your head,"

Noya looks at Asahi, And shakes his head, Not admiring anything about him. Nope not at all. Trying not to think about how this conversation will be meaningless to Asahi I'm probably a year, and while Noya will spend the next year as a third year missing Asahi and replaying every moment he had with his ace just to get through the nostalgia and pain fullness of playing without him.

Noyas having a hard time envisioning it. Walking into practice, not seeing Asahi already there serving or hitting over the net with suga, peppering with the wall only for Noya to join.

God he needs to get out of his head.  
Nishinoya doesn't dwell. His grandpa fought him not to try and control the things he can't.

But Noya wants so desperately to in this case. But the more he worries about how it'll be when asahis gone, The more hell miss out on when he's here, in front of him, smiling and sweating from working hard at practice.

"Hey Asahi..." Noya falls out before Asahi can join the other back on the court from the break.

"Hm? What is it Noya?"

Noya sort of struggles with his words, glaring at the gym floor. It has Asahi written in confusion. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah yeah," Noya scratches at his neck, "just, I'm gonna Mel this year count. Is all. I'll keep the ball in for as long as you're in the air for me okay. Just. We aren't done yet."

Asahi stares at Noya and nishinoyas aware of how random and unprecedented he sounds, how completely out of the blue he's turned serious and sentimental. But he needs to give himself a little closure so he can stop dreading the inevetibel, and focus on the present. 

Asahi smiles at Nishinoya.

His smile is nice

Noya wants to slap himself, instead he doesn't react until Asahi says, "that's good to hear. I'll always have you backing me up. Let's go," he nods to the court.

Noya grins in return, jumping up and jogging with Asahi back into the heart or practice. 

***

Nishinoya pays Himari a visit when practice lets out early.

Asahi had to do some errands for his mother, so Tanaka and noya, who’d hed been planning to go visit anyways since it was a finally the weekend and Saeko was hosting a chaotic rendition of charades, had decided to make a detour for Nishinoya.

The 7 year anniversary of his aunts untimely passing was coming up and the closer it got the more Tanaka saw it affect Nishinoya. He doesn't really change much, still the happy go lucky libero with a knack for being loud and fired up, but there's a difference in how he begins to carry himself, he gets a little more distracted, his emotions become stronger, and he gets agitated a lot easier. 

Nishinoya always took the day off of practice and school when the day comes, to visit Himari with his mother and grandpa. It's a sad day for Noya but he's learned to hold it together for his mother.

Tanakas known for a few years, And he'll come with Noya on spontaneous visits to his aunt, when something big will happen and noya races to tell her, or he just needs to some reassurance no one else can really give him.

Noya seems like a surface level guy, Tanaka knows that, he knows that here's some much more than ‘the short’ guy on the volleyball team who overcompensates his volume to make up for his small presence. Nishinoyas so much more.  
And a part of him, That resides deep in Nishinoyas heart and the way he works, are the people he loves, His aunt who introduced him to volleyball, who taught him that there's a lot more to life than simply breathing.

"Hey," Noya squats down, so he's eye level with the words written in stone.

Himari Nishinoya.  
1989- 2012

Tanaka stands back at a distance in respect for Nishinoya, Giving his friend space and reassurance as he has his hands in the pockets of his practice sweats, and a soft bittersweet smile on his face.

Tanaka knows how to read the room. He knows when to tone it down.

"There's really no specific thing I came to tell you about," Nishinoya talks to the headstone. "It's almost that time again, Ya know. It's crazy, how fast time goes by. Before you know it..." Noya trails off, his voice lowering in a saddened manner, "before you know it, the things that make you happy, They have to leave. The people, They have lives to live, and sometimes you aren’t apart of it,"

Tanaka doesn't say anything.

Nishinoya looks up at the sky, Locking his jaw. A smile finds his lips. He's trying to come to terms with something he isn't really sure of yet. 

"It's a little vague, But, Some things are just hard to worry about. Maybe I should do what grandpa says and get over it. Don't care about what you can't control,"

Nishinoyas eyebrows crease, "but sometimes that's hard. I'll be fine though. Gotta focus on what's in front of me right?"

Nishinoya sighs, standing up. He shoves his hand in his pockets, smiling lovingly at the name on the headstone.

"I miss you. That'll never change. And I'm gonna get to the top. And I hope you'll be watching."

Nishinoya squares his shoulders, sets his jaw and grips the strap of his bag as he turns to walk away. Smiling brightly at Tanaka. "Let's go ryuu, I'm ready for some of Saeko’s awesome ramen,"

"You know she doesn't do anything special to it," Tanaka pats his friend on the back, grabbing his shoulder as they walk down the cemetery's path, Noya’s shoulder bumping Tanakas. 

"Doesn't matter to me," Noya laughs, "it's Saeko’s, so that's what makes it special"

Tanaka hums, "maybe you're right."


	3. familiarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh okay Hi again, this fic has ended up being way more than I meant for it to be. I’m trying my best to really do the characters justice, And the time line loosely follows season 2 but there’s a lot of inconsistencies so just bare with me, The way the school system works is also based on the American one in regards to graduation and like when school starts and ends, so I apologize for the cultural inaccuracies. This was honestly so self indulgent I hadn’t expected it to be as long as it ended up being. But nonetheless, thank you for being here:)

Saeko is just as much as Noya’s big sister as she is Tanakas. In fact, The Tanaka family is so much of Noya’s as well that they know everything about Noya the way he knows everything about them.

But maybe there was one thing Nishinoya hadn’t known about. Something that some how slipped his Knowledge, How had he been friends with Tanaka all these years, known Saeko for just as long, and still never realized.

Charades was intense. But the closer the anniversary of his aunts passing the more Nishinoya sought out distractions, the more he talked and surrounded himself with people rather than being left alone.

Tanaka and Nishinoya finally arrived to the Tanaka house hold after visiting Himari, Noya had been successfully cheered up with Tanaka’s chatter and seeing the familiar house he's grown so fond of. 

"We're home mom!" Tanaka calls as he opens his door, slipping his shoes off as Nishinoya follows, “oh, Yuu!! Ryu had said you'd be joining us tonight," Mrs. Tanaka walked into the hallway entrance that lead to the kitchen, wiping her hands on a rag. Her hairs pinned up and she's smiling.

“Hi Mrs. Tanaka" he returns, and Tanaka leads Nishinoya and him through the kitchen into the living room where they sit at their respective spots, the tv playing some anime curtesy of ryus other sister, Yua. She sees Nishinoya and jumps up from her spot in front of the tv in exclamation, "Yuu!!" 

Nishinoya’s face lights up with the little girls, she's around 8, and the bubbliest thing on the planet.   
"Yua!!" He exclaims with equal enthusiasm holding his arms out as she runs and hugs him tightly. He was here last weekend but the greeting never changes. Yua has loved Nishinoya since day one, he and Tanaka had spent so many nights watching her while seako was away at school or his parents were working. She'd grown up in front of Noya. 

"Look, I grew a whole half a centimeter since you last saw me," she places a hand on her head as Noya squats down to be better eye level. 

"That was a week ago," he laughs. She excitedly goes on, "exactly! Before you know it, I'm gonna be taller than you!" She pokes him on the nose and Noya blinks, before pinching her face playfully, she laughs, "Don't be offended! Momma said some girls like short boys, and She said a lot of boys like tall girls!"

"That's what you're worried about?" Noya scoffs with an amused look at Yua, the little girl is going on and on, and noyas learned with the Tanakas to just let them talk. He goes so well with them because he's the same way. 

"Well yeah! I mean Big sis is always talking about what boys and girls like you know! And Ryuu won't shut up about girls either"

"Seems so," Noya snorts, glancing over where Tanaka situates himself on the floor and pulls out his phone, he's preoccupied and he raises his head to shout something at seako who shouts a loud response from the kitchen. 

"Well anyways," Yua straightens, she places her little hands on her hips, "doesn't really matter right now! I just want to be super tall so I can play volleyball like you and Ryuu,"

"You don't have to be tall to play silly," Noya pokes her, as he stands and starts to situate himself by Tanaka as well, leaning forward to place his elbows on the table, Yua follows and plops down right beside him. 

"It helps tho!"

Noya hums, placing his cheek on his hand, "you're not wrong,"

Nishinoya iddly listens as Yua talk his ear off, Tanaka buts in every now and then to tell her to go play and give Noya a break, but he insists he loves his conversations with Yua. "She's very enlightened for her age,"

Sitting in the Tanaka living room, surrounded with his best friend, and his family thats found such soltitude in his heart makes him feel a lot better after the days events, the sounds of Saeko and Mrs. tanaka in the kitchen, making dinner, the smell wafting in and making Nishinoya realize how hungry he is. Eventually, Tanaka decides to get up and go help his sister and mom make dinner, And Noya’s left with Yua who's attentions back on the television. "Hey Yua?" 

She looks over her shoulder, "yeah?"

"Where your pops?"

She smiles, "working late again, but momma says it's so he can get me the perfect birthday present,"

Nishinoya startles slightly, "That's right, it's gonna be your birthday in a few weeks,"

She beams, "Yep! I'll be 9,"

Noya shakes his head, smiling more to himself than Yua, "I can't believe how old you've gotten, before you know it, you'll be forgetting all about me and ryu,"

"Ide never forget about you!" She cries, "we’ll still have our play dates alright! You guys are my favorite babysitters,"

Noya leans back on his hands, the grin genuine, "glad to hear it,"

"Hey, Dinners almost done," Tanaka says walking back in and sitting by Noya, he looks nervous. 

"Ryuu? What's up?" Noya asks.

"Nothing! Just, Rio's gonna be here soon, I didn't know she was coming tonight," Tanaka messes with his hands. 

Nishinoya raises a puzzled eyebrow, "Rio? Who's that?"

"That's-!" Yua goes to answer but Tanaka cuts her off, “it's Seakos Girlfriend, it'll be the first time the family's meeting her,"

Noyas brain sort of malfunctions. At first he thinks he heard him wrong, and then he realizes no he definitely heard right. He stares at Tanaka blankly. "She- she has a girlfriend?"

Tanaka fixates Nishinoya with a serious look, and noya almost jumps back by the suddenness, Tanakas tone changes drastically, "Noya- I know we've never told you about seako but we figured it wasn't a big deal- but if you have a problem then-"

"A problem?" Nishinoya gapes, "why would I- what?"

"Seakos bi," Tanaka tells Nishinoya and something sort of stirs inside him. 

“And you..." Nishinoya’s brow furrows, "you support it? Like you don't think there's anything wrong with it?"

Tanaka almost looks as if he wants to bite noyas head off, He has the serious and unwavering look, and noya then realizes what he said might have come out wrong. 

"She's my big sis, So what if she loves everyone. There's nothing wrong about it, my mom loves her, We love her, even Yua gets that there isn't anything wrong or different about it," 

Yua nods from her spot by the tv. 

Nishinoya just stares. "That means she likes boys, and girls right?" He asks in a small voice.

Tanaka crosses his arms, nodding. "Look, Noya, You know my family loves you but if you look down on seako at all for this, you're gonna have to leave, and I'm not sure if- well..."

Noya quickly shakes his head, that's not what his shock was about it at all. He's all for it, His aunt and mother had taught him a long time ago about accepting someone for who they are and not condemning someone because they’re love is just a little different. 

He's just shocked because he'd never known, He never even imagined how the Tanaka family viewed those type of things, he never even knew Ryuus view on it. And finding out so late into knowing them, well it's almost comforting. He's beyond happy seako has a family that cares so much, and a brother willing to kick out his own best friend if he so much as disrespected or thought less of his sister for something that was a part of her.

"No ryuu that's not it at all," Noya smiles, "I was just, I never realized you and your family were accepting of that, I've always accepted it, I support all types of love you know," Nishinoya pats Tanaka on the shoulder, "I'm proud of seako, and I'm glad you guys are getting to meet her girlfriend, if anything I feel a little intrusive,"

"Nonsense," comes a new voice, the smell of food is stronger as seako comes into the living room, grinning and cracking her knuckles, she leans down to pick up Yua who laughs, as she climbs on her big sisters back, "you're family Yuu, ide want her to meet you anyways, you're like a brother to me as much as ryuu is," she winks at Tanaka and nishinoya, and noyas just wide eyed as she nods for them to follow to the dinning area, "dinners ready" 

"I'm glad I don't have to cut you off because you’re small minded," Tanaka says bluntly as he stands, holding out a hand for Nishinoya when it's just them left. 

"Never, but I respect that a lot, family comes first right?" Noya smiles. 

Tanaka just rolls his eyes, gripping the boys shoulder as they walk to the dining room, "like big sis said, you are family, stupid, come on,"

***

Rio is a spunky purple haired American girl that Seako had met in one of her lectures. They'd ended up being study partners and eventually Rio told Seako about the GSA meetings and how she ran some of them, And Seako worked up the courage to go and there found all she needed to know about Rio.

She was kind, well spoken and mannered, Mrs Tanaka loved her instantly. Rio had met all of them, Saeko was nervous but never the less, Had said with confidence and affection, "Rio babe, this is Ryuunosuke Tanaka, Yuu Nishinoya, and Yua Tanaka," 

She'd shaken our hands, and she'd asked Noya, "are you like a cousin or-"

"He's my best friend," Tanaka had incited, "but he's like a brother,"

"Call me Noya," He’d said to Rio and she smiled a pretty smile and nodded. 

Yua ended up loving her, she gave her more piggy back rides than seako did, and Before long after sitting down and holding a game of charades, the boys and Yua verses saeko Rio and Mrs. Tanaka, which had resulted in a lot of shouting, Tanaka and nishinoya winning as the gods of charades and being psychic with each other, Rio and seako almost being way to good at charades, and Mrs. Tanaka laughing too hard at the chaos her children manage to cause, everyone's settled down and watching a movie, Yuas fallen asleep in Rio’s arms, head resting on her shoulder as she sleeps. Seako looks close to dying from the sight, and nishinoyas full with a good dinner, and content with it all. 

Eventually his phone rings and he excuses himself from the living room, walking outside onto the porch. It's dark outside, the stars are out and for some unknown reason, he wonders if Asahi’s up, If he has something like this to look forward to. A second family he can go to for anything.

Nishinoya briefly thinks that if he doesn't he'll change that. Asahi deserves to be content like this. Not anxious and worried all the time. But then Noya thinks he has to give his big friend some credit. He probably is happy, he has his family, he's not just all anxiety and self confidence issues, He's strong, Grounding, Admirable and reliable.

Noya shakes his head, in a mere second passing, he answers his moms call. Smiling when her tired voice picks up.

"You went to ryus tonight?" She asks him as he answers.

"Yes ma'am" he says, scuffing his shoe against the concrete of the sidewalk near Tanakas porch, sitting on the edge. 

"Okay okay just checking in then. You having fun?"

"Yeah!" Noya exclaimed, "seako brought her girlfriend and her names Rio, she's super cool and super good at charades,"

He hears his mother laugh from the other side of the phone, "that's great baby, you staying the night?"

Noya hums, "I'm pretty sure, I'll be home tomorrow morning though for sure,"

"Good, I'm off on Sunday too okay, we'll have that day for us okay."

Noya goes quiet, nodding even though his mom can't see him, "okay, yeah. It's perfect. I'll call Daichi and tell him I won't make the practice scheduled,"

"You gonna be alright?"

"Yes mom, of course i will. I'll see you Tommorow, stay safe," Noya leans back, looking at the sky as his mom replies, "alright, you too, tell the Tanakas I say hi, and make sure you thank them for letting you stay. You stay safe too Yuu,"

Noya smiles, leaning back to lay on the porch, his back pressing into the wood. He yawns, "love you,"

"I love you too," 

And the phone beeps and noyas left alone in the sound of chirping crickets, the sky's big and dotted tonight with the light of stars. Noya isn't quite sure what he feels at the moment. That contentment is still sitting there, leaving him warm. 

He lifts himself up and goes back inside, He finds Rio laying Yua down in her bed as she gets ready to leave for the night, She says bye to everyone and hugs seako tightly, before walking out the door. 

"I like her," Tanaka says crossing his arms, smiling fondly at his sister, "she seems right for you,"

Seako pats Tanakas head despite there being no hair, she knows it bugs him. "Good."

•••

Sunday comes all to fast for Noyas liking. Happens every year. The day just comes in a heartbeat, and it seems the things Noya dreads come quicker than they should. 

Noya calls Daichi and tells him he'll miss evening practice on Sunday for family reasons. Daichi isn't 100 percent aware of why, But he lets Nishinoya know that if he needs anything, to call him and not to worry about it.

Noya doesn't really say anything to anyone else. When he departs from Tanakas on Saturday, They all know what the next day brings for Noya, and Tanaka hugs him, tells him to call him. Seako buries Nishinoyas face in her chest and hugs him tight, says that if he needs anything to call his big sis. And Mrs tanaka kissed him gently on the forehead, Like his second mother, and told him to come back anytime, and that the Tanakas were there for him. Yua has just clung to his leg, and hugged him tightly, "come back soon okay!" 

And noya waves, Heart swelling and still dreading what's to come anyways. With a heartfelt smile sent their way, he walks home. 

He briefly thinks about calling Asahi. if Tanaka can't distract him today, Then maybe his other go to person could. He wonders what Hinata’s up to, Noya thinks he's probably with Kageyama, doing extra practice, or maybe he's with natsu, Noya had met the little girl at one of their Sunday practices when Hinata couldn't find a babysitter since his mom was working. As for Ennoshita or any of the other second years, Noya wasn’t as close with them, and of course the third years, they wouldn't want to spend there time with an annoying underclassman looking for a distraction so he doesn't have to acknowledge his feelings. 

So instead he gets over himself, Stares at asahis name on his contact list and decides against calling him. Not wanting to drag his friend into his emotional turmoil. 

When he gets home, his moms gone to work already, She gets two days off a week and she usually uses them for the weekend, but Noya assumes she took them for Sunday and the day after. A little recovery day, Noya thinks. She works hard. Maybe he could work too. Take some pressure off her.

As he pushes open the door, he slips his shoes off, announcing to an empty house that he's home. He moves to set his bag on the floor of the living room and sits against the wall in the hallway on the floor. It's a pathetic sort of sight. Noya can admit. The house is dim, he doesn't feel like turning anything on. 

He sort of rests in the silence. Eventually, he can't take it anymore and decides to say fuck it. He takes a shower, eats the left overs the tanaka’s sent home with him, and finally calls the one person he strangely wants to see.

"Hello?"

"Sup Asahi," Noya leans back against the cupboards, he's sitting on the counter in the kitchen. His mom never cared when he did that, he'd been climbing on things since he was young.

"Hey Noya,"

Noya swallows, lifting his knee to his chest, his heel on the edge of the counter. He rests his chin on his knee. "What are you doing?"

There's shouting in the sound behind asahis prominent voice, and there's the implication of wind. "Are you outside?" Noya asks.

Asahi says something but it's muffled like he covers the phone, then he speaks to console noyas confusion. "Yeah- I'm uh- I'm at the park, my brother wanted to go play some baseball with his friends, so I chaperoned," he snorts.

"How old is he?"

"11, Yeah I know, chaperoning a bunch of middle schoolers on a Saturday morning, how cool am I?"

"I mean at least you’re not sitting at home. Alone. Bored." Noya smiles.

"Are you sitting at home, alone, and bored Noya?" Asahi says and nishinoya bites down on his lip to keep from laughing, it's not that funny, Asahi just makes him want to grin and laugh and smile for no reason other than being him.

"Maybe,"

"Is that why you called?" Asahi asks, There's more shouting in the distance. Asahi shouts again but it's not as loud, like he's holding the phone away, "watch it! Riku, You almost took my head off,"

"I was just- wondering what you were doing, Tanakas helping his family at the restaurant today and my moms working, so, yeah,"

"You want some good entertainment then? My brothers trying to get me to play baseball with him,"

"Shit really, that sounds like it's gonna be hilarious," Nishinoya snorts, hopping off the counter. "What park are you at?"

"The one in town, by Coaches shop. The one with the cherry blossoms,"

"Oh!" Noya knows which one. "I'm coming, I'll come save you from the evil middle schoolers Asahi!" 

"Please hurry," Asahi jokes, "I don't know how much longer I'll make it," 

Noya grins, saying bye and hanging up. Newly delighted at an excuse to get back out of the awfully lonely and cramped house. He fixes his hair, and shoves on a black t-shirt with white writing on the back, Shorts and his regular sneakers. He doesn't really try hard for his appearance but something makes him hesitate. He ends up putting on his karasuno jacket out of habit, and grabbing a volleyball when he’s halfway out the door, Seeing it out of the corner of his eye in his yard as he leaves. 

The parks a 10 minute walk from nishinoyas house, and he can spot Asahi Immediately. There's bags set up in a diamond formation in part of the parks clearing and a few middle schoolers stay scattered around them. One of them a wearing a helmet and standing on what Noya assumes is first base. He’s played baseball before, he was quick, but the sport just wasn't for him. Asahi, Bless his heart, was squatted awkwardly at what Noya thinks is supposed to be home base while a kid half his size wearing a battered glove moves to pitch a ball at him. Asahis not wearing a helmet, which somewhat concerns Noya until he realizes Asahi will probably scream and jump out of the way should any thing fly towards his head. 

Still unsafe he thinks. He stops at the edge of the park, leaning against a bench and setting the volleyball down, hands in his pockets as he watch Asahi up to bat with a little smirk of fondness.

"Come on bring me home Asahi," a kid at third base shouts. Asahi holds the bag up, and nishinoyas fairly sure that's not the correct batting stance but he can't judge. The kid goes to pitch it and asahi swings and misses. Nishinoya doesn't miss how red his face gets and has to keep from laughing. Poor Asahi. 

The kid pitches again, and asahi gets a touch on it, it's a weak grounder that the pitcher manages to pick up with his glove and flip it to the player behind home and tag who Noya assumes is Asahi’s brother. He takes his helmet off- yep that's definitely his brother- "you suck at this game Asahi!"

Asahi stands awkwardly on first base, he throws his hands up, "you're the one who told me to play! I told you I don't know what I'm doing!!" He shouts back.

"You still suck! I figured you could at least hit a home run, even if you swung blindly,"

A few of the outfielders laugh and Noya decides nows the time to save Asahi from the treacherous middle schoolers.

"Hey kid!" Noya yells walking forward, He puts on this confidence he really doesn't have to fake, yeah okay sure the kids taller than Noya, but Noya was still a high schooler, and He wasn't about to let his friend get picked on by middle schoolers.

"Who the hell are you?" Asks the pitcher, Asahi’s brother stares at him blankly. Meanwhile Asahi’s standing there a little wide eyed, and Noya thinks he's probably slightly mortified, but it's fine.

"I'm Noya and I think I can hit a home run before you do," Noya says confidently, standing in the path between the picture and catcher. He tries not to let the fact that there's at least 10 other kids there all looking at him like he's crazy intimidate him.

"Nishinoya-" Asahi says and noya points a thumb at his chest, before pointing at asahis brother, "let me up next, I'll show you!"

"Who even are you?" The catcher says standing up, he's also taller than Noya and before he can say anything, Asahi’s brother goes, "yeah what middle school are you from?"

To nishinoyas dismay, Asahi busts out laughing and his brother looks from Noya to Asahi in confusion. Noya tries not to blush, "I'm a high schooler you brat!" Noya defends himself.

Asahis still laughing when one of Asahis brothers friends from the sidelines walks up, "how though? You're like-"

"Don't even comment about my height, that doesn't matter!" Noya shouts and he sends a glare at Asahi who's still laughing, wiping at his face. "Guys this is Noya, he's my friend," he steps off first base to explain. 

"Why're you friends with a middle schooler?" His brother asks him and asahi grins again but before Nishinoya can get all fired up again asahis at his side covering noyas mouth, "HEY-"

"He's not, he's a year before me, Be nice riku," Asahi scolds but he sounds like he's still trying not to laugh. 

Noya removes asahis hand from his mouth, Blushing slightly still. "Have some respect for your superiors," Noya glared.

Riku blinks at him boredly, "your friends are weird Asahi,"

"You little-" 

Asahi grabs noyas arm, "me and noya are just gonna go over there, finish your stupid game, volleyballs better anyway,"

"Volleyballs for girls Asahi-" riku says and asahi pauses, Noya looks at Asahi for permission without saying a word. Asahi nods silently. "Oh really?" Noya starts, he's loud, like always, And his volume doesn't waver, "bet you couldn’t win a game of volleyball even if your tried,"

"Bet you can't score a home run if you tried," riku shoots back.

Noya stands straight up, "give me the bat-"

"Wait you-" a kid starts and riku laughs, grabbing it and handing it over. 

Asahi stands on the sidelines now, face palming.  
"Noya is it really wise to fight with a bunch of middle schoolers-"

"Silence Asahi," Noya points at him "I will defeat them and show them that volleyball is better than baseball by the mere demonstration of my athletic prowess compared to theres."

"Big words," Asahi claps. 

Noya trues not to laugh and he steps up to the plate. A perfect distraction, a perfect way to pass the time and let out steam. Causing unnecessary things to take place and having fun with it. 

Nishinoyas batting stance is perfect, of course it is, muscle memory from what his grandpa had taught him before his aunt had introduce him to volleyball.

He misses the first pitch, hears riku and some of his snot nosed friends snicker. It's on the the third pitch Noya swings hard and fast, and the balls slammed down the center. It flies out of the park into the road, and noyas just thankful it doesn't hit a window. 

Noya doesn't bother running. He just hands a gaping riku his bat and meets Asahi on the side line. Asahi just sighs, "figures you'd be good at baseball, you're a badass Noya, it's sort of unfair,"

Noya beams, as he and asahi walk towards the bench, leaving the middle schoolers to go after the baseball and wonder whatever the hell just happened.

"My grandpa played," Noya explains as he sits down, grabbing the volleyball and setting it in his lap, he stares down at the stitching, "but anyways, that was fun,"

Asahi looks at Noya, sitting down beside him and leaning back, "crashing a middle schoolers baseball game in the park?"

"Well yeah, I needed to have some fun today,"

"Honestly," Asahi shakes his head like a disappointed mother. 

Asahi sighs and nishinoya notices some of his hair fall from its bun, it frames his face in a messy way, but he finds it...hot.

What the hell.   
He did not just think Asahi was hot.

Noya sees Asahi turn his head to look at him quizzically and noya panics, turning his head to face the park, they're sitting under a cherry blossom tree, there's a breeze, it's actually a really pretty day. He's glad he decided to come when the weathers so nice.

"So," Noya stands, spinning the volleyball in his hands, "how're you?" It comes out awkward. Noya thinks Asahi might have felt it too.

He doesn't comment on it and just crosses his arms, he's wearing a fitting white t-shirt and jeans. He looks good, “great now that You're here,"   
It comes out flirty. So ourtragously flirty it short circuits both boys. 

Noya coughs, hoping his ears don't look as red as they feel. Asah rubs the back of his neck, "you wanna pepper?"

Noya, thankful for a change in conversation, nods eagerly, tossing the ball to Asahi.

The go back and forth for awhile, under the cherry blossom on a pretty Saturday. They talk about nonsense, About Asahis brother and how he may look like a miniature Asahi he's actually the opposite, a kid with a bad attitude half the time but a decent perception on what's good and what's bad, and with even enough decency to be nice to people if they haven't done anything bad to him. Nishinoya talks about charades with Tanaka, they talk about the team, about Gari gari-Kun and nishinoyas unruly addiction to the popsicles. 

"I'm telling you! They're so good,"

"I know Noya," Asahi laughs as he passes the ball back to him.

"Fine then what's your favorite food," Noya asks setting the ball up for Asahi to hit at him. Asahi gently spikes it down for Noya to receive it perfectly, "tonkotsu ramen," 

"Hey! Saeko makes some of that, it's really good," 

"Oh, tanakas sister right?" Asahi asks. 

Nishinoya smiles, "yeah,"

They go on like that for a while. Just talking, Hanging out. Eventually Asahi has to take his brother back home, and Noya thinks it's where the day ends. He really doesn't want to leave. He wants to talk to Asahi forever if it means feeling happy and distracted than alone in his house until his mom gets home, and the heaviness settles over them. 

But Asahi saves him before he can even express his displeasure at their time together ending. "Wanna come over?" 

Noya looks up from the volleyball he's holding. Riku, the 11 year old, is standing by Asahi, he's holding his baseball equipment bag and looking at Noya with big eyes. He's still a snot nosed middle schooler but now that his friends have gone home, he thinks maybe he'll act less wild.

"Me?"

"No, the volleyball," riku comments and asahi smacks his brother on the back of the head. "Yes you Nishinoya," Asahi smiles softly. Noya blinks, And nods before he can really decide if that's his best option given his weird emotions he's been having lately. It'll be fine he assures himself. 

It'll be just fine.

***

In all the while Asahi and noya have been friends, Nishinoya has never met the Ace’s family, or been to his house. 

"It's weird," Asahi says as they walk down the sidewalk, the same route they would walk home from school on. But instead of splitting up to go to their houses where the path divides. Noya turns the corner with Asahi. "I don't think you've ever been to my house, for as somewhat close as we live by each other,"

"Guess we should change that," Noya smiles, He doesn't add while we still can, because that would make him way too sad for the moment and he does not want to think about the fact that Asahi’s gonna be graduating soon. At all.

"I'm warning you though," Asahi tells Noya, Noya watches as Asahi shyly puts his hands in his pockets, softly raising his head to the sky, Noya looks up at him with a tilted gaze. "My families sort of, I don't know? A lot? You met Riku, my dads sort of...aloof, you know how dads are."

Noyas a bit too blunt, "not really, never met mine,"

Asahi pales, and Noya sees a panicked look on his face, it's almost cute, but he instantly feels bad for it coming out like that and making Asahi feel bad. "No I didn't- Oh I'm sorry Nishinoya I didn't mean-"

"Relax," Nishinoya says, chuckling lightly, "it's fine, I'm not worried about it. It's not really a sensitive spot you know." His grandpa had told him not to care about why his dad left, why his dad never met him and left his mother all alone, because in the end it was out of noyas control. So he doesn't hold any type of resentment to those with a full set of parents. Noyas just grateful he has his mom. 

"I'm sorry though, that must be tough, so it's just you and your mom then? Any siblings?" Asahi asks, curious. He looks nervous, like he might be imposing, but Noya doesn't have much of a problem sharing about himself. He's glad Asahi’s interested if anything.

"Nah," he scuffs his shoe on the sidewalk, he kicks at the loose asphalt. Riku’s walking up ahead, letting Noya and asahi hang back in their slow pace together. 

"S'just me and my mom. She works a lot, so I'm home alone most of the time, I manage though,"

Asahi carries a sympathetic look and Noya wants it gone. He doesn't need anyone feeling sorry for noyas situation. He doesn't see it as something awful. It's just what he was given and what he's lived with, He's perfectly okay with it. 

He's greatful he has anyone at all. But a part of Nishinoya suspects he can't get the oh so empathetic and caring Asahi to let it go even then. It's admirable. Noya loves that about him.

"Makes me feel sort of awful for how I feel about my family," Asahi laughs sadly. Noya quirks his head, "what?"

Asahi looks forward, straightening slightly. Hands still in the pockets of his jacket. "Well, I just, you know, I...Sometimes I wish I didn't live there, I was ready to move out when I was 13. But hearing how you have to be alone half the time, Makes me feel selfish," 

"Asahi shut up," noya tells him and asahi blinks down at him. Noya crosses his arms, "Don't feel selfish, your feelings are valid you idiot, don't invalidate yourself cause what I have is different,"

Asahi looks at him strangely, before the anxious look on his face melts away and he's left with a little smile on his lips. Noyas eyes travel to the smile, to the stubble on his chin to his neck, shoulders...and noya quickly realizes he shouldn't be checking Asahi out because clearly there's nothing he hasn't seen, and That yes it's attractive to have broad shoulders and muscle but that's of course, a given. 

"You're really smart sometimes,"

"Sometimes?" Noya mocks offense, and asahi chuckles, "yeah sometimes."

***

"We're home," Asahi announces when they arrive at the Azumane household. Noya tentatively walks in behind Asahi, He sort of hides behind him a little though he won't admit how nervous he feels. Confident social butterfly Noya is nervous about meeting his upperclassman’s family, imagine that. 

"Hey Riku, Mei needs help with her science project, can you help out while I get dinner started?" A woman who resembles Asahi from the hair and the eyes, walks past the opening by the door. The door lead straight into a hallway foyer where a kitchen was cut off by a little bar on the left, and on the right the floor stepped down into a living room, straight ahead was a flight of stairs and a hallway to the right of it, where light could be seen leaking in from a back set of sliding doors that Nishinoya knew lead to the backyard. It was a nice home, Big, Busy. 

Riku complains something in response but ends in a "yes ma'am” before he calls out, “Asahi brought a friend home,"

Who Noya assumes is Asahi’s mother, pops her head back out of the kitchen, fixating her eyes that are the same color of doe brown on Noya who seizes up and steps behind Asahi, who laughs softly, "mom, this is Nishinoya, he's on the volleyball team with me,"

The woman steps out, she's about Noya’s height so he knows Asahi didn't get the height from her. She has smile lines around her mouth and her hairs braided down the back. "I recognize you!" She says cheerfully, "I've seen you at Asahi’s games! Your the feisty little libero aren't you."

Noya, having not expected to be recognized, smiles nervously, He feels out of character, Not quite sure how he had been so confident so long ago meeting Tanaka’s family, hell Hes met Hinata’s, but for some reason this seems so much more different. Especially with Asahi stepping away leaving Noya exposed to the critique of his family. 

But his mom, is looking at him with kind eyes that Noya can't shake how much they look like asahis. Down to the golden little flakes in them that reflect the light brilliantly. "I- I'm, Yuu Nishinoya," is all he says holding out a hand.

"Mrs. Azumane," she shakes it, her hands are dainty but strong. "I'm glad to see my son has some friends other than Koshi and Daichi,"

"What's wrong with Suga and Daichi?" Asahi asks, sounding offended. 

"Nothing dear!" She assures him, "I just didn't think you really talked to anyone else,"

She turns back to noya, "he's a bit introverted,"

"I know," Noya smiles, "but hes super cool, and an amazing volleyball player,"

Asahi scratches the back of his neck, "I wouldn't say-"

"He's right! You're very talented and have so much potential, I'm happy someone sees that in him like I do,"

"Can we not-"

"Yeah!" Noya beams.

Mrs. Azumane nods approvingly to nishinoya, "would you like to join us for dinner? Is your mother okay with that?"

Noya hesitates, before nodding, "she's working till late tonight so she won't mind, I would've just been reheating leftovers anyways, is it okay with you Asahi?" Noya asks.

Asahi nods, "of course it is."

"That's great, we love guests," mrs. Azumane nods, "I'm gonna get back to work, oh and Asahi dear, your fathers in his study, he wants to ask you about something, your career counselor called today, we told him you weren't home so your father picked up,"

Asahi startles and tenses up, Noya doesn’t miss it at all. "Okay mom." He nods, before turning to Noya, "why don't we go to my room till dinners ready?"

Noya nods stiffly, "yeah yeah let's go," 

Asahi tried for a smile but he still sees the tension in him. Noya follows Asahi through the living room where Riku sits with two younger girls, one looks about 5, engrossed in a picture book and the other looks about the same age as riku, in fact she resembles him too. Twins he thinks.

"You have sisters?" Nishinoya asks Asahi as they climb the stairs.

Asahi glances back, "hm? Oh yeah, Mei and Sakura, Mei and Riku are fraternal twins," 

"Oh, that's cool, ide give anything to have a sibling," Noya smiles, he does technically, counting Yua and big sis, but he means really biologically. A little sister to protect against boys and teach volleyball too, or a big brother to go to for advice and wing man him on dates. Little stuff. 

Asahi doesn't say anything, and Noya goes on as Asahi leads him down the hall at the top of the stairs into the last room on the right. "So you're the oldest?"

Asahi shakes his head, "I have an older brother, he's away at college, Kai, studying to be a surgeon."

Noyas eyes widened, "wow,"

Asahi purses his lips, "yeah," and Noya gets the idea that maybe he doesn't want to talk about his older brother. So he drops it. 

"You're rooms cool,” Noya looks around, Asahi moves to the desk in the corner under a row of shelves mounted above, to the right of the desk is a bay window with a window seat. His beds positioned in the middle of the far wall, His nightstand has a picture frame of Daichi, him and suga as what he assumes are first years in the karasuno gym. It makes noyas heart do a little flip, and that distant sadness settles over him for just the little second he allows it. 

"Thanks, it's not much, but it's mine," Asahi sits in the window seat, and Noya follows. There's enough room for Noya to pull his feet up and lean so he's facing Asahi in the bay window. 

"It's nice, Homey," Noya offers a crooked grin.

Asahi returns it, And Noya wants to think it's genuine. "Your moms nice," Noya tried in the quiet of Asahis bedroom. The doors been closed, and Noya’s a little puzzled because he rarely closes his door at home, but maybe being in a house with 4 other siblings would make that a habit. 

"Yeah, she is," this brings that pure genuine smile on the third years face, "my dad is too, but he doesn't really socialize, he's sort of...old fashioned. His point of view on things...can offend some people. I don't know, we just have a lot of different opinions... morals." 

Noya nods in understanding, pulling his knee up to rest his chin on it, "Thats okay."

Asahi nods, "he doesn't really approve of me playing volleyball," he confesses and Noya blinks, "what?"

"He thinks I should be doing something better with my time, like Kai you know, be preparing for my future, my mom feels the same but she's trying to be as supportive as she can you know, they want me to go into the medical field too,"

"Are they doctors?" Noya asks.

Asahi shakes his head, "my dads a retired reporter who wrights sarcastic yelp reviews and articles for whatever website will take him. And my moms a security guard for this church down town," 

Noya blinks, "wow,"

"Yeah I know..." 

It goes quiet for a moment, but it's not awkward. Noya observes Asahi silently, he can tell something's off about Asahi, he wasn't this way earlier at the park, maybe it's something about being home thats changed his mood. Either way Noya wants him to smile and not look like a kicked puppy. Which Asahi tends to look like, a lot. "What does your mom do?"

Noya looks up, "hm?"

"Your mom, What's she do?"

"She's a nurse," Noya smiles, "always helping people,"

"That's really nice," Asahi says. 

"Yeah, it is."

•••

Nishinoya learns that Asahi gets his height, and strong jaw from his father. His fathers a tall man with a hardened face. For a moment Noya doesn't get how someone so intimidating like this man can possibly be the father of soft hearted Asahi. But through dinner, with Noya sitting quietly at the end of the table by Asahi, who makes sure to talk to him the entire time so he doesn't feel awkward, he catches glimpses of Asahi’s father smiling, and He sees it maybe for an instant. 

Noya also learns Asahi gets his softer side from his mom, and his sisters are just as soft spoken as him. Riku and Mei are a little louder, but little Sakura is reserved and quiet as she picks at her food. 

Asahi has left nishinoya earlier to talk to his dad about the counseling. That had left nishinoya a moment to look around asahis room. Hed learned Asahi kept a lot of pictures. A lot of memories captured and preserved. It was a little endearing he thought. And when he found another framed picture, it was sitting on his desk. It was a picture from this year. Taken before the first round of prelims for nationals. After they'd won against date tech. Noya remembers that game all too well. He still remembered Asahi breaking through the wall, Finding his love for the game again. 

It's the entire team, Kiyoko and ukai stand off to the side, Daichi has his arms around suga and Asahi, Seeing the set of third years makes Noya’s heart hurt again, he’s by Asahi in the picture, noyas hand is on asahis shoulder and his other is thrown around Tanaka. Hinata's jumping up beside tanaka, kageyama making a face between a grimace and smile, ennoshita, kinoshita and narita are smiling, yamaguchi has his arm around tsukkishima, it's just a picture that makes noyas heart happy and sad all the same. 

When Asahi returned, Noya wants to ask him what it was about but it's clear Asahi doesn't want to talk about it, and maybe it's good Noya doesn't either.

Dinner is good, Noyas starting to think he feels like a stray, Showing up at his friends houses and taking advantage of their parents but having them feed him, but he appreciates not eating microwave ramen for dinner like he does most nights when his moms working. Asahis mom makes it explicitly clear that Noya can come over any time, and Asahi’s dad nods in acknowledgment of noyas existence though he looks unbothered. His sisters say hi, but don't really talk to Noya. Little Sakura shyly smiles at him, and Riku apologizes for being rude earlier that day after holding an entire conversation with Nishinoya while Asahi helps clean up. 

Noya wants to like Asahis family, but he still can't shake the feeling that Asahi isn't completely happy.

Asahi offers to walk Noya home so he does, and Noya appreciates it, it's dark, and the stars are out. It occurs to Noya all too quickly what tommorow is, and How he really doesn't want the day to end. He’s spent it almost completely with Asahi, He’d felt so distanced from the dread of going home and acknowledging what he doesn't want to and he wants to thank Asahi for just being a good friend, but he'd have to explain why it meant so much to Nishinoya that Asahi was there for him today, and he's not quite sure he wants to do that. 

"I'm sorry about them," Asahi laughs softly as they walk down the street, "I told you, they’re a little hard to really, connect with?"

"You say that like you have a hard time doing that too," Noya points out.

Asahi coughs, "well, maybe. Thanks for hanging out with me today though, I hate weekends because I'm stuck at home or studying,"

"I don't know, I like your home," Noya perks up, he's got a little bounce in his step as he puts his hands in the pockets of his Karasuno jacket. 

"Yeah," Asahi rolls his neck, Looking at the stars again. Noya notices he does this a lot. Adverts his eyes from the world around him as if it's nerve wracking.

"Speaking of studying," Asahi continues, "exams are next week, you gonna pass so you can come to the training camp with us?"

Noya pumps his fist in the air, "hell yeah! Me and tanaka got this in the bag."

"I'm sure you do," Asahi laughs.

Noya lowers his hand, smiling proudly, "I'm excited, to play some practice games, I'm tired of just practicing, I feel like no progress is getting done,"

"I think some is, Everyones getting stronger every day I think," Asahi says.

"You're right you're right, I just, I want to put on my jersey again, I want you to too! See you fly and slam the ball down, save a ball with my hand, watch hinata shabam the ball in his and kageyamas awesome quick, ya know" noyas smiling, and he's trying all the tricks he has to get Asahi to smile and he almost shouts in triumph when he's rewarded with Asahi’s small grin. 

"Shabam Huh."

"Yep. I swear karasuno has never been stronger,"

Asahi ponders this, and as they come up on Noya’s house, before they depart, he says, "I think you just may be right."

***

Nishinoya finds his mother inside on the couch, with her head in her hands. 

"Hey momma," he says softly when he entered, sitting beside her and running a hand down her back in comfort.

"Hey yuu," she says quietly, lifting her head to shed a strong smile her sons way. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me dear, just tired, long day, where were you?" 

Noya leans forward, letting his mom kiss his temple gingerly. "Went to a friends house, didn't wanna be home alone all day,"

"That's alright," she smiles, "who's the friend,"

Nishinoya doesn't mean to say his name so fondly, "Asahi. He's on the team with me."

"Have I seen him at any of your games?" 

Nishinoyas mother has only made it to a few of noyas games when she's not working, but when she has the chance she always makes sure to support her superstar libero. She loves seeing him in his natural state, Happy and cheerful, focused and social. She sees his eyes sparkle when he's with his team. And it's all she could ask for.

"He's the ace, you know, when I got suspended, he's the one I got in a fight with," Noya looks down at his hands. 

Nishinoyas mother takes them into hers, "He's the one you almost quit volleyball for?" Noya thinks her tones disapproving, but finds he discerned it wrong when she's looking at him with a questioning softness in her eyes. 

"Yeah, but, it's just because, we'll, you know, We've been teammates forever, I couldn't bare to think the team could win without him, I needed him to play,"

"Sounds like you like this boy very much,"

Noya looks up, hoping she doesn't mean in the context he thought of. When he finds her still smiling in the dimness of the living room, like there isn't something wrong with that sentence, He realizes maybe he was so jolted by it because yes.

Maybe he does like Asahi. 

But he can't acknowledge that. Not now. Not with this timing. So Nishinoya pushes that thought to the deepest part of him that he'll dig up another time. When he's ready. 

"He's a really good friend," Noya nods, "it's just, he's a third year you know,"

"Oh I see," His mom says. She does that thing where she flattens down his hair, running her hands through it. She's a touchy feely type of parent that shows affection through hugs, through her hands in soft touches and kisses on the forehead. It's where Noya gets it from, Because Noya can be physical just as well, He's not afraid to be. Never was.

"He's graduating soon then, And you’re gonna miss him. I knew something's been a little off with you,"

"Huh? How?" He furrows his eyebrows.

His mom shrugs, pulling her hands away and leaning against the sofa. "I know my son, And the way you talk about him, you sound...sad. Like you've already lost the poor guy."

"He's not dead mom," Noya rolls his eyes, "I'm just, yeah I'm a little sad that he'll be leaving the team, but like grandpa said-"

"Don't worry about what you can't control, I know, you quote him on the daily," she scoffs, "but you're allowed to be upset about something like that you know," 

"Yeah I guess," Noya blows at the tuft of hair falling in his face. The living room falls into silence. And Noya stares at the blank tv. 

"You gonna be okay tomorrow?" He asks.

His mom takes a breath. "I'll have you and papa, so of course I will. We get through it Everytime don't we?"

Noya nods, rising from the couch, "right."

Noya turns to head to his room to change, when his mom calls out, "tell your friend Asahi that he can come over any time okay? I want you to have friends iver more often, it gets quiet around here yiu know,"

Noya nods, letting himself grin, "I'll let him know,"

•••

Sunday is a hard day. Dealing with grief is something that never really goes away. Noyas good at pushing it down. But he's always been good at procrastinating things that don't bring him immediate satisfaction or contentment. And that includes feelings he's not sure of, Intrusive thoughts, and grief. 

His grandpa meets Noya and his mother on their doorstep before they set off to see Aunt Himari. His moms eyes are ringed red like they always are. She'd probably gone to sleep crying.

Noya puts on a strong face for his mom, and partly for his grandpa. His grandpa had told him once on the anniversary, "every year I don't think I've ever seen you cry except for when you were little. You don't have to be strong all the time," he'd said. Noya has took it to heart, but it still didn't change that he had to be strong today at least. 

His mother, Nishinoya, and his grandpa all stood at the grave of his aunt. His mother kneels to lay across the flowers they'd picked out, her favorites, yellow tulips. 

His grandpa stands behind him with a hand on nishinoyas shoulder out of comfort and way to ground him. 

"We miss you." His mother says to her sister, "it's been so long already, but it still feels like yesterday," her voice cracks and Noya tightens his fist at his side. If anything the saddest part is hearing his mother so fragile. 

There will always be a part of his aunt in him, He carries her with him every day, just as his mother does, just as his grandpa does too. He lives his life in her name, they all do. 

They always will.

***

That evening while he sits outside eating dinner with his mother and grandpa in his backyard, with sakura cherry blossoms flying off the tree with the breeze, Nishinoya gets a text from Asahi.

From Asahi: you coming to practice late today? Just wondering where my partners at.

Noya swallows a bite of his food reading the text over and over before he hears his grandpa, "Yuu, You know not to be on the phone while you're eating,"

Noya nods, setting it down as he sits against the porch, stretching his legs out in the grass with his tray of food in his lap. His mother sits in the swing that hangs from the tree, his grandpa situated in his lawn chair they have reserved just for him. 

It's how they end the anniversary every year, eating together outside enjoying the blue sky and letting Himari know they haven't forgot about her. Just spending time with their small family.

"Sorry Granpa," Noya says.

"S'fine son," 

Noya silences his phone and forgets about it.

•••

A few hours later and Noya‘s saying goodbye to his grandpa as he leaves to head home, "take care of yourself and your mother, kiddo," he hugs his grandson tightly. 

Noya smiles and nods, "of course," 

He watches as his grandpa grips his shoulder tightly in a reassuring squeeze and moves to hug his mother, there's a gentleness in the way he handles her, cradling her head softly, and Noya wonders if maybe her relationship with her dad is how he is with his mom. So close because they're all they have had for their entire lives.

Noyas grandma had passed away before he was born, His mom had been 23, she'd gotten sick is what she'd told Noya. "You're grandma had so much life in her, You would have loved her Yuu," she'd told him so many years ago. 

She rarely talks about her mother anymore.

When noyas given his mother one long hug of comfort and compassion, he's retired to his room, emotionally exhausted from the days events and he finally checks his phone again. 

4 missed calls. 

2 from hinata, 1 from tanaka. 1 from Asahi. 

"Dammit," Noya mutters and moves to reassure the first of his teammates.

"Nishinoya!" Hinata picks up instantly. 

"Hey hinata," he sighs, but he smiles despite it.

"Are you alright? You weren't at practice today so I was worried,"

"Yeah yeah, just had some personal stuff to deal with, all is good!" He raises his volume not to alert hinata that anything's really wrong at all. 

"Okay, that's good, Daichi didn't really question it, but he wouldn't share if he knew why you were out, Ide thought you were injured or something, or if you and Asahi got in another-"

"No, no," Noya assures him. He does not need to be reminded of the mop incident. That mop will stay propped up in the equipment closet in two pieces until Noya says otherwise.   
"I'm fine, honest. I'm back Tommorow morning bright and early for practice all right,"

"Good, we gotta make sure we pass exams too so we can go to the training camp in a few days,"

"You’re totally right," Noya says, "so I'm gonna study right now actually, you should too before you go to bed, don't stay up too late," Noya snorts.

"Yes sir Noya!" And he hangs up before he can say anything else. 

Nishinoya, feeling slightly less worse than before, sighs as he dials the next number. 

"Yuu?"

"Ryuu" Nishinoya almost sounds relieved. Tanakas definitely someone he could talk to, even just his voice is comforting. It's familiar. 

"How you holding up?"

"Well, I'm holding up," nishinoyas honest, "it's never easier tanaka,"

"I know that Noya, I do," tanaka sounds serious, He knows his friend has a tendency to be immature but he knows when instances call for an appropriate volume and reaction.

"How was practice?"

Tanaka hums, "normal, people wondered where you were at though. Suga and Daichi kept sharing looks like they knew something, you tell them the reason why you were out?"

"Kept it vague, Didn't wanna worry them," Noya flops back on his bed, "I'm fine though, Now I am at least. Tomorrow's Monday, Two days of exams and then the training camp, So I've got a lot to look forward to."

"Exams?" Tanaka laughs. 

Noya rolls his eyes, "training camp dumbass,"

"Right right, think we'll see the sky tree when we get to Tokyo?"

"Hell yeah! That'd be awesome," Noya says.

"We just gotta pass, 40 points is all it takes,"

"We got this, easy," Noya reassures his friend. 

"Ah shit- Yua needs help running the faucet, she found some random dog and convinced mom to let her take care of it till we find the owner,"

"She found a- a dog?" Noya blinks.

"Yeah, Shes giving it a bath, I gotta go help out, hey- You know you can talk to me okay? You sure you're okay?"

Noya hesitates, before he says, "yeah I'm fine, Go help Yua, thanks tanaka, for checking up on me,"

"Of course man, always. I'll see you in the morning,"

"You too,"

The line goes dead. 

Nishinoya knows who comes next. Nishinoya doesn't want anymore sappy conversation wondering if he's alright. He wants lightheartedness with asahis laugh. 

But he knows he can't always have that. 

He dials asahis number. 

"Nishinoya," he picks up. Nishinoyas relieved and elated to hear asahis voice all at once.

"Hey Asahi," 

"Where were you today?"

He doesn't sound accusatory, He sounds, worried. Why should Asahi be worried about Noya he thinks.   
It should be the other way around. Asahis the fragil one and has a complex of taking everything someone does to heart. 

"Out for family reasons," noya answers, tilting his head back, he hits the pillow and relieves the tension of the day with a sigh. 

"Oh, Is your mom okay then? Are you okay?"

"Yeah yeah of course, It's just something around this time every year, No big deal,"

"Oh okay, yeah, I remeber you missing practice once last year, I was worried then too,"

"Why?"

He hears Asahi hesitate on the line, "well- I mean. It's not like you. To miss a practice you know. A part of me panicked today thinking you'd quit, Something made me think I did something, I don't know why."

"Asahi," nishinoyas voice softens. "I didn't quit. I never would, not while the team needs me. It was just a one time thing, a little break, it'll be fine,"

"Okay, Okay good. Hinata was freaking out thinking you got hurt ya know,"

"Was my absence really making everyone so distraught," Noya says with an amused hum.

"Well yeah, I mean, tsukkishima couldn't care less about anyone and even he wondered where you were,"

Noya touches his chest in a mock of fondness, "that touches my heart,"

Asahis laugh is a little staticky, but just as brilliant enough to make Noya want to laugh with him and feel the happiness he can radiate. It has been an emotionally straining day, and Nishinoyas waiting for the day he really does break down after braving a fearless face every year on the anniversary. He hasn't cried since when they lost against seihjoh. Granted it wasn't too long ago but still, he remembered the stomach dropping feeling of diving after that last ball, Asahis face when he'd done the same, him Daichi and Asahi all collapsed around where the ball dropped, it was heart breaking. But they would come back. He knows it. They have to win, to keep the third years a little longer, to get hinata under the lights in Tokyo in the place of the little giant, for Nishinoya to dive across the court in representation of miyagi. In representation of the Nishinoya family, of karasuno. 

"Walk to school with me tomorrow?" Noya asks quietly. 

There's a delayed response, but he thinks he can see Asahi nodding despite not being in the same room with him.   
"Yeah- I mean. Of course. Not even a question."

"Right." Noya remembered something, "I told my mom about you, she said you could come over on a night she doesn't have work and make dinner to repay you for letting me eat over last night"

"Oh! She doesn't have to do that, My family loves taking people in, it's okay," 

Noya pours genuineness into his voice, "she insists. She said you're welcome over anytime."

There's a pause, Noya holds his breath. 

"Okay, yeah I'll keep that in mind-"  
There's shuffling and Asahi curses, "Daichi's calling me- I'll call you back?"

"Don't worry about," Noya says, "it's okay, I need to get ready for bed anyways, been a long day."

"Oh, okay" he hears Asahi say quietly, "get some sleep then, I'll see you tomorrow."

"You too Asahi," Noya smiles more to himself than for the fake-ness he would present to anyone else upon saying goodbye. That's how he knows he's actually smiling. 

Noya isn't one to really fake a smile, He's genuine in a lot of what he does, He's blunt, but he's genuine. The same way Tanakas unbelievably honest. 

"Bye nishinoya," he says and before Noya can say bye, again, the call ends. And noyas left alone in the darkness of his room.

He thinks about what his mom had said when he got back from asahis the night before.

Seems like you really like this boy 

What in the world could she have meant. 

•••

A few days later after nishinoya pushes himself through exams, his maximum single brain cell that he shares with tanaka working overtime. Training camp comes around. Nishinoya’s excited to go despite not knowing if he passed or not, he wants to see nekomas libero in action, meet fukurodomi, Make friends, just be with his team.

Tanaka and Nishinoya burst into the club room, Chests high and volume loud. They're borderline yelling in excitement as they proudly corner the the third years in the club room. Sugawara jumps from the sudden noise, Ennoshita sighs from the side and Daichi and Asahi fixate on the yelling second years who present their test scores to them. 

“Told you we were kickass!" Tanaka shouts, "we're the greatest!" Noya yells, they notice the first years through the excitement, hinata and kageyama hanging their heads in distress, And its when Daichi says, "you guys barely even passed, wow," as he takes the papers. "Good job, But tone it down, Those two didnt," Suga gestures towards the first year duo, Noya shuts his mouth, and takes the broom Asahi hands him from the wall as the rest of the team picks up the club room. "You guys failed?" Tanaka exclaims.

"Well hinata got every question right, it's just during the last few minutes he realized he had been off every question by 1 on the answer document,"

"And kageyama?" Tanaka asks, tsukkishima buts in, "failed Japanese,"

"His kanji was perfect though," Asahi says, "but he hadn’t expected the majority to be reading comprehension questions, he had focused on memorizing" Ennoshita adds.

"Damn," Noya says, leaning against the lockers.

"Hey, cheer up guys, You'll make it up," Tanaka leans down to pat the first years, Hinata whined, "what about the training camp?"

The third years share a look, and Noya sees Tanaka forming a plan in his mind, He grins because he thinks he knows what it is.

***

When it's time to depart for Tokyo, The remainder of Karasuno load up, Nishinoya pulls Tanaka aside, "so, What are we gonna do about hinata and kageyama?"

He grins, "I told them to get everything done early and I'll send in the big guns."

"You mean-"

"Yep,”

"Do you want to kill them?!" Nishinoya shouts and he gets a few looks from Daichi and suga before he raises his hand in apology. They sit at the back together, Tsukkishima and yams share a seat, and they break off in pairs except for the third years who end up with their own seats. Bags are set in the very Back, and it's oddly quiet without hinata and kageyama. 

Yachi and kiyoko sit up front with coach ukai and takeda who drives the bus, talking away. Noya briefly glances over at Asahi who's not sitting too far away, against the window of the seat.

"I told them I can't guarantee their safety," Tanaka laughs, "but I mean if it gets them to Tokyo in one piece then so be it." Tanaka grins. 

Nishinoya shakes his head, "let's pray for them,"

The rides a little lengthy, and Tanakas fallen asleep and drooling with his head against the window after a while. Everyone's sort of quiet and in their own world, So Noya decides he needs to find someone else to bother.

He slyly, slides into the seat where asahis sitting.   
Asahi startles, and Noya holds in a snort, Asahis so jumpy sometimes. "Chill, it's just me,"

Asahi sighs, shaking his head, "you gotta stop doing that,"

"What?"

"Just like appearing, Youre so small and fast you just pop up and scare the hell out of me,"

Noya hides his laugh behind his hand, "you're such a scaredy cat," 

"So what," he rolls his eyes and nudges nishinoya. Noyas smiling, "you excited for camp?"

Asahi shrugs, eyes trained on the passing scenery, "yeah, I'm nervous though, there's going to be so many good players there, I'll have nothing on them,"

"Nonsense! You can admire someone's skill without debunking your own, we've talked about this," Noya scolds pinching Asahi in the arm. 

"Okay okay, calm down," Asahi runs his hand over arm, "what about you then,"

"Hm?"

"Are you excited?"

"Oh!" Noya grins and nods, "I'm so ready to do some practice matches, And meet new people, it'll be fun, and Yamamotos gonna be there with nekoma, he and tanaka are so fun to mess around with,"

"Sounds like that's gonna be something daichis gonna have to handle," Asahi shakes his head.

"Not my fault we know how to have fun,"

"At the last training camp didn't you and tanaka get in trouble because you rode a recycling bin down the stairs."

"Oh that was awesome, Tanaka almost broke his arm," nishinoya laughs. 

"Yeah, let's not almost break any bones this time."

"You're no fun, Asahi," Noya grins.

"What can I say, I like stability"

"You'll have fun this time I know you will," Nishinoya admits proudly like this is a quest he has to accomplish. 

Asahi leans his head on his hand, his elbow propped up on his bag beside him. "Whatever you say nishinoya," he chuckles.

"Hey congrats on passing by the way, don’t know if I told you that," Asahi says after a moment, he fixates Noya with this odd gaze that if anything is pride for his friend, and Noya tried not to blush uncontrollably. "Well I- thanks. I'm pretty sure it was dumb luck,"

"You still passed though, it counts for something," 

Noya grins, "I guess it does."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Disregard grammatical errors, I’m writing this all on my phone haha. Anyways I love Nishinoya and he deserves the world. That is all.


	4. Blinding Lights

Asahi didn't realize Nishinoya knew how to even come close to working a hair tie.   
Of course, he suspected Noya knew enough about doing hair to spend so much time getting his hair to stay up and out of his face for how he usually wears it, but he didn't know nishinoya could work a hair band like it was easy.

It's a weird fact to learn about his friend and it doesn't spare Asahi a moment of oh god this guy is really fucking amazing and he gets more and more perfect every time he talks to him.

Asahi will forever think Nishinoya’s too good to be true. That the spunky libero who's so nice and honest and loud and happy all the time can't possibly be real. Who apparently knows how to braid and do hair and can receive any ball, who won't let Asahi verbally doubt himself for a single second. Who says some really smart things sometimes.   
Who cares about his team and is loyal, hard working and fearless.

Asahi’s in way over his head. 

Asahi’s struggling to fix his hair correctly before they get to Tokyo, they're about 10 minutes away and he's redone it 3 times and it seems this catches Noya’s attention beside him. 

Asahi had been sort of relieved when Noya had slid into the seat next to him with a playful grin, he really had came back all normal after his odd disappearance that Sunday. He was just as bright eyed as usual. "Want me to help?" Noya asks, and Asahi looks at him like he was speaking another language. 

"With my hair?"

"Uh-" Noya blinks, "yeah, You keep messing with it,"

Asahi hesitates, does he really want to let that happen when just sitting next to Nishinoya makes him feel like he's on fire?

Asahi can't say no to nishinoya though. He nods and turns and Noya props himself up on his knees in the seat to get a little taller, though he's just now managed to be head level with Asahi, "Noya what are you-" Daichi asks and Noya waves a hand at his captain a few seats away, "don't worry about it boss," and Asahi wants to see the face Daichi makes.

Noya gently takes Asahis hair into his hands, holding out one hand and Asahi realizes he's asking for the hair band. He hands it to Noya, Smiling softly. There's something nice in the way Noya focuses on messing with his hair, Something about all of it just makes Asahis stomach flutter in a really good way.

It's a nice feeling, and let's him forget how often he contradicts his happiness with his impending intrusive thoughts. 

It's just an instant. Noya holds the rubber band between his lips as he gathers Asahis hair up, pulling it back into its famous bun, "man what do you use, it's so soft,"

Asahi tries not to blush, he shrugs, glad he can't see noyas face, "well- My moms stuff"

"It's nice," Asahi feels his hair being put up and adjusted, and Noya situates the headband on asahis head and grins as he sits back down."Perfect. You still look scary, a perfect disguise."

Asahi nudges Noya, "thanks, I didn't even realize you knew how to do that,"

"I can braid too, Ive practiced on my mom." Noya says proudly.

Asahi hums, "thats...cute."

Noya doesn't seem to hear him because he hears Tanaka exclaim something and everyone's moving to look out the window. They're only in the suburbs of Tokyo, but it's still pretty, and Noya jumps up to move over Asahi and look out the window. Asahi swallows and moves to ignore the proximity, and he looks out the window with Noya.

"It's awesome!,"

Asahi smiles, looking at nishinoya, "yeah it is,"

•••

The gyms busy, and after getting settled and going through a few not so satisfactory practice matches, Asahis already exhausted. After the plenty of flying laps around the court, Nishinoya’s surprisingly good at them, and unphased but Asahi realizes that noyas used to it, And asahi just knows he's gonna be sore for weeks.

Asahi, the less social of karasuno, Hangs close to Daichi and tries not to let himself be intimidated by the other teams, he hears Nishinoya’s voice in his head telling him not to doubt himself, and it works. 

Just a little. 

Its the last game of the first day, hinata and kageyama had arrived earlier with Saeko in tow, Noya exclaiming, "big sis!" And Asahi remembers memorizing the way his face lights up. 

Hinata had been broad jumping all over the place and Asahi still will never quite understand where he gets all that energy and stamina. Asahis shoulder is killing him but he doesn't let that weigh him down, Not when he'd be in for another scolding from Nishinoya that he should always give it his all. 

That's another thing Asahi admires about the libero, how he expected the best from everyone around him. All the time with no exceptions. Some would say that he really does bring out the best in people. 

Asahi sees that.

Asahi calls out for the ball as it soars over the net, bumping it with enough accuracy that kageyama doesn't have to move much to set Asahi up, Himata goes in for the fake, and Asahi jumps during the delayed block and slams it, but someone manages to get a hand on it and it's a one touch, then comes in the opposite teams ace, eyes locking on Asahi as he spikes the ball back to their side, It's a line shot, and as Asahi thinks it's gonna get by, noyas there in a flash, diving with his arms extended, and keeping the ball in play.

Asahi, eyes wide in that familiar awe every time Noya gets an amazing save, calls for the set up again, "nice dig nishinoya," he tells his teammate and moves to approach, Kageyama sets him up again, and this time he manages to get straight through the block out of sheer power. 

Asahis breathing heavy when he comes down, his team around him cheering as the points theirs, he feels a hard slap on the shoulder, and Noya’s grinning with sweat on his forehead, "great play Asahi!"

And then Hinata’s saying it too, and Hinata high-fives Asahi, and Asahi really feels that familiarity, that sense of importance he has, How powerful he feels then, how he wants to feel forever.   
He feels strong, and it's because he has his teammates behind him.

And even as training camp proved to be difficult, and Asahi and the rest of team were going to be sore for a long time afterwards, Even Asahi can admit he's glad they did this. 

The night of the first day, Asahi had ran into Nishinoya in the halls, and they'd ended up on the roof of the building they were sleeping in, looking at the sky and talking, it was serene, and Asahi loved the way noyas hair looked when it was down, Noya seemed utterly oblivious to the way Asahi was looking at him. 

Asahi was trying to be oblivious to himself too.

Nishinoya had glanced at him, with his slanted eyes and light brown coloration that reflected the view of the sky, "suga said there would be a meteor shower tonight,"

Despite it being dark, Asahi had seen him clearly, seen the smile, How he leaned back on his hands and craned his neck so he could hang his head to see the sky, sitting alone on the concrete roof, Asahi sitting with his legs crossed and hands in his lap, freshly showered and feeling the days exhaustion. But for some reason, he wouldn't rather be sleeping like they're supposed to be. 

He'd rather be right there beside nishinoya, beside his teammate who makes him feel strong even off the court. Maybe that's why he'd been so magnetic towards him. Asahi wants to be a better version of himself, wants more out of who he is and he feels like Nishinoya’s the motivation for that to happen.

Who cares about self esteem issues and anxiety when nishinoyas smiling at you and looks at you like you're more than what you are.

Asahi didn't want to believe Noya thought so highly of him. But a part of him was happy that someone really believed in him.

Asahi turned his attention from Noya to the sky, Praying that they'd make it to nationals. It seems impossible, but it's not, he knows that if he goes into the next round of prelims pessimistic it garnered failure. Nishinoya had taught him that. So here he was telling himself and the stars that he’ll work his hardest, harder than ever before. 

So he can stay on the court with this team just a little longer. So he can stay on the court with Daichi and Suga, so he won't leave the place he's called home for years.

Asahi knows volleyball isn't in his future, he knows his father wouldn't want him playing volleyball in college.

"It's an unpredictable career choice that you'll only be able to have before your body gives up and begins to age, and where will you be after that? A washed up athlete that never quite made it past D1." His father had told him. 

Asahi knew he was right. Despite how much he loved this game, Despite how this team had proved to be his second family and the court a second home, Asahi knew this would be it for him. And he wanted to cherish it as long as he could.

He knew this would be his last season with Nishinoya by his side, that part was one of the harder parts of the whole concept of leaving this behind. He'd graduate, he’d move to whatever college his parents guilt him into going to and lose touch, and he'll always wonder what happened to the spunky libero that made his heart go crazy.

Asahi doesn't want any of that. 

Asahi doesn't want to go to college and spend 4 more years in school slaving away for a medical degree that won't get him anything but a title and his dads satisfaction.   
He doesn't want to step off the court, or step onto one without suga and Daichi,

Without Nishinoya. 

Asahi isn't sure what he wants, He knows that whatever it ends up being will go against what his family wants, He'll disappoint everyone and His family won't look at him the way they ever looked at his older brother, they'll turn to his younger siblings to be the savior of the azumane name, because Asahi can't quite live up to what they expect him to be.

How do you succeed in the shadow of everyone around you.

Asahi sighs, maybe he should count the stars, take his mind off of everything silently weighing on him, But after a few minutes of silence beside Noya, of counting each glimmering light in the sky his eyes start to hurt and he has to look away, and he sees noyas eyes are closed, lips poised in a resting smile.

Something over powers Asahi with the uncontrollable urge to pull nishinoya forward and kiss him.

That startled Asahi. He's had intrusive thoughts before, But never like that. 

Asahi stands abruptly, noyas eyes fluttering open at the sudden disturbance in the little world they'd created on that roof under the stars.   
"Asahi-"

"I'm going to bed," Asahi doesn't look at Noya. 

"Wait-" Noya stands up, eyes furrowing, "What-"

"Just tired, You know," Asahi shoots him a weak smile, not meeting noyas eyes, "long day right,"

Asahi leaves Noya standing there on the roof under the stars, Looking confused and wilted. 

That night Asahi turns on his side and shuts his eyes tight, Letting the darkness of the room and the breathing of his other sleeping teammates try to even out his heart that beats too damn fast.  
What does this mean for him, he thinks.

How could he think that way about someone he calls a friend. 

Is that all he is? Is Asahi okay with that?

Asahi tightens his hold on his blanket, no. Maybe he isn't. Because when Asahi thinks about what comes next, when he thinks about Nishinoya moving on after Asahi leaves the team and graduates- leaving him, Getting a girlfriend and being a confident third year, graduating not ever talking to Asahi again, learning that he has better people to spend his time on, he hurts. It's a weird dreadful thing that punches him in the stomach. It's different with Suga and Daichi, he knows this, He won't lose touch with them because they're a set. He's so close with Daichi he's probably incapable of going so long without talking to him, and suga, well he sort of holds them all together.

But nishinoya.   
Something about him is different. 

And Asahi wanting to kiss him, that's different too. It's so plain as day in front of him but he can't bring himself to think that it's anything more than impulsive tired thought, and the prime fact that Asahis only kissed one person in his entire life, when he was 12 and sitting with a girl under a tree at recess in the court yard of his middle school.  
He can't even Remember how it felt, Who the girl was, or if he even liked it. So maybe asahis touched starved, But why does this mean he wants to kiss his teammate?

That can't be normal. But has Asahi ever really been normal? 

His family thinks he is, wants him to be the second coming of the golden age first born that is Kai Azumane. it's a typical case of living up to your older, better more successful sibling.

But now how is Asahi supposed to tell his parents he isn't going to college despite entertaining the idea that he is, just so they won't worry. How is he gonna tell them that he can't live up to what they want him to be and apparently now he's having thoughts of kissing a boy, thats also his teammate.

It's too much to handle after an exhausting day of training so Asahi forces himself to put all of it away for a different time. He's done that quite often. Shoving things aside for future Asahi to contemplate and dread over so current Asahi doesn't have to worry about it. He knows that might not work in this case but he thinks he has no choice. He's there to train and play the sport he loves with the teammates that are his family. He was looking forward to the few days away during training camp so he didn't have to think about his family or his future or anything but the view of the court from the other side. 

Despite his exhaustion, Asahi went to sleep restless on the first night. 

•••

"Shit," Asahi sighs as his empty pill bottle clamors out of his bag. He's bent over looking for another set of practice clothes in his bag, his team getting ready around him. He'd been ceremoniously woken up by nishinoya of course like he tends to do, waking suga and Daichi up as well by yanking open the curtains and disturbing the piece. As constant as ever Asahi thinks.

He'd forgotten to get his anxiety meds refilled before coming to the camp, And he really hates himself it. Missing a day isn't a big deal, But missing too many will start giving him withdrawals and he can't handle that right now. 

"Something wrong Asahi?" Noya pops his head over his shoulder. Asahi flinches, not sure what to think about nishinoya right now. But he aids in noyas quaint curiosity.

"Just forgot to refill my meds," 

Noyas eyebrows crease, "oh no- will you be okay?"

"This always happens," Daichi sighs leaning down next to Asahi to dig in his own bag, "for literally ages, Asahi always forgets to get refills when we go on trips like this,"

"It just slips my mind okay?" Asahi defends himself.

"Yeah don't give him grief for being forgetful," Suga snorts from behind them. Asahi glares at his friend before Ennoshita bursts in telling them they have 5 minutes to get to the gym for their practice game and it's a lot of scrambling after that.

The rest of training camp is as exhausting as the first day. Asahi proves a little more hesitant around nishinoya after the shocking realization that Asahi might not be exactly what he thought he was, and Nishinoya doesn't notice at first until after winning a set in a practice for the first time since they arrived, Asahi had slammed the game point on the other teams side after a long rally and Noya had moved to high-five him, but Asahi had walked right past him caught up in his head. Noya had cornered him with confused eyes and hinata quickly saves the hanging libero by high-fiving him in asahis place. 

After an exhausting last day of hard work, Asahi having lost himself to the game, The word got around that they would be served a barbecue.

Nishinoya, Tanaka kageyama and hinata and the one brain cell they shared were more than ecstatic about finding out, Asahi had even smiled in amusement at that, and his day got a little better after a swift jab in the gut by Sugawara telling him to cheer his ass up. 

When Asahi skipped his meds, despite the low dosage, It sort of stilted his mood and more easy going sense of not everything ensuring impending doom. Suga and Daichi knew how to handle an anxious Asahi and that was with tough love and support.

Eventually the last game came around, Noya had offered Asahi a bottle of water and even in his hesitation, Asahi still took it because he really shouldn't be acting so weird around Noya. It would simply make it worse by having Noya question why, and Asahi can't tell him it's because he think he might have caught feelings for a friend. 

Asahi just forced himself to get over it. 

Big crowds made him nervous. Which could be labeled contradictory to the fact that he plays volleyball, a sport where big crowds are welcomed and a large group of people gather to be watched by said crowds. Tournaments are so many teams going against each other in one place, In short, Asahi should have been fine. This entire training camp was one big anxiety inducing crowd full of intimidating players that Outrank Asahi in skill, And probably everything else as a human. 

Asahi felt inferior.   
But again Noya’s voice crawls inside his head telling him to shut up. He wishes he had Noya telling him that when he's faced with his dad, Who doesn't fail at making him feel as inferior as these other teams do.

And when Asahi meets the other aces, the captains and the other players of the teams they've been practicing with, well it doesn't help that they're all so nice and charming and attractive as well. Asahi needs to work on himself, and the entire time throughout the barbecue he constantly feels like he's being looked over, scrutinized and judged despite the fact that no one is doing that, if anything theyre intimated by the power and presence of Asahi but he doesn't see it. All his brain is telling him is he will never be as good as them.

He really wishes he'd gotten a refill.

Asahi sits on the hill with a plate of watermelon, hair down as he brings his knees to his chest and leans his chin on his arms that hug his knees. He's alone, watching from the outside as everyone at the camp interacts with each other. Everyone's smiling, getting along so well, it's elating really, but Asahi still finds himself hanging back. Even Daichi and suga, they’re talking with the captain of nekoma, Tanaka, nishinoya and Yamamoto hover around kiyoko and threaten off any admirers. 

Asahis just alone with his watermelon. isn’t this the life.

Asahi doesn't seem to mind though, Being in such a crowded area with the food and the noise and so much time to interact means, well, interaction with people he isn't comfortable with yet, and that meant the awkward stilted conversation Asahi wasn’t good at. He didnt mind being off on his own left to observe. 

Eventually he feels someone come up beiside him and the tuft of hair that catches his eye as someone lays down in the grass by Asahi let's him know exactly who it is.  
Nishinoya with no explanation or reason at all, has laid down in the grass like a sprawled eagle beside Asahi. Eyes closed.

"Did you die?" Asahi asks.

Noya pokes an eye open, "not yet."

"Hm," Asahi turns his attention else where.  
Noya doesn't stand for that. 

"So what'd I do?"

"Huh?" Asahis head snaps back to face Noya who's sat up, eyes open and wide for Asahi.

"Why're you avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you," Asahi fakes incredulous like he can't be accused of such foolishness. 

"You're acting dodgy, It's making me think I did something,"

"What could you have possibly done?" Asahi scoffs and Noya nods, "exactly that's why I need you to tell me,"

Asahi just doesn't understand how nishinoya can read him like a book. Asahi stretches his leg out, His thighs are sore so he stretches them gentle by leaning over to pull at his heel. Still trying to avoid nishinoyas gaze.

"You didn't do anything,” he says after nishinoya doesn't stop staring at him with that look that really gives Asahi no choice but to meet it head on.

"I'm not even meaning to really avoid you, or anyone," Asahi bullshits his way through an explanation, wishing he hadn't made his new hesitation around nishinoya so obvious. 

He'd just have to get over it, For his and noyas sake.  
For the teams because there's no way Asahi would be so selfish to make this affect how they play on the court. He'd never do that. Noya wouldn't forgive him, and neither would suga or Daichi.  
"Like you know, without my meds for a few days, it uh, well, makes me spacey, it just, I don't know how to explain it. It was irresponsible of me not to come with a refill, it's fine though."

"Are you sure?" Noya asks.

Asahi takes a breath, leaning back on his hands to look at Noya who tilts his head.   
"Yeah. Sorry for making you think you did something," 

Noya turns and stares at his lap and Asahi almost thinks he looks sad. A very unflattering and foreign thing to see on nishinoyas face. Asahis seen Noya at his worst, after a hard loss, crying on the bus ride home, But Noya has seen him like that too. He'd seen Noya furious and upset, Lash out from losing just like Asahi had done, all in tune with a broken mop. Asahi doesn't think it ever got fixed. He knows it hadn't been thrown away, Suga hadn't let that happen. But this, this almost looks like a dejected and insecure nishinoya that Asahi was not used to. At all. 

But then nishinoya seems to just wipe the slate clean and look up with a smile, As if he hadn’t spent three seconds looking like he was in his head. Like Asahi was a lot.

"It's okay, I just needed to make sure I hadn't done something on accident, I've done that before, hurt someone without even realizing it." Noya leans back with Asahi and they look out on the crowd of players, eating, socializing, laughing. Noyas leg bounces beside him, he's seen Noya do that when he gets worked up. He wonders what's going on in Nishinoya’s mind.

"And I couldn't do that to you." Noya says after a second.

Asahi turns to look at him and realizes just how close they kind of are, and that god forsaken intrusive thought comes rushing back up with Noya staring at him from just a few inches away, eyes big and wondering and beautiful. 

Asahi clears his throat, turning his face to the side hoping the redness can be blamed on the sun. "Well, Noya, You couldn't do that even if you tried." 

"Don’t say that," Noya urges, "you remember the incident, it was just a few months ago, I know you think about it sometimes, because I do too," 

Asahi doesn't really know what to say. So he just doesn't, but eventually he steels himself to glance at Noya again. 

"Yeah, I do. But even then you didn't hurt me you know, I think it was the other way around."

"What?" Noyas voice becomes alarmingly soft, an oxymoron in its finest. 

"Well," Asahi wishes Noya would scoot back, for his sanity. "I'm the one who had been selfish and quit because I felt sorry for myself, that's all there is to it, you were completely valid in how you reacted," Asahi drops his chin to look at the grass.

He feels Noya shift beside him, "you were pretty selfish," 

"Thank you for your honesty," Asahi can't help his laugh, Noyas always so blunt. 

"But," Nishinoya continues, "you came back didn't you, You always do, That's what I admire about you Asahi, Despite Everything you stick through it, you're there for others, you came back and you've been more than a valuable asset to this team, you're strong even if you can be a little bit of a wuss sometimes,"

"There you go again, getting sentimental," Asahi teases him and their roles are reversed. Noya pinches asahis arm, "shut up, I'm serious tho. Look, I guess maybe we should have talked about what happened instead of letting it off like it never happened, but don’t let that make you hesitant around me now of all times," Noya talks quickly, "and besides, it's in the past, we're here now and we're having fun," Asahi thinks he hears a "while it lasts" but he knows Noya doesn't say it and he just imagined it himself.

"We're working hard, you're working hard. Don't worry about anything else." 

"You said I was strong," Asahi mumbles.  
Maybe he missed the point of Noya’s speech but he focused on those words he rarely ever hears.

Noya blinks, "yeah? I did, and I mean it,"

Asahi looks to the sky, he does that a lot he thinks, Always adverting his eyes, always turning away. His hesitation proves one of his less desirable traits. How does he go about this then? Bottling up that weird emotion that’s just now making itself known in noyas presence. Something new, Unfamilair yet still so knowable, It's not unfamialir, He thinks, no he knows what this is and he knows he's felt it for a long time, but lately he hasn't been able to really subconsciously control it. 

"You know girls don’t think that way," Asahi squints at the clouds, not sure what he's getting at, "they say I'm weak. That I look big and tough but it's a ploy because I'm actually sensitive and weak,"  
Asahi’s insecurity stems from his peers perception and the quick judgment people make on his appearance, but a lot of it comes from his parents and siblings. Asahi wishes he didn't let the things said about him hurt him, But he takes them to heart. 

"Why-" Noya pauses, and when Asahi glances over he sees nishinoya looking at the ground, puzzled, "why would they say something like that?"

"Because they have a point?" Asahi says, and Noya dives forward and Asahi yelps as nishinoya covers his mouth with his hands, Halfway laying on top of Asahi. 

"Don't talk bad about yourself, You dummy, I will not allow it," nishinoya stares at him in this intense way and Asahi really really hoped he can't feel his heart beating out of his chest. 

Asahi swallows and nods, wanting nishinoya to take his hands away. Nishinoya blows the tuft of blonde hair in front of eyes weakly and climbs off Asahi. "I won't sit here and listen to you degrade yourself. I know you've been fucking scrutinizing yourself the moment you stepped into this place and saw all of them," Noya gestures vaguely to the other players.   
"And I can't speak on behalf of the girls at karasuno who are shallow enough not to get to know you, but I can speak on behalf of myself and any sane person, you aren't weak Asahi," noyas voice is hard to decipher but one emotion is clear. Caring. 

Comfort. Every word nishinoya is telling Asahi makes him feel bigger than life, makes his hopes rise and Heart beat all to quick. If he wasn't sure, he may be having a stroke. Nishinoya is going out of his way to help Asahi, to reassure him. 

To teach Asahi what he should think about himself.  
It takes a lot of self discovery to love yourself, he knows this. But maybe a push by the right person, who sees through all of him, helps just a little bit too.

"In fact!" Noya keeps going before Asahi can form a coherent response, "I think you're amazing, Youre sweet, a little shy and a little bit of a scaredy cat but that's fine! You're this beautiful contradiction of A big guy with a gentle smile." Nishinoyas beaming, and Asahi focuses on the string of words in that sentence, and his stomach drops in the way it would on a rolller coaster ride, At how Noya praises him. He didn't deserve praise.   
But maybe he did. Every once in awhile. For trying so hard.

"Give yourself some credit Asahi," Nishinoya says.

Asahi doesn't know what to say, and for a minute or maybe an hour, who can tell time when your hearts reeling and someone's just told you everything they admire about you. Asahi can't really catch his breath around nishinoya. 

Noyas saying all these things like Nishinoya doesn't have every quality but even stronger and better. Nishinoyas more than he ever will be, more social, more excitable and passionate. He's everything he wants.

Asahi stirs, everything he wants to be. He tells himself.

To be. 

Not what he wants.   
Not like that.   
Right?

"Is that something you struggle with?" Noya says quietly. 

Asahi jumps, "what?" 

"Girls, rumors. Is that why I've never seen you have a girlfriend?" Nishinoya sounds half teasing half completely curious. 

Asahi hesitates, not sure how he wants to answer. He wants to thank Noya for being so, well, for thinking so highly of him when he probably shouldn't put him on a pedestal. But When noyas eyes are shining. He thinks maybe he isn't. He knows Asahi’s flaws, He won't point them out but Asahi knows that nishinoya sees them because he's managed to see the rest of him that Asahi can't. 

Asahi sees the flaws and ignores his strengths. But Noya sees His strengths and doesn't mind the flaws. 

"I think so. It's hard to really attract anyone when word gets out that you've been held back 5 times, sold drugs on the street and started a gang all while still in highschool" Asahi sighs.

"That's all a load of crap if you ask me," Noya crosses his arms, he doesn't mean this towards Asahi, but towards the rumors, and Asahi smiles to himself, "well, I guess I'm not the most innocent looking. It's weird though, when girls find out I didn't do all that, They still don't want to date me. They're all weird,"

"True, I think if they got to know you you could have any girl," Noya says and Asahi blushes. Maybe he could be right, But Asahi just seems so, uninterested. He's not sure why, but hes always been indifferent to girls, they're pretty, and he can appreciate ones beauty without wanting to date them, or kiss them. 

Asahi freezes. Realizing maybe what that meant.  
He doesn't feel the way around girls the way he does around nishinoya. And that terrifies him.

"Thanks I guess," Asahi scratches at the back of his neck. A cool breeze sweeps by and the smell of barbecue fills the air as it has, It feels good. "You're, I- just," Asahi stutters. 

"What about you then?" Asahi finally asks.

Noya blinks, "oh you mean-" Noya starts laughing, "oh my god, Okay I've been shot down constantly ever since middle school, No girl wants to date a guy she has to lean down to kiss you know. So I've just stuck to my utter devotion to shimizu," Noya grins lopsidedly and Asahi tries not to feel some type of way.

"Kiyoko hm? You really like her then?"

Noyas gaze falls on the manager in the crowd, Tanakas managed to hold a conversation with her so far, he's nervously messing with his hands as she talks, Tanakas staring with a love sick grin that's too obvious.  
Asahi turns, looking at nishinoya, and how his face softens when he sees them, And Asahi watches as Noya says, "of course, I always have. She's a beautiful girl inside and out but you know, Ryuus never been so..."

"In love?" Asahi suggests.

Nishinoya tries not to react when he says it, but he nods, his leg beginning to bounce again slightly, "I can't get in the way of him and her you know, and besides, I don't see anything coming out of me and her ever being together."

"You think tanaka will ever win her over then?"

Noya meets his gaze, "maybe, He's a really good guy deep down, He May be loud, and, a little much but I am too, He’ll appeal to her I think,"

"What about you then?"

Noya shakes his head, "enough about that. I don't think...we'll, maybe someone, but they would never look at me the same way- so it's pointless," Noya oddly smiles, but it's sad at the edge.

Asahi wants to ask more but their conversation has taken so many turns he doesn't know what he should do at this point. He wants nishinoya to laugh, to say something dumb and help them get out of this sentimental back and forth of unwavering praise and seriousness.

"Hey- you'll find someone," Asahi let's him know, and he leans back to lay against the grass. Before he knows it Noya lays next to him and they're staring at the blue of the sky together, backs against the grass. If Asahi moves his hand slightly it'd touch Noya’s. 

"I hope so,"

"Hey," Asahi starts, "thanks, for sticking with me, besides Daichi and suga, I don't think anyone's ever said the stuff you have to me,"

Asahi can't see noyas face so he's not sure what his reaction is, but after a pause, Noya says, "I meant all of it. I know I can act pretty immature sometimes, I'll always be immature" he snorts, "but I can be serious when it matters, and I'm serious when it comes to my friends and making sure they're the best version of themselves,"

Asahi smiles at the sky, and his shoulder bumps noyas. "That's one of the best things about you."

•••

Asahi and Nishinoya sit together on the bus ride home. After a productive training camp, Nishinoya without really a word, Sat his bag by tanaka, got up and moved to sit by Asahi. Much to Tanakas dismay of his best friend abandoning him, Nishinoya didn't offer him an explanation other than, "I have to talk to him about something," but when Noya sat by Asahi, and Asahi and him sort of stared at each other, he just smiled and leaned back, and they enjoyed a peaceful ride home.

At some point nishinoya dozed off, and Asahi wasn't really aware of why he was so tired, But Noya had fallen asleep with his head leaning head against the seat, and then, to asahis mortification, noyas head had fallen onto his shoulder. But something compelled Asahi to be still, and eventually after sitting in the lull of the quiet bus, Everyone all sort of quiet and tired from the long training camp, Asahi fell asleep too.

And when he woke up they were on the outskirts of karasuno, a few blocks away from the school. Noya was still asleep and leaning against Asahi, And Asahi knows his face reddens and he knows his heart quickens, but this time he doesn't do anything to stop it. He just smiles to himself more than anything and makes sure he's still so he doesn't disturb Noya as he watches the view from the window. Eventually Tanaka pokes his head up from the seat in front of them and snaps a picture when Asahi isn't paying attention, and he says, "you know, Yuu always just drops wherever, he could fall asleep on a cliff for crying out loud,"

"Yeah?" Asahi says amused. Tanaka leans over the seat, grinning, "Yeah, he's done it before, He has all this energy but when he's out, he's a whole ass rock" Tanaka mimics hitting his hand like lights out, and Asahi glances at the libero leaning on him for support. 

"That's okay," 

Tanaka watches the two iddly, He doesn't comment on just how obvious Asahi makes his compassion for the libero, and how it's written all over his face. He’ll ask nishinoya later if there's something more going on or if Tanakas just seeing things. 

The bus parks in the lot of karasuno and ukai announces them to meet in the gym for a quick minute before they can head home finally.

"Hm?" Noya rubs his eyes, Tanakas poking his face, "come on Lazy we're here," 

Nishinoya looks up at tanaka and nods, before realizing he's practically leaning his entire side into Asahi’s, and he turns his head, Their noses brush accidentally and they jump back, Asahis heart close to beating erratically until it kills him, and noyas well, it practically stops. A mutual blush blooms across their faces. "Oh- did I use you as a pillow?" 

Asahi blinks, "uh-" he sounds dumb. "It's fine, I didn't mind,"

Noya scrubs his cheeks with his hands, waking himself up, everyones loading off the bus and suga and Daichi motion for Asahi to come on. He nods, "Don't worry about it,"

"Tanakas usually my pillow," Noya mumbles moving to grab his bag. "Guess I'm his replacement," Asahi comments, shouldering his own bag.

"Okay okay. did I drool on you? That'd be embarrassing,"

Asahi laughs as they move down the bus aisle, the last ones off, "no you didn't,"

Nishinoya sighs tiredly, "good," 

Despite how tired they are, they trek into the gym and sit around, Nishinoya plops himself next to Asahi and tanaka, and Asahi just lets it be. There's a lot going on in his mind, but at some point he gets used to the constant nagging of things demanding to be felt. 

That's the thing about what Asahi’s starting to realize. The type of person Noya is to him isn't the type you can put your feelings off for. Not when they're on borrowed time for club season but school in general. When one will be moving onto the working class world and the others stuck behind.

Asahi doesn't want to leave Noya behind he thinks. He'd never want that. 

Asahi, unsure Asahi, who had gained confidence from his teammate, from the guy whos favorite thing he's ever said is "I'll be guarding your backs,” was demanding his feelings to be put away for a time when it won't stress him out. But he knows it's hard for him to think about anything else. 

about anyone else.

•••

The tournament just keeps getting closer and closer.   
Asahi stays late after practice as always, making sure others get home. He notices Nishinoya hang back in the club room, talking with tanaka about something and leave with a wave to Asahi. He tries not to act disappointed he won't be walking home with Noya but in the end he ends up walking with Daichi and suga. 

"Hey is there something going on with you and Nishinoya?" 

Asahi practically trips over the sidewalk at Sugawara’s blatant and embarrassing and completely unprompted question.

Daichi laughs from his side by Sugawara, "so yes,"

"What?" Asahi blinks in mortification, hands suddenly becoming sweaty so he forces himself to grab the strap of his back pack and keep them there. 

"Well, you and him have been like, Acting closer lately, like he's been spending as much time with you as he does with tanaka, and you seem...A lot happier?" Suga goes on, "you've always been a nervous guy, but around Noya you really change, Like around us, when you're comfortable you know,"

"Didn't know you were analyzing me," Asahi scoffs in mock dismay to hide his mortification. He really needs to make his emotions less obvious.

Daichi cuts in, "I mean We don't wanna assume that you like him, But it seems like-"

Asahi would have spit his water out if he was drinking any. He blushes and he knows they see it because they share a look that Asahi hates because it's a "we know something he doesn't" look and "totally called it," look all in one. 

"So you do-" Daichi says

"I don't, That'd be insane," Asahi tells them, "he's my friend, It'd be like you liking suga-" 

"Well-" Daichi starts and Asahi keeps going, 

"I mean it’d be utterly ridiculous and there's no way he could like me back even if I did because like I said, We're friends and he likes kiyoko and pretty girls and I'm not a pretty girl-" 

Asahi trials off as they've stopped on the curb, the sky's turned orange on their walk home as the sun sets, and a cool breeze sweeps by. "Did you say-" Asahi processes what Daichi had added in a split second ago. 

Suga and Daichi share another look, and then glance away shyly. And that's all Asahi needs to know.

"You-" Asahi reads their body language, reads the blushes on his old friends faces and how wow they're standing really close together.

"Oh fuck I knew this was inevitable but now-" Asahi just sighs frusturated because he's happy for his friends but upset because this means he's gonna be left behind when they stay together after highschool and the set trio will be broken up except for the power couple that Asahi saw coming from miles away.

"Hey calm down," suga puts his hands up. "You're the first one we're telling, we just thought we should say something. I don't want the team to like freak out, I'm pretty sure it's obvious anyways-" 

"I hope you're okay with-" Daichi starts and Asahi just smiles as he calms down, he's getting worked up from their wondering if he liked Noya, and well, Seeing his friends happy is more important that whatever's going on his head.

"Of course I am," he softens, "you two were practically dating already- how long has it..."

"About a week ago?" Suga asks Daichi who nods. "We're just nervous how the team will react," 

Asahi nods, and they're moving again, down the sidewalk. Glad they've changed the entire course of the conversation. 

"I...I don't think it'll change anything," Asahi assures them, "I mean, If they think of you any different then they aren't true friends,"

"Should we wait? Till after the tournament, so it doesn't affect our playing? It's unpredictable letting them know now," suga says, "we only agreed to this if it doesn't change the dynamic of the team," Suga smiles at Daichi and Asahi’s already feeling more lonely than before. 

"I think waiting would be good, Just announce it when you guys think its the right time,"

"You're not mad? About us?" Daichi asks hesitantly. 

Asahi shakes his head, "if I was, then I wouldn't be a very good friend would I? Besides I think I saw this coming,"

They all walk in comfortable silence for a little while, Asahi thinking about everything at once. And then Daichi brings back the whole topic that lead to this reveal and conversation.

"You do like nishinoya don't you," 

"Why does it matter," Asahi sighs, "not like Ide ever act on it if it was true,"

"You have to give yourself more credit Asahi, I think Noya likes you too," 

Asahi raises his gaze to suga who pats him on the shoulder, "you know, that's what I thought about Daichi, You know, been friends with him for years, Loved him for just as long, but I never thought he'd reciprocate but guess what?" 

"You couldn't keep it in your pants," Asahi finishes and suga snorts, Daichi looking mortified. "Basically, and he's the one who confessed, you just never know until you try,"

"But what if..." Asahi’s eyes turn hard as he stares ahead, unsure. "What if it ruins our friendship, He could hate me, For liking..well... you know, I haven't really realized it until now but-"

"That you like boys," Daichi says and Asahi feels something strange inside him, Like fear and anxiety but clarity in a the most contradicting sense of the moment.

Asahi feels something heavy in his throat as he nods, it's the first time he's admitting it to himself, and maybe the fact that Daichi and suga, his best friends can be so casual, so comfortable about it helps him from breaking down crying at this monumental moment in his life. How would he tell his parents, he'd be disowned. What would Noya say. 

"There's nothing wrong with it," suga hums, "it might be harder for some people to realize and learn to be proud of themselves than others because of the stigma, but Asahi," suga squeezes his friends shoulder, "We're proud of you anyways." 

Asahi nods, still feeling like he could choke up and cry if he wanted to enough. Daichi smiles at Asahi, "I think...if you do like nishinoya, And you're worried about ruining the relationship you have, you could wait till graduation, so worsts case scenario, The seasons over and if he rejects you, then you never have to see him. Again,"

Asahi hears Daichi’s reasoning but something about that makes his stomach turn even more. Maybe he could just keep it locked up and never look at it. So it doesn't affect anything, so nothing changes and complicates things. 

Asahi hates when things become complicated. 

"I...it's just a small thing-" Asahi smiles sadly, eyes towards the sidewalk in front of them as they round the corner and walk down the hill towards coach ukai’s store. 

"Ide rather have noya in my life for a long time as a friend than risk not having him at all you know? I'll get over it. I don't want to lose touch with him after we graduate, with any of the team really," Asahi explains.

"I know what you're saying," Daichi says, "you'd rather break your own heart than not have him at all."

Asahi doesn't say anything, and they walk right past the store in silence. Asahi felt a little bit of weight off his chest but there's still dread settled deep where he'll have to really dig to get it out. How's he supposed to focus on anything important right now when this seems like the biggest thing in his life. 

He has his future to worry about, his parents, the tournament, He shouldn't be distracted by such trivial things as love.

That makes him freeze. Oh 

He didn't mean love. He meant- a crush. He doesn't-

Love isn't trivial, He knows that, it's big and encompassing and overwhelming and every other adjective that describes this feeling of wholeness and stability and just so much. 

Asahi’s convinced he doesn't know how any of this feels. He can't because he's not in love. How can he know what it is if he’s never felt it. He’s stuck in his head, standing there in personal shock as he comes to terms again for the millionth time that night. It's only been a week since the training camp, when Asahi realizes he wanted to kiss his friend, and he just now admitted to liking other guys, So how can he just jump into being in love. 

It's not how it works.

"Uh Asahi?" 

Asahi blinks back to life and sees suga and Daichi a few feet up the path, looking back at him in confusion. 

"Oh- I uh, Sorry, I was thinking about something," Asahi shakes off the shock and existential dread and confusion to jog to catch up with his friends. Deciding he'll ponder this before going to sleep later, when he's left with nothing but a dark ceiling and noyas image burned into his head.

•••

That weekend, Asahi finally breaks down. His dad had walked into his room with three letters of recommendation he'd probably extorted his teachers for and had a long conversation on pressuring Asahi to choose a major. Asahis still trying to find the courage to tell him he's not going. 

Asahis doubting himself and his future and he just wants tot let it go. He doesn't want to spend his breathing space worrying about the future when it's not here yet. But his parents only ever talk about that with him anymore. "Oh just ask Kai, he'll have good advice-" and "you're so smart, You can apply anywhere and they'd definitely take you, just make a decision."

Make a decision. 

His sisters are asleep, His parents are too, their bedrooms are downstairs, Rikus over at a friends house and Asahis sat in his window seat tiredly staring at the moon. It's a melancholic coping mechanism for when he gets anxious with all the responsibility on his shoulder. Just stare at the window and think about something physical. His phones tucked in his pocket and Asahi wants to sleep, It's a Friday night, and he got back from practice a little while ago, And yet he can't sleep, his minds kinda going too fast, too many things to worry about. 

He tries to narrow it down. the tournament. It's still a few weeks away, but they'll go by fast. All he can do about it is practice and be confident. He can do that. At least try to. He's got a good team in his corner.   
College. His parents. He's in college preparatory classes, his parents are looking for scholarships, they want him to pick a major that will make him good money, "enough to support a family" his mom had said. But they also want him to pick a major he likes. That's hard when Asahi doesn't want to go at all. 

It's not because he can't dedicate himself, it's just not in his heart. He has a vague idea of what he wants to do, but he knows his father would never approve. His mom might, but she’d be passive aggressive about it. So Asahis stuck there. For what? To entertain his parents and apply somewhere for an engineering major? Actually go and study and just deal with his deteriorating mental health if he does end up going just so his parents are happy? 

He's probably over thinking it.   
A part of him wants to be like his brother so his parents will be as proud and show him off too. But it's not Asahi’s thing. Who Kai is. 

Asahi plays volleyball, he's amazing at it, And they love watching him play. They're proud of him in that sense, But they always fall back on how it's not a viable long term career choice. That's what they always seem to be concerned with. 

Long term.

Asahi barley knows what's gonna happen in a week much less in years. He wishes they'd let him handle his future. He could take care of himself, he knows he can, even if he has a small case of anxiety, doesn't everyone have generalized anxiousness from time to time? Maybe Asahis is a diagnosis and he's medicated for it but that doesn't hinder him from taking care of himself, From knowing what he wants.

Asahi sighs, still not anywhere closer to a solution. He thinks about going to suga and Daichi for advice about it. They're so sure about what comes next for them, he's almost envious.

They're going to move on, go to their respective colleges and continue to date, keep in touch. He hopes he doesn't get separated, but he knows his friends too well to think they'd forget about him. 

They're relationship will survive outside of highschool, They've got a lot ahead of them and Asahi doesn't doubt for a second they won't stick together. They're the constant Asahi can count on.

There's one other that Asahis too scared to think about.   
Nishinoya yuu. The boy he's found that maybe he likes a little more than he should.

Asahi isn't sure what made him realize it, But he's slowly accepting the fact that Nishinoya is more to him, More than a confidence booster, more than someone who supports him- more than a teammate. 

He's beginning to learn Nishinoya believes in him and truly means it, and sometimes the way Noya looks at him makes him wonder if it's really out of admiration. He wants to think Nishinoya knows what Asahis feeling because he feels it too. But it's unrealistic, Nishinoya had expressed no confirmation of liking people like Asahi, and he had so many other things to focus on rather than Asahi.

Asahi knew all this.   
And yet he still texted Nishinoya. 

Asahi: "Are you awake?"

He gets a text back almost immediately.

Noya: yes, but you shouldn't be

Asahi: don't pull that on me 

Noya: what are you doing up?

Asahi blinks at his screen. Typing a response.

Asahi: can't sleep

The three dots appear.

Noya: no shit. I mean why.

Asahi hesitates before typing a semi truthful answer. 

Asahi: I just can't. Lots of things to think about.

Noya: dont

Asahi: don't think?

Noya: yeah, it's easy I do it all the time.

Asahi snorts and covers his face. 

Asahi: why are you up then.

Noya: same as you. 

Asahi stares blankly at the screen for a moment before suddenly it's ringing. He startles and drops his phone. 

Phone calls always stressed him out.

Nishinoya answers as soon as he picks up. 

"Go to sleep,"

"You can't tell me what to do," Asahi says.

Nishinoya scoffs on the line, "it's late."

"Good observation,"

"I don't need your sass Asahi" Nishinoya says and Asahi chuckles quietly. 

"What's up?"

Asahi Sighs, "I don't really know."

There's a moment of silence, it's comfortable, quiet. 

Asahi appreciates the distraction from his feelings, though he can't help but feel a small ounce of fear in the way his heart races on the phone with Noya. He has no choice but to push away what he feels so it doesn't change how he acts around nishinoya. But that’d prove to be difficult. 

"What are you doing right now."  
Its random. Asahi blinks out the window at the moon. Holding the phone close to his ear. "Sitting in my window."

"I'm coming over."

"You’re what!?" Asahi yelps, quieting himself.

"I'm coming over. I made it fairly simple,"

Asahi calms himself, "it's midnight,"

"Exactly,"

"What are- my parents would kill me if I snuck someone in!" 

"They won't know I'm there, We can just hang out,"

"Nishinoya-"

"Just trust me!" Nishinoya assures him, and Asahi gives in, a little excited at the idea of seeing Nishinoya at an unprompted hour. 

"Okay."

"Leave your window unlocked- I'm on my way," and with that Noya hangs up and Asahis left staring at his phone in belwiderment and wondering where the hell the nights gonna go.

•••

Asahi's sitting on his bed, reading an old novel to pass the time while he anxiously awaits for Nishinoya's impulsive appearance at his window. And in no time, There's a tap on Asahi’s window and Asahi, shocked, surprised and a little impressed even though he knew Noya was coming, unlatched the window and opens it up as the smiling face of Noya looks at him through the glass. When it's opened, he's tumbling through the opening and falling on onto the floor of Asahis room. He's breathing heavy. 

"Did you-did you run here?" Asahi exclaims as quietly as he can so his parents don't murder him. He can only imagine their horrification at Asahi sneaking someone into the house at almost 1 am. 

Noyas grinning up at Asahi as he holds up a plastic sack. "I brought stuff."

Asahi just stares at him, not quite sure what's happening but he's enjoying it, even if his anxiety's going wild from the riskiness of this all. It's not like noyas a girl, he says, his parents won't mind if it's just a friend. 

Right? Asahi still feels like he's going against their trust because yeah noyas not a girl being snuck in but it's the equivalent because Asahi has only recently discovered his undying crush and maybe overly strong feelings for the boy. 

"How did you get on the roof?" Asahi asks. 

Noya sits up as Asahi holds out a hand to help him off the floor, Noya takes it, and Asahi tries not to let his heart jump at the contact. Nishinoyas hand is small compared to his. And softer. Not nearly as calloused. "I climbed."

"Climbed?"

Noya straightens his hoodie, He's wearing a jean jacket over it on top of jeans. It's a good look on Noya, But Asahi decides not to say that out loud. "There was a tree, and The gutters. What can I say," he grins maniacally again and holds the plastic sack out to Asahi who's still looking slightly bewildered. 

Asahi hesitantly takes the sack, looking through it as Noya stands proudly. Inside are two gari gari Kun popsicles and a six pack of Soda.

"I assume the popsicles are soda flavored too?" Asahi raises an amused eyebrow.

"Of course, your favorite," Noya grins.

Asahi snorts, "you mean your favorite,"

Nishinoya shrugs, "okay you got me," as he steps closer to Asahi, Asahi almost steps back but Nishinoya's only moved so close to ruffle through the plastic bag and pull out said wrapped popsicles. "Here, before they melt," and he hands one to Asahi. 

Asahi takes it gently from Nishinoya and unwraps it. It's a pleasant surprise from Nishinoya, and he knows how much the libero likes these things. "Here, let's toast," Asahi says holding out his popsicle as Noya moves to take a huge ass bite from his. 

He pauses and grins stupidly, and bumps their popsicles together, "what are we toasting to?" Noya grins. They're standing oddly close in the spaciousness of his room, face to face in front of the window that allows for the light of the stars and moon to illuminate the lowlit room. Asahi only has a lamp on in his corner and yet he can see Nishinoya's eyes so clearly as he looks up at him, Sharing a popsicle. It's an odd moment, but it's so very them.

"How about to good luck, at our tournament in a few days,"

Nishinoya nods, "to the top then," 

"To the top," 

Nishinoya eats his in 4 bites and Asahi just watches in awe. 

Eventually Asahis sitting on the floor of his room with his back against his bed, while Nishinoya sits a few feet away in the window seat. They talk, and just enjoy each other's company in a quiet way, Recounting games and the many chaotic endeavors of the Karasuno team. 

The clock reads 2 am when Nishinoya stands in the middle Asahis room, stretching his limbs. He's shed his jean jacket just to wear his hoodie. "It's cramped in here,"

"I dunno, I like my room." Asahi shrugs from his spot on the fooor.   
Noya laughs though Asahi isn't sure what was funny, and Noya ends up sitting beside Asahi, their knees bumping as he knocks against Asahis shoulder, leaning back agains his bed. 

"I just meant, I kinda wanna get out of here,"

Asahi’s heart deflates. "You do? I'm sorry."

Nishinoya laughs again and Asahi still doesn't know what he said that was even remotely funny. 

"I meant with you, dummy."

Asahi processes this, face flushing when he realizes the way it sounds and for a second his heart speeds up, "you- with me?"

"Well yeah? Haven't you ever snuck out in the middle of the night to go do stupid shit you know? Not even like party, just like, with friends to go have fun with you know,"

"No."

"You've never-" Nishinoya stares at him like he can't believe this.

"Believe it or not, I don't have very many friends,"

"Well I know that- in the nicest way possible-" Noya says, "but you Daichi and suga have never snuck out? To just, I don't know, hang out, everything's so much more fun at might when you're not supposed to be doing it," Noya explains and Asahi just looks at him blankly.

"I mean, not really? That's just- not what we do you know,"

"You've never snuck out even with a girl?"

Asahi startles- But he acts like it doesn't phase him as he says again, "no. like I said, never been my thing."

"Let's go then,"

Asahi blinks. "What."

"Lets go! If you've never snuck out then, Tonight's the night, I'll show you what it's like to be an actual teenager, I mean c'mon Asahi you're literally gonna graduate soon..." this makes noyas previously devoted voice trail off, before he shakes off the weird unnerving tone of his last sentence and speaks back up with conviction. "Just, trust me, you'll have a good time,"

"I can't just sneak out, it's bad enough that you snuck in- my parents-"

"What are they gonna do? Kick you out?" Nishinoya snorts- "Asahi you don't have that much time left here in karasuno..." Nishinoya trails off again, he's suddenly lowered his usual volume for a more serious one, Asahi thinks he sees something reserved in his eyes as he speaks again. "I know you're leaving soon, and I..."

Asahi may have been hallucinating from lack of sleep but Nishinoya's mannerisms turn hesitant, and he almost thinks Nishinoya's avoiding his eyes as he says in an alarmingly quiet way, "I just wanna make sure you remember your last few weeks...whatever- hey don't laugh at me!" 

Asahi covers his face to hide his fond amusement, "I'm not- you're just, really cute when you're flustered,"

They stare at each other in both equal mortification, and decide not to talk about it and Asahi’s deciding on what bridge to go jump off of as Nishinoya crosses his arms and tries to act like his face isn't red, "shut up, I'm not cute or flustered."

"Right." Asahi says.

"Anyways-" Noya waves him off and that same confident volume comes back and the quiet sentimental Noya disappears. "Just," he smiles at Asahi and his heart skips. "Just come with me,"

Asahi nods, Deciding that noyas right, despite how anxious it makes him, Sneaking out and angering his parents, It is the weekend, and noya has made him realize he really is leaving soon. And if he's gonna spend the last little bit of freedom and time he has left in this town, he's gonna spend it living. With Noya at his side. 

It saddens him, but makes him realize all the same that he can't afford to take a chance like this for granted. He can push aside his heavier feelings to bask in the ones in the moment. The happiness, the contentment and stability of being around Noya. Of Noya looking up at him with a smile he has learned is reserved for those he cared about. 

Noya has to at least care about him as a friend right? How else could he explain his stubbornness during the fight they'd had last March, Or the way Nishinoya's constantly reassuring Asahi when he doubts himself, or even the way Noya goes out of his way to see him and talk to him at school despite being a grade above. 

He wants to know why. But Does anyone know the reason anyone cares about anyone. Some people are just drawn together, their hearts are open and choose the ones to love because that's meant to be. Asahi vaguely wonders if that's the case with him. Why did Asahis heart choose Noya when he knows it's never going to be reciprocated, and it's going to hurt more having no chance at the person you want wanting you the same way than never having felt anything at all.

"Okay. Then let's go."

•••

"Where are we going?" Asahi whispers as they finally get out of Asahis backyard and onto the sidewalk. They pass houses and turn down corners, the skies dark and empty, Clouded over with dark heavy clouds that thunder in the distance and the smell of rain is evident. Asahi’s vaguely reminded of the day Nishinoya dragged him into the rain to dance wildly, it was Asahi's leading example of just who Nishinoya was. 

"You'll see," Nishinoya walks proudly beside him, hands tucked into the pockets of his jean jacket. Asahi in his sweats and white shirt had thrown on his own hoodie and had his own hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. He feels oddly underdressed for their excursion. 

"Can you not be cryptic. You already convinced me to go with you, just tell me where we're going" Asahi raises an eyebrow. Noya still walks with a little jump in his step, walking ahead to turn, so he's facing Asahi and walking backwards as they make their way to wherever they turn up. 

"I'm not being 'cryptic', stuff like this is spontaneous. We just see where we go you know? This one time me and tanaka snuck out and Saeko bought us beer and somehow we ended up in this plastic slide at the park at 4 am, anything could happen," Noya talks like this isn't concerning in the least.

"Tanakas sister bought you alcohol?"

"Not the point," Noya says, turning on his heel to get back to walking beside him. "Point is, just don't worry about."

"Then what was the point of us-"

"Okay fine, We're going to Karasuno" 

"Karasuno? Why are we going to school?"

Noya grins, "why not?"

"Look, You seem like you have some stuff on your mind, why else would you have texted me you know?" Noya continues.

Asahi nods, "that's fair."

"So, I thought what better to take your mind off your problems than playing volleyball,"

"Wait...so we're breaking into the gym?" Now that Asahi looks around they are walking the same route they walk to school on. 

"It's not like it's gonna hurt anyone," Noya says.

"But isn't it like...trespassing?"

"Okay maybe but it's not like we're stealing,"

"But we're still breaking in! That's gotta be a felony or something,"

"Only if we get caught,"

"Nishinoya!"

"Look-" Noya puts his hands up, he's sending Asahi that crooked smile, "it'll be fine, just trust me,"

"I'm starting to think you're a bad influence,"

"Me?" Nishinoya gasps, it's comical, and over dramatic, but Asahi's learned not to expect anything less. 

Asahi laughs, and looks ahead, he wishes the stars were out tonight. 

"Excuse me for teaching you how to live,"

"That's completely subjective. I'm living just fine," Asahi announces and Nishinoya jabs him in the side. Asahi smiles, feeling light. 

“Oh shut up, You know you love me."

Asahi glances down at Noya beside him, who's smiling up at the sky like there's stars to actually look at, and he wonders what's going on his head. There's a carefree glint in his eye even Asahi can spot amongst the dim streets. He wonders how he got roped into this. But he goes along with it anyways, because it's Noya, and Noya can get him to do just about anything. 

"You're right," is all Asahi says though he isn't sure if Noya heard him.

•••

Eventually they stand on the grounds of Karasuno, having hopped the boundary and looking up at the dark gym. "It's locked."

Nishinoya digs in the pocket of his jacket, and pulls out the key.

"Why do you have the key to the gym?" Asahi asks calmly.

"Asked Daichi for it, told him I wanted to get some extra practice tomorrow."

"And he just let you have it?"

Noya spins the key chain around his finger, a cocky grin on his face, "clearly."

"So now we're just gonna trespass, at-" Asahi checks his phone. Heart rate rising when he realizes the extent of what he's doing. He's snuck out without his parents permission, and now trespassing on school property. Couldn't he get arrested? 

What is he so worked up about. "Hey-" Noya cuts off whatever he was gonna say, "relax Asahi, Just, relax. Don't think about the repercussions. Don’t think about anything but what's in front of you."

"Noya-"

"I see that look- you're all worried and tense," Noya says as he jams the key into the gym door, "just let it all go, at least for tonight okay?"

Asahi wants to listen to him. He takes a deep breath. "Fine. Yeah, okay. Okay."

Noya shoots him a smile over the shoulder as he barges into the gym. It's weird, being they’re there so early in the morning, when the suns still down and Japan's asleep. It's his second home, the court. And for some reason, even if they're trespassing to Noyas conviction, Asahi can't help but be comforted by it.

"So like if you'd asked Daichi for the key, did you have this planned already?" Asahi asks as they walk into the dark gym, searching for the lights on the side. 

Noya hums, "well actually I did plan on coming in Tomorrow to work on some blocked ball retrieval, the basics and stuff, this is just a nice little detour."

"Why do you want extra practice?" Asahi says as he finds the light switch and flips it on, the gym lighting up and illuminating their faces properly. Noyas looking his way, “I mean you’re alread perfect at receives, and you've upped your blocked ball retrieval, I mean you took Oikawa’s serves-"

"Hush- That still doesn't mean I can't practice," Noya shuts down Asahis praise. "Wanna serve some at me? Ace?" He says after a moment, heading to the supply closet. 

Asahi looks at the back of Nishinoya's head in slight awe, Noya may be a well known name in the prefecture for his skill but he still manages to be as humble as ever. "Y- yeah, yeah let's go."

•••

The nets not up, having been taken down from the previous practice, and So Noya and Asahi very not so gracefully fumble finding the net in the supply closet. Asahi shuffles through the rolled up mats in the corner and finally spots the net, he picks it up and drops it on his friend who curses and almost drops to the floor, "dude-"

"Take it out there while I find the stakes-"

"I-" Noya struggles and when Asahi looks over his shoulder he's on the ground tangled up. Asahi hides his laugh behind a hand as Noya glares at him.   
"You stuck?"

"Just help me."

Asahi eventually helps the tangled up Noya out of his predicament and as Asahi sends Noya to get the stakes for the sides of the net, and he doesn't come back for a few minutes, he lays the net down on the center of the court and goes to check on him.

Asahi runs a hand through his hair despite it being tied up, nearing the doors of the equipment closet, glancing in. In the dimness he sees Noya crouched with his back to Asahi, he's messing with something. "Nishinoya?" Asahi says.

Noya jumps, before glancing over his shoulder. Asahis surprised by the saddened smile on his friends face, the mood shifting drastically. "Yeah?"

"What's wrong?"

Noya turns and stands, and Asahi realizes what's in his hands. It's two pieces of the broken mop. Having never been trashed after the fight, abandoned in the corner of the closet. It sparks unnecessary tension inside Asahi. He remembers the fight they had all too well. It had hurt him, a lot. He'd thought about it for weeks afterward.

He’d wanted to apologize, he'd felt horrible and sorry for himself. He'd thought his and noyas friendship had been broken forever because of that stupid mop, that stupid fight, and Asahi’s selfishness until he got over it, before hinata had appealed to him, suga asked him to come back, and he'd seen Noya in the gym that day and he found his love for the game again. 

"Oh," Asahi says quietly. 

Noya meets his eyes and Asahi desperately wants to know what he's thinking. If seeing that symbol of what their relationship had become both made them feel the same way. "We need to fix it," Noya says quietly.

Asahi takes a step forward, "what?"

"We should fix it," Noya says, clear and determined. And Asahi couldn't agree more. 

"Yeah, yes- lets, let's fix it," his smile that comes is easy, genuine. Loving. 

Asahi steps closer to Noya, His heart No longer beats erratically But in pattern that lets Asahi know that yes Nishinoya has an affect on him, But he shouldn't bother running from it anymore. Not when being around him may make him crazy, but also feel strong, happy, and free. 

The vicinity between them is almost nothing as Asahi takes a part of the mop handle, and the other from noyas hands, "go find the metal bar and some nails," 

Noya smiles up at him, and that very familiar intrusive thought Asahis been faced with smacks him in the face again. Kiss him, his mind tells him. Lean down, and kiss that smile right off his face. 

But then the rational part of his brain tells him that it'll ruin everything, it'll make the night awkward, it'll out him and ruin their dynamic ten fold. They won't be the same on the court, Noya would hate him, He'd tell everyone who Asahi is, he wouldn't believe in him anymore.

All these scary what ifs are what keep Asahi from embarrassing himself and instead, Asahi just wishes hopefully somewhere in his heart, and let's it run it's course, just appreciating the smile Noya sends him in itself. 

And so Asahi and Noya sit on the floor, Turning the light on of the supply closet and they try to reassemble the mop. Noyas small hands, although dainty, Are having trouble keeping the handles splintered center lined up and adjusting the screw in the metal piece they’ve used to connect it. 

“Here let me try, I am the one who snapped it," Asahi says to him, he focuses on holding it still, and he feels Noya staring at him. And he uses all his self control not to get flustered under his gaze. 

"You know," Noya starts, as he holds the handle for Asahi, "I don't know if we ever really talked about it,"

"Hm?" Asahi says, focused on the task at hand. 

“You know," Noya says, "the fight."

Asahi pauses, hands hesitating as he uses the screw driver to assemble the mop back together. "I don't think we have, no." Asahi says.

"I'm sorry."

Asahi looks up, eyes big. "Why are you apologizing?" 

Nishinoya looks to the mop handle in his hands, not meeting Asahi's eyes. "For...Yelling at you, for causing that scene. For everything,"

"You don't need to apologize," Asahis voice softens as he moves into the second screw, he's still focused on the mop, but he's sure if he looks at Noya he'll either really lose his self control and kiss him or he'll run away because that terrifies him.

"Of course I do, I said some bad things, things I didn't mean," Noya persists. "I just- you know I came back before you, after my suspension, And Daichi had offered me my spot back you know-" Noya says and Asahi glances up at him. 

"But I couldn't take it, not till..."

It clicks. "Not till I came back too."

Noya nods, and he looks timid, it's weird, and he's seen this side of Noya more than he thinks anyone else has besides people close to him. It's a side of Noya he only lets show when he's alone with Asahi and Asahi doesn't know if he should feel shy about it or honored Noya trusts him with this part of himself.

They're both vulnerable in the moment. Asahi's glad Noya trusts him. 

"It wouldn't have been right, And if I had played in a game and we won and you weren't there celebrating beside me...It just wouldn't be the same." Noya looks up to meet Asahi with a little tilt of his head and a smile that explains everything. 

"I'm sorry too," Asahi says. "For giving up, being selfish, For getting you suspended, For saying the things I know I didn't feel, we make mistakes, but I think we needed it...to grow." He decides. 

Noya looks at him like he's said something wiser than he actually did, and Noya jerks forward, and suddenly Asahis wrapped in Noya’s arms. They're still on the floor, with the reassembled mop handle almost fixed.

Noya’s pounced on Asahi, wrapping his arms around Asahis neck and burying his face in his shoulder, leaning forward on his knees. Asahi gets over the initial shock and, hoping his heart doesn't pick up even more speed and give away just how insane he feels with Noya hugging him so tightly- he wraps his arms around Noya in return. 

He smells like old spice, and Asahi almost laughs because of course he does, and Noya says in the most quiet voice, it's the quietest he's ever heard him before, "you're a good friend Asahi, I don't want to fight like that ever again."

A good friend. That's all he'd ever be. 

Asahi wants so much more. He wants nishinoya to look at him with the infatuation that Asahi looks at him with, he wants reciprocation, wants Noya to like him in the way Asahi’s learned he likes Noya. It makes him hurt in a numbing way he can't control. 

"We won't. I'll never give up as long as you don't either, Nishinoya."

"Yuu."

Asahi pulls back, heart still hammering from the affection and touch, he's never realized how touch starved he was until Noya had hugged him so suddenly. "What?" Asahi asks, he doesn't miss a beat when noticing the deep color blooming across noyas face.

"You can call me Yuu, if- if you want."

Asahi hides his flush with his hand and a smile, "okay, okay Yuu."

Noya leans back on his heels with a content look, and hums as he picks up the mop handle. "Tightening it a little more should do it," he holds a hand out to Asahi, smiling. "Can I do the honors?"

Asahi Picks the screwdriver back up and hands it to Noya, The mop getting finally fixed in a flimsy conduction of a metal bar and old screws, but it's fixed, and they fixed it together. "It's gonna stay here, I'll make sure they don't throw it away ever." Noya stands with the mop, setting it with the others on the rack. 

"Good," Asahi rises as well. 

They stare at each other, and for the second time, Asahi’s wondering what's going through that head of his, When all that's going through Asahis is how god he's going to miss Nishinoya, and how much it hurts to think that he'll never get to pursue something he's never wanted so much until now. 

He's never wanted someone like how he wants Nishinoya. Having someone who believes in you and emotionally supports you? And is hot and talented and shorter than you in an adorable way? No wonder He fell in love.

Love. 

Asahi's in love. 

"Oh fuck me." He says in exasperation. "This can not be happening."

"What?" 

"Nothing," Asahi turns on his heel and walks right out of the closet, and onto the court to catch his bearings. He can't deal with this. Not with graduation coming up, not with the tournament and their game against Seijoh, No fucking way. 

He's not in love with his teammate. 

"Asahi?" Noya pops his head out of the supply closet and Asahi has to cover his ears. Does he run away? Does he confess? How does he do this? He's never been in love before nor does he know how to approach it. 

No, he can't act weird, not in front of Noya lest he give it away. He can't let this affect their friendship, or their dynamic on the court. He can't be selfish like that. Noya wouldn't want it. 

"What?" Asahi turns, Catching his breath. 

"Are you okay? You're acting strange all of a sudden."

"Yep, I'm fine, Just, really wanna get on the court,"

"Right! I'll finish getting the stuff-" and with that noyas gone for just a second and Asahi crouches on the court by the ten foot line, And he stares at the shiny surface as if he's asking it for advice. Who does he tell? Who does he go to for advice on this? 

Asahi's an anxious disaster.

•••

After messing around with the cart of volleyballs and the net for a while, Nishinoya having begged Asahi to let him serve a ball and despite his stature, Noya managed to pull off getting a serve over, though it net tapped. 

"Awh man," Noya groans. Asahi waves his hands from the other side of the net, leaning down to pick up the ball, "no! It's good, for someone who doesn't serve that was really good! Like, sometimes those serves score points,"

"You have a point, middle blockers forget to do defense in those cases," Noya nods as he walks forward, meeting Asahi at the net so it's the only thing separating them. 

"Look," Asahi says, handing Nishinoya the ball under the net, he can see noyas eyes clearly through the spaces, and Noya hooks a hand on the net near Asahis face. 

He clears his throat and continues, "if you don't want it to net tape, your best bet would be a float serve, you don't even have to jump."

"Could you imagine if they let me serve in a game," Noya laughs, "that'd be so weird,"

"It would wouldn't it,"

"But libero's can't serve in the game, it's fine though," Noya shrugs, "this is just for fun- go back to your spot let me see if I can pinpoint you-"

"Noya that's a little difficult, I can barley do pinpoint serves-"

"Hush, I’m focusing." Noya shouts as he makes his way to the opposite serving line. Asahi sighs and moves back to get ready to receive. "Okay but since I'm teaching you to serve you have to teach me that rolling receive you do," Asahi calls and he sees Noya smile like it's a challenge he's accepted. 

"Get ready!" Noya tosses the ball up, and steps forward to hit it with his right hand, sending the ball over. It's shaky, and more of a rainbow than anything, but it's short so Asahi dives forward to receive it, and sends it back over the net. 

"Oops," Asahi says.

"That was brilliant!" He hears Noya shout and Asahi takes a minute to peel himself off the gym floor. "I'm not in my knee pads, so that may have been a mistake," 

"Don't be a wuss!" Noya exclaims slapping Asahi in the shoulder, though Asahi winces, he knows it's playful, so he doesn't overreact like an idiot. He responds with his own shove.

"You said you wanted to learn rolling thunder Asahi?" Noya puts his hands on his hips, ducking under the net.

"Well, I mean my defense is somewhat good, but it's no Daichi or yours," 

"Oh come on, you're expertise is being in the air anyways," Noya waves him off, "but I'll teach you my amazing trick,"

Asahi snickers, "the one with the lame name,"

"You take that back!" Noya cries and Asahi laughs as he shakes his head and suddenly noyas pouncing on him and they tumble to the floor in a wrestling match that's just Asahi being trampled as Noya messes with him. 

“Don't insult my moves, Rolling thunder is under appreciated," Noya humors as they come to a stand still, Asahis on his back on the court with the lights of the gym being blocked by noyas head. It's sudden and absolutely terrifying when Asahi realizes Nishinoya's practically on top of him and he's between noyas arms. He looks down at him with a pouting face with not nearly as much embarrassment as Asahi has from being in their position. But then again when has Nishinoya ever had any shame.

"Yeah-" Asahi stutters slightly, "it is under appreciated," he really can't bring it in himself to form a coherent sentence.

Noya does that familiar grin that tilts with his head like he's observing Asahi with amusement, and when Noya doesn't move they stare at each other, like they're waiting for the other to move. Does Asahi push him off and ignore the fact that Nishinoya can probably feel his heart racing, or does he let Noya stay there and acknowledge how Asahi can feel Noya's heart racing just as fast. 

They're at a stand still and Noya lowers his face, And Asahis heart picks up even more because they're both in the perfect position to kiss, And the way noyas dipped his head has brought their noses to brush against each other's. Asahi tensed and he feels Noya tense too in the 10 seconds they lay there, still and so close. Not sure what the other is thinking or even feeling. 

Should I close the distance, what would the repercussions mean if I were to do that, Asahi thinks miserably. He desperately wants to, and the way noyas eyes glance down at his mouth makes him wish that Noya wants to kiss him too, but it's all so unbelievable. There's no way Noya could feel the way Asahi does. There's no possible way anyone could like Asahi like that. And that's what breaks his heart because he knows it would be too good to be true, he knows it'll all be a mistake to confess to someone who could never reciprocate, who'd be weirded out, who'd hate him.

He couldn’t stand having Noya ever think of him differently if they were on different ends on the emotional scale when it comes to each other. Asahi doesn't know what to do or how to handle the fact that noyas so close, he can't push him off, that'd be rude-

Nishinoya saves Asahi the conflicting series of what comes next by sighing, his breath hitting Asahis lips in a way that startles him and makes his heart and stomach leap all the same, and Noya rolls over, off of Asahi to lay beside him, staring at the ceiling in the quiet they've created. It's a little awkward, and Asahis laying there frozen with a racing heart because he almost kissed Nishinoya, and wanted it so bad. 

They decide not to mention the moment shared between them. Letting it pass over without even an acknowledgement of what it could mean between them. Asahi’s glad because he's scared of what it could mean. He's still nervous about what he feels and how strong it's becoming with every moment he spends with nishinoya. He's terrified, he wants to deny it all.

But how can he when it's so encasing, so clear in Nishinoya's eyes and that sly smile Noya likes to reserve for Asahi when he talks to him. 

"Asahi?" Noya breaks the drowsy silence of the gym, The volleyballs are abandoned by the serving line, They lay side by side on the court floor on one side of the court, staring up at the blinding lights of the gym, with the others presence a comfort in a way neither can describe in its fullest potential. 

It was 3 am when Asahi checked, wondering how he isn't tired at all and how he'd managed to turn the night from a turmoil mulling to sneaking out to play volleyball and recognizing the unformidable and unreciprocated love he has for his teammate, for one of his best friends. Is Nishinoya that? Could he call him that?

"Yes Nishinoya?"

"What made you love volleyball?

I always loved it, you made me adore it, his mind says.

He blinks up at the ceiling. 

"I'm not sure. You know how my parents are, My situation with my older brother,"

Noya shifts beside him, he almost feels Nishinoya’s fingers brush his but he thinks he's hallucinating. So he moves his hand closer to his leg in a nervous attempt not to give Nishinoya the wrong idea. That Asahi really wants to hold his hand. 

"I do," Nishinoya says.

"Well, I've always felt second to him, Like I could never live up to him. He was the golden child. I thought...for a while I had to do what he did. I wasn't ever my own person." Asahi explains his answer to noyas question. He hadn't thought about it in a long time. 

"But in middle school...I met Daichi, and He convinced me to come to a practice with him, and Just, I saw the players, I saw what being part of a team was like. I wanted to be apart of it, I want to see why Daichi loved it. He was my first close friend. And then well, I just, something about hitting the ball, it connecting with my hand, it made me feel strong, made me feel like I was..."

"Your own person." Noya says and Asahi nods, even if Noya isn't looking at him. "It was just my thing. Ide found what I was passionate about the way Kai had. But my parents...they supported it, they loved that I was good at something, but they'd always be so disappointed if my team ever lost,"

"But everyone loses in their life," Noya says like he can't believe what he's hearing, "it's the lossesthat make the wins feel so much more rewarding-"

"I know Noya," Asahi smiles to himself. "My parents try to be supportive, they know I love it and they'd never take volleyball away from me, But...they don't want me to pursue it outside of high school."

"What?" Noya sits up, locking eyes with Asahi. "Yeah, I can't even think about it. Going to be a D1 athlete, anything. They say it's unreliable. But it's okay."

"No but if that's what you want to do when you graduate- Asahi that's so close you need-

"To have a plan?" Asahi scoffs, "my parents think I have one, they want me enrolling in university for something prestigious, like medicine or engineering, but..."

"It's not what you want" 

Asahi shakes his head, sitting up. Just sitting by each other there's still a height difference, but Asahi's always loved how Noyas shorter than him. Makes him feel less intimidating even if noyas outgoing personality makes up for that.

"What do you want?" Noya asks, his tone is light, but genuine and curious. Asahis never really been asked that before.

You. 

"I want to go to Tokyo," Asahi admits, "enroll in...a, well, a fashion school or something, something Ide like,"

Noya blinks at him, and then erupts in a massive grin. And Asahi doesn't have to hold his breath for the controversial reaction he had been expecting. 

Who'd imagine that. Big tough ace Asahi wanting to become an appearal designer, wanting to work at a big company and make an impact with his work. It's out of pocket, random, but Asahi knows that's something he's always been interested in. 

"That's amazing Asahi," Noya says in an alarmingly soft tone. "That's- I can see it. I think if you want it, you tell your dad to fuck off and go to Tokyo," Noya has bittwersweet written all over him, and Asahi knows what it feels like. Talking about someone's future, a future where they leave their friends. 

"I don't know how to approach any of it," Asahi leans back on his hands as he confesses. "I'm trying to just let it play out. I might just do what my parents want-"

"No!" Noya stands up, pointing at Asahi, "don't you throw away your dreams for the approval of your parents! That’s every plot to a cheesy bad lifetime movie! What's more important? Being happy or being miserable- oh your parents are happy look at that, no! It's your life!" Noya exclaims. "If they really care they'll let you do whatever your heart decides."

Asahi stares up at Noya with stars in his eyes.   
Oh god, love is terrifying when it feels like this. He thinks. 

"Okay, okay!" Asahi grins as Noya sits back down. "I'll...I'll think about it all, really figure it out..." Asahi smiles.

Noya tucks his chin into his shoulder as he tilts his head at Asahi, "good. I just want you to be happy."

"Really?" Asahi blinks. Who knew Nishinoyas had such a soft spot.

"Duh," Noya flushes, "you're my best friend."

"I'm-" Asahis voice rises in surprise and total fondness. "You called me-"

"Well yeah-" Noya waves him off, looking away, Asahi can see the tips of his ears turning red. "I mean Tanakas also my best friend but you are too, I mean Tanakas different, he's basically my brother, but you- you're just...different." Noya decides.

Asahi wants to ask how, how Asahis different why noyas decided to be his friend, why he cares so much but he knows if Noya asked the same question he wouldn't be able to answer why he became so attached and magnetic towards Nishinoya either. Something just drew them together and they were embracing it.

"You're one of my best friends too." Asahi nudges Noya’s foot with his.

Nishinoya smiles and it's bashful and adorable and rare that Asahi wishes he'd snapped a picture for how precious it was. Imagine that, Nishinoya being precious.

"Hey-" Asahis desperate to alleviate any silence to come, and he's genuinely curious about it. "What made you love volleyball then?"

Noya takes the change in conversation gracefully and a different look passes over his face. Noyas always been expressive, but this is something Asahis never really seen before. A distant sort of look on his face, but it's something like fondness of a memory. Asahi recognizes it.

"My aunt."

Asahi listened intently. Waiting for him to go on. "Your aunt? What's she like?"

"Oh," Noya laughs softly, "amazing. Beautiful and kind and well natured-"

"I know someone else who's like that-" Asahi says and noya blushes and Asahi either wants to punch himself or award himself for getting that reaction. 

"She-" Noya laughs, "she was great. She played volleyball, Ever since elementary school, She was a college athlete, she took care of me when my mom worked late,"

"Awe, She sounds great," Asahi smiles, but then he reads the look on noyas face and knows something's not quite right. 

"She uh-" Noya goes on, "she would take me to the park and we'd pass the ball back and forth, she taught me all about it, ide watch her games with her when she was studying them, she'd taught me the positions, She had been a libero too." Noya brings his knees to his chest to rest his chin on them. Asahi starts to recognize the signs of Noya closing off. Of him getting worked up by the way he starts to bite his thumb and bounce his leg slightly.

"She's what motivated you to become one then?" Asahi says quietly. Noya shrugs, "I feel like, even if she hadn't been one it still would be who I am. I'm the libero, I always will be. It's just, it's my position and always will be you know. But she introduced me to all of it. I just learned to love it on my own," Noya smiles hesitantly towards Asahi. 

"Has she come to any of our games? She sounds very supportive," 

Asahi wonders if he said something wrong by noyas reaction. He moves to apologize before Noya cuts him off.

"She passed away about 7 years ago, Shes never seen me play. But, I know everytime I step on the court," Noya looks at the ceiling in the most cliche, heart aching way asahis has ever seen. "She's there."

Asahi feels saddened for Noya, knows that grief is no easy fight to over come and he thought Noya couldn’t be any stronger but he was wrong. 

Noya was surprising him every day it seems like. More and more reasons to discover why Asahi has fallen in love.

"That's...I'm sorry for your loss. It must be hard."

"It was," Noya nods, "it is, but my grandpa and mom helped me, it gets...pretty fucking tough sometimes, you know that Sunday I missed practice?"

Asahi nods.

"It was the anniversary of her death."

"Oh," Asahi feels like an idiot. He's never been the best at comforting people, especially people he truly cares about. There's so much he wishes he could do but he's so bad at executing it. So he just scoots closer, not sure if Noya needs a hug or not. Would that be too awkward? Well after everything that's happened since they snuck out of his bedroom, Maybe it'd be the least awkward thing to happen.  
"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," Noya brushes his hand on Asahis arm to let him know he's okay. Asahi appreciates it. 

"I've dealt with the grief for a pretty long time. It never really goes away but you find ways to cope. And I cope by playing my hardest you know."

"Yeah," Asahi smiles, "she's proud of you."

Noya blinks and Asahi sees them. The tears. He hadn't meant to make Noya cry. That wasn't his intention. The night had gone somewhat smoothly, and now he's made his friend cry and he's panicking, "Noya I'm sorry- I-"

And then Noya cuts him off and envelops him in yet another hug. Asahi hugs him closer, let's Noya feel.   
"I'm here if you ever need it." Asahi says.

Nishinoya buries his face in his shoulder, and Asahis heart aches and soars all the same. He loves Nishinoya. Truly and deeply. There's no denying it, not in the way he desires to make Noya feel safe, feel happy and adored. 

"I know," he says.


	5. if he only knew.

Nishinoya has been running around his head all night. From the moment he got that text from Asahi, and the wild urge to just say fuck it and do what he wants because his time with Asahi will be up soon, to him sneaking out the front door, climbing the tree by Asahis roof after breaking into his backyard and sneaking into his Asahi's bedroom with popsicles and a 6 pack of soda, to breaking into the gym and dragging Asahi along on the impromptu adventure at 3 am, Nishinoyas been running from something. 

From the rapidly growing fondness he'd always harbored for the ace, to the way Noya couldn't stop looking at Asahi, couldn't stop thinking about him, couldn't stop wanting to close the distance between him and Asahi, couldn't stop wanting to hold his hand, Nishinoya was slowly but indefinitely learning what it all meant. 

Nishinoya was running from the feelings he'd put off for so long until spending that late night, early morning excursion with Asahi made it all too overpowering. It was dawning on Nishinoya that he wasn't going to be able to outrun what he was feeling for long.

"What did you have in mind? For after you graduate," Asahi had asked him as they walked home after closing up the gym. The time was irrelevant to them, and they took to their casual exhaustion by walking the dark streets slowly, letting the stars be their light. 

"I don't know, that's still a year away, I'm not sure what'll come next for me."

"That's okay." Asahi tells him, and he doesn't get why Asahis validation means so much to him. He hasn't spent much time worrying about the future, he's been so pent up on Asahi and the team and nationals and living in the moment to wonder what would come next for him. 

"You don't have to know right now."

"I'll figure it out-" Noya says as he hops off the curb to walk in the road, striding a little and spinning, he doesn't have a good reason why he feels like dancing in the streets but his body does so without a second thought. He lets himself feel as free as he can before whatever he's been running from catches up with him when he eventually lay his mind to rest before he falls asleep in the fatigue that has come with staying up all night. But with Asahi Nishinoya isn't sure he could ever be too tired.

Asahi hangs back on the curb, walking along the railing and the skipping Nishinoya with his hands in his pockets and a smile on his face. Noyas grown so used to Asahi looking at him like that he isn't sure what he would do if it ever stopped; If one day he didn't have Asahi standing off to the side and appreciating everything Noya did now matter how unconventional.

When they reach Asahis home, it's quiet, the whole neighborhood is still asleep and the stars aren't close to disappearing. Asahi and Noya stand face to face like two people sending each other off after a dinner date. It's a little awkward but well meaning and sweet. "Thanks for tonight," Asahi says quietly. The silence of the sleepy street is overbearing for Noya.

Noya has the thought to grab the back of Asahis neck and yank him down to meet his lips but before his impulse can control him, the small rational and nervous part of his mind teaches him self control and he doesn't go through with it. He wants to know what this all means, why he feels like he's going insane because this boy takes up so much of his attention, his want, his mind. There he is standing in front of him and Noya can't do anything but look up at him and smile, and hold back the intensity of his heart and feelings, "hey, don't forget about me."

"What do you mean?"

Noya wants Asahi to lean down, so Noya can touch Asahis face with his palm, hold it there. Gently. Noyas always been secretly soft, so touch starved and needy sometimes the moment his hearts set in stone for someone, he wants nothing more than them. 

But Nishinoya doesn't. He's still denying it, running from what he knows this means. What he's known since he's met Asahi. That Asahi is different.

"In college. I don't want to be just an old teammate, I don't want you to forget about me."

"That'd be really hard," Asahi tells him, and Noya tries not to jump from the way Asahi rests a hand on his shoulder. "I won't Noya, don't worry about that."

He tries not to.

•••

When Asahi's disappeared into his backyard, tasked with sneaking back in undetected, Noya takes off running.

He's not dressed for a run by any means, in fact with his jean jacket and hoodie on he expected a lot of drag, but he doesn't even care as he lets his legs carry him away from something terrifying. 

He closes his eyes and lets the wind hit his face as he runs down the sidewalk, Burning as he sprints and turns and sprints harder, out of breath but still going. His hands are balled up in a fist and he runs until he's home. In the darkness of the morning, staring up at his house. Such a big place for such a small boy.

He's tired, he's had to experience so much he hasn't before in such a short amount of time that night, or maybe it's not that. Maybe it's just that a lot of things he's been denying and internally hiding for a long time are finally surfacing and he's beginning to realize he can't outrun it. Even if he physically tries. 

Nishinoya is tired, and a part of him says that it will all be fine if he goes to sleep, he'll wake up and this confusing, scary, and unfamiliar thing he's feeling will be gone- or at the least. Clear. 

Noya needs clarity. And he doesn't know where to start, or how to get it.

Noya tiredly climbs the step to his home. He'd left the door unlocked, His mom would yell at him if he knew that. Hell she'd yell at him if she knew he'd snuck out. Despite her leniency, she still got disappointed him when he did something he wasn't supposed to. Noya feels the slightest bit of guilt at bretraying his moms trust, but he's too tired to worry about it. He'll reap the consequences when she wakes him up when she gets home from her night shift in 2 hours at 6 am, and asks him to help clean up before she goes to sleep for the day. 

His moms always alternating schedules, she'll pick up random shifts no matter if she's coming off a day shift or covering for a coworker. Noya doesn't mind, though sometimes he wishes she'd give herself a break.

The door creaks when he opens it to the same old empty house. It's dark, and Noyas abandoned snacks from his spot on the coach are still on the table. He'd been watching a movie alone Asahi had texted him, bored and unable to sleep. Noya yawns as he moves to clean up.

He opts for passing out on the couch instead, after cleanings he doesn't even rid his jacket or hoodie, still overheated and exhausted. He just collapses on the sofa and lets his limbs go limp. 

But even then, despite the heaviness in his eyes. He just can't sleep. 

Because someone's on his mind, And Noya can't get them out of it. Noya thinks, thinks and thinks and thinks in the silence and he hates it, he wants to close his eyes and shut it off but it's running wild and teetering around this one specific idea he can't place. How does he find an explanation for why Asahis always on his mind, why his chest feels warm around him, why he'd tried to kiss him earlier but panicked when he didn't move-

Oh fuck.

Noya dials a number on his phone, still on his back as he stares at the ceiling, holding his phone to his ear, not expecting an answer.

"Noya what the hell,"

Nishinoya sighs in relief. "Hey Tanaka."

"Why are calling me so early, is there an emegercey? Are you dying-" before tanaka can rattle on in his drowsy voice, Noya scrambles to reassures him, "no, no it's not that. Well it might be an emergency,"

"What's going on?" Tanaka says over the phone, he sounds genuinely concerned.

Nishinoya feels bad for waking tanaka up to do something as stupid as talk about his feelings. But he doesn't know who else to go to. He most certainly won't tak to his mom about this, or hinata because hinatas about as emotionally vulnerable as a tangerine when it comes to talking about that stuff, (he knows because anytime he hints at whatever relationship he has with kageyama being anything more than friendly, he gets so defensive and changes the subject immediately). And well, he can't talk to Ennoshita, he isn't even that close with him, He can't talk to Asahi about it because it's well, about Asahi, and there's no way he could go to Daichi and suga without expecting a lecture about true love and letting your heart decide. It's all so, unappealing. 

But he knows tanaka would give him the bluntest truth. 

"I uh, I think I like someone."

There's a pause and then Noya has to hold his phone away from his ear when tanaka almost screeches. "HUH?"

"Like, I just, got back from, hanging out with them,"

"Oh damn, Noya you're game must be strong if you snuck out to go see her this late-"

"Yeah- But-" Noya pauses, biting his lip. "It's just weird because I've never felt like this for anyone before. I don't know what it is,"

"Well," tanaka starts, "first off I appreciate that you've found someone but why'd you call me at 4 am for this?"

"Because I'm freaking out!" Noya says in exasperation. "I don't know what to do, I've had crushes before but this ones different and I don't know how- or why- or what this is."

"Okay okay," tanaka says calmly, "why don't you, sort out what you like about her then." 

"What?"

"Look you clearly sound like, You're in hella distress because you must like this girl a lot to have snuck out to see her, then to come home and call me to tell me, like it's 4 am, What did you do with her so early- Noya! YOU DIDNT GET LAID DID YOU-"

"NO!" Nishinoya almost shouts. Alarmed, and heart racing, and face probably redder than it ever has been, Noya grips the phone tightly and tries to catch his breath and form words. "We didn't- nothing like that, I just couldn't sleep and they couldn't either so I went to see them and we just, talked and then we snuck out of their place to go just, walk and p-" Noya hesitates. "We just talked."

"Oh," tanaka says. "That's crazy though! That you can feel so like, Into someone after just talking, tell me about her then. Sort out why you like her and why it's got you so crazy."

Tanakas being oddly supportive despite Noya waking him up for this, and he really can't expect anything different from his best friend, because Noya has woken up plenty of times at ungodly hours of the night to listen to tanaka cry over kiyoko and how amazing she is and vent about how he'll never get to be hers and treat her like a queen.

"Well..." Noya Squints at the ceiling, one of his hands had subconsciously started tugging at the strings of his hoodie as his heart starts to beat out of his chest on instinct, and a warm feeling pools in his stomach as he finally allows himself to say these things. 

"They're tall, strong but gentle. It's a really nice foil. They...They're talented, at a lot of things, but they doubt themselves a lot." Noya says. Maybe he's made it too obvious. But tanaka doesn't pick up on it.

"You have always loved strong independent girls,"

Noya wants sigh in exasperation for tanaka to just stop mentioning girls because it makes him feel worse everytime because he's not talking about a girl like he's supposed to. But he's not ready to tell tanaka that. He can settle on this for now.

"That's- Anyways, I just, Tonight with them- Look I've known this person for a long time you know?" Noya says.

"Yeah, like an old friend?"

"No- well, I've just, they've been in my life for a while, and I guess, I just never realized until now that I might like them more as a friend, but when I think about it, I've always felt different around them."

"Okay okay so like a slow burn typa way,"

"No- well- okay its hard to explain, I just, Ive always...I think I've been hiding it for a while, From myself,"

Tanaka lets him know he's still listening and Noya takes a breath. 

"Tonight with them- I almost- I wanted to kiss them okay, We like- we just were talking and then I like somehow ended up ontop of h-" Noya catches himself, heart seizing in a short lived panic. "Them, and like I just, staring at them, being so close, And They've got these gorgeous eyes that are just so kind and gentle you could Melt in them and they felt safe, I felt safe and I felt sure of something for the first time in forever. That I just wanted to kiss them. And then I almost did, but they- they didn't do anything, they just, anyways- its just strange. I've never felt anything so- overwhelming, honestly tanaka they're always in my head, I'm always thinking about stuff like: would they like this, what would they do, how can I get as near to them as possible without combusting, ya know? And the sad part is they're graduating soon and I can't even begin to think about how it's gonna be when they're gone," Nishinoya let's it out in one breath, everything inside and he knows it's embarrassing, being so emotional and sappy over one person. He almost expects tanaka to tease him for it.

But then tanaka says, "they're a third year?" 

"Yeah, I know it sucks. And to finally, finally realize what I've always felt is more than friendship, They're going to be leaving, they're gonna forget about me, I'll be nothing more to them"

"You should tell her."

"I can't," Nishinoya groans. "I just- you don't understand, I can't ever let them know how I feel. It'll scare them off, They won't ever want to speak to me again."

"Noya you have to believe it'll turn out fine or you're gonna be heartbroken that you never got to confess after they leave,"

"I can't tanaka, I can't I can't I can't."

"So you'd rather let yourself feel all of that, what you just told me, being so overwhelmed in their presence, feeling safe and wanting to kiss them, you'd rather feel that and the hopelessness of never having them feel the same way back than try and see if it could be true,"

"Tanaka the situation- I just. it won't work. The world doesn't want people like us together,"

"Noya if you'd just tell me who it is-"

"Not yet," Nishinoya feels like crying. He doesn't know why but he feels his throat crack. 

He's just feeling so much and doesn't know what to do with it.

"Just, trust me. It's best this way."

"Tell me more."

"What?"

"Tell me what else you like about this person."

"Well...They're compassionate, and they have a lot more to give than they realize. A lot of people judge them on their apparence, but I think they...are beautiful you know. They couldn't harm a fly but when they're doing something they love they become powerful and sturdy, they're grounding, They just- I- I-" Noya gets ahead of everything he says, and Tanaka says it for him.

"Noya that's the kind of stuff someone says when they're in love."

"What?" 

"Noya it sounds like this is more than a crush,"

He's right. And just like that, it clicks and Noya knows what this means, knows what he's been running from. 

He's in love with Asahi and the timing couldn't be any worse.

"Oh god," Noya says. "Tanaka you can't tell anyone."

"I won't, Id never. That's your thing man. I'm happy you feel that way for someone, but a third year? Dude you're going to get your heart broken unless you confess,"

"I can't! I've told you, I just...god this isn't fair, I...I'll get over it okay. Even if I want him, even if I can't get him out of my head-"

"Wait." Tanaka cuts Noya off. 

Noya's heart is hammering fast and he's close to crying because of how unfair it is to fall in love with one of his best friends, who could never reciprocate in the same way, who's leaving after all of this is over. Who will forget about him in the end.

"Him?"

"What?" Noyas voice goes still.

"You said him- you said even if you can't get him out of your head-"

"No I didn't." 

"Nishinoya you literally- that's why you've been using- Noya Is it a boy?"

"No! I'm not- I'm...I'm not..." Noya holds back the tears. "No. I- I have to go. Thank you for talking to me tanaka." And Noya hangs up before another word can be said.

Noya cries. He rarely cries like that. Openly, vulnerable. He cries alone in his dark living room instead of sleeping. Cries because he's discovered his identity, cries because he's fallen in love with someone he thinks is hopeless of ever feeling the same way. Cries because what will his mom say. What if everyone turns away from him because they don't understand he didn't choose. His heart loves who it loves, and that morning, As he cries and finally accepts that he's in love with Asahi, He finally accepts himself,  
who he is.

•••

His mom comes home to a puffy eyed boy asleep on the couch. 

She notices his clothes, and suspects that he'd been up to a lot longer than usual while she was gone. But rather than yelling at him right there, she quietly changes out of her work clothes, sure not to wake her son, and sneaks back down to approach him.  
"Yuu," she says softly, crouching to cradle her sons head, she presses a kiss to his temple to wake him. "Let's get you to your bed,"

He stirs and mumbles something, and his mom is tempted to pick him up like when he was a toddler and carry him, but he's almost 17, so she knows she can't treat him like a kid anymore. So she helps him up and walks him to his room, with a steady hand on his shoulder. He's quiet, and she picks up on the way his eyes are swollen. From crying. 

"Hey," she says once he lays down, sitting at his bedside, "what happened?"

"Hm?" Noya mumbles in his tired state. He's half asleep but coherent enough.

"We're you crying baby?"

"No," he says, then wipes at his face. He flops his head down to hit his pillow and his mom smiles, "you can talk to me Yuu,"

"I know mom," 

"Were you up late,"

"Yes ma'am,"

His mom reaches to push his hair out of his face, and adjusts the covers. She really does still baby him sometimes. "Get some sleep then," she leans down one more time to kiss him goodnight and Noya says one more thing before she leaves, "mom, would you ever hate me,"

It takes her by surprise, but she answers, not sure where it's coming from. "I could never hate you."

"Not even if I wasn't who I said I am."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing- goodnight," and Noya goes quiet and rolls over in his bed. His mom looks at him quizzically from the doorway, and flips the light off, she'll pass it off as Noya being tired for now, and she'll drill for questions later. Right now she felt about as tired as she looked. So with Noya asleep in his room, she took her own spot in her bedroom to pass out and the house was quiet for the rest of the day.

•••

"Alright guys," Coach Ukai addresses the team, "we've only got a few more practices before we head to the spring national prelims. So we need to make them count, we have to put the work in if we expect to win, got it?"

"Of course!" Hinata's just as energetic as normal, hands balled into fists as he grins wildly, Daichi adds in, moving to stand by ukai and Takeda, "We're gonna work hard and show everyone that we've changed since our last game with Seijoh," Daichi attempts to put in an encouraging pre practice speech, and before suga can add to it, Nishinoyas raising a fist and grinning, "yeah we're gonna walk in there and kick some ass!" 

"Well put my dude," tanaka slaps Noya on the shoulder and Daichi laughs, "a colorful way to put it, yeah-"

"Daichis right though-" ukai crosses his arms, "we need to show everyone just how much work we've put in leading up to this. This is our last chance to get to nationals with this team-"

"Uh- Coach- maybe we shouldn't-" Takeda tries to cut ukai off.

"After prelims then the third years will be leaving, and this team won't be the same again-"

"Coach don't make them pessimistic-" Takeda's trying to get Coach Ukai from bringing down the teams spirits as they listen with a cloud hanging over them. Everyone knows the incantations of not making it to nationals. They know that any game of the prelims could be the third years last, No ones bringing it up but it's been hanging in the air all the same.

"We know coach." Suga says, interrupting. He sets his hand on Daichi's shoulder, "we know our seasons close to coming to an end-"

"And that's why we're gonna win" Asahi speaks up and eyes turn to him in slight surprise. Asahi wavers, before straightening, "We're gonna win, So we can stay on the court longer. Make this last season for us count-"

"Make it memorable." Daichi finishes with a smile, "he's right. We all know what losing means, but I know this team, and I know my teammates," he glances at the others who watch in respectful silence. Taking in his words. "We're gonna give it our all."

"We won't let you down Daichi!" Hinata assures him. Kageyama nods in agreement, "we stay on the court the longest."

"All in." Tanaka says. "All in," a few others say in unison. 

"We've worked hard for this," takeda nods, "let's continue to do that. We've got a long couple of days coming. Let's make it count."

Nishinoya shifts, He's been thinking about all of this for so long. It's always in the back of his mind biting at him if he wasn't thinking about it first and foremost. How this is Asahi's, Daichi's and Suga's last season. Nishinoya knows the ends coming close, and for some reason it makes him scared. He doesn't know what's gonna come next when they leave, but he knows he doesn't wanna play in a game without Asahi and the others. He dreads the day this team isn't the same. 

But in the end he's determined. He has to make sure he can make their last few practices, last few games all count. So he's gonna give it his all, for Daichi, for Suga. For Asahi. For his friends that have taught him so much as his upperclassman, that have put up with him through everything. 

"We're gonna beat Aoba Johsai. I promise you guys that." Nishinoya punches his hand.

"Easier said than done," Tsukkishima mutters and Noya jabs him in the hip with his elbow, his small stature makes it easy for him to access many ways to hit the taller player even if he can't reach his face. 

"Alright! Now that the somewhat of a pep talk is over, Let's get started on today's practice, we're buckling down, we need to add in extra receive practice if we're gonna be ready to deal with Oikawa, someone go grab the ball cart from the supply closet and one of the boxes," Ukai clasps his hands. 

Noya grins, "hey Hinata, race you to the closet,"

"You're on," hinata shouts and practice kicks off with hinata and Noya racing across the gym while the others fall behind to get the rest of the equipment, not the least bit surprised when Nishinoya accidentally runs into the ball cart and then hits hinata with it. 

After the first few drills, Noya notices the change in the air between him and Asahi. Asahi's keeping close to suga and Daichi, he barley pauses for a moment to talk to Noya, he barley looks at him for the first part of practice. 

At first, Noya had thought maybe he'd done something wrong, But then he realized he's somewhat greatful for the distance. After the shocking realization earlier the weekend before, Nishinoya hadn't called Asahi at all, despite not getting him out of his head. He doesn't know how to approach Asahi after finding out what he really felt.

Some part of Nishinoya's head told him that it shouldn't change anything between them if they're friends, they've been friends for so long, Noya could push down his stupid emotions long enough not to jeopardize that. But being around Asahi just heightens the feeling instead and makes it hard for Noya not to acknowledge it. 

And it seems, Though he's tentibe to approach Asahi after learning that he may be actually in love with his teammate, he doesn't wish for Asahi to avoid him like he does. On the court they play the same, Noya calls his name for the set as he digs the ball, letting Asahi know to be ready for the set should it be his, he shouts the praises for when Asahi gets a good recieve or a kill, their chemistry and comradery on the court doesn't change at all. 

Because the both of them know not to let personal issues or feelings affect their game, it selfish, and unprofessional. Being on the court is a chance to drop any strife, any overwhelming feelings towards someone, any negative emotions, to drop it all and focus on the game. And play your heart out.  
Noya stands by this, and he knows Asahi does too.

But it still bugs him when during the water breaks Asahi won't look at him, or how he decides to pepper with suga for warm up and Noya goes with Tanaka, he doesn't mind it, but ever since the late night confession call Noya had after his night with Asahi, well, he's also a little tentative towards tanaka, he's worried he's gonna bring it up.

But thankfully, tanaka seems to notice how much Nishinoya does not want to talk about it. 

"Hey- Nishinoya, Asahi, can I talk with you both for a moment?" Takeda pulls Noya and Asahi out of the current drill.

"Wait Where're you guys going?" Daichi asks bordering on confused and concerned.

Nishinoya waves him off, "don't worry about it," and locks eyes with Asahi, who's clearly nervous and hesitant. Noya puts on a brave face even though he's almost a hundred percent sure what this means.

Takeda pulls Noya and Asahi off to the side, the team still practicing, Noya's sweaty and exerted, and he adjusts the elbow pad on his arm. Asahi stands at an awkward distance beside Noya, like he's scared of him. It makes Noya slightly offended and slightly sad. He isn't sure what he did to make Asahi so weird around him. They hadn't talked since sneaking out of his house that night, He thinks maybe he's mad that Nishinoya got him in trouble for it if he got caught, if anything Noya had thought it would have made them closer. But when Asahi hadn't texted or called since, and hadn't spoke a word to him before early morning or even walked with him- Noya was starting to be very concerned.

"So," Takeda crosses his arms, he doesn't sound mad but he has a basic displinary tone in his voice, "what did you too do last Friday night,"

The way he says it makes Noya want to snort but he knows it's not the time to be thinking about stupid things. Asahi and Noya share a look that's mixed with mortification, guilt, and a little amusement. At least Noya thinks Asahi doesn't look completely upset at him.

"What?" Noya says stupidly in response, letting Asahi stay silent. 

"I asked you guys what you did Friday night?"

"Uhm-" Noya says and looks to Asahi, asking silently if he should play dumb or just tell the truth. 

"Okay you caught us," Asahi confesses, bowing his head, Noya stares in disbelief as Asahi continues, "we broke into the gym, and trespassed on school grounds after hours," 

Noyas jaw drops, "I can't believe you'd just give us away like that!" Noya isn't even that mad, he's just putting on theatrics but he is sort of shocked Asahi snitched so fast. 

Well he didn't snitch, They we're gonna have to give it up eventually since Takeda even bringing up Friday night would insituate he somehow knew. 

"I'm sorry!" Asahi says genuinely at Noya, "I just don't wanna get in trouble." Asahi glances nervously at Takeda, who pushes up his glasses with his middle and index finger, and sighs. He sounds at the least, exasperated and at most, Annoyed. 

Noya blinks from Asahi to Takeda, and sees the way Asahi bows apologetically and decides his best bet is to follow his upperclassman's example. So he bows, "we didn't do anything bad, we just came to play volleyball, the key was free to take from the club room for use during the weekend, I didn't think-"

"We're so sorry, please don't turn us into the cops, don't get Noya in trouble either- It was my idea." Asahi cuts him off and Noya goes silent, frozen beside Asahi who stares at the ground in nervous anticipation. Noya just can't help but blink helplessly and in another sure amount of disbelief.

Was Asahi covering noyas ass for him?   
He doesn't think anyone's done that before.

"No- Sir, it was me, I convinced Asahi to come along, I just wanted to play, We're sorry we trespassed so late, I didn't think it would cause any harm. Asahi had no role in it."

"Nishinoya-" Asahi starts and Noya gives him a look that says to let him handle it. 

"Just Asahi shouldn't be in trouble, he's so close to graduating, don't let it be my fault he loses any credibility-"

"Nishinoya, Asahi." Takeda cuts them off. They raise their heads to look at him. 

He's...smiling. They share a confused look.

"You guys aren't in trouble."

The confusion heightens.

"Look, obviously it isn't okay that you guys were out so late, and On school grounds during a time that definitely did not permit it- and that you sort of broke into the gym even if you had a key-" Takeda goes on, Asahi winces as he recounts what they clearly shouldn't have done.

"Look, I've talked to the vice principle, you guys didn't vandalize anything, in fact you really did no harm, you didn't do anything illegal like drugs or anything so there isn't anything to really charge you with if that's what you're worried about- of course what you did can't go without consequences-"

"We're sorry!" Asahi exclaims again. Takeda laughs, "it's okay, it's okay, you guys are good students and amazing players. If you were to get suspended, it’d jeopardize the team, and Asahi it'd probably jeopardize your future and chance at getting accepted to college as well,"

Asahi swallows, and both him and Nishinoya have risen from bowing to hang their heads. Asahi stares off to the side. Noya feels bad, it had been his idea, and somehow they'd been caught and Asahi was reaping the consequences. Noya deserves this. Not him. 

"Whatever the consequences are-" Noya asks, "please leave Asahi out of it, it was really my fault. I'm not lying."

"Nishinoya-" Asahi tries and Noya quiets him with one look. 

"I can understand if that's the case, but in the end it was you two on the security tapes outside the gym,"

"Oh shit," Noya says and then covers his mouth. Asahi face palms.

Takeda shakes his head, "you guys are good kids, I don't doubt that for a second. so since I know you had no bad intentions, I convinced the vice principle to let you two off with a warning ."

Noya let's out a breath of relief, and it seems Asahis heart drops right of his chest. "Really?"

Takeda nods, "it should be something bigger like at least detention or cleaning dishes in the cafeteria but- since prelims are so close and you too have a big role, For now you have a warning, just-" Takeda chuckles, "please think about what you're doing next time, I know you're teenagers, but honestly”

"Thank you so much," Asahi says and noya notices just how relieved he looks. "It won't ever happen again. I promise."

Noya adjusts his feet and holds his head up, "yeah, won't happen again sir."

"Good, just thought I'd talk to you guys about that- now get back to practice," despite Takeda’s authoritative tone, he's smiling as he motions for them to get on with it.

They turn their backs to him and Asahi sighs in whole hearted relief. 

"Hey I'm sorry I didn't think we'd-"

"I told you we probably shouldn't have-" Asahi snaps but catches himself and Noya almost flinches. Not because he's scared, but because Asahi’s sudden harsh tone is so- well sudden. He's never heard Asahi so agitated besides when they had their disagreement in the hall that led to Noyas suspension. 

"Sorry-" he mumbles, walking ahead, but still talking for Noya to hear, "Just next time leave me out of something that's gonna cost us more than a simple warning," Noya detects the passiveness in Asahi’s tone and with that Asahi’s gone and joined in the drill again, leaving Noya to stare blankly from the sideline, slightly hurt from the way Asahi acted.

He hadn't meant to cause harm at all. He'd just wanted Asahi to live. To have fun for once in his life and not worry about college or nationals or being good enough because with Noya, he was good enough no matter what. 

Noyas quiet a lot for the rest of the practice, and it doesn't go unnoticed by tanaka.

"Hey man," Tanaka decides to confront him about it as they're changing in the club room to go to class after the early morning practice. Noya yawns, and his face is expressionless, he slips his shirt over his head. 

The rest of the team is spread throughout the club room. Asahi is on the other side of the room talking quietly with Daichi and suga as always. Noya tries not to glance over there. But against his will he looks over anyways and catches Asahi’s eye. He turns away and closes his locker harshly, a few of his teammates look over. 

"Hey-" tanaka tries to get his friends attention again. "You're acting weird, you good man?"

"Yeah," Noya tells him, peeking up so he doesn't have to explain the reason he's in a weird mood, because of Asahi’s odd cold shoulder. 

In hindsight Noya might be overthinking it. Maybe he and Asahi weren't as close as he thought. Maybe he'd jumped too far wondering how much Noya meant to him- maybe he knew Noya liked him.

That makes him freeze. Could he know?

It's crazy how someone can affect him so much by doing something so little.

"Okay good, cuz when you get all spacey it really means you're in your head," 

Noyas sure he's had this conversation with tanaka before, he's not interested in talking about his problems, not when Asahi’s within hearing distance, not when tanaka knows Noya's in love with someone and he may have skipped over the part where it wasn't a girl, and Tanakas being respectful enough not to bring it up, he'll give him that though. 

He just wants to be able to talk to tanaka about stupid shit that without context may be concerning, he wants to crack stupid jokes and be alright and not think about the serious stuff he's running from.

"Yeah I'm fine," Noya steals a glance at Asahi again as he buttons up his jacket, Tanakas leaning against the locker beside him- Noya catches Asahi looking at him and they both turn away.

Maybe Noya should ask what's wrong- or formally apologize for getting Asahi and him in trouble. It's just so weird he thinks. He thought Asahi had fun when they'd hung out. Asahi had confided in him- he confided in Asahi. They played the sport they loved on the court they felt at home on. 

They fixed the mop. So what was wrong.

"Just tired," Noya turns to tanaka and throws him a smile, "sleep schedules kind of fucked,"

"Why?" Tanaka pushes himself off the lockers with his foot. 

Noya shrugs, picking up his bag and rolling his neck, yawning for effect, "dunno, A lot to think about,"

"Like?" Tanaka drills as Noya moves to head to class, they've still got about 10 minutes but Noya, even if he manages to be late to class often, doesn't feel like hanging around the club room. 

Tanaka follows Noya out of the club room, Noya eyeing Asahi again, their eyes meet for a third time and Noya has to look away with flushed cheeks. Tanaka notices him staring at the ground as he walks from the club room towards the school building.

"Noya?"

"Oh," Noya says, "well like nationals, and the prelims, I'm nervous."

"You?" Tanaka laughs, grabbing Noya's shoulder as they walk, making him jerk a little bit. Noyas not irritated by tanaka, he rarely ever gets irritated from his friends, but it seems his agitation is sensitive that day. 

"Noya you have nothing to be nervous about, we're gonna beat seijoh into the ground- and you'll pick up every one of Oikawa’s serves-"

"That's not it," Noya shakes his head, "it's like, I don't know, That the seasons over."

"Oh it's the third years leaving- we've talked about this, we just have to make it count and it's not like they're dying, we'll keep in touch-"

"You're just ready for them to leave so you can take the ace spot," Noya rolls his eyes and elbows tanaka.

"No! I love our ace, I don't wanna take Asahis spot, I just don't see the point of moping about them leaving when it's gonna happen whether we like it or not."

"Right," Noya sighs. If only things were that simple.

They walk in silence as they near the front doors of the school and head to their class. "Look Noya," Tanaka starts as they maneuver the halls. 

"I know you've got...a lot going on right now, But if you ever need a distraction, or hell someone to talk to, you know I'm here right?"

"Of course Tanaka," Noya says like it's obvious, "duh, trust me if something were going on Ide talk to you about it, now let's just, drop it. Don't we have a quiz in English today?"

"Oh fuck-" Tanaka scrambles to open his bag for the study cards ennoshita had made them for occasions like this. They really didn't deserve him. 

"Shit- okay quick study session ready!" 

Nishinoya sighs with a smile that takes a little energy to muster, but remains genuine, "let's do this then,"

•••

During lunch Noyas picking at his sandwich his mom had packed for him that day, and Hinata's talking about something about him and kageyama almost getting detention for disrupting class, and Kageyama is adamant on it not being at fault. 

"Hey- What was that about at practice by the way?" Hinata asks nishinoya. 

"Huh?"

"Takeda pulled you and Asahi away for a minute, and you both came back like, all turmoil-y"Hinata puts on an angry face for effect and Tanaka swings his legs from the roof ledge, they were sitting outside again, it's overcast and a cool day for early spring . 

"Yeah I was meaning to ask about that,"

"Oh," Noya ducks his head, Then his theatrics come into light because Noya likes to overcompensate for things he doesn't wanna talk about so he grins, "Takeda told me and Asahi we were the mvps,"

"The things that play music?" Hinata asks and kageyama smacks him in the head, "those are MP3 players dumbass, mvp means most valuable player."

Hinata frowns, then he smiles widely, "Noya that's so cool!! I hope I can be one next,"

"That's weird," Tanaka snorts, "why would he pull you out in the middle of practice to tell you guys that, and since when did we do 'mvps'...like what?" Tanaka doesn't buy it and Nishinoya gives him a look that says to just go with it. Somehow Tanaka understands.

"Who knows," kageyama shrugs and hinata pokes him, "you're probably jealous you didn't get mvp-"

"That's a load of crap I already know I'm one of the most-" kageyama and hinata go right back to bickering Noya sits back, sighing. 

He doesn't want to be questioned.

•••

Stacking an evening practice ontop of morning practice is extra preparation for prelims, and the closer it gets the more antsy Noya becomes. That night, after another intense practice with Asahi being unreceptive to noyas attempts at talking to him, and Noya getting increasingly frustrated with what to do about it, Noya decides to go on a run at 10 at night.

He can't explain why, his minds always a bit more calm during the night, he acts unbothered and tamed when he's alone, He still presents himself with entertaining monologue when he's not sitting in his odd turmoil. 

"Yuu?"

Noya freezes, his hand on the front door handle. He has earbuds in his ears but the one hanging loose hears his moms question from the couch. "Where are you going so late?"

Noya acknowledges her with a respectful smile, "I was gonna go on a run, to tire me out, can't sleep very well."

His mom frowns, standing up to meet him by the door. "Yeah? Have you been having trouble sleeping lately?"

Noya sighs, nodding. He doesn't see the point in lying to his mom. "I think it's because I'm stressed."

His mom sets a comforting hand on his shoulder, "I don't blame you, you've got a big tournament coming up,"

"Yeah," Noya says. 

"Well," his mom rubs her hand down his arm, "stay safe okay, Don't be out late, you have practice in the morning."

"Yes ma'am," Noya kisses her cheek to let her know he loves her and heads out the door, putting in both earbuds and letting his music fill the silence of the sleeping neighborhood. 

He lets his legs carry him down his route with no destination in mind. He lets the wind hit his face in a satisfying clarity, and feels his lungs strain. Noya was being honest when he couldn't sleep, he was hoping a long run would tire him out enough so he doesn't stay up in bed thinking about the tournament, or Asahi. 

Noyas hopelesss when it comes to actual love. It's so new to him he isn't sure what the right way to approach it is. He knows he has to keep what he feels underwraps given his situation. The fact that Asahis a teammate and a close friend- the fact that he's leaving and won't ever talk to Nishinoya again.

The sky's clear, and the stars are out already. Noya thinks about laying on his roof and confessing everything to the stars. To himari. 

That makes him stop, half way down the sidewalk before the next turn in the street. Noya falters, he knows the way to the cemetery by the hill. Would visiting a cemetery at night be a bad idea?

His musics turned up loudly as he turns directions, lucky enough to know his way around pretty well even when it's dark out. The street lights and some porch lights of passing houses make up for a lot of misdirection. 

He jogs and jogs and ignores the ache in his legs. 15 minutes pass and after nearing the cemetery, his pace slows.

Out of breath, Noya puts his hands on his head to catch his breath as he walks down the path towards his aunts gravesite. His heart aches a little when he sees it under the cover of the night. 

Upon seeing his aunts name engraved in the stone, he feels comforting, bittwersweet longing in his chest as he sits beside it on the grass. Leaning back to glance at the sky, his musics volume has been lowered but it plays softly in his ears. 

He can't keep running. Not forever he decides. 

So there, right there he confesses everything. 

"I know you would accept me," Noya says to his aunt, He always felt foolish talking to a headstone, Because no one could really hear him. But in his heart it helps him believe he really is talking to his aunt. It helps him feel closer to her, like she isn't gone permanently. Like she can hear him.

"You'd know exactly what to say, what advice to give," Noya smiles to himself, it's a one way conversation but he doesn't care.

"I just wish... I don't know how to do any of this, How to love someone as cliche and sappy and bullshit-y at it sounds, I just feel, stuck. Scared almost."

Noya hangs his head, closing his eyes, "grandpa would tell me not to be scared," he laughs, "he'd say, Yuu, don't spend valuable time being afraid of things you can control, you'll miss out on a lot of great things by being scared of them."

He looks to the sky, hoping she's listening. "I don't think he ever accounted that for being in love though."

Nishinoya sighs and falls onto his back, laying there in the grass in a dark cemetery, maybe it's a little foreboding and concerning, and Noya thinks he should be spooked but his mind is focused on so many other things, and visiting his aunt is his way of finding comfort and someone to confide in that doesn't make him nervous.

"A long time ago you told me I could come to you about anything, and here I am. I know I could talk to mom, or even tanaka, But I just don't know. I've heard so many horror stories about people like me coming out to their closest friends and family and being cast aside. Pushed away for being different. I honestly don't get it. How can loving someone be a bad thing," Noya props himself up with his elbows, "I should probably give tanaka more credit about this, he wouldn't have a problem, I mean saeko..."

Noya trails off, an idea forming. "I could talk to her you know," Noya sits up. "She must have had the same thing I'm experiencing right? And now she..." Noya smiles, "she's in a happy relationship with a beautiful girl- you think I could ever have that? A genuine relationship, filled with reciprocated feelings, acceptance and stability, someone to cheer me on and for me to cheer on."

Noyas smile drops sadly, "I want that with Asahi."

His stomach flutters saying his name and he covers his face. "I need to start somewhere. I know I'll never be able to be with Asahi but he's made me realize a big part of who I am I think, and it's always been there but now...I think...I don't know if I should tell him who I am though, what would he think? God I'm hopeless and confused but not confused about who I love."

"It's so weird Aunt Himari, Love is so fucking weird and scary and big. It's huge and just swallows you whole, I mean I can't ever get him to leave my mind, I think about him all the time, I look for him first thing when I walk into the gym or a crowded room, I want to hold his hand and tell him he's good enough when he doubts himself. I care so much, and he... he doesn't. He doesn't want me." Noya holds back tears. He won't cry. He won't. He's stronger than that, but he knows crying isn't a sign of weakness, he just can't cry, not when he promised never to cry visiting Himari's grave. 

"Not like I want him."

Noya stands up, stretching his sore legs. "I'll...This is me telling You I think I'm bi, I like girls, and I like boys. And There isn't anything different about me than before. You're the first person I'm telling, and I think it's fitting," Noya shoves his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, smiling at the ground, "it feels better already I think. I'll talk to Saeko, I'll, I'll figure it out. And I will before the tournament so I don't have any distractions, I can't afford to be unfocused the day we have the biggest game of the season to play you know,"

Noya glances at Himari's name one last time, "thanks, for listening to me. I know you'd accept me, your heart has no room to hate anyone, Not even me."

And he takes off, jogging till his legs don't work, till he's out of breath and all his emotions are clear through the haze of his fatigue. Clarity comes with the quiet thinking Nishinoya endures when running, and he knows what his next step is for the first time in a while. 

Except he makes another detour on impulse. He isn't sure what he's doing but he knows he can't keep thinking he did something to make Asahi start acting odd around him. He needed an answer. He can't afford to be confused about their friendship when he's already so confused and worried about his feelings for him. If he can't have Asahi in the way he wants he can at least have his friendship. 

Asahis house is quiet, and dark. A tell sign that it's gone to sleep for the night. Noya stands in silence as the wind sweeps by. His hairs fallen from the run, hanging around his eyes, it moves in the direction of the wind as he stares up at the azumane household from the sidewalk, frowning slightly.

He pulls out his phone, pausing his music, and he dials Asahi's number. 

"Hello?" Asahis voice picks up. Noya assumed he wouldn't be asleep, him and Asahis sleep schedule has become equally fucked, in fact Noya thinks the whole teams probably has, at least those anticipating the tournament or future plans. 

"Asahi." Noya says, he doesn't mean to sound so serious, or maybe he does. 

"Nishinoya? What is it?"

"Come outside. We need to talk."

"It's late, I can't sneak out again I almost got caught last time-" 

Noya starts, and frowns. "Just for a second. Please. I need to talk to you."

"Why can't you talk right now? Wait- are you outside my house?!" 

Noya sighs, "I was out on a run, This is on my route."

"Why are you out running so late?"

"Why do you think idiot?"

"Right." He hears Asahi say and there's shifting on the other side of the phone. "Fine, 10 minutes." And he hangs up. 

Noya waits on the sidewalk, he wants to walk up the path to his door step, lined with flowerbeds, but something keeps him rooted in front of the house. 

After a brief pause, The porch light flickers on and Asahi walks out in low hanging sweats and a tight white cotton shirt.  
His hairs down, and he looks drowsy.

"Did I wake up up?" Noya messes with his hands nervously, cursing his heart rate. His leg starts to get jittery, a sign he's getting worked up, Asahi’s eyes glance to noyas hands as Noya bites the edge of his thumb. 

"No- what's wrong?"

"Nothing- I just wanted to talk." Noya straightens. Asahi meets him halfway down the path in front of his house, and they stand there with the light of the porch shining on half of their faces in an orange glow. 

"Go in then." Asahi doesn't sound like he's meaning to be rude, in fact his voice is gentle but something about him is closed off and it makes noyas stomach turn.

"What did I do?"

"What?"

"Did I do something?" Noya gets on with it, "it's just you haven't texted since- and you've been like avoiding me, you'll barely look at me, and today after Takeda had- I just if I got you in trouble know I'm so sorry and it won't happen again-look you can cut me off completely if that helps you sleep at night, so I can't jeopardize your future or anything else, I never wanted to-"

Asahi cuts Noya off. But in a way Noya hadn't expected. 

Asahi kisses him, stealing the words from his mouth, it's sudden, unexpected and unreal. Noyas shaking and his eyes are wide when Asahi pulls back, He looks apologetic and guilty, "I'm sorry, I didn't know how else to get you to stop talking."

Noya takes a step back, Heart beating frantically. Asahi looks sad, Noya doesn't know how to react. He should be thrilled, Asahi just kissed him. 

But Noya is just in shock, and he can't process any of it, Asahi reaches for noyas arm and Noya jerks back, he sees how it hurts Asahi, how he looks like he could cry. 

Noya doesn't know how this turned a different direction so quick. 

Noya doesn't have any words, He's still processing, he's surprised, his hearts beating so hard he could pass out. And Asahi just looks beautiful and sad. "I'm sorry Nishinoya-" Asahi pleads as Noya turns and runs.

•••

Nishinoya gets home and his minds still reeling, his lips are tingling from the wind burn and from having kissed Asahi. 

He kissed Asahi, Asahi kissed him.

Noya can't believe it. This isn't-It wasn't supposed to go that way. Asahi’s probably sleep deprived, he couldn't have meant that in the way Noya wants it to be. It's too good to be true.

"Yuu? Are you alright?" His mom finds him staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, seeing how shaken up he is, "what happened?"

"Mom I think I have something to tell you," noyas heart jumps to his throat, a sick Burdened feeling pools in his stomach. 

"What is it?" His mom tilts her head in questioning.

Noya shakes his head. Not yet. "That uhm- Never mind, It's nothing, I'm tired,"

"Okay well, whatever it is, tell me when you feel ready okay? Now go clean up and get some sleep," she doesn't drill him for answers and he's beyond thankful.

He hopes he'll feel better after a hot shower, that things will become clear afterwards but even as he finally lays down for bed, still nothings clear. It should be obvious to him, could Asahi like him? It seemed impossible. 

It must have been an accident. Noya closes his eyes, and replays the kiss over and over. And by the morning he still can't get it out of his head.

•••

Tanaka notices exactly how weird Nishinoya acts on the way to morning practice.

"You look spooked," he points out. Noya glances behind them on the sidewalk, knowing Asahi walks the same route. He doesn't know if he wants to see him or not. How does he bring up what happened? He had to apologise for running away like an idiot, he feels horrible because he probably hurt Asahi more than anything. 

How does he tell Asahi he likes him. 

"Maybe later," Noya mumbles not listening to tanaka. 

"Okay cool, lets go to the playground and throw some rocks at some elementary schoolers,"

"After practice," Noya gives out more blatant responses, still too caught up in his head to listen properly. 

“Also yesterday, Kiyoko proposed to me and said she wanted to have my babies,”

“Nice,”

"While we're talking about kids- Saeko’s pregnant," 

Noya stops in his tracks, "what?"

“So that got your attention? Good to know," Tanaka snorts as he continues down the path, Noya jogging to catch up. "Dude What has got you so spaced out lately Jesus, and you still need to tell me the real reason you and Asahi got dragged off the court by Takeda at practice,"

"Later," Noya waves him off, before he thinks for a second, "hey is Saeko gonna be home today?"

"I think so, why?" Tanaka looks puzzled but shrugs it off.

"I want to talk to her about something,"

"Oh, I mean alright, that's cool, you'd rather talk to my sister than your cool, awesome best friend tanaka-"

"Don't take it personal idiot," Noya elbows him, "it's something I think only Saeko could help me with,"

"That sounds insinuative"

"Ew, Tanaka no." Noya speeds up shaking his head. Tanaka follows after him, laughing, "okay okay I'm kidding,"

•••

Practice is no less awkward than the last few days when Asahi was avoiding Nishinoya. only this time it was mutual. 

Nishinoya didn't know how to approach Asahi to apologize for reacting in such a stupid way when Noya hadn't meant it that way at all. 

He wanted to know why Asahi had done it, instead of working himself up to think it was because he liked him. Noyas been rejected so many times in his life he doesn't want to risk it this one time when he truly, loved someone, this one time getting rejected and crushed right under someone's foot. Especially when Asahi's his friend, and His teammate. He can't let himself get his hopes up, He can't do that to himself.

It seems the team noticed the new shift in the way Noya and Asahi were acting around each other, less interactions outside the court, Noya was using everything in him not to freak out. He acted as normal as possible and it still seems subtly wasn't his strong suit. He couldn't get it out of his head, and he missed being on good terms with Asahi. He wants to go back to the night they spent being stupid teenagers and talking about everything under the sun. 

But now Asahi won't look at him and Noya wants him to, Noya wants to apologize. He doesn't want another broken mop. 

It's all just a mess, and the worst possible timing.  
Noya had decided in his heart not to pursue what he feels, he just wanted Asahi in his life whether it be a friend, or something more, he was willingly to sacrifice his own feelings to have something with Asahi at all, even if it wasn't a romantic relationship. 

The idea of a relationship makes Noya nervous but excited and he wishes he could have one with the boy who somehow got ahold of his heart without Noya even noticing him creeping up. And The idea of loving a boy still has him nervous but he's accepted it for real, he knows himself and he knows his heart loves who it loves and so what if it loves everyone. 

But Noya will never have that with Asahi if the kiss they'd shared really had meant nothing, if it was a panic defense like Asahi had suggested, if it was an accident. And Noya couldn't find the nerve to apologize for running away, couldn't find the nerve to ask what it meant. 

Noya needed to sort out his heart and his head before the tournament in two days, to put this mess of feelings first and let it affect his game was not an option, and he and Asahi both knew that. He would have to buck up and use his blunt, shameless attitude to talk for him and fix whatever this was.

"Something happened again with you and Asahi didn't it?" Tanaka asks Nishinoya at the end of after school practice, having noticed noyas low excitable attitude and obvious avoidance of the ace. They were cleaning up after practice, it was just him and Tanaka in the supply closet, and Noya was sweeping quietly. 

"Hm?" Noya says, looking up. Light from the gym hits Tanakas face, he looks startlingly serious, which proved to be not a good look on tanaka, Making him look a lot meaner than he is. "Did you and him get in a fight again?" 

"What." Noya stands a little straighter, turning around fully. 

"It's obvious somethings going on between you two, it's the same tension from when you and him got in that fight after the date tech game." 

"Oh god," Noya sighs, he holds the handle of the broom tightly, turning back to continue sweeping so tanaka can't read his face. "Nothings wrong, me and him just...Little altercation..." Noya rolls his neck, he feels so oddly stressed it's ridiculous, "we'll get over it, he's too soft to hold a grudge," noyas trying to convince himself more than tanaka. 

If Noya had to guess what Asahis feeling in all this, it's impossible to. Sometimes Asahi’s hard to read despite how much a gentle giant he is. Sometimes Asahis tough but off the court he could break into a million pieces with a tap, it's like he's made of glass. And Noya knows he has to be careful with how he approaches this, that's why it's hard, and well, Noya’s a confused heap of emotions himself. 

"What happened?" Tanakas nosey again, and nishinoyas almost worried he's gonna catch on eventually that him and Asahi have become a little more complicated than good friends. 

"Nothing important, It'll pass."

"You know you and him have this weird attachment to each other," Tanaka points out and Noya pauses. 

"Well it's not weird, really, But like it seems like when you both get in a fight or something it affects both of your moods just as much, I was talking to Daichi and he noticed It in Asahi too, Like you both just affect each other so much." Tanaka goes and grabs a mop from the rack, and Noya really wishes he'd stop talking. 

"Like when Asahi had taken a month off and you had your suspension, You came back before him and wouldn't play without him, You remember that," 

Noya nods, he remembers it too clearly. He still stands by it too. It's not the same without him, and next years gonna be a difficult season when his ace is gone. He doesn't want to think about that, not with everything else going on. 

"It's just, Whatever's going on, I hope you two resolve it, the tournaments close and I know neither of you would let something be a distraction, but just, figure it out okay?" 

Nishinoya moves to say something when voices near and suddenly the third years appear in the door way, Daichi and Asahi are talking with suga as he walks into the supply closet, they notice the second years immediately.

Noya shifts slightly when he and Asahi are finally forced to acknowledge each other in an awkward silence that's broken in an instant with suga. "Oh hey guys," the third year vice captain grins, "hinata spilled some water- tanaka can you hand me that mop," 

Tanaka nods, handing it over, Daichi looks from tanaka to Noya, "you guys can go ahead and head home, we've got the rest," 

"That's cool boss," Tanaka nods and nudges for Noya to follow him. 

"Hey this- hey Asahi did you and Nishinoya fix the mop?" Suga turns towards the others and Daichi looks at Asahi who blinks off handedly. Noyas frozen beside tanaka on their way towards the opening of the supply closet. Asahis shifted away so Noya and Tanaka can get through, and Noya doesn't miss how he won't look at him. 

"I didn't even notice that," Tanaka perks up. Everyone's looking at Asahi and Nishinoya for answers. Asahi goes ahead and scratches the back of his neck, "yeah" is all he supplies.

"Huh," Suga nods impressed, "well, Good." 

Noya turns and walks away without another word and Tanaka watches with a puzzled look before shrugging to the third years and running to catch up.

"Hey Nishinoya-" Asahi Calls out. This makes Nishinoya freeze in place, heart picking up more than it already has, As he turns to see why Asahi called after him. It's the first thing he's said to him all day. Asahi looks slightly uncomfortable and anxious, Noya doesn't blame him. 

"Hang back will you? I want to walk home together."

Noyas words fail him and Tanaka looks between the tense Nishinoya and timid Asahi, looking for answers to something he doesn't know yet, the other third years watch in curiosity. Noya swallows and nods, and doesn't say anything else before he’s speed walking out of the gym and to the club room, not waiting for tanaka to drill him with more questions.

•••

"Are you stopping by later?" Tanaka asks shrugging off his jacket. 

"Yeah, I have to tell my mom first,"

"Can't you just call her?" Tanakas asks. "My mom would want you over for dinner anyways if that's what you're worried about." Tanaka rolls his neck, cracking his knuckles as he closes his locker. Nishinoya's sitting on the bench by his open one, chin propped in his hand and his elbow on his knee. He's nervous about walking home with Asahi, because he doesn't know what to expect. 

He thinks somewhere inside him he's going to be ridiculed and Asahis gonna tell him how much he hates him now for being a pussy and running away from an accident, then he thinks maybe Asahis gonna cut him off after today, He thinks their entire friendships ruined because Nishinoya messed up by avoiding him. By thinking the kiss was more than an accident. 

Nishinoya doesn't want it to have been an accident. A blatant panic defense to make Noya shut up. He can't let himself hope Asahi feels the same. It's impossible.

So that means the only possible thing walking home with Asahi could mean is rejection. Noyas been rejected by so many girls he ought be used to it. They never give him much credit past the loud volume and short height of him. But Asahi, He doesn't want to be rejected by him because it's Asahi, his friend, someone he cares about so much it hurts and he'd do anything for. The gentle ace with a glass heart. 

"Asahi wants me to walk with him though, I'll head over after I drop my stuff off and say bye to mom before she heads to work,"

"She has the night shift?"

"Sort of, she's picking up a few extra hours so she can take off for the tournament,"

Tanaka lights up, "mrs. Nishinoya's gonna be at the prelims! That's awesome,""

Noya smiles, glad something can still make it genuine, "yeah, I can't wait for her to see us play again."

"Big sis, mom and Yua should be there too," Tanaka goes on, grabbing his backpack, "I'll see you in a little bit," Tanaka moves towards the door, maneuvering past Tsukkishima and yamaguchi who are talking in their own world, past ennoshita Kinoshita and Narita who’re are getting ready to leave too. The third years have yet to come in and get ready to go home. 

"Hey- uh, I'm still not sure but whatever's going on between you and Asahi, It'll work out okay?"

Nishinoya smiles and nods, Tanaka may not be the best at reading the room sometimes, and he may one of the harbringers of chaos in the pair that is him and Noya, but he can be comforting, sometimes. 

Noya waits a little longer before he's the last one in the club room, waiting patiently for his doom. Then the door opens and in walks the third years, the set of 3 noticing Nishinoya. Asahi hesitates when he sees him and again, scratches the back of his neck awkwardly as he moves to change from his practice clothes. Noya without saying a word to any of them, stands and shoulders his bag and walks out, deciding to wait for Asahi outside by the railing. 

He sighs, So many things jumping around his mind. He wants to be moving, Whether playing volleyball or running or chasing something, he just wants to move and laugh and get over this weird confusing few weeks it's been with his new revelations and coming to terms with what he's known for a long time. Everyone goes through it eventually he tells himself. Don't be a wimp and just face Asahi with as much confidence as you did the day you met him, like he doesn't intimidate the shit out of him. 

Nishinoya knows not to be indimidated by anyone because of height or talent, He's confident enough in himself to not overestimate those who underestimate him, but when it comes to his heart, well noyas not as confident there. It's a new part of himself he was never aware of until someone brought it out of him. He isn't sure if he likes it or not.

Noya certainly doesn't like going around in circles looking for an answer to a question he hasn't asked.

"Hey," a voice all too familiar says behind him, startling Nishinoya. 

"Oh," he says quietly, Asahis standing a few feet away, like he's nervous to be around Noya.

"Hi." Noya says awkwardly. That's it, he has to not act like a shy school girl around her crush, not that he isn't that but he most certainly won't act like it. 

"Let's go." Noya says bluntly and starts down the stairs towards the route they usually take. 

"Oh- okay" Asahi strides to keep up with Noya who's nervousness makes him walk faster than he means to.

They walk in a tense silence not quite close enough, not side by side as they usually did, Theres at least 3 feet between them and it's like the other is trying to work up the courage to say something. The embarrassing past few days coming into light.

Nishinoya thinks about how he vowed to resolves this before the tournament. The pressure of playing his hardest with no distractions more important that pussyfooting around his and Asahi's weird relationship.

"Look," Asahis the one to start, and it takes Noya off guard that he almost jumps as Asahi breaks the silence.

"It didn't mean anything." 

Nishinoya doesn't mean for his heart to sink.   
"What?"

"What happened, I was tired, I was- well it's just complicated, But the kiss- I didn't mean it."

"Oh," Noya says, his own ears heating up. Asahi looks ahead, face flushed. "Okay."

"I don't think about you in that way if that's what you're worried about. I'm not taking advantage of you or like anything perverted- I never want you to think I am-"

"Asahi," Noya tries not to sound like the blatant reassurance of rejection and unreciprocation didn't hurt him like a volleyball to the face, "Ide never think that way about you, trust me, I didn't anyways. What happened, I figured was an accident anyways," Noya is so bad at making it sound like he wasn't disappointed but he'd been expecting this anyways. 

"Oh, Okay, I thought- you were mad at me, or angry with me, I know a lot of people don't accept stuff like that-"

"What kissing?" Noya says and Asahi shakes his head.

It clicks, "oh- you mean-"

Asahi nods. Something inside Noya tries to piece it together but it's not quite there. 

"Are you-"

Asahi nods. 

"Oh."

They walk in silences as Noya processes this. He had a chance with him after all, but he'd made it clear he doesn't think of Noya in that way. What a shitty thing to happen to Nishinoya he thinks, Just his luck. They're just friends after all. Maybe being younger than him was part of it, being his teammate. Asahis moving off to Tokyo after he graduated anyways, he'll be a working member of society, part of the real world, he won't have time or interest in a immature high school student. Noya tries not to deflate and wants Asahi to know that even with new information coming to light, Noya still supports him.

"You don't care?" Asahi asks quietly. He's shy and looks like he's close to crying, he still won't meet nishinoyas eyes as they walk. The distance isn't as big anymore. 

"Why would I care?" Noya wonders.

"Because it's not normal,"

"Of course it is," Noya protests, and Asahi finally looks up. 

"So what about it, Loving is normal stupid, it's human nature right?"

"But- so you don't hate me? Noya I- I had made an advance on you, I didn't mean it but that doesn't make you mad? Don't you Never want to talk to me again?"

Noya pinches Asahi right in the arm, making them stop by a chain linked fence, "you're the stupidest person I have ever met. Why would-" Noya catches his breath, "look, Ide be a pretty awful person if I hated you because of who you liked, and like you said, You don't think of me like that, And even if you did, I wouldn't hate you. Okay? Give me more credit than that."

Nishinoya wants to kiss him and tell him he wishes the kiss had meant something. Wants to kiss him with one that does have meaning. That tells him I love you and I will no matter what happens or where their futures take them. 

But he can't. He can't when Asahi's just confessed to only thinking of him as nothing more than a friend.   
He can't betray Asahis trust like that.

"You're right- I'm sorry, it's just stuff like this, it can be scary, and uncertain when people find out you know, you never know who could turn on you for this kind of thing."

Noya pats his friend kindly on the shoulder, "I'm not one of them. If it helps, Tanakas supportive too, Hell, I’m sure the entire team is, We're not all close minded."

"I know, thank you. And I'm sorry again, for, you know. I don't want it to ruin our friendship. I don't- I don't like you like that."

Noya swallows roughly and nods despite the needles in his throat. "It's okay. Thanks for telling me this though. but I have a question." 

Asahi nods, leaning against the chain link fence. The setting sun has blended with the clouds and made the sky turn a deep violet navy color, it makes Asahi look beyond beautiful amongst it. Noya keeps this to himself. 

"Why had you been avoiding me previously though? I never got an answer."

"Oh," asahi laughs nervously, "well, I just, sometimes my anxiety makes me think I'm becoming annoying to people,"

Noya stands up straight, "What?"

"Yeah- it's stupid, I just thought to give you space in case I was becoming annoying."

"God," Noya rolls his eyes, "Asahi you are never annoying, if anything I am, I like being around you all the time because you're cool, you're just, You're so good to be around because your nice, and you can be funny sometimes-"

"Oh please-"

"I'm serious! Look, don't ever do that again okay. You can't just stop talking to me because you think you're annoying when I never told you that you were ya know? Trust me, Ide tell you if you were annoying."

"Yeah?" Asahi smiles. Noya nods, his grin returning. "Let's just, communicate a little better okay? I hate not having you around, those weeks during my suspension proved it."

Asahi nods, "thank you, for not thinking different of me."

"Of course," Noya says but his heart aches. He holds up a fist, "friends?"

Asahi bumps it with a firm nod and smile, "friends."

•••

The tanaka household is hit with a melody of Nishinoya barging in, announcing his arrival as he walks into the living room. 

"Yuu!" Yua greets him as always. He kneels to scoop her up, grinning. "Sup kiddo" he grins as she messes with his hair. 

“Oh hey," Tanaka says getting up, "you look happy,"

Noya nods, setting down Yua who blows a raspberry in protest. Noya blows one back, "go play without me for a bit I gotta talk to your siblings,"

"Aw come on!"

"Afterwards," Noya laughs, "I promise," he pats her head as she runs off, and Tanaka elbows Noya, "so?"

"So what?"

"What's got you acting yourself again?"

"Oh," noyas smile drops slightly. He's happy to have resolved whatever had happened between him and Asahi, but he's still in resented disappointment that in the end he really did get inadvertently rejected by the guy he fell in love with. It's a new type of pain Noya hadn't felt before and has put off feeling until he's alone in his room. 

"Well, We had just gotten in argument, He's a confusing guy. We talked. Everything's cool now," 

"You're so vague sometimes," Tanaka shakes his head. Before Noya can say anything, Saeko walks out of the kitchen, and greets Nishinoya in a big hug. "Big sis!" He laughs. 

"Hey kid," she squeezes his arm, "ryuu said you needed to talk to me about something?"

Noya blushes- "oh- right. After dinner?" 

She nods, "of course."

•••

Dinner goes by too fast and Mrs. Tanaka makes her perfect stir fry vegetables and soba noodle salad. 

Nishinoya almost forgets why he came over in the first place, lounging in front of the tv with the tanaka family after dinner, feeling comfy and full. He feels so content when he's over he almost forgets the crushing heartache biting inside. 

"Hey Noya," Saeko whispers from the living room doorway. Yua had fallen asleep on Tanakas shoulder, and Tanaka himself has too, Noya smiles fondly at them as he stands, Saeko telling him to follow her.

She ends up leading him to their backyard, where she sits at the end of the wooden deck, legs hanging over the edge. It's dark by now, and light from the kitchen shines on her from the sliding door way. Noya hesitantly approaches and sits beside her, pulling his legs up to rest his chin on his knees. 

"So."

"So."

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

Noya doesn't want to force the conversation. But it's now or never. 

"Saeko when did you realize you were bi?"

She blinks wide eyes at him, clearly not expecting the topic of conversation to go that direction. "Oh?”

He looks at her expectantly. "Well-" she grins, tapping her long nails together as she thinks, "I think I was your age actually, I was a second year, totally took me off guard, there was this really pretty first year girl, I was so intrigued with her, for a while I thought I just wanted to be her you know," she laughs, "but then I realized I just wanted to kiss her."

"Oh," Noya says, voice light. 

"Yeah, it's super scary at first, because when you realize you like someone not in the conventional way, you're faced with these new challenges of coming out, and accepting yourself, Discrimination, Homophobes, it's endless," 

Noya feels that same dread settle in his stomach. 

"But it's also liberating."

Noya raises his head, and sees Saeko looking at him with a smile that tells him she's happier than she's ever been. "You finally learn who you are, and you learn who truly loves you in the end ya know."

Noya nods. "Yeah I think so."

They sit in an comfortable silence, staring at the dark sky, no stars are out but it doesn't change anything. Noya still feels his heart beating alarmingly, As he finally works up the courage to say it.

"Saeko I'm bi."

Her lips part slightly, but the shock on her face isn't bad. It's happy, it's kind and warming, and Noya jumps when it's followed by a squeal and a large smile as she pulls him forward in a tight hug. "Good for you kid," she says softly. 

Noya feels a new weight lifted off his chest, "I don't know how to tell anyone. hell, I didn't know how to tell myself."

"It's nerve wracking at first Nishinoya," she says as he pulls back, lifting a soft hand to his face, then dropping it to his shoulder in an endearing way, "trust me, Tell those who are closest to you, And if they don't accept you then they weren't really meant to be in your life to begin with"

Noyas throat closes up again and he feels like he could cry. She goes on, "and look, the best part about being who we are, we have a whole community who supports us you know? I'm glad you came to me about this."

"You were someone I knew I could trust, who'd understand," he says quietly. 

She smiles again and pulls him in once more for another hug, "am I the only person you've told?"

"Yeah," he almost whispers.

"Who do want to tell? Everyone comes out when they're ready, And though I did pretty fast, You just do it when you're ready."

"I want tanaka to know, and my mom." Noya swallows.

"I can already tell you tanaka won't care," she laughs, "he‘s experimented with a guy once you know, he said it wasn't for him but he gets the hype," she giggles again. 

Noya snorts, covering his mouth, "oh god why didnt he ever tell me that"

She shrugs, "anyways, I think, Opening up to those closest to you will help you a lot in the long run. I was lucky enough to have a supportive family, And if your mother or whoever in your life doesn't support you, You'll have us okay?"

Noya wipes at his face to keep from letting himself cry. He's cried too much lately. He's so overwhelmed and thankful with emotions towards Saeko and the entire tanaka household. 

"Thank you Saeko, You don't know how much this means to me."

"Course I do, I was in your shoes once too."

"Yeah," Noya nods. Smiling as he scrubs his face, he's a little tired, but it feels like so much weight has been lifted off his shoulders he can't beleive it. 

"If you ever have any questions or just need some one to talk to, I'm here okay-" she gasps, "oh my gosh we can go to pride parades together!! That's gonna be so fun-"

Noya laughs, genuine lightness, And nods, "sounds good."

She almost squeals, "Okay- first, tell me, Who made you realize you were bi,"

Noya almost chokes on his laughter, "what?"

"We all have our gay awakenings," she grins.

Noya snorts, and covers his face. "Is it bad if I say someone on the team."

She gasps, "no way."

Noya nods solemnly. "Yeah"

"Who,"

Noya sighs, not sure if he really should relay this information. But he hasn't got to talk about it, with anyone. His heart hurts mentioning Asahi and the fact that even though Noya has a chance with him, It'll never happen because of their circumstances and Asahi making it clear he doesn't think of him like that.

Noya raises his hand, "tall, brown hair, sort of kinda is the Ace."

"Oh my gosh!" She grins, "that's adorable," she laughs, and Noya doesn't mind the teasing, "well, are you gonna tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"How you feel stupid!"

Noya blinks, "oh hell no. Nope never."

"Why not," she frowns.

"Uhm, he made it clear he doesn't like me."

"Wait did you like, tell him?"

"It's uh," Noya scratches the back of his neck, "complicated."

"Make it uncomplicated,"

"He kissed me and then told me it didn't mean anything and that he didn't like me like that."

"Oh shit-"

"Yeah,"

"How are you doing then?"

"A little heart broken," he laughs it off, "but I'll manage. Gotta focus on priorities anyways, which is the tournament,"

"Right!" Her face lights up again, "I know you guys are gonna do so well," 

Noya hums, feeling better than when the day started. 

"I hope so."

•••

Tanaka walks Noya home, thankful they don't live too far apart. 

"So," Nishinoya’s been dodging the topic all night but he knows Tanakas curious to ask what Saeko and Noya had talked about.

"You know how your sister's bi right,"

Tanaka looks at Noya strangely as they near nishinoyas front door. Noyas stuck his hands in his pocket to keep them from being not only sweaty but shaky and nervous. "Yeah what about it?"

"So uh," Noya awkwardly skips around the inevitable but eventually he steels himself and just says it outright, blurting it out without a warning for himself, or Tanaka.

"I'm in love with Asahi."

There it is. Hanging right here in the open. The bluntness smacking both boys in the face. Tanaka stares with his mouth open like a fish. Nishinoya shifts under his gaze.

"I'm sorry what?"

Noya knows tanaka, he knows it's gonna take a minute for something that out of pocket to register.  
"You heard me."

"So- Wait a minute..." Tanaka looks at his hands like he's trying to do a complex math equation.

"You know what, Nope, totally saw this coming, a lot make sense now,"

"Huh!?" Noya exclaims, "what do you even mean saw this coming?"

"I mean you and Asahi! You are so not subtle sometimes, and the way you look at him- holy shit! That night, when you called me- you were hanging out with Asahi weren't you-"

"I well-" Noya stutters. Is he really that obvious. 

Tanaka laughs, "oh my god, You are so oblivious Jesus Christ,"

"What so you don't care that I casually am in love with someone? Who's on our team? Who's a guy!?"

"Of course not- I mean hell Daichi and suga, Those two are probably secretly dating, Yamaguchi and Tsukkishima? No one on our team is subtle, everyones like dating each other sometimes I think I'm the only straight one-"

"Tanaka!" 

"Relax Noya," he laughs, "no I don't care that you like Asahi, in fact I'm glad you chose someone like him to love you know, he's a good guy,"

"I mean-" Noya stutters again but tanaka goes on, "is that why you two are acting weird? Are you dating or-"

"No!" Noya frantically waves his hands. He sighs, "you know what, long story."

"I've got time,"

"It's late you need to get home."

"You're right," Tanaka sighs. "But you're gonna tell me tommorow after practice. All the details. Confide in me bro."

"Bro," Nishinoya deadpans. 

"Yes bro?"

Noya rolls his eyes, moving to open his door, turning to face Tanaka in the doorway. 

"So yeah, I'm into dudes,"

"Cool, they're pretty neat, but girls are where it's at, more specifically kiyo-"

"Shut up Tanaka," Noya laughs, this has gone a lot better than he thought. Saeko was right.

"I'm kidding dude, It's cool, honestly, You know I'm gonna have your back no matter who you like,"

Noya smiles, amused and reassured all the same. "Thanks man."

"You gonna tell Asahi?"

Noya sighs, How many times will he have to tell people that Asahi doesn't feel the same way, reminding himself of it too when he so desperately tries to forget. 

"No."

"Why not!"

"I'll tell you tomorrow," Noya says, "goodnight." He moves to shut the door and Tanaka calls out but he's cut off and Noya sighs against the silence of his house.

His phone buzzes a second later and he knows it's Tanaka bitching about cutting him off but he doesn't even mind at this point. That's two people. Two people that know about him and two people that still love him the same. Well three, he thinks of Himari.

With every person that accepts him, he starts to accept himself more, and feel the weight slowly begin to fade.

•••

Tanaka finally gets a recap of why nishinoyas been acting strange. After the previous confession the night before, something feels different In Nishinoya. He's not quite holding so much in, and telling everything to tanaka takes some of the dread out of him. 

In the end though, he still can't get Asahi out of his head despite knowing he needs to move on.

"I just don't know what to do about it," Nishinoya groans, laying face down on the roof by tanaka who eats away at his lunch and nishinoyas lunch, given permission. Hinata and kageyama were off probably peppering in the court yard because they never stop playing, and everyones anxious about the tournament, especially those two. 

"I think," Tanaka starts to put in his relationship expertise, "you should tell him,"

"Off the table,"

"Hint at it?"

"Nope."

"Write a secret admirer letter and leave it in his bag,"

"Yeah,"

"Really?"

"No."

Noya groans in frustration, he told himself he'd have a clear head by now, with the tournament being Tommorow, everyone's been tasked with getting good sleep and their head in the game. Noya knows his teams more than ready for it, he knows he is too, he may have a lot to think about, he may be worried about the third years leaving, he may be immature and distracted easily too, but on the court he's more focused than ever. 

"You can't just let it sit and fester you know," Tanaka says with his mouth full, nishinoyas still moping on the ground, turning to lay face up at the sky. 

"That's what you do."

"The difference is I've expressed my intentions true and clear to kiyoko, I'm just waiting for her to come around,"

"And if she doesn't?"

"She will," Tanaka smiles, "she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, but in the future after I've grown up a bit, she'll consider,"

Noya sits up, gaping, "she said that?"

Tanaka beams, "mhm! She said, "graduate, then we'll talk,"

"Wow," is all Noya says and flops back down.

"Look, you'll never know unless you try,"

"But tanaka," Noya's serious, "he told me he doesn't like me in that way, even if he had..."

"You said he kissed you right? The other night, that's why you and him were being mega weird,"

Noya nods, swallowing. 

“1) still can't believe you get more action than me, and 2) how can you kiss someone and not mean it,"

"What?"

Tanaka waves his hands around, "well I mean i wouldn't kiss someone if I didn't like them?"

"What are-"

"He obviously likes you, but you’re too much of a dumb bitch to realize it,"

"Hey!" Noya glares, "you're the one drinking dumb bitch juice, not me you dumb bitch,"

Tanaka laughs, almost cracking up, "Noya I'm serious, Give him a chance,"

"You mean confess?" Noya raises an eyebrow. 

"Duh, what's the worst that could happen,"

"Uh I don't know," Noya deadpans, "he rejects me again after he explicitly said 'I don't like you like that' and then never talks to me again!"

"He was lying obviously!"

"You don't know that!" Noyas volume attracts the attention of the other group eating lunch on the roof. Tanaka waves awkwardly and they go back to minding their business. 

"Noya calm down," Tanaka says and Noya sighs, leaning back on the heel of his palms. "I'm sorry, you just know how I am with that,"

"I do, but Asahi isn’t like the girls who haven't ever looked past your height or your questionable sense of humor-"

"Hey-"

"Asahi actually knows you, and If even after everything you two have been through he still cares, then even if he does truly not feel the same, he'll still want you in his life,"

Noya goes quiet, mulling over Tanakas words.   
"And, Asahis the tall one and he'd probably want a short boyfriend to spoon ya know? And your perfect height for cute head kisses and he could like give you piggy back rides-"

"Tanaka!" Noya covers his face in mortification as Tanaka laughs maniacally, clearly getting a kick out of it. "What? I’m just saying, you two are like the perfect duo, The libero and his ace, your birthdays and names are like exact opposites too so it works, just like your personalities, you guys just work,"

"Can you stop-"

"Tell him!"

"No!"

"Noya!"

"Look-" Noya holds his hand up, "I know you want this for me, but at some point it's up to me you know, and I'm not- I don't think it's gonna happen,"

"Nishinoya-" Tanakas voice softens. 

"No- just, It's gonna take time but eventually he's leaving and I'll have to move on, he has a future, And I'm not apart of it,"

"You know that's not true," Tanaka starts. 

"But it is," Noya smiles sadly, "I'm just gonna have to spend what little time I have with him to it's fullest you know, and sure it hurts knowing we'll never be more, but not having him in my life right now would be worse than not being able to kiss him you know. For now, we're friends."

"Teammates," Tanaka grins, "you and him are a pair I hope you know that,"

"When did you get so mature, it's gross," Nishinoya cringes. 

"Says you mr. I'm in love but instead of doing my regular 'go up to someone and confidently ask them out' I'm gonna do the mature thing that leaves me heartbroken,"

"Shut up!" Noya throws a celery stick at Tanakas head. He dodges it flawlessly. "You're so self destructive with your loyalty and morals sometime stupid," Tanaka snorts, flinging a carrot at Nishinoya who deflects it. "Throwing food at me while you attack my disposition, real mature of you" Noya grumbles.

"Oooh now he's using big words," Tanaka mocks and Noya smacks him on the shoulder. 

Despite it, they're both grinning and laughing like the have since they met.

•••

"Tommorow'a the big day," ukais back to attempting a quick after practice pep talk. Everyone's sweaty and exhausted from the drills but there's a sort of fired up feel about it. There's an unspoken truth that this practice could have possibly been the third years last one yet if they don't make it past tomorrow, but no one mentions it. Nishinoya's sitting beside hinata and Asahi. Tanaka keeps kneeing Nishinoya in the back and he's close to disrupting the team gathering to smack his bestfriend upside the head. 

"I expect us to show up ready to give our all. If we're up against seijoh, We need to show them what we're capable of. We've done a lot of growing, I think we're more than ready." Ukai grins moving out of the way to give Takeda the floor. He goes on about the bracket and departure time. Eventually they let Daichi up to give his daily "I believe in us" and 'we can do something great' talk along with sugas 'we have potential' speech. 

Noya doesn't mind, in fact he relishes them in the moment because he knows he's gonna miss them next year. The thought makes him sad.

"Just make sure you get enough sleep guys, and carbs, they’ll give you energy for the game, This is what we've been training for, I want to play as long as we can. Now go home and get some rest," Daichi addresses everyone, Noya hears tsukki mumble about being up early, and hinata whines slightly. Noya just grins, already fired up. The best thing about volleyball is forgetting about all the personal problems and focusing truly on the game. It's the best outlet he could ask for.

"Oh and be here bright and early like Takeda said okay! No one better be late or we're leaving you," Suga clasps his hands cheerfully, "actually-" Daichi starts but Suga moves to cut him off.

"Good luck to us Tommorow, come on," Suga smiles again and grabs Daichi by the collar of his jacket as the team disperses.

"You look excited," Noya laughs at hinata, who's bouncing up and down like the energizer bunny. Kageyama rolling his eyes next to him while he refills his water. 

"I'm so nervous but I'm so ready." Hinata grins, "I just wanna show up and beat Oikawa’s ass-" 

"Oh we will," kageyama confirms, coming behind hinata and resting a hand on top of his head to settle his friend down. Hinata blinks up at him, "We're gonna beat him. No other option."

"You have some weird beef with him from middle school right?" Tsukkishima adds from a few feet away, having overheard, he was drying his neck with a towel.

Kageyama mean mugs the hell out of the middle blocker, "no- he's just a dick."

"Right," Tsukkishima snorts. 

Kageyama rolls his eyes, grabbing Hinata's shirt and dragging him away, "come on let's go," 

"Wait-" hinata yelps and Nishinoya laughs as hinata waves bye and Noya turns to tanaka who's just finished his water. 

"You walking with Asahi tonight?" Tanaka asks, a knowing look in his eye, Noya glances across the gym at the third year, who's struggling to get a ball down from the rafters. The third years have been offering to clean up lately after practice, probably in an attempt to spend their last few practices in this gym as long as possible. Another thought that saddens Noya.

"I think I might wait up yeah," Noya nods.

Tanaka grins and elbows him. "Okay, And if you just happen to give him a good luck kiss for Tommor-“ Noya dead legs tanaka with his knee and Tanaka almost collapses, "Tanaka, keep your mouth shut or I will cut the heads off your action figures," he threatens.

Tanaka sticks his tongue out, "jokes on you, big sis did that years ago,"

"Hm, guess I'll just have to cut the head off your lady Gaga poster,"

"Don't you dare! That woman is a gem!"

"Get outta here," Nishinoya laughs, shoving Tanaka away. He sends one more amused grin over his shoulder before moving to leave the gym and head to the club room. 

"Hey Asahi," Noya waves at his friend, "let me help you with that,"

•••

After a not so graceful attempt at getting a ball down from the rafters, to which Nishinoya suggested Asahi throwing him up there with his big muscles, Asahi refusing and then Noya climbing him like a tree, falling off said Asahi, and suga and Daichi panicking because they thought he broke his neck, And Daichi’s scolding to not do foolish things before a tournament and suga scolding Asahi not to go along with noyas stupid ideas who was honestly innocent, the two finally embarked on their casual walk home, with Nishinoya smiling despite how Asahi drives him crazy, and they go on talking about the tournament, eventually Noya finally arriving home.

He finds dinner cooked in the kitchen, his mood instantly boosting even more when she sees she made tempura sushi, one of his favorite meals ever, His mom and Himari used to make it all the time for him when he was a kid. 

The house is quiet but he can hear soft instrumental music coming from his moms room, so he knows she's home. He needs to talk to her, but mostly he just wants to see her after the few days she's been constantly on the clock, gone when he's home and home when he's gone.

He drops his stuff off at his room and changes after a shower first, making sure everything's ready for tomorrow. He may be a little messy but he's organized where it counts. 

Noya feels slightly nervous, knowing what his intention is upon knocking on her door softly. 

She answers with a soft, "Come on in Yuu," 

She's in her bed, Blanket over her and a book in her lap. Her rooms lit by warm lamp light and soft music coming from a record player in the corner on her dresser. It's so cozy Noya doesn't feel safer anywhere else than he does in here.

"Hey," she greets him. 

"Hi," he says crawling onto her bed, he lays on top of the covers as he moves to lay his head in her lap, knees bent as he stares at the ceiling. She automatically goes to messing with his hair, she knows it comforts him, it has since he was a kid. They do this sometimes, just relax in her room, Sometimes Noya needs the reset, for his emotional state and mental state, his moms one of the only people on earth who truly makes him feel understood and loved, so why is he so nervous.

"You seem tense," 

He sighs, closing his eyes, feeling the way she messes with the strands of hair fallen in front of his eyes. "I am."

"Why honey?"

"The tournament," he lies.

"That's right," she hums, "it's tomorrow"

He nods in response.

“I took off for it, I'll be there no matter what."

"I know," he smiles, opening his eyes and turning to look at her. She looks down at him fondly, "what're you reading?" He gestures to the book she sat aside, sitting up to reach over and pick it up off the nightstand. 

"An american classic,"

"Harry Potter? Isn't that from England?"

She laughs, "well-"

"And for middle schoolers?"

"Yuu," she laughs, swiping it from his hands, "a little kid at the hospital was talking about it, she loved it, So I thought Ide read it, so I can talk about it with her,"

Noya blinks, his mother really does have the biggest heart. "That's...so nice,"

She shrugs, using her nimble hands to set it back on the nightstand.

"Now, Tell me why you're nervous about the tournament, you already know you're gonna do great."

"I-" Noya pauses, moving to lay his head back down in her lap. He feels safe enough to talk about what he really wants to. But it's taking him a while to work up to it. Saeko was right. It's scary and nerve wracking and difficult. But he knows he can do it.

"I just don't want to lose, because that'll mean the last time I play with the upperclassman,"

"Ah," she nods, "you're very good friends with one of them right?"

He nods, swallowing, hoping she can't see how hot his face feels, "I'm good friends with all of them though, I've shared the court with them for a while now and it's gonna be weird without them,"

"All things have to end at some point Yuu, you know that," she says softly, Noya closes his eyes, listening to her. 

“Of course I do, but I don't want it to."

"You shouldn't be sad that's its ending," she tells him, "one day, When you’re graduating, when you're married, when your own kid starts their first day of middle school, and walks into their first volleyball practice, you'll be able to smile, and tell them about this team, and about everything you experienced,"

"So you're saying I should be happy to have lived it, not sad that it's ending."

"Yes Yuu,"

"What horoscope you get that from," he says and she laughs, "I'm serious, you'll realize what I mean one day okay? Just, remember what grandpa said? All those years ago?"

Noyas smile fades and he becomes more mellow as he lays there, he tries to slow the tension inside him, growing more comfortable. With the soft music in the background, his moms hands running through his hair, and the softness of her bed, he could fall asleep right there. "Don't be afraid of the inevitable, you'll miss out on what's in front of you."

"I think that applies to a lot of things," she says.

"I do too,” his voice is quiet. 

"I visited aunt Himari," she says after a few minutes of comfortable silence, of Noya messing with a thread in the top comforter and his mom still messing with his hair, leaning against her headboard. 

Noya sits up, she ends up pulling her hands away. She's smiling sadly, It's a look he's become accustomed to but never learned to like.

"You did?"

She nods, "just to update her on stuff, Its getting easier,"

"You know it'll never get easier," he shakes his head.

She shrugs, tilting her head, "but the more I get used to her being gone, the less awful it is everyday,"

"You're really strong mom," Noya smiles.

"She's gonna be there tomorrow, cheering you on, and when you get to nationals she'll be there too,"

"You don't know if we'll get-"

"Shush," she holds up a hand, "I know you will."

"Don't jinx it," he glares.

She laughs, unphased, "I'm not, I'm just all knowing,"

Noya finds it ironic and he almost forgets what he came here for in the first place. 

"Well," he trails off and she looks at him expectantly. 

He sighs and he goes back to laying his head in her lap, wanting that comfort to come in waves so he can find the confidence and nerve to tell her. 

"You wouldn't ever hate me right?" Noya asks quietly. The topic of conversation practically veering off a cliff.

His mom rest a hand on his head, looking at him, "you know you asked me that the other night,"

"What?" Noya says.

"It was late, you were half asleep so I'm sure you don't remember, but you asked me that, I thought it was strange,"

Noya starts to panic, "you did- I did? Wait, What else did I say?"

She shakes her head, "nothing, I was just curious what brought it on, why are you asking me that though? Yuu? Did you do something bad or something?"

Noya feels his leg start to shake, he bites the edge of thumb, feeling the nerves spike. "No I don't think I- mom please answer it first."

She looks concerned, from noyas inexplicable talent at being vague sometimes and yet so blunt and honest other times, he can be hard to read. 

"Fine, no,, I wouldn't never hate you. Not for anything."

"Even if I committed a crime?"

Her hands tense up, and he almost laughs from the way her eyes widen, "please don't tell me you got in trouble with the police, I was fine when you got your suspension, that was different- but Yuu Nishinoya if you-"

"I accidentally killed someone,"

"What!?"

Noya laughs, scrambling as he sits up, seeing how clearly panicked his moms become, he's sure he’s almost gave her a heart attack, he waves his hands frantically, "no! No! I'm kidding it's a joke it's a joke!" He says as she stares open mouthed. 

She sets a hand on her chest, breathing like she ran a marathon, "I thought you were serious, from the- why would you joke about that?" She shakes her head.

Noya sits back on his heels, before crossing his legs to sit cross crossed on the bed in front of her. She tilts her head, Clearly confused. "Yuu?"

"I thought," he starts, he knows he can't avoid it any longer. "If you thought I'd done something super extremely bad, and then told you I didn't, that it’d soften the blow of what I really want to tell you,"

"What are you talking about?" Her tone softens again, she reaches forward for his hand but he pulls it away and she becomes even more confused, but her eyes are entirely concerned and curious.

"I...Mom, I know you love me."

"Of course,"

"But, Some people, when they tell their parents this type of thing, even if their parents say they love them no matter what, they don't." Noya won't look at her, he's focused his eyes on the wall to the right, his postures hunched as he sits, he's so nervous he feels out of character for his own personality, he just needs to come out and say it. But it's hard being as blunt with his mom than it was with tanaka. Two entirely different situations.

"What's going on Yuu," she says, and though her tones stern, it's gentle.

"I-" Noyas throat keeps failing him.

"So you know how I've been acting weird?"

"You're always weird," she smiles.

He smiles to himself, "yeah but lately I've been...I don't know, a lot has happened In a short amount of time. I was just, Ive discovered something."

"Alright," she says in a light tone, "you can tell me Yuu, but first you gotta look at me." 

He blinks in surprise, turning his head to do as she asks. He's met with the most affectionate gaze a mother can give to her son. She's the definition of an adoring mother who cherishes the only person she has left in her life. 

It's in that moment he knows he can trust her with anything. Even this. 

"Mom, I uhm, I think I'm in love with someone."

Her face is a mixture of surprise, but it's not in a bad way. She makes a face that borders on the line of 'impressed' and 'Huh'.

"Oh, That's what you're being so dodgy about telling me?" She asks with an amusing tone.

Noya shrugs shyly, turning to look to the side again. "Well actually- wait," he looks at her. "Aren't you gonna tell me I'm too young to know what being in love is like?”

She snorts, "I met your father at 15, I fell in love with him super young, love has no age, unless you’re a pedophile, then that is a solid no no, I will disown you if you're a pedophile-"

"Mom- no!! I'm not-" Noya pinches the bridge of his nose, "no it's nothing like that- I just, I thought you'd think it's silly,"

"Why would I think it's silly? Of course you’re old enough to what love feels like, and if you've found the right person then I'm so happy someone's managed to capture your heart like that," she smiles sweetly and Noya feels the acceptance before he's even come out with it. 

"Mom, the thing is," he bites the edge of his thumb, his words are there but he just so scared.  
He can do it, like Saeko said, if someone truly loves you they'll accept you without question. 

There's no doubt in his mind that his mother loves him.

"It's a boy."

His mom blinks, processing what he said. Noya waits with bated breath and an iron dumbbell in his stomach. 

"That's alright," 

Noya lets out a breath of incredulousness and relief. He can't believe it. And suddenly his chest no longer feels like it's caving in.

"It is?"

"Yeah, I just hope, that whoever he is, he makes you happy. I'm so proud of you for telling me Yuu," she wipes her face and he freezes when he sees that she's the one crying.

"Wait mom- are you what's wrong?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing, I'm just, I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me."

"I was nervous though," Noya feels his face heat up, "I just, I didn't know how you'd react."

"Honey, I could care less about what gender you love. What I care about is that whoever you do end up with, that they treat you right and they love you with the same intensity you love them,"

Noya feels like he's close to crying now.   
He leans forward and his mom pulls him into a long hug. A hug of acceptance, of love. 

"Who is he," his mom asks once he pulls away. It's the same question he's had to answer to two people already, he feels like he's told the world at this point. But his mom deserves to know.

"An upperclassman," Noya says quietly, "on the team,"

She blinks in surprise, "oh"

"Yep," Noya pursed his lips, flopping back onto the mattres. His mom leans forward, "so is he your boyfriend,"

"God mom no!" He covers his face, he's been embarrassed so much today he thinks he might be dying. Or mortified enough to jump off a building. He knows some pretty tall ones in Tokyo-

"That's a shame, are you gonna ask him to be?"

Noya flops his arms down in frustration, "no."

"Why not?"

"Because he doesn't like me,"

"Honestly I doubt that, he'd be stupid to pass up a fine gentleman like you,"

"You're just saying that cuz you’re my mom,"

"True," she hums, "but I'm also right, you should tell him! Does he like boys?"

Noya nods. 

"Then I don't see the problem,"

Nishinoya sits up, exasperated but feeling light all the same. "He said he doesn't like me in that way."

She shakes her head, "denial denial"

"I'm serious! Besides, it’d ruin our friendship, If I told him how I felt he'd run away,"

She eyes him, and he realizes the irony in what he just said. Noya was the one running, he doesn't know how she could know that though. "Right, well that sucks then, guess you'll have to move on, you know a lot of people who read Harry Potter think he's bi, some affair with draco-"

"Oh god nope I'm not listening to this-" Noya has decided he shouldn't have told his mom if she's gonna bring fictional characters and their headcannon affairs with other characters. It's ridiculous.

"Hey-" she calls as he moves to leave the room. He turns, she smiles at him, "love is terrifying, But it's so worth it Okay? And also, Don't worry about coming out to grandpa or anyone else if you’re not ready- you know people like you just mean you have the biggest hearts."

Noya smiles, feeling his throat close up in emotion, something he's been feeling a lot lately. 

"Thanks mom,"

"Now go get some sleep, you've got a big day tomorrow," she chucks a pillow across the room, Noya moves and catches it, "night mom," he calls.

"Goodnight," 

he closes the door, and presses his back to his bed when he got to his room, still at war with his stupid feelings of love and infatuation, but Relieved to have finally come out to the people that matter to him.

It occurs to him that he hasn't come out to Asahi, but it's a minor detail. It's not important to their friendship right now anyways. 

Noya decides to push everything in regards to his heart to the back of his mind and focus primarily on the prelims, putting all his heart mind and energy into playing the game he loves. 

With the people he loves playing right beside him, and watching up in the stands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry ab any spelling errors!! I was editing this off and on, but anyways happy pride month!! To those in the community or questioning, know that you are loved, seen, and valid. No ones rushing you to figure yourself out, and those of you still closeted whether it be for safety reasons or the timing just simply isn’t right, you are still valid and you have a whole community backing you up<3 also!! If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, my messages on tumblr are open, just find me by the same username:)


	6. Flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story ended up being way bigger than I meant for it to turn out, But nonetheless, For those of you still here, Thank you so much for staying, ily the most.   
> Disclaimer, my timeline of events and details in related to like actual canon are all wonky because I have no concept of how any of the timeline in haikyuu really works but ya know, let’s just go with it. Anyways, thank you for reading:)

Noya wakes earlier than he's supposed to. He's in a weird mood the morning of the first round of spring national prelims. He's jittery, and can't be still to save his life, throwing on his uniform and sweats, he tucks it in and about races out the door almost 30 minutes befores he's supposed to leave. His mom grabs him by the ear before he can slip by her, having woken up early to cook breakfast for her son for the first time in ages, she was not about to let him leave the house without eating.

"Morning," she says as she leads him into the kitchen, where his plate is set at the table. 

"Morning," he practically bounces in his seat, "it smells good mom,"

"Thank you, I'm scared it'll taste weird since I haven't cooked in a while, but-"

"It's the thought that counts," he hasn't had a morning with his mom in a long time, with her always working, she rarely gets days off to wake up and make breakfast, so he's appreciative of anything.

"You're up earlier than usual," she says sitting beside him at the table to eat her portion. 

Noya shrugs, "well I'm just so ready ya know, I'm excited,"

She smiles, "not nervous?"

"Well- a little, bit I can't really be with the team counting on me right?"

"Honey I'm sure everyones nervous, you just can't let it get to you, you're good at that."

Noya drinks from the cup of water by his plate, "thank you, but I already know hinata and Asahi are gonna be wrecks, Yamaguchi too probably, They’re the ones we gotta clam down," he laughs, something sits in his chest he can't quite place, a hollowing feeling he has no explanation for. He easily overshadows any uncertain feelings with the excitement of what's to come.

"You'll even everyone out," she grins taking a bite out of her breakfast. They eat in comfortable silence, Noya reviewing plays and how today's gonna go in his head, quietly hyping himself up to avoid pregame nerves, when his mom asks something a little mortifying.

"So anyone special you're expecting?"

Noya looks up from his food "huh?"

"Like, a boy or a girl, you know to come watch you play, You know," she wiggles her fingers and smiles and Noya tries not to face palm. His face heats up but he's mastered the art of not getting flustered easily- or at least not as easily as Asahi or a few other people he knows. 

"You mean like...mom, No I don't think so" Noya smooths his jacket out, propping his elbows on the table, "besides-" Noya considers mentioning the small detail that the person he likes happens to be on the team, but maybe he should leave that part out. He appreciates the fact that she so casually added in "a boy or a girl" and it makes him feel oddly warm, like he truly has been accepted and normalized. 

It should always be normalized. 

"I uh- don’t like anyone right now,"

"What about that girl- that manager on the team, you mention her sometimes, very pretty."

Noya blushes, "no, Kiyoko is off limits, She is enchanting, but no, not kiyoko."

"Hm," she hums, "What about that other guy, The one you've been hanging out with a lot,"

Noya sets his spoon down, mouth falling open slightly, fixating his mom with a look that says, 'don't tell me it's obvious to you too'.

"Oh you mean ryuu? No we're best friends you know that,"

She shakes her head, A knowing smile on her face, "no the other one, What was his name?"

Noya swallows the food he’d forgotten he had put in his mouth. "Hinata? No He's sort of got a thing for ka-"

"No," she laughs, "the other one,"

Noya doesn't think he can beat around the bush anymore. "Asahi," he sighs.

His mom nods and the look on her face says it all. "The Ace of your team right, big tall guy with the stubble," 

Noya nods, "that's him, we're just friends" he mumbles.

"I see that, How old is he?"

Noya blinks, "he's like a year older than me? His birthdays the opposite of mine," Noya doesn't mean to smile at that.

"Oh that's cute," she leans her cheek on her hand, "do you like him?"

Noya shrugs, "I'd rather not discuss my feelings about my teammates at breakfast, especially with my mom," he grins amused as she huffs.

“I'm trying to be involved Yuu," she shakes her head. "You don't have to tell me, I'm just curious."

"Another time mom," Noya says, maybe one day he'll tell his mom about how he's got it bad for the ace of Karasuno, but not today. 

He has to keep his priorities straight, The tournament, playing his hardest and bringing his all, being a foundation for his teammates and setting everyone up for success, that’s his priority. He can't focus on his very strong, very intimidating feelings for his friend, not on a day he's supposed to be focused. 

"You can tell me anything you know that," She smiles, getting sentimental on him again. He nods, "of course." 

He gets a call after a few minutes of more comfortable silence, his mom giving him permission to leave the table to answer it.

"Hey noya," 

"Asahi!" He hadn't expected it, but hearing him is still nice despite the fact that he'll see him soon.

"Good you're up, I'm at your house,"

"What?"

"Wanted to make sure you didn't sleep in and miss the fact that today's the tournament and I wanted to walk together."

Noya tries to hide the huge smile on his face, in the end Asahi is still one of his best friends, and though Nishinoya harbors romantic feelings towards him, And really really likes the way he looks and just how compassionate he is and everything else about asahi, He can't let it show by avoiding him, Noya knows that won't help the fact that they've had a rocky last few weeks that's been a little out of Normal, considering a kiss that Noya can't get out of his head, and the realization that Noya is in fact, in way too deep. 

Asahis still his friend, and the reason Noya won't pursue anything else is the risk of losing Asahi entirely, Of being rejected by the one person he can't bare hating him the most. 

"First off I would never sleep in on an important day, and yes, let's walk together, definitely," Noya pauses, "have you ate breakfast?"

"No not yet, I figured ide just eat something from the gas station on the way there-"

"Come in and eat then,"

"What?" 

Noya bites the edge of his thumb, glancing at his mom who still eats idly at the table. She wouldn't mind right? Speak of the devil, he thinks. She’d want to meet him anyways if they're friends. 

"Yeah, my mom cooked breakfast, I'm sure she wouldn't mind, It's just the two of us anyways"

"Its okay, I- I couldn't intrude like that,"

"C'mon Asahi," Noya persists, he wants one good thing, Asahi has yet to meet the one person in his life that means more than the world to him. Something about it makes his stomach flutter and warmth bloom in his chest, "I want you to, You gotta be properly fueled."

"Noya," he laughs and that feeling comes again. "I just don't want to intrude all of a sudden, I'll wait outside for you to finish eating if you're in the middle of-"

"No!" Noya walks to the front door, his mom sending him a questionable glance from the dining room. He opens the door and there Asahi is, standing on the sidewalk outside his house, on the phone and jumping when Noya shouts from the doorway, "come inside you big dummy!" 

Asahi blinks at him, looking just as good in his uniform sweats as always and completely unaware of it, and he taps the end call on his phone and Noya, with his hand on the door knob, hears the beep and grins. Asahi drops his hand with his phone in it. "Are you sure?" Asahi calls back. 

Noya sighs to give Asahi closure and cranes his neck to shout to his mom, "hey mom a friends here, can he have some breakfast,"

"I don't mind," he hears her call.

Noya waves at Asahi to come on and he timidly approaches, "have you ever been inside? I mean you've seen my house almost everyday and you've never came inside," Noya says as he drags a tentative Asahi inside. 

"I uh- don't think I have-" 

"Mom!" Noya exclaims as he leads Asahi into the kitchen, once again he's put on this confidence and comfortable volume to keep Asahi from being too nervous and anxious about this, But he knows if he didn't take charge Asahi really would wait outside all morning for Noya and not get anything to eat. How else would Asahi have the energy to use those amazing muscles on the court to their full potential. It’s important to be properly fueled before a big workout like a 3 set volleyball match.

"Speaking of the devil, Look who came by to pick me up, we walk together all the time, mom this is Asahi," Noya presents Asahi in all his glory who stands awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck and feeling way to big in the little kitchen. 

His mom clasps her hands, looking sweet and welcoming and Noya already sees the way she glances at Noya with a glint in her eye, "Im Ms.Nishinoya, You're even taller in person," she rises and holds out a hand. He takes it gently, his huge hand enveloping her small dainty ones that resemble Noya's wiry and slim wrists and fingers. 

"Azumane- Asahi Azumane," he clears his throat, as their hands drop and Asahi's left to stand there, still probably feeling as awkward and intrusive as Noya predicts. 

Ms.Nishinoya doesn't bat an eye, "let me get you some breakfast, Yuu still needs to finish eating anyways, It's the least I can do, you both have a long day ahead,"

"Oh-" Asahi blinks, hand moving to the back of his neck as he laugh quietly, "yeah, I suppose if I'm not interrupting or anything-"

"No! Not at all, I love meeting Yuus friends," she grins, her hands moving to scoot a chair out for Asahi to sit at by Noya, who's already moved to take his spot back at the table, gesturing for Asahi to go ahead. 

Asahi, looking entirely too awkward for his own good, complies. "Relax," Noya nudges him.

"Your moms really nice," Asahi smiles as Noyas mother goes to make Asahi a plate of food.

"I know right, She lives for hospitality, and She rarely gets to treat my friends so- let her be," Noya smiles. 

Asahi nods, turning to smile kindly and nod a "thank you for the food" to Mrs Nishinoya when she places the food in front of him.

"Of course, Azumane," she nods as she moves to sit back down, watching the two boys iddly. "So," she moves to break the silence before Noya can, Asahi shifts in his seat. 

Noya wishes he'd be a little more comfortable but he doesn't expect anything less from the timid ace who's far too big too act like he doesn't want to be seen. He's hunched slightly as if to make himself seem smaller, Noya can't tell if it's endearing or sad.

"Yuu says you're a 3rd year?"

Asahi nods, swallowing a mouth full of food, he eats small portions, as if he's afraid of disrespecting her by eating. Noya nudges his foot under the table to try and assure him it's okay and to calm down a little.

"I am," he confirms.

She regards him with a sudden sad smile, "that means this is your last season huh,"

He nods again, his gaze dropping, "yeah- I guess so," his voice is small and quiet in the atmosphere. Noya leans forward to speak, wanting to change the topic because of all people who doesn't want to discuss Last seasons and good things ending, its Noya who's had that sitting in his chest for way too long and does everything he can not to think about it.

"Mom? I think I left a pair of knee pads upstairs, can you go get them for me so I don't forget when I leave?"

Ms. Nishinoya blinks, nodding, "sure, honestly you'd forget your head if-"

"It wasn't attached to me," Noya laughs, "I know, pleaseee,"

Noyas mom shakes her head as she gets up to leave, Asahi seems to relax a little when it's just the two of them.

"You're tense," Noya says.

Asahi lifts his eyes to meet Noya’s, "oh well- I guess I'm just nervous,"

"It's just my mom-"

"Yeah But I know she's important to you and I don't wanna mess it up,"

"Asahi-" Noya's voice softens a drastic degree, he moves his arm and it's touching Asahi's as they rest their forearms on the table, neither mention it but Noya doesn't move it. Even if the butterflies erupting from just a simple contact are almost impossible to control. "You can't mess it up, My moms incapable of not liking anyone. She's got a lot of heart,"

"I see where you get it from,"

Noya blushes and ducks his head to the side, silently cursing. "Shut up," he mumbles, "just relax please, you’re being weird,"

"I guess I'm just weird then,"

Noya side eyes Asahi and grins, "you're right. You'll always be weird Asahi,"

"And you'll always be-"

"Yuu I couldn't find them, are you sure you forgot them?" His mom walks back in and Asahi snaps his gaze back to her. Noya chews the inside of his cheek, "maybe not- thank you for looking though,"

She sighs, "honestly," 

The rest of the morning conversation is casual, "what do you want to do after you graduate" and "whats your family like?" Until they check the time and realize they over stayed and race out the door, Noya dragging an apologizing Asahi who quickly thanks Ms.Nishinoya on the way out. 

"See you at the tournament," she calls after them. 

•••

"She's very nice, I can see why you're close with her," Asahi puts his hands in his pockets as they walk the usual route to Karasuno. 

"Well, she’s all I've got so," Noya shrugs, skipping along, he has a particular bounce in his step with anticipation. Not to mention the slight joy he feels after having his mom meet Asahi, the boy who means more than he knows to Noya. And Asahi meeting his mom, the most important person in his life. It was a collision of people he loves and the thought of them ever being close fills him with happiness he wants to manifest so bad but knows it'll never happen.

They walk in silence before Noya can't stand it anymore and goes on, because when he's excited and has an unreserved amount of energy, he has to talk. He doesn't care what about he just has to be doing something. "Thanks for coming in to eat, I know it made her happy,"

"Really?" 

Noya nods, swinging his arms by his side, "she rarely gets to treat my friends, And honestly she never gets to meet any new ones either- not that you're a new friend," Noya grins lopsidedly, "I know She really appreciated you coming in and seeing her, she's working so hard all the time, and I've told her I don't hold it against her for not, you know, being there constantly,"

Asahi regards Noya with a fond nod, showing he's listening and giving his attention to nishinoya. Noyas always been open about himself, about how he feels and how he feels about others, and yet sometimes even he keeps stuff inside. 

"But she still feels bad for not being involved enough you know," Noya kicks at a piece of loose gravel, turning to look at Asahi. 

Asahi shoulders his gym bag and glances ahead, clearing his throat. "You know, I think she's a good person, and she's brought up a good kid."

Asahis rewarded with a personal smile that holds nothing but happiness from Noya at Asahi's words, Nishinoya pokes Asahi in the arm, "I'll make sure she knows," 

"She also said-" Noya continues, "that you need to come over more often, On a night she's off so she can cook dinner,"

Asahi laughs, and it takes Noya off guard and almost sweeps him off balance in tune with it. "Okay, yeah sure, if I'm not imposing."

Noya wacks Asahi on the back, finding some type of playful friendliness to alleviate the insane burning sensation in his stomach at Asahi's laughter and radiance. Asahi can be a nervous wreck sometimes- well, more often than not, and he may be lacking in some areas when it comes to being a cool, suave upperclassman Noya had associated with older kids, but that's all in the charm that Asahi’s so different and contrasting with him that just makes Nishinoya unable to stay away. 

There's so many things Nishinoya loves about Asahi he couldn't list them if he tried. 

"You're welcome over anytime dummy, my home is your home,"

Asahi accepts it with a playful smile, Noya likes the way the rising sun hits his face and illuminates every best part of him. It's early, and chilly outside, and Noya's antsy about the day ahead but starting it off like this, with Asahi and the warm, orange light of the sun making Asahi's smile so much more comforting, is all he could ask for in regards to a good luck charm.

•••

Asahi and Nishinoya by some miracle,  
aren't late. They arrive with a few minutes to spare, everyones loaded up their bags into the back of the bus, Tanakas already there having grinned like an idiot and almost giving away everything by a single suggestive look from Noya to Asahi when they arrive, to which Nishinoya almost tackles him and drags him away by his ear. Tanakas been trying all morning to appeal to a drowsy kiyoko, who's rejected him soulfully as always. 

"She so beautiful when she's not a morning person," Tanaka sighs and Noya's smacks him on the shoulder, "that makes no sense,"

"It doesn't matter," Tanakas grinning at kiyoko who's taken her attention away from everyone to talk to a gleeful yachi. Who very clearly is a morning person in contrast.

Noyas split off from Asahi to talk to Tanaka and the other second years hover around them, Kinoshita, Ennoshita, and Narita stay in their inner circle, Noya glances at the third years, Daichi's talking to suga and Noya notices they’re standing way too close for some reason, Asahi shakes his head at them like an exasperated uncle. 

It turns out they're all waiting for the first years, Noya doesn't assume tsukkishima and Yamaguchi would walk with Hinata and Kageyama, but it's a safe bet if they all haven't arrived yet, or maybe Hinata had annoyed tsuki enough to the point Tsuki finally tossed him onto the highway and dipped. Noya tries not to laugh at the image, Tanaka gives him a weird look. 

"What's taking them so long?" Coach Ukai, with a very agitated voice Noya assumes is from also not being a morning person, pokes his head out of the bus. He hears Takeda offer an excuse from inside. 

"Hinata probably overslept," Tanaka laughs.

"That'd make no sense, Theres no way he'd even sleep at all before a day like this," Ennoshita says.

Suga chuckles, crossing his arms, "He's right," 

"Hey!" Speaking of the devil, right on time comes a barreling red head with far too much volume and speed for the time of morning it is, and kageyama comes in lagging behind, yawning. Tsuki and yamaguchi hang back too, walking behind them.

"I'm so sorry we're late! Kageyama over here slept in-"

Tanaka snorts as hinata rambles off apologies, but no one expected anything less from the first years. Noya eyes tsuki and moves to punch him in the arm in very annoying yet friendly way. "Why are you two late then-"

Tsuki blinks, rubbing his arm with a blatant look, "I wasn't in a hurry,"

"He over slept too," yamaguchi leans over his shoulder to whisper to Noya.

"Relax guys," Daichi addresses the underclassman, "you aren't late, It's fine, let's just all wake up some-" he glances at kageyama, Who despite his tendency to be fired up for tournaments, is yawning and tugging at his hoodie, "and get mentally prepared okay?"

"Daichi it’s like 7 am, Who wants to mentally prepare that early," Suga adds in, placing a usual hand on his captains shoulder, "why don't we load up and stop by Sakanoshita to get some breakfast? You cool with that coach?" 

Ukai raises his head, "what- yeah whatever let's just get this show on the road,"

"Okay, everyone on the bus-" Suga announces and the team files in, hinata and kageyama try to squeeze through the bus door together and almost fall out completely before climbing the stairs and settling on their seats together. Suga and Daichi take their usual seats by the front close to kiyoko and Yachi, Asahi settles somewhere closer towards the back alone, and Tanaka and Noya sneak to the very back seat where they can be as disruptive as they want so long as they aren't too outrageous.

"Hey-" Tanaka pulls Noya down in the seat, ducking like they’re hiding on a mission, and Nishinoya puzzledly looks around like he's lost his mind. "Why are you whispering," Noya whispers.

"Because," Tanaka grabs his shoulder, "we have to set a plan of action,"

Noya blinks, "a plan of action for what?"

Tanaka pulls Noya up so their eyes poke over the top of their seat. The bus door closes as everyone finally gets on and it starts to move. "To get us to sit by our future soulmates,"

"Huh?" 

"I want to sit by kiyoko and I'm gonna get you to sit by Asahi,"

"I don't need your help for that," Noya glares, "I could walk over there right now and sit by him,"

Tanaka stares at him like he's bullshitting, "and like, he wouldn't question it at all?" 

Nishinoyas not sure what he means, he's sat with Asahi before, They are friends after all, really close friends that don't need a reason to want to sit by each other. 

"Probably not," Noya says.

"Right, you know, now that I think about it, you had abandoned me last time to go sit with him,"

"I-" Noya starts.

Tanaka holds up a hand, they've sat back down, talking in their own space, Hoping that tsuki and yamaguchi about two seats ahead can’t hear them. 

"No no- you know what, look I have evidence that you left me in the dust,"

Tanaka pulls out his phone, swipes a few times and holds it right in front of Nishinoyas face. 

Noya goes red, heat engulfing his ears and face as he grabs the phone in horror. "When did you take this?"

"You gotta learn to not make it so obvious that you're-"

Noya clamps a hand over Tanakas mouth, "ryuu-"

He puts his hands up in surrender and when Noya decides it's safe, he removes his hand. "It was after training camp, you two were all cuddled up-"

"No-"

"Dude," Tanaka blinks.

"Okay fine but-"

"This photo makes me think that mr ace over there likes you too."

Noya almost screams and laughs all at the same time, which translates into a weird "AHUNO" noise escaping his mouth that makes narita from a seat away glance at them in question.

"No way man,"

"Okay suit yourself,"

"Hey-" Noya says, "you really don't care if I go sit with him though right? Tanaka I-"

"Yeah man, I'm not gonna be mad if you sit with the- Uh-" Tanaka glances at Narita who is sort of within hearing distance, "just, Dude I would be a dick if I said you couldn’t sit with him, stupid," 

"Okay bye," Noya laughs as he gets up, Tanaka shakes his head as Noya stands and moves across the seat.

"Noya pls sit-" Daichi starts,

"Sorry, I will boss- hold up," Noya says to him and makes his way up the aisle and sits down right next to Asahi. He doesn't look too surprised, just happy to see him. "Hi again," 

Asahi smiles, "hi,"

•••

Nishinoya has learned that despite the feeling of guilt and frustration that comes with being in love with someone so close to you, there also comes a lot of good aspects. 

Loves confusing, weird, and most of all contradicting. Because Nishinoya feels like he needs to avoid Asahi, needs to so he won't fall harder before he leaves, needs to so he doesn't have to feel his heart ache every time Asahi smiles at him because it's only meaning will ever be kindness, not the same meaning Noya's smile holds for Asahi. 

Noya just feels like part of himself needs to be far away from Asahi to save both of them, but the more dominant part that abandons logic and reason, that Noya tends to follow a lot, tells him that he needs to be as near to Asahi as possible, needs to get him to smile at him as much as he can. Needs to be there with and for Asahi. Needs to have his back despite everything he wants and more. 

Noya needs to be with Asahi, needs him as his partner, needs him as a teammate. 

They arrive at the Sendai City gym where the first round of prelims were to take place. Noya had vaguely heard the name of the first team they were supposed to play when coach ukai had updated the team on who their opponents would be. Noya had been half listening having been distracted by Asahis knee touching his at the time.

Noya eyes the building with bright eyes, and they flit from the scene in front of him to the back of Asahis head who's trudged ahead to walk with suga and Daichi. Noya realizes how this must feel. This could possibly be the last tournament they go to, the last time they find themselves here at this gym, competing to try and represent miyagi at nationals. 

Noya makes a silent pact for this to not be the last time Asahi see's this gym. They're coming back for round 2. He just knows it. 

There's no other choice.

"You ready?" Tanaka comes up beside him, grabbing Noya's shoulder. Noya almost startles, but his words register and Noya grins, feeling the familiar ignition of fire in his heart when it comes to volleyball, and with conviction, he grins, "lets give em hell."

•••

By the time they get inside, check in and check the bracket, Everyones initial excitement has melted into nerves.

They make camp over in their respective corner, Taking their time to get equipment on and get their heads in the right mindset. They were waiting for the game before them to finish up so they could start warm ups. 

Noya had vaguely heard Daichi mention Ohgi Minami as their first opponent. They'd been debriefed on the teams beforehand and hadn't remembered them being very threatening on the level aoba johsai's on. Nevertheless, this was no time to get ignorant and cocky.

Noya watched as Hinata grabbed his stomach, and stood woozily, clearly nauseous from the nerves. Yamaguchi, who’s sitting by the aloof Tsukkishima off to the side, seems to be letting the nerves gain control too. He overhears Yamaguchi talking with Yachi about it.

"So how many times do you plan on throwing up today?" Noya jokes with his underclassman as Hinata tries his hardest to not look green. A little ways away, admist the crowded lobby of the gym he can also hear the names of some of his teammates from other players, Being discussed by their possible opponents and everyone around them acknowledging and scrutinizing karasuno, breaking them down by their players. 

Noya opts on keeping his mouth shut for the time being, especially when he hears another comment about his ace looking like a grown man, Because yes Asahi looks older but it's charming and Noya should stand up for his friend, but even so, he knows A) Daichi would get pissed if he made a scene and 2) Asahi would probably be mortified if Nishinoya got them kicked out before even getting a chance to compete just for his sake. So Noya turns back to his conversation with hinata, who's still trying to swallow his nerves.

"Hey, I'm not gonna throw up- It's just some pregame jitters-" Hinata tries to convince Noya who laughs, Tanaka joining in as always.

"At least this time it won't be all over someone's crotch," Tanaka pats his nervous friend on the back, "my little red head has come so far, getting all grown up," Tanaka goes into his best midwife impression and Noya snorts, grinning because this, this is what he loves. What makes him happy. Being surrounded by his teammates, on a day like this where nerves bite at him but his pride and confidence and determination overshadow all of it. Where he can feel so incredibly happy just being surrounded by everything that makes it so.

Tanaka teases hinata more and the topic of conversation veers towards the team they’re playing soon, and Whilst Daichi and suga are off somewhere probably socializing or stretching, either one Noya knows they’re probably together.

Kinnoshita, Ennoshita and Narota sit in their trio to the side preparing in their own way. Tsukkishima is unbothered and sitting against the wall with his knees up and headphones in while Yamaguchi silently panics beside him. 

And Well, Even amidst the chatter and chaos around them, the lobby loud with players and spectating eyes, Noya's eyes naturally fall on Asahi, The quiet Ace alone by the wall as well, he's tying his shoes with a hardened look on his naturally intimidating face despite his very contradicting personality.

Noya excuses himself from his friends to venture over. He's not sure what he wants to say to Asahi. Maybe encouragement? Or a good luck? Something cheap and sappy about this being the last tournament they play in together? All of it makes Noya's stomach turn awfully, he doesn't want such a day like this too feel so dreadful in regards to the circumstances.

He looks past it to slide down by Asahi who's focused his gaze on a spot on the floor.

"Asahi, You look awfully tense," Noya hums. 

"I'm concentrating," he says and Noya grins, "I see that, I'm surprised you're not as sick as hinata over there," Noya glances to where hinata and Tanaka still talk, before Tanaka sends hinata off on whatever bathroom adventure and Tanaka turns to look for Noya, spotting him. Tanaka starts to head towards him when he notices Noya sitting by Asahi. He sends noya a sly look and motions his thumb to silently say he's gonna go look for Daichi and suga. 

Tanaka dips and leaves the rest of the team in their nerves and anxiousness before a match, getting ready and waiting. 

Noya wants to say something, but he's stuck again. It'd seem Noya excels at breaking the tension and silence in any situation, but Asahi's a slightly different story.

"You nervous?"

"For the match?" Asahi looks up, his face, despite how serious it looked while he was trying to concentrate, looks soft and fond, he had a habit of making emotions show on his face, and maybe Noya liked it. Because even then Asahi can be hard to read sometimes, but when he regards Noya with that natural little slant of a smile, it makes him feel just a little better.

"Yeah, I know what this tournament means to you third years," Noya shifts beside him, leaning against the wall. 

Asahis demeanor changes, it's a little saddened, but he straightens after a moment, "yeah well, I don't plan on losing, so, I'm just focused on that,"

"Yeah," Noya smiles nodding, "That's good, we don't need our trusty ace psyching himself out before a game because of nerves and sentimental issues," Noya slaps him roughly in the arm. 

Asahi winces but a smile ghosts his lips, and he jabs back with a gentle nudge, "and we don't need our gaurdian deity worrying about his upperclassman,"

Noya curses quietly because the way Asahi calls him that makes him feel like he could go crazy, "that's still a badass nickname, I can't believe Daichi gave me that,"

"I think it's pretty cool, sounds much better than the ace,"

"Oh hell no," Noya stands, hands on his hips. Asahi cocks his head up at him in amusement as Noya gets started again, "you're part of the backbone of the team dummy, The Ace gets all the glory,"

"And the libero?" 

"I'm just here to keep the ball in play for you," Noya beams, and holds out a hand to help Asahi up.

Asahi stares at it for a moment, contemplating, and he takes it. 

Despite being small, Noya helps Asahi up though he doesn't really, but asahi doesn't seem to mind and Noya has an excuse to hold his hand for a second, and Yeah Noya feels guilty for feeling so insane around Asahi, so alive and ecstatic yet so tentative. 

His goal for the day is to bring his team to victory, To being up his team mates and encourage them, to make sure he and Asahi get to play together again after today. That's his focus. That's where his dedication stems. To play his heart out.

"Hey guys-" Daichi Rounds the corner with suga and Tanaka. Tsukki looks up, yamaguchi and Yachi drop their conversation about being nervous, and Kageyamas already strolled back up gripping the collar of hinatas uniform like the scruff of a kitten. 

"Game before us just finished, let's go ahead and get warm ups started, let's get our heads cleared and focused," Daichi grins at his team, and as captain, He leads them to the court where their first game of the first round of prelims would take place. 

And all of them go in, expecting it to be the first of many matches in their rise to greatness.

•••

Warm ups are pretty standard. They stretch, Working arms and legs, peppering here and there before hitting lines. Everyone's getting focused, getting into their groove and coach Ukai converses with Takeda near the bench and score board. 

"Hey Asahi” Noya calls, Asahi looks up from hitting the ball down at the wall to get reps in and warm up his arm, Noya lifts the ball he holds in his hands, fingertips pressed into the rubber of the label, "partner?" 

Asahi blinks and nods in approval, Smiling as he tosses his ball into the cart to go back and forth with Noya, Hitting it down towards him, Noya digging it up with ease. "I'm so ready for this." Noya says as he digs another up, Asahi passing it so Noya can set him up again. 

"You seem like it, you always get this look in your eye before a game,"

"I do?" Noya sets the ball high, it fluctuates but Asahi reaches it and spikes it down again, "well yeah, you've got this intensity about you,"

"Ah well- you know," Noya does not make himself sound bashful on purpose, he just grins like the chaotic five foot kick ass libero he is, "That's what this games all about right?"

Asahi nods, Spiking the ball down once more, it's short so Noya dives forward, He briefly hears Suga scold him from a few feet away, telling him not to wear himself out just during warm ups.

Noya usually prides himself on being the focused moral boosting leg of the team. He's usually the one to keep people on their feet when the hopes lost. He brings out the best in his teammates and he's always so focused on the game and staying strong. 

But during hitting lines, when Noya's sat back as his defensive specialist self letting the outsides do their thing as he settles alone in the middle of the court on the other side, Coach having him dig up as many as his teammates balls as he can, well, Noya accidentally lets himself get distracted. After all, it's only warm ups.

But he faces his own consequences when it happens, and it's by taking a ball to the face.   
Noya had zoned out when Asahi went up to hit, Maybe gaining a view of Asahi Noya didn’t see so often, the slight lift of his jersey when he reaches the height of his vertical, his arms strong and solid as they swing and his hands, unwavering and connecting with the ball, determination stuck on Asahi's face, A satisfied smile when it reaches the other side. Noya had been too focused on Asahi and how good he looked in his jersey and jumping for the ball to notice that they had already moved on and Tanaka was next in line, and it resulted in tanaka slamming it in Noya's face on accident. 

Coach ukai chewed him out for daydreaming and his teammates were oddly concerned about what happened. But Noya was still secretly worked up, he knew Asahi was attractive, always knew that in regards to the sight of Asahi jumping into the air to hit a ball down, the way his legs bent when he jumped, how impressive his vertical was, Asahi portraying the ace was a sight he'd never be over and he'd adore all the same forever. It was one of his favorites, when shy, timid, heart of glass Asahi was a tenacious everminding determined player who exhibited strength even after he'd thought to have lost his love for the game all those months ago. 

Noya’s so happy he found it again. He can't imagine not having the view of Asahi in front of him, jumping up to hit a ball he received, and scoring the last set point, scoring when all else fails. 

Being the ace.

"Noya what the hell!" Tanaka calls out, and Noya sort of just lays where the ball knocked him down. He feels like he just channeled his inner hinata, which wouldn't be hard considering their likeliness but still, he's mortified and yet he really doesn't regret the feeling he has in the moment because he then realizes how head over heels he is.

"Uh-" kiyoko’s head pops into his line of vision, covering a portion of the gym lights, Pushing up her glasses, "are you okay Nishinoya?"

Noya, blinded by the ethereal beauty that is Shimizu, As everyone usually is, scrambles to his feet, blushing because of a lot of things at the moment. 

He notices Asahi pause as he moves to walk under the net and check on Noya. Noya gives him a look that confirms his sanity, which may be a lie, maybe Noya is going insane, and after rubbing his cheek where the ball collided and a thumbs up to kiyoko, they continue on with warm ups. Noya trying his hardest to stay focused.

When it comes time for the captains to shake hands, and they line up in their number order, facing the opposing team, Noya knows now it's time to get balanced, focused and concentrate on the task at hand. Even if he's the shortest one on the court, With Asahi to his right and Tanaka to his left in the line up, and the rest of his teammates, He feels powerful, he feels strong. 

As their summoned to circle up before getting into their positions on the court for the pregame talk, Noya gets stopped by hinata, "hey Noya, are you good? You Kinda got hit in the face,"

"Yeah it's nothing, Just got distracted," noya grins and slaps Hinata's arm, a usual display of affection towards his teammates and friends. Hinata blinks at him and Noya carries on ahead, circling up by Asahi and Tsukkishima. 

Takeda goes through his usual metaphorical speech that despite being cheesy half the time, boosts the energy of the team and their attitudes. It instills a sense of purpose and pride in them that can start their game off strong. 

Noya waits by the sideline, waiting for the ref to signal that he can switch in. He stretches his legs and rolls his neck all while bouncing up and down, getting his energy up and underlying nerves out. 

"Let's go Boys!!" He hears a familiar cheer from the stands and Noya and Tanaka both turn their heads to see Saeko, she's grinning ear to ear and cheering them on, beside her is Tanakas mother and Yua who claps and shouts too. Noya grins, Happy to see the support and Tanaka looks both incredibly embarrassed and incredibly greatful. 

Noya scans the crowd to see if his mother had arrived yet, he can't blame her if she's late, But he hoped she'd see their start, He doesn't see her just yet so he turns to go back on the court, switching in with Tsukki and taking his spot in the center like always.

"We can take this game guys, no problem!" Noya calls as he switches out with Tsukki, high-fiving him even if Tsukki disregards him half the time. Tsukkishima’s friendship with Noya, while often seemingly the greatest connection in the history of teammates, Between Noya's persistence and all around careless and not giving a fuck nature, he ended up having a soft spot for the tall blonde Tsundere that is Tsukkishima, Encouraging him and admiring him as a blocker even if Tsukki doesn't accept it half the time. 

Noya knows the players potential the way he knows about Hinata's and kageyamas and everyone else's on the team.

Karasuno has first serve, and while the other teams starting line up gets in position, Noya turns to his side where Asahi stands stretching his arm and rolling his neck, like he's trying to shake the nerves off. 

"Hey," Noya grins holding out a fist, "you ready?"

Asahi acknowledges it, leaning up and bumping it, Noya feels his heart jump and It doesn't feel horrible. He can stand there, focused and ready, but he can also appreciate just how amazing Asahi looks, ready in his uniform with his number 3, his Headband keeping his hair out of his eyes, eyes that are dedicated, That are intense when the whistle blows and the game starts. 

"Let's do it," Asahi nods and Daichi calls for Asahi to go serve. Noya watches as Asahi catches the ball and walks to the line. The whistle blows and the ref makes the motion to signal the time to serve. Noya takes a breath, turning his back, knowing Asahis behind him, about to start them off like it should be.

"Make it a good one Asahi!" Noya calls encouragement to the ace as he tosses it up, the toss high and forward, Asahi approaches it strongly and Noya hears the impact of his hand on the serve. 

It lands on the other side without a touch, and Noya still can't believe how strong Asahi's jump serve has become over time. He recalls digging it up in practice and how difficult it could be with its strength and tendency to move at the last minute. 

"Alright!" Noya grins wildly, the players from the sideline cheer and he hears Suga from the bench shout, "way to start us off strong Asahi!" 

"Good one Ace!" Tanaka shouts. Asahi takes the praise with a shy smile as he retrieves the ball again and moves to serve once more. Noya crouches, And something tells him this first match is gonna be a good one.

•••

The third years. The upperclassman, The seniors.  
The foundation and Leaders of the team, The ones tasked with leaving behind a legacy everyone can build on. Who'd been there since Karasuno had lost their title, had been at their lowest, now watching and playing at their strongest, seeing Karasuno rise again and fix their wings, no longer clipped and under the mirage of nothing anymore. Karasuno's wings have healed, and the third years are soaring the way the rest of the team is. 

This is their final season. And they knew it had to mean something. 

This game, whether it go by in an easy take,whether they struggle to win each set or breeze through the hardships to have the purest amount of fun and thrill on the court, Is still to be given their all, because they know it could be their last.

But the underclassman, Coach Ukai, Takeda, Yachi, the supporting family in the stands, They all understand, They all look to the upperclassman as their guidance, They all know this is not the time to blow their third years last season. 

All the while to give it their all, Hinata finding his wings and sense of victory and showing those to never underestimate him, Daichi and Suga coleading a team to greatness and finding their own strength. Kageyama and his path to becoming a team player, in forming the bond with hinata and the others that will last beyond the court, Tsukkishima’s love of the sport becoming more than surface level, Yamaguchi and his rise to confidence, Ennoshita, kinnoshita, and narita supporting the team they've been able to be apart of and watch grow on the court, despite only ever getting to practice rather than show their skills in a game, still having that attitude of utter pride and support in the others. Tanaka increasing his skills and friendship with others, And Asahi and Nishinoya, who through so many ups and downs, Have fought along with Karasuno with their most devoted and utter self and hard work since they came back from their disagreement after date tech. 

Who have realized how much the other means in terms of the world, of the team, and As someone they aren't sure they'll ever be able to play without. 

Noya found his outlet, He found his love for volleyball and bringing the best out of people around him through the sport, of providing the support from the ground, where he keeps it in play and has his teams back, where he can make his Family proud, he can make His aunt proud and He can make Asahi and everyone else prideful in having Noya on the team. 

And Asahi, Well He was on the court because he loved the feeling of seeing the other side. Of overcoming things that seem impossible and scary, Something he struggled with off the court. He knew his purpose when he had the ball, when he jumps in the air and sees the blockers, when he uses his power to force it to the other side, When he hears his teams praises and his confidence is like no other. On the court he's who he wants to be. Asahi has found a lot of meaning and happiness playing what he loved.   
And he's dreading the day it's over. When he won't have Noya guarding his back anymore.

When in the end he has to say goodbye.

But it's beyond his control and he knows it, And so Asahi jumps in the air, As Noya calls his name, and Kageyama focuses in as the synchronized attack goes into motion for the first time in a real game, and Hinata clears the way for the ace. Asahi swings, fast and hard, and the sound of the ball hitting the court is loud and satisfying as they take the win. They win their first game of the tournament and no one cares if it's just the beginning because this means they get to stay on the court together longer.

"Asahi that was Awesome!” Noya exclaims and Asahis first in contact with Noya who's jumping up with both arms raised to high-five Asahi in celebration. Noyas eyes shine in admiration as he almost jumps to hug him but decides against it when he sees Asahi's smile is contagious and happy and Sugas already off the sidelines to praise Asahi just as well, and everyone celebrates by jumping and cheering.

Hinata and Tanaka celebrate by shouts that blend with Noya's own victorious loudness. Everyone's euphoric even if it's just the first game. 

They know they have to make these victories count.

Eventually after lining up, bowing and thanking each other for the game, Ohgi Minami is gone and Karasuno awaits their next opponent. 

Ukai circles up his team to talk to them about everything, About what worked and what didn't in a game and how they could do something different in the next. Strategies and encouragement. It's helping everyone really stay on track in the small break between games.

"Yuu!" Noya hears a familiar voice call from up by the railing in the stands. Noya, having been indulged in a conversation with Tanaka about punk rivalries and the injustice of other teams admiration for kiyoko, turns with Tanaka who both look for the source. Everyone on his team is doing stuff to warm up or stretch off to the side of the court as the refs talk with coach ukai and the scorekeepers. Asahis over with Daichi and suga talking, Yamaguchi’s hitting the ball at the wall in repition alongside hinata, and kageyama’s peppering using the wall to set to. They never stop practicing. Meanwhile Tsukishima disappeared, probably to go to the rest room or something equally unexciting. 

Noya doesn't take more than half a second to spot her in the stands, His mother's beaming at him by the Tanaka family, waving. She has her purse tucked to her side and grips it tightly, and to noyas surprise, With her is his grandpa. Who nods and waves in acknowledgement. He's smiling too.

Noyas face lights up and Tanakas does as well in recognition. "Mrs. Nishinoya!" Tanaka cheers. 

"Mom!!" Noya jogs closer, looking up at her as she leans over the rail. "Sorry I was so late, I saw the last few plays against Ohgi Minami, You're doing so good sweetie!" She calls down and it attracts some attention from his teammates. Noya blush's, "mom it’s not a big deal," 

"You too lil bro, You’re kicking ass," Saeko calls to Tanaka who's mortified as always when his very supportive big sis is just as loud as he can be. "Go Ryu!!" Yua claps from her spot on Tanakas mother's shoulders. 

"Hi Mrs. Nishinoya," Asahi appears at Noya's side waving up at Noya's mom.

"Hi dear, you're doing awesome too!"

Asahi beams and him and Noya share a genuine look, Noya's not quite sure what it means but when The next game starts, Warm ups going through quick without a hitch, and Noya's waiting to switch in again, he feels Bigger than life. Like he could take on any team and any opponent with no struggles at all. With his mom in the stands and his grandpa giving his support too, Noya knows this next team is no match for Karasuno's gaurdian deity. Not when Noya has the world on his side at this moment. 

•••

They're sweaty, over worked and exhausted. The days gone by in a flash and yet dragged on all the same.

There's nothing to describe the relief of winning the second match. Or the stress that rose when they struggled at first against the extremely tall player on Kakugawa, Hyakuzawa, the number 9 posing an admirable disadvantage for Karasuno, but as they adapt and the wild crows learn to fight with their strengths, They defeat the lime green team and It's then they realize they just got through the first round.

Noya finds his mom outside the gym with a few other parents, and he runs to hug her, even in his sweaty state, he's already changed out of his uniform and it lay stuffed in his athletics bag, strapped over his shoulder. Noya doesn't hesitate to leave Tanakas side to hug his mom. 

"You got through! You did amazing," she praises him, Noya beams, "thanks, I'm so ready to get to nationals, We're gonna kick ass the next round,"

"Hey mrs. nishinoya!" Tanakas not far behind, coming up to give Noya's mom a hug. "Ryu," she greets fondly, "as bold as ever on the court and off," she hugs him tightly and Noya can't break his smile. He feels a firm hand on his shoulder and his grandpa gives an approving nod and pulls him in for a hug. "You played well,"

"Thank You," Noya rarely gets the acceptance of his grandpa, he usually reserves it, he never has been one to really show much emotion, but every now and then Noya will get that side of him that was a father, A father who supported his kids and now his grandson. 

"You guys really mean business this year," she says to Tanaka and Nishinoya, She has a hand on both their arms, squeezing slightly. 

Tanakas family has already headed home, Noya's mom had opted to stay after since she had missed part of the first game and so she could congratulate Noya despite getting to see him when he gets home. 

"Yeah, We're not letting up," Tanaka grins. 

"Do you know when the next games are? And who you'll be playing?"

"I think it's about a 2 month break in between?" Tanaka looks to Noya who shrugs, "well, that just means more practice,"

"You all work so hard and it shows," Noya's grandpa says beside Noya's mother and Tanaka blinks at the man, who nods hello. Tanaka looks to Noya who smiles bigger, everything falling into a good place. 

"Noya! Tanaka," Daichi calls, The suns setting and everyone's ready to get back home to Karasuno. "We're heading out come on," Suga says.

"I'll see you at home mom," Noya goes in for another tight hug, his moms arms around him reassure him that he earned today, working hard, focusing through the lately conflicting feelings he's had towards Asahi and himself in general, he's needed a win. 

"Thank you for coming grandpa," Noya hugs his grandpa even if he doesn't intend it, and his grandpa relaxes and tells him for the second time that he's played well. And Noya walks into the bus smiling harder than ever. 

Everyone's loaded up eventually, the setting sky golden and shining through the windows of the bus. Kiyoko and hinata are one of the last's ones on the bus, hinata going on about meeting this captain of some team and him trying to hit on kiyoko, and Tanaka and Nishinoya getting oddly possessive and angry, but Tanaka getting very territorial just from a story is hilarious to Noya. Though he doesn't appreciate other teams players making moves on their older manager.

When Noya had loaded up, Asahi was already in his seat with his head against the window, Noya had to pause to catch his breath when he maneuvered through the aisle, because the way the sun reflected through the window on his face and made Asahi almost glow was gorgeous. Illuminating his eyes that stared tiredly out the window from the draining day, into a honey brown that Noya could romanticize in every way possible but in the simplest sense, he was in love with. 

Asahi’s relaxed in the most ruffled way, an Exhausted hunch in his shoulders, leaning his head on the window and letting the sun hit him, his hair was a mess, halfway falling out of its bun, his clothes were half rumpled. You'd think Noya wouldn't find this utterly attractive but In a sense he really did, he loved looking at Asahi like this because even then he knows all of its from hard work, and it's all so incredibly domestic and adorable Noya Finds himself looking at this version of Asahi way too fondly for his own good. 

Noya sets his bag down at the back, Looking at tanaka who shoos him away before Noya can even ask, and Tanaka ends up dragging Ennoshita to sit with him so Noya couldn't and he just laughs quietly, Moving down the aisle. 

He passes Tsukki and Yamaguchi, who’s already fallen asleep on Tsuki’s shoulder, Hinata and kageyama who talk quietly, and up front he spots of course, Suga and Daichi sitting together around Kiyoko and Yachi. Everyone's developed such normalcy in this and Noya loves it. 

Noya gains the attention of Asahi, who looks so warm in the light of the setting sun that Noya once again has to catch himself before he speaks, and he motions to the seat. 

Like it's even a question, Asahi nods, and Noya sits. "Hey,"

"Hey,"Asahi says quietly, in a way that tells he's tired, Asahi's always been a softly spoken guy despite his appearance, but when he gets tired he gets even quieter.

"You played good today Ace."

"So did you."

•••

Noya wakes up before Asahi this time.  
The bus is quiet and peaceful within the steady drone of the bus on the road. The suns gone and it's dark, And Noya assumes they’re close. He hasn't remembered falling asleep, Or laying his head on Asahi’s shoulder but the better part of him is thankful to have the chance. And had Noya fallen asleep before Asahi, maybe Noya's relieved to know he hadn’t pushed him off.

Asahi's far too gentle of a person, too kind to do anything like that, and Noya lifts his head up despite his want to go back to sleep, but he knows they must be close to Karasuno. He's careful not to wake Asahi, who's been leaning against the window. Noya hears his steady breathing and takes in just how peaceful his ace looks. His heart flutters and rises and he feels a fondness beyond compare. He wants to keep this person safe. Wants to see him conquere all that scares him, wants to be by his side every step of their trek into the future. Noya takes the time of silence within the bus to become sentimental over his friend, And he really lets himself accept how real it all is. 

How utterly in love he has become, and how increasingly hard it's going to be to let him go.

•••

The two months go by in a blink.   
Noya takes this period of time and practice inbetween the months before their next game to qualify for nationals, to spend as much as it with his team, And more often then not he's at Asahi's side. 

Noya knows Asahi has a lot going for him, He has his other friends Noya knows he wants to hang out with, and yet Asahi reassures him that Daichi and suga are more often than not, supportive of Asahi'a close relationship with Noya and they’re glad he has more friends, Even if it's just Noya. 

And Noya, While he's overcome with the urge everyday to just tell Asahi how he feels, What little sense of rationality Noya has always shuts him down like a 3 person block. But even then, Spending so much time with Asahi while he still has it, he can't let himself feel too guilty after a while. 

Not when Asahi smiles at him and Noya feels this responsibility to make sure he spends the last few months in Karasuno happy and not worried about others opinions of him, or failing to live up to the title of the ace, when he deserves the name more than anyone he knows. 

Noya has never had anyone make him so sentimental more than Asahi has. Except for his family. 

There's a week left. A week left of more conditioning and practice before they play Johzenji. Before they can progress onto the quarter finals, then if it happens, the semi finals, and hopefully, beyond all of those. 

And practice has gone long and can be harrowing. During individual skill conditioning Noya had been picking up Asahi's serves, and he'd missed a particularly interesting one from the timid first year yamaguchi.   
It was just one more indication of how close the game was coming, How close the end was should they lose in sudden death. 

Noya dives forward, the practice had ended with a scrimmage between the players on Karasuno, Noya was picking up a blocked ball tanaka had hit and it went up, he felt the familiar court burn on his leg, his knee pad moving slightly with the impact so part of his knee skids on the court as he had dove, and When he hears the praises of his bestfriend, Tanaka shouting, "thanks for covering my ass," and Suga moves in to set up Asahi this time, Noya hops back up, ignoring the stinging sensation on his leg. 

He moves back to his position, shifting on the court and getting ready to receive the quick from Hinata and kageyama. 

It comes down fast before Asahi, Tsukki, and Suga can block it, and it's deep. So deep in the court that Noya turns without hesitation, and almost twists completely To dive backwards, he pushes off the floor to extend and dives to pick it up, and when he lands, having gotten a sloppy dig from it, he lands with a menacing feeling in his ankle.

He lays there, Usually he shakes this thing off, but he's so exhausted from practice that his ankle hurting may be the last bit to finally retire him.

But then Asahi's and Tanakas head pop into his field of vision, and then comes a worried Suga leaning over him, "that was an intense dig, Noya are you alright?"

Noya nods, taking Asahi's extended hand as his team acknowledges their libero.

"I'm fine guys, just hurt for a second," Noya announces, everyone relaxes instantly, Noya doesn't bullshit around this kind of thing, sure he's reckless, and can sometimes forget to take care of himself, But with a big game so close, he wouldn't risk hurting himself by walking off something severe like he usually would. He knows it'd be selfish just to save his pride of never falling down.

"Are you sure?" Daichi's maneuvered under the net to meet Noya who nods, "it's all good boss,"

"Noya," sugas tone turns serious.

"I'm fine I promise I just landed weird-"

"Look you know what-" Daichi cuts Noya off. "It's getting pretty late anyways,let's go ahead and wrap it up, that okay with you coach?" Daichi looks to ukai on the sidelines, who nods in response, "You good kid?" Ukai calls.

Noya, somewhat touched people are actually concerned but now feeling very guilty that he might have just ended practice early, gives a thumbs up.

"Alright, Lets clean up guys, and let you all get home for dinner and stuff," Daichi announces.

"You sound so graceful captain," Suga pokes Daichi in the arm. Daichi, Despite his hardened and very authorities tone, smiles and swipes at Sugas hand. 

Noya, who's taken his weight off his ankle because yeah okay maybe it does hurt but he prays it isn't anything an ice pack won't fix, Had taken his attention as usual to Asahi who shakes his head in exasperation at his friends obviousness. 

Asahi sees Noya watching him as everyone moves to clean up. Asahi moves to scratch the back of his neck, "Noya, are you sure you’re fine? that seemed like it hurt,"

Noya laughs, because Asahi's still so concerned when he's literally told everyone he's fine.

"Yeah- like I said, I'm fine I promise, it just stings a little-"

"Let me walk you home then,"

"Oh," Noya blinks, "yeah, I mean Duh always but still," Noya grins lopsidedly and he may look like an idiot but Asahi's so genuine it's hard not to smile like one.

"Right" Asahi nods, and Noya just follows after him, Limping slightly from his strain but nevertheless.

•••

"Come in and eat dinner with me,"

"What?"

Noya had leaned on Asahi a lot on the walk home. At some point Noya had ended up on Asahi's back and it took a lot of strain not to let his heart get out of control during the back ride. Asahi seemed happy from the laughter and smile it brought him on the walk home though, so in the end Noya didn't feel too guilty. 

Noyas mother was gone on the night shift again but he already knew she had heated up his dinner in the microwave before she left, and she always made extras. And maybe Noya didn't want to eat dinner alone, maybe he wanted Asahi to come inside and not leave yet because he never gets enough time with Asahi despite feeling like he's always with him.

Maybe that's part of being infatuated with someone, no amount of time is ever enough. 

"Just, come eat dinner, My moms gone so it'd just be us, I wanna thank you for helping me walk home, even tho it's not too bad, and I usually tough stuff out-"

"Which you shouldn't because it could injure it worse-"

"Even though," Noya cuts off Asahi's interjection, they stand on the front porch face to face, and Noya will never get enough of Asahi's face in the contrast of the moon and starlight and the fluorescent porch light that take turns illuminating his face, "even though I tough stuff out, Every once in a while it's nice to have some help."

Asahi snorts, "I'm always gonna help you Noya,"

"Yuu," Noya says, letting Asahi know he can call him by his first name. 

"Right," Noya thinks he sees Asahi blush. 

"Don't be shy about it dummy" Noya laughs, "you're my bestfriend, it's only right you call me by my name,"

"I know it just feels so personal,"

"Well," Noya smiles, tilting his head, "you don't have to until you feel comfortable okay? No pressure."

"Thanks,"

"Now come on," Noya grabs Asahi's wrist and drags him inside. 

•••

And then comes the staring.  
They eat a warmed up TV dinner because Noya's mom had been called in early as explained by a sweet note on the fridge, and Noya apologizes profusely for not having a home cooked meal and yet Asahi doesn't seem to care at all. 

Noya finds himself staring a lot, staring when Asahi talks to Noya about some book he's started reading or about fashion schools and how his relationship with his parents is doing, how he's still trying to figure out a way to tell them. Noya stares when Asahi takes his hair down because it was giving him a head ache, and he stares when Asahi and him sit down in noya's living room to watch a movie.

It's a Friday night of course, Their usual time together where they do absolutely nothing interesting after practice, half the time they just video chat or text, Asahi, as timid as he can be, is always so shy about coming over to Noya's. 

Over the past month and a half after their first round of prelims, when the weathers gotten colder and graduations started to get closer, Noya had been spending a lot of time with Asahi and his family and Vice versa. Tanaka noticed it too, but every endeavor he spends with Asahi that's become second nature is always spontaneous and last minute and it's always to be expected at this point. So it's not anything new that Asahi spends the evening at Nishinoyas, where they talk about anything and everything, where they watch volleyball matches from the national men's volleyball team of japan.

It's all so painfully couple-y in the most platonic way and Noya both loves and hate it. Because there's instances where he and Asahi will also study together, having school to balance on top of everything else regarding practice and preparing for their next match, where they'll be in the quietest tranquility. Noya playing the records from his moms room, and him and Asahi sitting on his back porch studying, Asahi helping Noya every now and then trying his best to keep his underclassman focused, when Noya wants to take the book from him and kiss him. Kiss him fast and let Asahi know just how much he adores him.

It's a daily struggle it seems.

That night when Noya holds a frozen bag of green beans to his ankle and relaxes on the couch while Asahi lets Noya prop his feet in his lap, He talks about how his brother Riku got in to a really good highschool, and how his older brother is going to be coming back from college during winter break in a few weeks. Asahi conveys his worries and Noya listens, and lets Asahi talk.

Noyas discovered a lot about Asahi. Like the fact that   
Asahi tends to be quiet and soft spoken, But when he knows he can trust you with anything, you just have to let him talk and get it all out, It helps with his anxiety, and Noya loved that. 

Loved that Asahi was finally comfortable with him. Finally, finally, after Those arguments in their past, after the misunderstanding with the kiss where Noya was still stung with the rejection, it helped him realize that he really didn't have hope of ever getting to be with Asahi in the way he wants. But he can settle for this friendship, this closeness with Asahi that he hopes won't fall off when he graduates. 

"Noya?"

"Hm?"

"You look distracted,"

Noya blinks, lifting his head from the arm of the couch, "oh, sorry, I'm listening I promise, I'm just tired,"

"I can head home if you need me to-"

"No!" Noya sits up, "it's fine, I didn't mean to drift off, Stay, please," 

"Okay," his smile is soft, and Noya shifts his foot, Asahi rests his arms over Noya's legs that lay in his lap, it's sweet, and Noya feels the butterflies. 

Noya knows there's still something he's keeping from Asahi, two things he knows he needs to tell him, And wants Asahi to know. 

Maybe for his own consolation or for his own sake, or maybe even because he really doesn't want that boundary anymore. 

"Why don't you stay the night? Tomorrow is Saturday after all, And you have your practice stuff for our joint practice with Fukurōdani tomorrow evening," 

"Your mom wouldn't mind?" Asahi asks.

"No, of course not! As long as your parents would be okay with it,"

When Asahi runs a hesitant hand through his hair, Noya has to hold his breath. "I mean, I don't see why they wouldn't be, but uh-"

"What is it?" Noya asks.

"I don't have like any sleep clothes, I mean I can wear my practice shorts but-"

"You can borrow mine!" Noya gets ahead of himself and Asahi face palms very dramatically, "Nishinoya that doesn't seem like it could work,"

Noya pauses, "oh right," Noya happens to be very very small compared to Asahi, and maybe Noya could thrive in Asahi's oversized shirts but Asahi could not begin to get one of Noya's very interesting t-shirts and their odd phrases over his head. 

"It's okay," Asahi laughs, "it'll be fine, I'm gonna go call my mom and tell her what's up okay?"

Noya nods, moving his legs so Asahi can stand, and before Noya can lean forward to adjust the ice pack, Asahi does it for him.

Noya waits for Asahi to come back, standing up and wincing very slightly. With rest, his ankle will be fine, But even then he doesn't wanna make it worse. He hobbles upstairs and gets his room in order, Asahi's been in his room only once, and he was so awkward and nervous he left five minutes later. 

So hopefully Noya can make it more comfortable this time. 

Noya has never been the clumsy shy schoolgirl type a around his crushes, he prides himself in that and in the sense that he really has no filter and he can be blunt enough that the nerves that come from being a round someone he likes doesn't affect his actions too much. 

Though does try his hardest not to go into panic mode anytime Asahi does something remotely attractive or cute, and instead opts for admiring instead of overthinking, he leaves that for when he's alone.

So maybe Noya's sort of nervous about Asahi spending the night but over all, he's happy. Happy his friend, someone he cares so much for, is staying and just wants to be around him.

•••

"It's almost here," Noya drawls, walking alongside his tall ace as he leads Asahi to a secret location on that Saturday morning. 

It's cool out, the newly Autumn breeze bringing in cherry blossoms and the leaves off trees as they go barren for the upcoming winter months. Asahi looks particularly good in his hoodie, hair only tied half up to keep it out of his eyes, but left to be blown back in course with the wind. Noya tries not to stare as always, but he appreciates the view as he walks, and he decides Asahi looks beautiful in the fall, of course he does anytime of the year but the colors and chilly weather biting at his cheeks and the way he seems more comfortable just compliments him well.

Noya has a bounce in his step as he walks, despite the heaviness in where Noya intends on taking Asahi. "What is?" Asahi hums, hands in the pocket of his hoodie.

"Graduation," 

Asahi sighs, "it is isn't it," 

"Yeah," 

They walk in a comfortable silence as if the other is trying to think of what to say next.

"Is it terrifying?"

"Hm?" 

Noya swallows, his mouth suddenly dry, "well, knowing in a few months, You're going to be moving onto bigger things, it's a big step isn’t it? Graduating and moving out is different then how it was moving from junior high to high school,"

"No,"

Noya looks up, Asahi's stopped on the sidewalk, Hands still in his hoodie pocket but he's looking at Noya with an unreadable expression.

Noya once again is at a standstill, not sure of what Asahi's thinking. “It's not terrifying, well it is, but it's not,"

"Makes perfect sense," Noya shrugs.

Asahi smiles, "You'd think someone like me would be scared of that don't you,"

Noya furrows his eyebrows as they walk, falling instep with Asahi, who slows his quickness so Noya doesn't have to sprint with his short legs in comparison to Asahi's generally faster strides. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well you know, I'm scared of a lot of things, you know that, everyone knows That, don't deny it Nishinoya"

"I'm-" Noya stops himself, "I'm not denying that I don’t think there's a lot that gets to you Asahi, But you're still here aren't you?"

Asahi's gaze flickers to noyas who's focused more on him than the path they walk on. They’re standing close, Noya knows this, but he's too delved into this new topic of conversation to focus on it at the moment.

"I'm an anxious mess right? I take things a little too serious for my own good, I'm the perfect candidate for being a depressed college kid trying to adjust to life on my own,"

"Asahi-"

"But that's okay, Because while it seems scary, for some reason I'm not that terrified of leaving. Because in the end I know I have to learn to get through that wall ya know,"

Noya stares, eyes big and fixated on Asahi, who looks to the ground shyly, like he's embarrassed almost. Typical asahi, pouring his heart out in a casual conversation, Noya doesn't expect anything less anymore.

"You know you're really cool Asahi,"

"I am?"

Noya nods, "course you are, which is why I think Aunt Himari is going to love you."

•••

"Nishinoya..." Asahi's mouth hangs open in slight awe, but now less in admiration and more in a surprised shock value. Maybe Noya sprung this with little warning but when has Noya ever not done anything on impulse. Noya watch's Asahi carefully, taking in his reaction. 

Asahi seems hesitant in the way he moves, stands, like he's scared of doing something that would be disrespectful. Noya wants him to relax a little, so in an excuse to touch Asahi's arm and to calm him down, Noya lays a gentle hand on his bicep, moving them a little further off the sidewalk to the grass beside Himari’s grave, under the shade of the cherry blossom tree beside it, where some fall in with the autumn breeze.

"Asahi," Noya says with a steady voice, "I want you to meet my aunt, part of the whole reason I started playing volleyball, and one of kindest people I'll ever know," 

Asahi shows commiseration on his face but where as sympathy for Noya's unfortunate situation initially made Noya feel obscure and detached, which tended to result in Noya being less than forthcoming, it doesn't feel that way with Asahi. Asahi, while feeling that remorse for Noya, doesn’t make Noya feel weak for having something misfortunate happen to him.  
Because in the end, Asahi knows Noya and knows he’s trusting him with this because Noya believes that Asahi won't look at him different, won't treat him like broken glass because he has a bereaved family. 

Noyas brought him here because he wants Asahi to know all of him and meet someone important to Noya, and to Asahi nothing means more to him than this. 

Himari is the world to Noya, Asahi's the world to Noya, So it's only right he lets them meet even if there's the barrier of life, the barrier of grief Noya fights constantly and has conquered so much but still undermines itself on particular days where it's sudden and difficult.

"I know it's silly," Noya starts, he has such an affinity for Asahi that he's less nervous and more comfortable seeing Asahi finally acknowledge his aunt despite that they look at a piece of concrete with a name on it.

"but I just, Shes important to me Asahi, and you're important to me too, Like I've told you, She uhm, well, Shes part of why I started volleyball, she taught me a lot,"

Asahi relaxes after a second and Noya can catch his breath finally, hopefully not overstepping or misunderstanding just how close he and Asahi actually are.

"Noya, I don't know if I should tell you that I feel honored or if that'd make this weird,"

Noya breaths out a laugh, "it's fine Asahi,"

Asahi moves to kneel, looking to Noya for clarification, who nods for him to go on.

So Asahi kneels, and pulls a flower from the weeds a few feet away from the grave to lay over the flattened dirt in front of the stone, and he speaks, Noya just watches with a soaring heart that jolts every now and then with bitter sweetness, his respect for Asahi already so immense he didn't think it could get any bigger. 

Noya knows how odd it feels at first. Talking to a headstone seems silly, but it's as close as it gets to talking to the actual person as if they were alive, And eventually, It doesn't feel so silly after a while, Asahi's timid at first with his words, "uhm...Hi Miss Nishinoya, I'm Noya's Friend-"

"Y-" Noya almost corrects Asahi to use his name but he remembers his conversation from earlier and pauses. "You can call her Himari," he says.

Asahi blinks at Noya and smiles, nodding. All the while Noya stands back, He hadn't expected Asahi to be this forward in accepting the meeting, he’d expected Asahi to be shy and unsure about it all, And Noya feeling slightly bad for springing something like this on Asahi, but here Asahi was taking it with saving grace and smoothness, that Noya can appreciate and admire.

He's always admiring Asahi it seems.

"Himari," Asahi says her name slowly, "I'm a friend of Noya, It's good to meet you, He talks so highly of you," Asahi blinks to himself, thinking briefly, Noya moves to kneel beside Asahi, sending him a supportive grin.

"I uhm...don't know what to say really, Just thank you, for being someone so special to him-" Asahi coughs, Scratching the back of his neck as his ears heat up and Noya doesn't miss the blush blooming across Asahi's cheeks. He wants to kiss it right off and yell because Asahi's so sweet without trying sometimes.

"He's a really great player, and a friend. I'm lucky to uh-“ Asahi glances sideways at Noya who meets his eyes in return, something jumps in Noya's chest. "To know him," he says without breaking the contact.

Noya stands up, Asahi craning his neck life to look up, still kneeling, "..noya?"

"Asahi..." Noya says and his voice is oddly quiet, a gust sweeps past them, blowing Asahi's hair back out of his eyes, and rippling the sleeves of his jacket. Cherry blossoms swarm the air and flutter around before moving on with the wind to travel elsewhere and land somewhere in need of their beauty. 

"What? Did I say something wrong? Did I make you uncomfortable? Noya I-" Asahi's panicked before Noya can even continue, standing up so now Noya's the one looking up at him. 

"No!" Noya quickly assures the tall softy, the big ace with a glass heart is worried he's the one who said something wrong, he's so endearing sometimes Noya can't stand it. "Asahi- you're okay, I was just..."

Noya thinks about doing it right then and there, letting it loose, let it hang in the air and be carried off with the wind, get it out of his system after letting it hide for so long, How long had Noya been containing what he's felt for the big guy? 

But Noya knows he can't. He can't ruin everything he's built with the ace, the friendship, The partnership. Every reason why he should move on plays in his mind and though he hates to admit, he knows it's best for Asahi. 

Noya can't give him what he wants, Noya isn't who Asahi wants. 

But without words Noya takes Asahi's hand, He's not sure what he's trying to do. He feels the undeniable impulse to say 'Asahi I'm in love with you and I really want to kiss you but I don't want to scare you or ruin our friendship because you mean so much to me and I can't lose you at all' but instead he just holds Asahi's hand in his. "Helps with the grief to touch something familiar," Noya mumbles a justification so the shocked redness in Asahi's face wipes itself away, and Noya wills away his own blush.

Asahi's hand is strong and calloused and puts in perspective their size difference, Asahi almost a foot taller, muscled and big while Noya stays lean and small, moving around constantly. Noya likes how Asahi's hand fits with his, how if he laced his fingers with Asahi's his heart might drop out of his chest. How long has it been since Noya's held someone's hand? 

"Oh," Asahi squeaks. "That's okay," and When Asahi doesn't pull away, they sort of fall into a quiet tranquility, looking at Himari’s headstone under the tree on an autumn morning.

"Thank you for bringing me here..." Asahi says after a while.

Noya raises his eyes, still distracted by their hands, Comfort pooling in his chest from the warmth where their hands are held, "of course, I thought it was only right you know, you're my best friend,"

"What about Tanaka," 

Noya lets out a genuine laugh, feeling lighter than usual, Maybe it's the totally platonic handholding or the feeling of Himari’s presence and with Asahi also beside him that makes him feel so high today, how he feels the happiness at the edge of everything he does and lets it stay, because Noya knows he wants it, needs it. "Tanaka’s like my brother, you're different Asahi, I've told you this,"

"Right," Asahi breathes.

They look at each other a moment more, it's a stolen little moment in the midst of a fall morning, between two boys who have so much compassion for one another but refuse to acknowledge the possibility of ever having the other care for them the same. It's a frustrating situation for any onlooker.

Then Noya, as if his impulsivity for the day hadn't run out yet, he comes out. 

"Asahi, I'm bi." Noya says without warning, his hand falling from Asahi's in an attempt not to give the wrong idea, after all, Noya replays Asahi confessing his absence of romantic feelings for Noya. 

Now there isn't much left on his chest besides a true confession, but Noya knows it's off the table.

Asahi's eyes are wide and it's obvious he was taken off guard, "you- Youre-"

"Yeah," Noya nods again like he has to confirm it.

"That's- Wow, Noya that's great," and there he is, supportive soft Asahi who's thrilled his underclassman friend has trusted him with all of this, Who's ecstatic for Noya for knowing who he is. 

"You don't care," Noya says in relief. 

Asahi's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, "of course- Noya I'm literally-" Asahi's laughing, and Nishinoya has to cover his smile with his hand. 

"You're ridiculous sometimes,"

"Don't be rude," noya grins lopsidedly and smacks Asahi's bicep.

"I'm sorry- Have-" Asahi's tone shifts, "how long have you..."

"I think I've always known, it just took me a little time to like, come to terms I think," Nishinoya nods.

"So sort of like me then," 

Noya smiles softly, "yeah,"

"Well I'm happy for you," Asahi nudges him, "it's not easy, coming out,"

"Have you? To many people I mean?" Noya starts to fidget, and before they continue, they end up sitting in the grass by Himari’s grave, still finding solace under the tree and reveling in the chilly air, Finding it less uncomfortable and more refreshing than when they walked out of Noya's house this morning.

"I haven't told my parents, they’re probably the ones I'm more afraid of telling," Asahi admits, laying back, and Noya follows suit, flopping beside him so they stare upward, at the overcast sky through branches of pink flowers. It's beautiful Noya thinks, before turning his head to glance at the site that is Asahi, eyes fixated ahead, mouth poised in a little smile. 

"I was scared to tell my mom," Noya admits to Asahi, He's finally talking about everything with his sexuality and it feels amazing to finally get it out of his system, and better yet he's talking to Asahi about it, someone's he's come to trust so much, someone who understands even tho it breaks his heart a little every time he speaks to him because Noya just can't get over how their time together right now really is limited. Someone Noya just wants to be around constantly because he feels larger than life around him.

"But in the end I knew better than to doubt whether she'd love me in the end for who I am or not."

"You know, I'm sure I've said this before but for someone who barely passed their exams, you say some smart stuff sometimes Nishinoya,"

Noya kicks Asahi's ankle playfully, "shut up,"

"But in all seriousness though," Asahi goes on, "I don't know who to tell or where to start, My close friends know, But I'm not exactly..."

"Open, I get it," Noya swallows, eyes focusing on a falling cherry blossom petal that travels down from the tree branches. 

"But it's not like I'm ashamed, But it still makes me nervous, telling people. Like the team, or my family, Who knows if they'd kick me out or-"

"Asahi..." Noya says, "you're moving out after you graduate right?"

"I'm pretty sure yeah"

Noyas heart twists just the littlest bit, "then tell them then, that way if they're small minded idiots, You don't need to depend on them for a safe home."

Asahi's quiet beside him, and Noya thinks about holding his hand again, but maybe there isn't a very good excuse this time other than, 'I'm madly in love with you!' 

"Maybe yeah, Daichi and suga said something like that too."

"It'll work out okay Asahi?" Noya sits up, Leaning over Asahi just the slightest bit, who meets his gaze with doe brown eyes that Noya adores. 

"I believe you, Noya."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was maybe my longest chapter yet, We’ve got about 4 left and I can’t wait to write the scene this entire story stemmed from!! Asanoya is criminally underrated, so I hope I’m doing them justice.   
> Also, hope you are doing well and staying safe xx


	7. Take a walk

Asahi finds himself looking at the sky a lot lately. Finds himself at Noya's side, trailing after every step the libero takes, whether it's physical or Noya's countless bounds ahead to live his life as authentically as he can. 

Authentic is what Asahi correlated with his small friend. Noya is so unapologetically himself and Asahi is infatuated with him for it, if only Asahi had that kind of courage. 

Asahi falls in stride with his friend often, Noya's pent up energy always releases when they're together, playing volleyball, or taking walks around Karasuno, even running together during conditioning, Noya's just a ball of energy at his side that Asahi's become so accustomed to. Asahi's grateful to have someone like Noya to bring out the side of himself that with anyone else he'd be far to timid to reach.

Noya trusted him. Trusted Asahi with a big part of himself without warning, and Asahi tries to receive the suddenness gracefully but not everyone can be an all star libero, and yet he thinks he handles it well without letting personal emotion get the best of him. 

Having become even closer as teammates and friends the few months in between the rounds of prelims, Asahi has let his feelings grow bigger than he'd meant to, and rather than avoiding it and pushing it away, he became lenient and guilty in his adoration for his libero. 

And then Noya came out to him. Asahi hadn't expected it, At all really. It was sudden and out of the blue and maybe the best and worst news Asahi could ever receive. Because what it meant was even when Asahi had a chance with Noya, even when it made Asahi feel only slightly less guilty for being in love with one of his best friends, It didn't soften the blow that even then,  
Noya still didn't feel the way Asahi did. 

Asahi had been used to Noya being so outwardly affectionate, and he knew it came from his mother who never hesitated to warm up to Asahi when he was over. Who rested her hand on his shoulder every time, who gave him hugs when he arrived and when he left. It was the same way Noya was so touchy all the time, grabbing arms and jumping, using his teammates shoulders for leverage. 

When he'd taken Asahi's hand in a quiet way when they'd stood beneath the cherry blossom tree, it had sent a different type of sensation through him that could have made him cry from how beautiful Noya had looked, being so open to him.

The soft side of Noya, the serious and emotional part had grown on Asahi so much, and He still didn't know how to feel about the fact that it only showed when they were just together, not around anyone else.

It showed that Asahi had gained a hefty level of trust from his friend, and eventually Asahi came to terms that it was only a given considering their dynamic in the end, They had trusted each other on the court, and then it ran off into their hearts and They became so intwined Asahi can't believe hes never going to be able to kiss him in a way that Lets Noya know it's no accident.

"And I just think, a million bee sized Shreks winning against one massive shrek sized Bee? Do you know how big shrek is? Homeboy is like 7 feet tall, Tanakas just stupid to think a million tiny green ogres could win against a giant bee-"

"But they could swarm you, and like suffocate you, a giant bee could just sting you and it'd die." Asahi inputs into Noya's one sided rant. 

"Yes but you'd probably die too," 

"If you're allergic yeah," Asahi debates.

Noya's oddly passionate about the outwardly ridiculous topic of conversation. Neither of them ever really know how they get to where they're at with their priorities but neither are complaining, especially not Asahi when Noya laughs heartily at their debate topic.

They sit on the porch swing in Noya's back yard, Asahi's leg extended and rocking the swing jack and forth while Noya has his knees pulled to his chest. Eyes squinted ahead like he's thinking hard, "but I'm just saying, A swarm of tiny shreks could easily be stepped on,"

"But I thought the point was a fight between the giant bee or the tiny shreks," Asahi furrows an eyebrow, after all that, that's what he's confused about? Noyas really rubbed off on him.

"Well yeah but it's like who's more dangerous, I still think it's the bee but Tanaka is so adamant on tiny shreks being superior but like, small things can easily be crushed-"

"You're one to talk," Asahi cuts him off and Noya fixates him with a horrifying glare that has Asahi somewhat intimidated and somewhat amused. He rarely teases Noya on his height but what's the point of having a short friend if you don't get to mess with them about it every once in a while.

Thing is, Asahi's probably the only one besides Tanaka who could get away with it.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing," Asahi rests his hands in his lap, turning to hide his grin. 

"Mhm," Asahi feels Noya pinch his arm, "did you make a short joke?"

"No," 

"Lyings wrong Asahi," Noya crosses his arms briefly and Asahi shrugs, "not at the expense of my safety,"

"Right," Noya snorts, "But back to what's important, Tanakas wrong."

"I guess so," Asahi gives in. 

"And I'm right," Noya grins. 

"Yeah," 

"Aha!" Noya jumps off the swing to stand triumphant, "I have an upperclassman on my side, that'll show him that a million tiny shreks is better than a giant bee,"

"I don't see why you're so passionate about this," Asahi pinches his nose.

"Quiet," Noya points are him, "this is an important topic that the foundation of society and common sense balances on and shall it crumble all of humanity will suffer." 

The funny part is Noya's completely serious. "Priorities I guess," Asahi sighs again but his smile is there. 

Noya, as if he's amused himself, grins widely "there you go Asahi,"

"I feel enlightened."

"Good!" Noya jumps back on the swing, his legs swaying because as much as Asahi doesn't want to think it's cute, his feet don't touch the ground, but he supposes the swing is a little high.

They fall into more obnoxious and ridiculous banter, and when Noya's mom gets home that evening after working an 18 hour shift, to find her son and his friend laying in the grass after dark, staring at the stars while they talk, She just smiles and lets them be, because she knows.

"My aunt used to show me all types of constellations," Noya says in the quiet, Karasuno at night is a different type of tranquil and peaceful that Asahi loves, and the stars, he's learned, Noya loves a lot. 

He romanticizes them more than Asahi ever thought to think about like that, But he's learning, and he's learned he loves the stars too. 

"You can tell them anything," he had said and Asahi had smiled because he'd been labeled the sappy emotional one of the team when Noya hides all of it under his goofball exterior. 

"Do you remember any of them?" Asahi asks softly.

Noya nudges his foot, he's become so used to just laying beside Noya like this. Staring at the sky like it's the best past time in the world, but it makes him put into perspective how everything so much bigger than Asahi and this little town in the miyagi prefecture.

"No," Noya snorts, "they're hard to see anyways, but you know there's the Big Dipper," he lifts a hand and points, pulling Asahi's gaze.

"I see that, yeah" Asahi smiles even if Noya can't see it.

The silence they bask in isn't awkward, Asahi's usually accustomed to awkward silence but it's never like that with Noya, maybe at times it is, but in this case, It's not. 

Noya eventually breaks it like always. "You know why I like the sky?" 

It's like Noya had read his mind, "why?"

"Because I feel like Himari's up there, I like sitting on my roof, or any roof honestly, Because I feel closer to her, it's stupid I know, and ironic considering I don't belong there as a libero, the sky's reserved for the hitters," 

Asahi's doesn't say anything, but he wants Noya to know he hears him and empathizes, His heart aches for Noya for the loss of his aunt but he knows it's out of anyone's control, and Noya's the strongest person he knows for not crumbling under it when he has every right to, even if it's been years. Grief isn't something to take lightly. 

Asahi, in a bold act that surprises even him, brushes his fingers against Noya's hand, and Thinks back to when they'd visited her grave last weekend. They have less than a week til their next game against Joh Zenji, and after practice match after practice match and joint practices with Nekoma and fukurodoni, Asahi knows they're more than prepared. Everyone does, which is why they're at Noya's house on a Friday night again instead of practicing late like usual. 

Noyas the one that takes his hand, Asahi's heart climbing up his throat as his face heats up, thankful for the cover of darkness. 

Maybe Asahi's so desperate to find meaning in the action that he convinced himself it really is platonic as to not be horribly let down by false hope. 

Platonic bro hand holding under the stars.  
Of course.  
Maybe it should indicate to Asahi, after all Noya does happen to like boys, that Noya feels more than friendship towards Asahi, maybe if Asahi weren't a six foot tall bundle of obliviousness, timidity, and a small dose of self loathing, he might have gotten the very clear signal Noya was sending. 

And if Noya wasn't a five foot two ball of doubtful energy who despite being blunt as can be, And observant, also ignored the tell tale signs from Asahi, then maybe they could have avoided all the confusion and tiptoeing around their feelings for each other and just fucking kiss.

But it's never that easy is it. 

"This isn't weird is it?" Noya whispers.

Asahi startles without jumping, "well- No. it's to comfort you."

"I'm comforted yeah,"

And the silence that follows that, is in fact, awkward and Asahi sort of wants to pull away but at the same time he doesnt want to at all. Asahi recognizes that in that moment, he's a walking contradiction.

"I'm nervous,"

"About what?" Noya asks, their hands still stay together, Asahi wants to lace their fingers together but knows that with that would come mortification and no more excuses to put off confessing.

"Seihjoh,"

"Oh." Noya's voice goes small. "It's okay, me too."

"But you're never nervous,"

"Course I am, I just am a badass at not showing it,"

Asahi closes his lips, thinking for a moment, eyes hurting from staring at the blinking stars. He closes them too. "How, do you not let it get to you?"

"I just- I know the team needs me and that's enough to shake off any nerves. I gotta be there for them,"

"Noya it's okay to be nervous,"

"And I know that," Noya sits up, Asahi's hand feels cold and empty when Noya uses the hand he'd been holding to push his hair out of his face, it'd fallen down over the course of the day and Noya didn't seem bothered to put it back up into its spiky position. 

"But I don't like the way it feels, to worry." Noya says.

"S' okay," Asahi mumbles. 

"Look, we're gonna show up at the Sendai city gym right, after all our practicing over the last two months since beating Ohgi Minami and Kakugawa, We're gonna walk right in there like we own the place."

Asahi laughs, Propping himself up with his elbow, looking over Noya who's flopped back down. Noya meets his eyes and the honey brown of Noya's glitter from the starlight, Asahi wants to wax poetry about them truly, but can't focus because of how breathtaking he always seems to be. "Yeah?"

"Yes!" Noya grins, "and we'll beat every team up until we get to step on the court against Trashykawa, and then you'll get the honor of blocking him, and Getting to hit the ball and take point after point from him."

"You have a lot of faith in me Noya," Asahi smiles. 

Asahi swears he hears Noya's breath catch, before noya continues to surprise him even more by reaching a hand upward and resting it on Asahi's neck, with the position they're in, they could easily kiss. Noya could grab him by the nape of his neck and yank him down and Asahi would happily oblige. 

Or even, Asahi could lower himself to get a better look at Noya's face and kiss him slowly. It's all a huge fantasy but Noya has Asahi reeling with the casual contact. "Course I do," Noya says, "you're my ace,"

"Your ace?"

The color on Noyas face darkens and Asahi can tell he's blushing even if their only light is the sky and the faint porch light from a few meters away. "Yeah, unless, unless that's weird,"

"It's not weird," Asahi assures him. The title makes his chest do wild things.

"Okay," Noya nods, and Asahi's sad when Noya's hand drops to lay back on his chest, eyes moving from Asahi's to fixate on the sky again. Like he's trying to run from him without running.

"We'll beat them," Asahi tells Noya. Noya snapping his gaze back to Asahi's face, who drops his elbow to lay back down, telling the stars, himself and Nishinoya as if trying to will it into being. "Our next few games at The tournament wont be our lasts together okay. We'll win and We will go to Tokyo."

"I like the confidence," Noya laughs, "I'll hold you to it. You stay calling for the ball and I'll stay digging it up every time." 

Noya sits up, Offering a fist bump to Asahi as if to seal a deal they weren't even making, but Asahi sits up in suit anyways, and bumps in confirmation that Noya doesn't need to worry. While Asahi knows Noya will have his back on the court, Noya needs to know Asahi will give it his all in the sky. 

•••

"Alright so this time we're gonna leave about 4 in the morning so we can get there by sunrise if that makes sense. We wanna be up and early," Takeda debriefs the team the afternoon after practice before the tournament the next day. Like last time, the practice had been so slowly dragged out in the worst case scenario that it was the third years last one, but again like last time, No one mentioned the underlying tension of that idea.

Of course comes the groans of frustration and resentment for having to wake up so early, it's more so from Hinata, and Kageyama smacks him in the head as always to shut him up and Tsukki scoffs at their idiocy.

"Make sure you guys are there, Dont sleep in, or I won't buy you food after the tournament," Suga announces, and It resolves some of the issue but Noya's still sort of dreading getting up earlier when he usually goes to sleep at like 3 am. 

"Be on time, And ready to play when we get there, however you can sleep on the bus," ukai says, arms crossed as usual. It's the same as last time, Before a big tournament, everyone's jittery and anticipating it, and Asahi overhears the Underclassman's odd but not surprising conversation topics in the Club room after practice center mostly around things like "I'm gonna kick Oikawa's ass," or "I need a girlfriend to be in the stands for me So I can have her cheering me on," (That one came from Tanaka) and hinata going on about how excited he is and how maybe he'll get to play Aone again if they go up against date tech. 

Asahi remember's their stride against that team, having lost the previous year only to beat them when they got back. That game had been a big turning point in his and Noya's friendship he thinks, and a big turning point in Asahi as a player in general.

"Can I wear pajamas on the bus and change when I get there?" Hinata mentions quietly to no one in particular and while that idea sounds genuinely great despite inconvenient to Asahi, He hears Kageyama scoff, "are you stupid or are you stupid, that'll waste time!"

"Don't call me stupid you hypocrite!" Hinata jabs kageyama in the side who clamps a hand on Hinata's head, "what do you mean hypocrite,"

"I believed he was referring to you calling him stupid," Tsukki mocks from the side, wiping his cool down sweat from practice with a towel. 

"Hey!"

"Okay, Guys time to head home, you all need sleep-"  
Daichi's eager to quiet the first years down. 

Asahi steps to the side, moving to finish cleaning the gym, He supposes he should let the underclassman do it but he's never really believed in the hierarchy of students and the first years being in charge of cleaning up by themselves. 

And Asahi's genuinely exhausted but he already knows he'll probably lapse on sleep tonight because as always there's just so much to think about before going to bed that he's too busy ignoring all day. 

After putting the ball carts up, Daichi having to drag hinata and kageyama off the court so they'd stop practicing long enough to take the net down, Asahi ends up in the club room. 

He yawns, pulling his sweaty workout shirt over his head, Suga and Daichi talk about something unrelated to him, so he zones out. The noise in the club room is as expected with the first and second years finding every chance to talk as loud as possible or make a scene of foolery that despite being utterly stupid, Is slightly amusing enough that it gets a chuckle from Yamaguchi and a snort from tsukkishima that's probably in the context of mockery. 

Asahi's found odd solace in it though, in the white noise of his teammates voices after long practices, in being in this club room with his team. He’s been here for three years. three long years of being so accustomed to these walls it hurts his chest to think he'll have to leave it all. 

One voice amidst his teams catches his ear as if on instinct, and who can blame him, Noya's talking about some mountain in Africa and how it's on his bucket list to climb it, It's right on topic for Noya's ambition to be pursuing. 

"I'm gonna summit kilimanjaro, Then Everest, and every mountain in Canada and North America until I end up right back here, To conquere Mount Fuji."  
He declares with his foot propped on a bench.

No ones listening, everyones just undressing from their practice clothes so they can get home and rest before the tournament, except for hinata and Tanaka who admire Noya's declaration of becoming an international mountaineer for no real reason at all other than what Asahi assumes is just Noya saying stuff to feel badass. Or who knows, maybe Noya will just casually climb a mountain one day. 

"Wow that’s so cool Nishinoya, I wanna do that too!"

"We’ll go together dude, no way I’m letting you climb Mount Everest without me," Tanaka says. 

Ennoshita buts in, "you know it takes years and years of conditioning and specific training to summit a mountain right?"

"Doesn't matter, I'm already meta enough to do it right now," Noya shrugs. 

Asahi blinks, Noya can in fact be the stupidest person he knows at times. But he likes it, so it's okay.

"You are also aware that you have to purchase supplies, and bottled air because of the thin layer of Oxygen the higher above sea level you get,"

"I uh knew that," 

"Don't kill the vibe Noshita," Tanaka sticks his tongue out playfully, and Ennoshita disregards his classmates with a hopeless shake of his head.

"What else is on your bucket list?" Hinata asks him, Asahi's already slipped his school shirt back on and is in the process of putting his shoes and knee pads in his athletics bag, quietly listening to the chaos that is his underclassman. He glances over, half expecting Daichi and suga to be making out but instead they’re just talking, really reserved, Probably about the tournament and teams, or gross relationship stuff. 

"Well, I also want to visit Egypt, See their pyramids, and I wanna see the taj mahal, Oh, And like, go to America, See the Statue of Liberty or the San Andreas fault line, try american candy,"

"So like travel?" Tanaka asks.

"Sorta yeah! I just wanna like see all the cool things outside our little town ya know,"

"I never knew you were interested in that," Asahi says suddenly, he's not sure why he's decided to butt into a conversation not aimed towards him, but he can't help it. "You've never mentioned it before,"

Asahi's always known Noya's ambitious, but to want to see a every famous landmark in the world is another thing.

Noya pauses, mouth opening and closing as if he'd forgotten Asahi was in the room. "Well-" Asahi's eyes may be deceiving him but it suddenly looks like Noya's a little timid, that's completely out of character for him.

"Well you know Asahi, You never asked what's on my bucket list,"

"I could have sworn I have," Asahi jokes, smile turning sarcastic and playful. 

"I was doing some research okay, Looked at these cool places and decided I want to see them."

"Traveling costs a lot though," hinata adds.

"Yeah I know, which is why you just find a traveling job,"

"They have those?"

"I think so," Noya shrugs. 

Hinata looks like his whole world was changed with that revelation.

They keep talking and eventually the club room empties out with his teammates leaving, Daichi and suga offer to walk home with him though Asahi opts to walk with Noya again because he's weak like that, and Tanaka joins them this time. 

Asahi doesn't mind though because while the wing spiker can he loud and impulsive and a little easily riled up, he's a cool guy who Asahi has no problem being friends with, if anything Tanaka had intimidated him at first. 

"You really want to climb a mountain though?" Asahi brings it up again because he just lives for the idea of Noya having a dream. And if that dream is conquering the world then Asahi loves that. 

Noya laughs, turning to walk backwards in stride with Tanaka and Asahi as they walk down the sidewalk. 

Noya grins crookedly at Asahi and it makes his stomach ignite as it tends to do, Asahi's just used to it now. "Well I guess, I just wanna like, do some wild things so I can say I've done it, can you imagine that? Going to a party or out to a club and you can use it as an icebreaker,"

"That's such a good idea," Tanaka nods in all seriousness, "if you tell someone you've literally climbed Mount Everest and been at the top of the world, they’re bound to fall in love instantly,"

"My point exactly," Noya fist bumps his friend.

Asahi shakes his head, wondering how he got stuck with such fondness for Nishinoya, and his very hard headed good natured friend Tanaka.

"Noya," Asahi snorts and Nishinoya looks back towards him, turning to walk normally, "yeah?"

"Wouldn't it make you feel small though?"

Tanaka laughs really loud at that, and Asahi doesn't understand why what he said was funny before he realizes it, Noya fixating him with the same glare that borders on intimidating and amusing, "was that another short joke Azumane?"

"What? me? Never." Asahi waves it off, though he wants to elaborate on what he was saying. 

"I meant that like, The world already feels huge here in miyagi, And it'll feel even bigger if we get to nationals-"

"When we get to nationals," Tanaka corrects. 

Asahi smiles, nodding, "when we get to nationals, traveling and doing all those, wouldnt it just make you feel so small compared to all of it," Asahi may be biased because that thought fills him with so much anxiety.

The idea of having to put the world and him to perspective, to think and contemplate his position in the world by seeing millions of miles of sky and learning about how the worlds so much bigger than just this little town and this one volleyball team, well, it scared Asahi.

But seeing the far off look in Noya's eye, the glimmer as he reveals a passion Asahi hadn't realized noya had, well it started to convince him a little.

"I feel like it'd be a good thing, you know, learn to appreciate other cultures and stuff, meet strangers of all different races and ethnicities" Noya says.

Tanaka pats Noya on the shoulder, "Maybe that's what you should do after you graduate, you don't really have a plan do you,"

Noya hums, and Asahi doesn't want to talk about graduation at all, so he stays quiet at Noya's side as they walk. 

"Well, Myabe, I don't know though, It's so far away anyways,"

"What about you Asahi?" Tanaka asks.

Asahi starts, Hesitating slightly, yawning, he says, "I don't really wanna talk about graduation, With it being so close,"

"Respectable," Tanaka nods, and nudges his short friend, "you'll probably end up becoming like Indiana Jones, the 5 foot version."

"Ryuu," Noya glares and Tanaka finds himself so amusing.

They continue to walk home, Asahi just quietly listens in on Noya and Tanakas ridiculous rambling about a lot of thing.

Every now and then Noya will brush up against Asahi on accident and Asahi just looks ahead trying not to get flustered, But as this has become routine: Noya accidentally touching Asahi, Asahi swallowing down his feelings, and then going on like normal, well, Asahi isn't too phased. Tanaka lightens the mood too.

They end up at Asahi's house first, Asahi waving bye, and he's halfway on his front porch when Noya comes running up, Tanaka isn't with him and Asahi assumes he's stayed back on the sidewalk. 

"Noya?"

"Hey-" He grins stupidly, "come over for breakfast again, like last time,"

Asahi blinks, somewhat touched and butterflies swarm the inside of his stomach at the way Noya grabs his wrist. 

"Oh-okay, yeah of course."

Noyas nimble fingers drop their hold on Asahi's arm and he looks satisfied with himself, "awesome- Get some sleep, But if you can't- just text me."

Asahi's smiles because duh, It's not even a question at this point. His heart aches randomly as he watches Noya walk off to head home. Asahi usually drops Noya off first when they walk home together, but seeing as how Tanakas with him, there's that excuse, so Asahi turns, opens the door to his home and steps into the warmth. 

He's smiling to himself, very evident on his face that he's feeling better than usual, despite exhaustion and nerves from the tournament the next day. 

Asahi smells the familiar cooking from the kitchen, it smelled a lot like his mother was making yakiudon noodles, because the famialir baking of vegetables and meat accompany the scent, and something registers very briefly in the back of Asahi's mind. She only ever made that specific meal when-

Asahi maneuvers down the hall to veer off towards the living room, stopping in his tracks when he sees Sakura sitting in someone's lap who's all too familiar and yet so unrecognizable. Mei and Riku sit on the floor by Kais feet, watching the tv intently while Sakura grins and messes with some american toy Kai probably brought back from the vacation he'd taken to America last winter break when he'd opted on going with his friends instead of coming home.

No one had held it against him though. 

"Kai?" Asahi says, a little bewildered and surprised. He'd been expecting him home for winter break, having not seen him since the spring before last, almost two years, they didn't talk much through text either, so seeing him in the living room with his siblings was a little too surreal for his taste.

"Asahi" Kai says smoothly, smiling in acknowledgment, "good to see you,"

Asahi just sort of stands by the living room entrance, Cought so off guard he doesn't know what to do next so he just says, "uh- you too?"

"Asahi," his mom appears beside him, making him jump. "Good you’re home, look who came home early!" She beams, placing a hand on Asahi's shoulder and gesturing to Kai on the couch as if Asahi hasn't clearly noticed him.

"Yeah, I see that."

"Isn't it great," his moms thrilled as always that her first borns home. They've all missed him, but Asahi has had a breath of relief in his absence of no longer being the second oldest, the second born, always second.

He can't resent kai entirely, after all Asahi does look up to him, despite how much he envies everything Kai is, he loves his brother and he really has missed him. He's too compassionate to hold his selfishness against the content of his brothers character. 

"Yeah," Asahi says quietly, He doesn't know how to approach him really, though it’s just his brother, Asahi's still nervous. 

It's just been so long. 

Kais clearly caught up with his younger siblings, Sakura sees Asahi and hops off Kai’s lap to bound over and hug his leg, Sakura has always had an attachment to Asahi, out of all his siblings besides Kai, Sakura was the one he was closest too. 

But it seems him and Kai just aren't the cool big brother and starry eyed little brother relationship they used to be when for a while it'd just been the two of them, when they were the closest in age before Riku and Mei. 

"Hey Kiddo," Asahi grins, leaning down to pick up his little sister and prop her on his hip.

"We'll catch up," Kai says from the couch, even the way he speaks makes Asahi jealous, because if only he could sound so sure of himself with every word. But Asahi shoves it down and nods, turning from his family with Sakura on his hip. "You wanna go outside and play some volleyball before dinner?" 

"Yeah!" Sakura, despite her young age, loved to throw around the ball outside in the grass, and thankfully it wasn't dark yet, and Asahi needed some well rounded grounding before he faces Kai. He needs the mental preparation.

"It'll be done soon," his mom calls as Asahi grabs a random volleyball lying around in the hallway by the staircase, heading towards the back door.

"Okay," Asahi says, and lets out a long sigh when he's escaped.

"You don't seem very happy that Kai is back,"

"I am, I am," Asahi tells Sakura, setting her down once their outside, gently tossing her the ball. Mosquitos fly around and locusts buzz from their unknown location, the sky had stayed overcast since he'd left practice, "I'm just a little surprised is all,"

"You should be excited!" Little Sakura exclaims, she stomps around the clean cut grass in bright yellow sandals, her pigtails bobbing. Asahi sits at the edge of the porch, putting his own feet in the grass and relaxing for the first time that day. He's exhausted and tomorrow is a big deal for him, so he's trying everything he can to keep it together.

"It's been so long, I grew like 3 inches since I saw him last, and his hair got longer, almost looks like yours," she grins toothily, "except black,"

"Yeah, you've gotten big, he missed two of your birthdays too,"

"That's okay! He said he'll take me toy shopping for new clothes to make up for it," she says as smugly as someone who isn't only 7 almost 8 years old. 

"Well, That's good for him." Asahi smiles.

"Are you sad? You seem sad,"

"What?"

"Mom says you get sad when a lot of stuff happens sometimes and that's why you take medicine,"

"Oh you mean anxious,"

"Yeah that word," she hops up to sit by him on the porch, dropping the volleyball and swinging her little legs. 

Asahi looks up, Watching the darkening sky as the motion censored back porch light flips on. "A little bit but it's because I have an important game tomorrow"

"For volleyball? Is it so you can go to nationals?"

Asahi nods, "yeah, if we win, we make it to quarter finals, then semi-finals, then actual finals before we see who makes it to nationals,"

"Woah," she blinks up at him. He can always count on his baby sister for a confidence boost.

"Yeah, so it's just a little shocking Is all,"

"Well you're gonna do awesome!" 

Asahi laughs, fondness evident in his voice, "well I hope so, I wish you'd come watch, but mom and dad are working I'm sure,"

Sakura shrugs, "that's okay, I'll watch you play at nationals,"

Asahi smiles, pulling his sister forward to mess her hair up playfully, "let's hope,"

•••

Dinner is weirdly awkward for Asahi. It's the usual chaos between Mei and Riku and their battle over seconds. His moms scolding them to share, His dads being reserved and stoic from his seat, though tonight his dad is smiling a little more and catching up with Kai.

Asahi likes when his dad smiles, he's so pessimistic sometimes about everything it's a relief to see he still has some emotion. His moms talking to Kai too, and it seems everyones in a hurry to hear all about the boys adventures as a college student. 

Sakura sits by Mei who keeps asking her to eat her food instead of play with it, and Asahi keeps to himself and finds himself glancing towards Kai every now and then. It still seems unreal that he's back, But Asahi can tell it is in fact real with how engulfed his parents are in him, they love their kids, The always will and they neglect to say they have favorites but after having 5 kids there's bound to be some, and that'd be the successful first born kai and the youngest, Sakura.

Asahi has to be honest Sakura is his favorite too just because she's so innocent and unaware of the pressure of growing up. She has years to be conditioned into living up to her siblings and yet right now she doesn't have to worry about it. Asahi makes sure she doesn't ever feel how he feels now.

Invisible to his own family. But the feelings become so usual and consistent it doesn't bother him so much as he is numb to it. He's not invisible on the court, Or when he's with Nishinoya, so why should he cry about it right now. 

And they wonder why Asahi strays from his family a lot. He loves them, He does and he gets involved by helping with his siblings and around his house, but in his choice he finds that he likes being with his friends a whole lot more. 

Where Noya looks at him with these big hopeful eyes, and Daichi and suga tease him but support him all the same and they just stick together, Where the team has grown accustomed to who Asahi is and his personality that they don't judge him for it. 

The thought saddens him, that he'll have to leave them all so soon. In fact it makes him hollow, Like his stomachs sick. And with that he pushes his bowl back, gaining his mothers attention, Kai and Riku glance over at Asahi as he clears his throat, "may I be excused, my stomachs not feeling very well,"

His mom looks at him oddly, but there's the familial softness to it as she nods, "do you need some medicine or something else that won't upset it?" She asks.

Asahi glances at Kai who watches him intently. "Uh- no, I think I just need to rest, drink some water you know,"

"Okay son," she smiles, "before you leave, you have that tournament tomorrow right?" 

Asahi tenses just like his father does beside his mom, His eyes focused on his food in front of him, Kai still watches him. Asahi swallows, "yeah, so I sort of need to get to bed anyways because we're getting up early,"

"Okay Dear, I'm sad I'll have to miss it, You know with work and all, and your father having to stay home to watch the kids while I'm away,"

Asahi shakes his head, he's heard the excuses, he knows his mom is thrilled he loves volleyball and is passionate about it but she's made very few attempts to watch him, his dad has never gone to one of his games either. Every once in a blue moon in the past three years, His mother will bring along his sisters and Riku to watch, and that's how Sakura had told Asahi She wanted to be an awesome ace just like him. That was one of the best days Asahi had ever had. 

But his parents have work, someone needs to stay and watch his siblings, Riku and Mei are old enough but even then, His father never leaves the house, he works from home, and It shows.

"It could be my last one," Asahi says quietly, his mom blinking. "Oh,"

" good," his father mutters, "it'll leave you time to get everything set before graduation, no need for disractions,"

"Dad," kai furrows his eyebrows, speaking unexpectedly, "do you not realize thats an upsetting thing?"

Asahi blinks, baffled by Kai’s intervention about as much as his father is.

"Kai-" his mother starts but his brother goes on. Mei and Riku have stopped their banter to listen and Sakura just quietly picks at her food. 

"It could be his last tournament in highschool, you've played for what five years?" Kai turns to him unexpectedly. 

Asahi swallows and nods. 

"And are you gonna play in college?"

"No he's not-" his dad starts and Asahi looks from him to Kai, "no- I don't think I am but-"

"So it's potentially your last tournament ever, And you love volleyball Asahi, So dad Ide like if you didn't disregard what a big deal it's supposed to be," Kai turns from Asahi back to his dad. He talks respectfully but firm, as if he’s an adult and his parents need to realize that. 

His father clears his throat, his mom watching with big eyes. "Sorry, You know how I stand about your extra curriculars, Good luck however, son" his dad nods to Asahi, who just sits in complete bafflement and confusion.

"Asahi-" his mom starts, "I'll see if I can take off work so I can be there to support you,"

Asahi's breath catches, He feels a heaviness in his chest rise and fall. He appreciates his family a lot, despite its problems. His moms trying she really is, and his dad, well he's just always going to be different than Asahi. And his siblings, theyre just doing their best too.

"Don't worry about it much mom, I hope it's not our last anyways, Hopefully we'll be at nationals in the spring," Asahi smiles.

He might have missed it but Asahi swears he sees Kai grin. "I'm going to go get ready for bed, thank you for the meal," Asahi rises, bowing slightly towards his mom before turning, and he hears his siblings resume their loudness and his mom scolding his father. 

Asahi takes a shaky breath when he climbs the stairs to his room, happy to get away but still thinking over what Kai had said. 

Kai has always been the boldest to interject their fathers inadvertent cold shoulder, but that's always been who he is.

Asahi debates calling Noya because he needs something to calm him down, and while that's an oxymoron because Nishinoya is the least calm person he's ever met, He decides against is anyways because he doesn't want to bother the libero. He's probably eating dinner with his own mom, Asahi hopes she's there tomorrow, Knowing Noya has that type of support makes him feel better.

Instead while he's getting his equipment sorted and packing his bag for the tournament, changing into grey sweats and a loose tank top like he usually wears to bed, he dials suga's number.

"Asahi, You are SUCH a cockblock," is the first thing Suga says when Asahi puts him on speaker and sets the phone on his nightstand. 

"Excuse me," Asahi scoffs.

"Yeah worst timing," Daichi's voice comes through the phone and Asahi freezes, "oh you have got to be kidding me,"

"Nope," Suga sings, "look what you've done,"

"Guys I am so sorry I didn't know you were together right now-" Asahi shakes his head, kneeling to shove his volleyball shoes into his bag. 

"It's fine, mood was ruined anyways when daichi sneezed-" Suga starts and he hears Daichi's protests in the back ground. Asahi holds in his laughter to let his friends feel less embarrassed. He's slightly mortified however by having called them in the middle of whatever they were doing. 

"Besides, My mom could have walked in at any moment anyways," Suga sighs.

"So like is Daichi at your place then? You guys are a couple hypocrites for talking about getting enough sleep and stuff," Asahi chuckles as he flops back on his bed, staring at the ceiling illuminated in eye cancer inducing light that always sucks in the morning when he turns it on.

"Yeah well! It's for good luck, we would always stay at each other's houses before tournaments remember," Daichi inputs.

"That was before you two started canoodling," Asahi says. 

There's silences and then suga bursting into a hysterical fit, "canoodling? oh my god Asahi are you 10?”

"No! That's how Riku says it, and Hinata!"

"Yeah but one of thems a first year and the others a middle schooler," Suga snorts.

"Give him a break, Asahi’s basically a middle schooler" Daichi teases and Asahi sighs, "you two are rude"

He knows they're messing with him.

"But Anyways, It wouldn't be much fun now since Ide be the biggest third wheel ever" Asahi continues.

"Oh nonsense, we can invite Noya over so you-"

"Nope not listening to this," Asahi clasps his hands over his ears.

"Ah come on man," Daichi snorts, "you really haven't told him?"

"What is there to tell him?" Asahi says, He wants to drop the conversation because it makes him both flustered and dreadful, "anyways, are we really gonna try to change the subject from the fact that I called you in the middle of your pretournament good luck bang to me pining after my friend hopelessly? Because I don't think we should do that.”

"We aren't-" Daichi almost shouts but sugas still finding a lot of amusement in it, "yeah Asahi I can’t believe you interrupted me about to get laid, I'll never let you live it down," 

"Suga!" Daichi says, "Asahi we weren't-"

"Don't listen to him! He's shy, and a bottom-"

"I am not a bottom!" Daichi continues back and forth, and Asahi just listens in amusement. 

"That's exactly what a bottom would say!" 

"Shut up Koshi! Or I'm gonna leave and go to Asahi's," 

"You're both ridiculous," Asahi laughs.

"Wait Daichi DONT- Well, He Uh, Left me. I think he's going downstairs to have a cup of tea with my mom,"

"Sounds about right,"

Suga sighs, "okay now that ‘the helps’ gone-"

"Suga he’s your boyfriend, and your captain I don't think you should call him ‘the help’-"

"I have a pass,"

"And that is?"

"I'm his booty call and vice captain,"

"Oh my god you guys are so romantic,"

"We are aren't we," he hears Suga laugh, "anyway, Asahi did you call for a reason or to just call? Are you anxious? Are you okay?"

Asahi smiles for his friends compassion, "I'm fine Suga, just needed a distraction, I'm really nervous for tomorrow and well, today's been kind of overwhelming,"

"Ah I see, anything happen? Like out of ordinary, I know that stuff messes with you," 

Asahi swallows, blinking to focus on a spot on his ceiling, he feels oddly disconnected, "my brother came home early,"

"Kai? The one in college?"

"Yeah,"

"Oh," Suga says, "I see why then, I know how you feel about him," Suga has understanding in his voice, empathy. Asahi's vented many times to Daichi and suga since he can remember about his relationship with his brother.

"Yeah, But...I guess I just don't know how to feel right now, Because I've missed him a lot, but I still feel so inadequate when he's here,"

"You know not to compare yourself Asahi," Suga says seriously.

"It's easier said than done,"

"Asahi I can call Noya right now and he can name off everything about you that makes you awesome compared to Kai, trust me, him and many other people see just how great you are and that you shouldn't compare yourself,"

Asahi smiles, touched slightly, But it's a futile attempt to help Asahi out of his intrusive thoughts. "I guess, But I think with the tournament tommorow I'm just a little more strung out than usual,"

"I've got vodka if that'll help, I'll bring it over,"

"Suga!" Asahi says.

"I'm kidding! My mom locks up the liquor cabinet anyways, She says it's for special occasions,"

"And drinking the night before an important tournament isn't one?" He hears Daichi return in the background, overhearing their conversation.

"Hon, let's not get wasted when we're supposed to lead a team to nationals in the morning," Suga says innocently and Asahi pinches the bridge of his nose, he is extremely close to hanging up. 

"You know, a lot of people think you two are the most responsible, well mannered and good natured mature people on our team, I'm starting to think that's a whole lie,"

"Of course we are mature adults," Daichi says, "it's just Suga is the junky Aunt who buys their kid Alcohol and tells them not to get caught if they do illegal stuff,"

"We are not mature adults," Asahi says.

"Don't call me a junky aunt," Asahi hears Suga smack Daichi playfully, who laughs. Asahi has to admit his conversations with Daichi and suga never fail to make him feel better, if not a little less heavy in the shoulders and heart. 

"I'm starting to think I have to keep you two in check rather than you two keeping the team in check," Asahi laughs.

"No we're good, We just can't let the underclassman know that we know what alcohol and sex is because if we do then that'll encourage them to learn,"

"That makes no sense Suga," Daichi says.

"You two need to go to church," Asahi sighs.

"Only if you come too," Suga snorts, "but back to the important part, Are you going to be okay,"

"Huh?" Daichi asks. 

"Asahi's had a tough day, Kai’s back," Suga tells him.

"Kai? The brother?," 

Asahi closes his eyes, "yeah, but like I said, I've just been stressed about the tournament on top of everything you know, it could be our last one after all-"

"Nope I thought we made a deal not to discuss the depressing part of all of this, I don't want to talk about leaving when it hasn't come to it okay," Suga goes on, Daichi adding, "I think you just need some rest, call Noya and have him tell you a story to put you to sleep,"

"That's a dumb idea," Suga mutters over the phone and Daichi scoffs. 

"I'm not doing that, Noya would probably talk about the cultural difference between Kpop and British boy bands again," Asahi sighs. 

"A valid conversation though," Suga says. 

“Suga I question you sometimes," Asahi hears Daichi say. 

"You're right though," Asahi says again, "I should just sleep, we have to be up before the sun anyways and despite my name, I'm not a morning person,"

"Right," Daichi says, "we should sleep too,"

"Awh come on-" Suga starts and his voice becomes muffled as Daichi’s becomes more clear, Asahi assuming he took the phone from Suga. "Look, just don't worry too much right now okay? Tomorrow will come and we'll face it head on like a team, now go to bed,"

"Okay, but you guys sleep too, and don't do anything irresponsible," Asahi grins.

"What do you take us for? A couple of teenagers?”

“More like a married couple with 10 kids,” Asahi says.

“in that case you better go to sleep and drink water and don’t forget your meds in the morning," Daichi says.

"I thought you said I was a vodka aunt," Suga says in the background this time and Asahi laughs again, feeling lighter than before as he nods despite them not being able to see him, "okay okay, fine,"

"Goodnight guys," Asahi says. 

"goodnight Asahi, we'll see you in the morning," Suga says into the phone and then the line goes silent and Asahi sets his phone down on his chest, staring ahead in contemplative silence. He really should go to sleep. 

He's pulling up Noya's contact on his phone on pure routine and muscle memory when there’s a soft knock on his door.

Asahi thinks it's probably his mom, Coming in to give an emotional pep talk to excuse her lack of tendency to stand up to his father for being a grade A prick sometimes, but before Asahi can decide on letting whoever it is in, he hears the voice on the other side, muffled and tentative, "Asahi? It's Kai, can I come in?"

Asahi hesitates, completely forgetting how to exist at the moment, and he turns his phone off and shoves it under his pillow, sitting up like he's guilty of something when in fact he's not. 

"Uh, yeah, sure."

The door creaks open and Kai walks in with a half smile, one that's well meaning Asahi thinks. He closes the door behind him and Asahi's not sure what to think of that at first, "hey,"

Asahi nods, "hi."

Kai has his hands in the pockets of his jeans, with his thumbs on his belt loop like someone from the southern part of America, but even then he looks naturally cool, like he just exists without overthinking, Asahi thinks it must be nice. 

Kai looks around, eyeing Asahi's desk, and picking up a frame, It's the one everyones eyes are always drawn to when they decide to scrutinize Asahi's living space.

“Daichi and Suga," Kai smiles, he's met the two before, when they were all friends in middle school and starting highschool, Kai would play volleyball with them when they'd need an extra person, back when Kai didn't revolve his entire life around his studies, when he was home more often and didn't hover around Asahi like he wasn't real. 

"How are they?" Kai lifts his head, "it's been so long since I've seen them,"

Asahi reaches for the water bottle on his night stand, Uncapping it, his throat feels dry, "they're uh, they're good, Great actually,"

Kai smiles at the picture as he sets it back down, "you're still friends I assume?"

Asahi nods, "yeah, we are."

Kai nods and moves on to overlooking Asahi's room in an awkward silence between them, Asahi's not sure when this became their dynamic, stilted conversation and meaningless attempts to catch up, but he isn't fond of it.

"Who's this?" Kai asks after a moment, and Asahi notices what's in his hand, a recent picture printed out probably last week, Asahi had meant to pin it to the little bulletin chalk baord above his desk, where he kept reminders and papers from school or flyers, stuff like that. It was Nishinoya and him after their Kakugawa match, Noya's mom had taken it and somehow Noya had printed off a copy to give to Asahi rather than sending it to him. Asahi had liked the gift though, it was sweet, and the picture made his heart smile every time he saw it. 

"Oh," Asahi says, He hopes his face isn't noticeably red as it feels much hotter in his room than before, "That's Nishinoya, He’s my...friend,"

"Yeah?" Kai grins, Setting down the photo gently. "You've always been sentimental about pictures," he gestures to the other photos pinned up, their just ones like before, Some with his team, his first one from highschool, there's one of Middle school him Suga and Daichi, Theres even one of him and hinata high-fiving, Even though the boy is two years younger than him and half his height even Asahi looked up to him a little bit for his spirit and drive. Hinata was the truest volleyball player he'd ever met. 

"I'm glad you've made more friends since I've been gone," 

Asahi's eyebrows furrow slightly, "you say that like you were my only friend,"

"Well," Kai laughs, But Asahi doesn't find it very funny, maybe he's just tired or still in a mood from the days events, but even then, he wishes Kai would drop whatever he's playing at and just tell Asahi why he came in here in the first place. 

"I just meant, I know it's hard for you to open up to people,"

"I'm not a tsundere Kai," Asahi says, leaning back on his hands, he sits at the edge of his bed, watching Kai look over his room with observant eyes. 

"I know that," Kai says again, "just- let me be happy you have friends, that by the looks of it, make you really happy,"

Asahi doesn't say anything, swallowing again because his throat really feels dry and his tongue feels useless in his mouth.   
"I guess,"

They sit in silence, Kai decided to lean against his desks edge, crossing his ankles. He’s wearing shoes for some reason, shiny black dress shoes that go with his ironed pants and white button up that contrasts with the wrinkles in it, It's not pressed and Asahi wonders why he's still clearly in the attire he came home in earlier, from a long day at a prestigious college. 

"Why'd you come home early?" Asahi finally breaks the quiet. 

Kai takes a breath, raising a hand to move the hair from his face. It's long, like Asahi's, darker, but he doesn't wear it in a bun, he ties it back with a single rubber band and parts of the front always fall, framing his face. He’s a handsome guy, and Asahi's jealous he can't pull off that look either. "I heard that a certain brother of mine made it to round 2 of the prelims,"

Asahi's frozen, mouth slack as Kai smiles sheepishly, resembling him in that moment, Kai rarely shows the shy part of him, the difference in him and Asahi, but right then he seems to be timid about the fact that maybe he came home early just for his little brother.

"I may be sort of, distant from you guys, But I stay in touch on social media and I pay attention, I saw it on the sports channel, About the upcoming high school tournament and its participants, and I realized this was your last year, so I thought, maybe I should come to at least one,"

Asahi blinks at him, not sure what to say or how to say it. 

"Because you know You and Riku and Sakura and Mei, mom and dad, you guys supported me when I went to college and still do, so I figured you deserved someone to support you at this, because volleyballs your thing," he shrugs nonchalantly, but his smile displays the fondness he holds for his brother.

Asahi feels really shitty for a moment, he'd been resentful of his return because Asahi knew his face would become shadowed by kais, because he felt Kai was here to steal away what little spotlight Asahi had, which was already so bare. 

Asahi knows his resentment towards his brother is selfishness and narcissistic, and he needs to be proud of him, he is and always will be, But now Asahi feels worse for feeling the way he had when he's come to learn his brother came home early for him. That Kai still paid attention even from afar, even when he couldn’t keep in touch, he was watching from afar. 

"Oh," is all Asahi can muster in a small voice, "thank you...How did...don't you have exams or-"

Kai waves him off, crossing his arms, "taking the remainder online until break, it's easier that way anyways,"

"Oh," Asahi says stupidly again, "that's cool..."

Kai turns his gaze side ways to stare at the ground beside him, Asahi watches his side profile curiously, wondering what to say next. How does he approach any of this.

Then he settles for, "I missed you,"

Kai looks up, somewhat startled by the sudden weight of Asahi's words, "I've missed having a big brother to look up to," Asahi hadn't missed the pressure but he learned even with Kai gone he was still expected to be him, so what was the point. 

Asahi missed Kai, Not the expectations that came of him when it came to being Kai’s brother.

"You shouldn't look up to me kid," Kai laughs quietly, "I'm not that great,"

Asahi rolls his eyes, "whatever, Do you know how amazing you are in mom and dads eyes? I want them to talk about me the way they do you,"

Kai blinks, sadness apparent on his face, "you should lower your expectations,"

Asahi can't believe what he's hearing.   
"You're kidding, Kai, You're the world to them, you've made them proud and all I've managed to do is play a sport that I’m not even pursing after I graduate, it ticks them off but they won't admit it," Asahi doesn't mean to let that spill over the edge but it does, and it's out in the open.

Kai stares for a moment, Asahi wants to shrink into himself. 

Kai opens his mouth, "I noticed Dad didn't seem very thrilled when you talked about volleyball, I don't see what his problem is,"

"His problem is I'm not you," Asahi says, sighing, "they want me to be like you, but my morals and theirs are so different, what I want isn't what they want and because of that..."

"You aren't happy,” Kai says and he opens his mouth in another realization, “because of that, That's why you don't like me anymore.”

Asahi doesn’t say anything. Kept wordless.  
Because he's right. 

"I knew you seemed the least thrilled I was home, Hell you'll barely look at me, I thought maybe you hated me for not coming home last Christmas, or for summer, Or for never calling like I should have..." Asahi hears the way Kai’s voice turns reserved, "I'm sorry you know, I wish mom and dad didn't put that on you,"

"It's fine," Asahi says, because as much as he hates the way his parents can be towards him sometimes, he hates the look Kai wears on his face at the moment even more. 

He's not about to ruin his brothers trip home after so long with Asahi’s own turmoil. "Honestly, it's not like you can control it, I just hate that I can't be what you are. I don't hate you, I never did. I hate myself," Asahi confesses.

Kai stares at him, and Asahi thinks maybe he sees his eyes glass over with tears, but then Kai blinks them away and stands, moving over and quietly asking if he can sit by Asahi. 

Asahi nods, and Kai sits beside him on the edge of his bed, hands in his lap, before he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, "I'm sorry I never called you, I never checked up on you, I had no idea, no wonder you never seem to want to talk to me anymore, last time I was home you were just as aloof as you were earlier," 

"Yeah," Asahi says quietly. 

"Look," Kai sits up straight, looking at Asahi earnestly, "I don't want you to feel like you're second to me okay? Even if mom and dad throw that bullshit on you, no matter what they want out of you, don't let them determine how you feel about yourself because that's a load of shit," Kai says, and Asahi listens carefully, feeling touched in the way a supportive big brother can make you feel. 

"Just," Kai sighs, craning his neck to look at the ceiling, "just play volleyball, I know you love that more than anything, just be yourself, okay? And Talk to me again. Just talk to me again like when we were kids,"

"Okay," Asahi nods. Kai meets his eye, hopeful. "I will, I'm sorry I was so dramatic about all of this," Asahi's shoulders deflate and the tension eases out of him. 

He feels immensely better than before Kai had talked to him, a lot of things still eat at him but he's managed to cloak them in the security that comes with his brother. He seems to realize that even if his parents don't want what he has to offer, Kai will support him. Kai has his back like he should and Asahi's sorry he ever doubted him, ever though Kai wanted less to do with him because of how he thought about himself.

"You have every right to be mad at me," Kai smiles, "I'm just glad you talked to me, it's usually hard to hold a conversation with you anymore, you're always eager to get rid of me," he throws an arm around Asahi's shoulder and Asahi snorts, "well, I guess I've had a lot of things going on that's changed me just a little,"

"Yeah?" Kai says, "while I've still got you under a choke hold and you can't push me away, care to elaborate on your life?"

Asahi regards him with a questioning eyebrow raise, Kai just laughs and lets him go, but Asahi gets the idea the conversations not over, "what's going on? With like life and friends? Besides the whole mom and dad being pressuring dicks towards you, There has to be something good right?"

Asahi chews on his lip, and from the look Kai gives him he clearly can see that Asahi's withholding something, Asahi shows his emotion on his face way to easily, but other times he can hide it all too well, either way, Kai clearly sees right through him.

"I mean, I guess...My teams been doing pretty good, I'm nervous about the tournament tomorrow,"

"Oh I already know you're gonna kick ass," Kai messes with Asahi's hair, and Asahi's beyond saving it so it sort of just falls down. He's too lazy to mess with it so he lets it be. 

"Thanks..." 

And suddenly, just like that, Asahi is overcome with the sudden urge to come out to Kai because he hasn't to any of his family. And right then he felt beyond safe with Kai. he'd never felt like he could trust him, but with what Kai’s told him, There's no other instance he'll feel so encouraged to come out with it. 

It's so unlike Asahi it takes him off guard. The feeling of newfound confidence is fading fast and he knows he should just say it. "I also like someone," he says.

Kais face lights up, "me too! It's this pretty girl in my yoga class, Her names Sirene and she's from Sweden, She's gorgeous," Kai gushes and Asahi's smiles, "that's nice,"

"Oh sorry, tell me about yours, Is she in your class?" Kai says, paling slightly when he realizes he sort of took over.

Asahi swallows thickly, that dry feeling returning, his heart speeds up way to quick and he can hear it in his ears. He knows Kai will never understand how insane it feels the moment before he says it, no one except those in his place will understand the nerve wracking feeling and true panic and fear of being rejected as a person that comes the moment before you come out.

"No," Asahi says, "he's not even in my grade,"

Kai stares blankly, and for being an honors kid studying medicine at a high end university, he's quite slow at processing what Asahi says.

"What's his name then?" Kai finally smiles, and Asahi relaxes tenfold, All the dread sort of evaporates from his chest. He can't believe he's told someone in his family. Someone who isn't Suga or daichi.

And Kai’s taken it with save and grace. He hadn't even questioned it after he understood, and Asahi can't be more relieved or greatful for his brother, feeling bad for all his inner turmoil that demonized him when Kai just wanted to care about him and support him when no one else did.

Asahi rises, he doesn't realize his hands are shaking until he picks up a certain photograph and moves to hand it to Kai, Who notices his nerves as well, and sends him a reassuring smile as he looks at the picture.

"the Nishinoya kid," Kai looks up. 

Asahi nods, sitting back down and trying to steady his hands. "He's on the team with me, His names Yuu and he's one of my best friends," he sighs.

"Oh wow," Kai looks at the picture intently, "he's super short,"

"Yeah he's 5'2" Asahi grins.

"That's honestly sort of adorable," 

"Yeah I guess," Asahi blushes, moving to cover his smile with his hand. "He's a year below me, so...It's sort of pointless, to even like him like that," Asahi shrugs, trying to convince himself like always, no matter how many times he tells himself to move on, He can't help that he's in love with him, even if it means he's in for a lot of heartbreak. Asahi's always been the self destructive type anyways.

"Why is it pointless?" Kai blinks. 

"Well I'm graduating, I'm gonna leave and he's still going to be in school, we won't get to see each other, and just, it wouldn't work," Asahi slouches, he's barely come to terms with it but it still hurts him.

"That's all? It's not because he doesn't like boys?" 

Asahi stirs, looking at Kai who says this as if it's the most normal thing in the world, and he wants to thank him for that, "he does, he likes boys and girls," Asahi says.

"Then I don't see the problem," Kai laughs, "I honestly think that's perfect, you have a chance with him and I don't know but the way he's looking at you in this picture makes me think he likes you back,"

"Doubtful," Asahi sighs, "you know, I kissed him,"

"What?" Kai yelps, "and you two aren't dating? What the fuck?"

"I told him it didn't mean anything because he ran away after I did it, then I avoided him for a while, but we're good now, But still," Asahi shrugs and Kai just stares like he can't believe what he's listening to.

"You're a disaster," he shakes his head.

Asahi smiles sadly, "guess so,"

"Look I'm gonna tell you this one thing," Kai says setting the picture down on his night stand and turning to his brother, "you'll never know what could happen unless you try,"

"I've heard that before," Asahi says.

"Yeah but I'm telling you this now and it means more because I'm clearly extremely wise," Kai says in all seriousness, Asahi rolls his eyes but the way his brother goes on makes him smile anyways, "you have to tell him, because who knows, You'll never know if he liked you back if you didn't try, and you've got a little time before you graduate yeah?"

"Yeah,"

"And wouldn't it suck if you found out at a 10 year reunion after you turned down the path of being a middle aged kindergarten teacher that the guy you had a crush on in highschool liked you back and could have been your future husband if you weren't a coward,"

"Well when you put it that way," Asahi mocks, "Kai It's pointless, trust me,"

Asahi says it with such finality Kai looks saddened, and he stands up, hands on his hips, Asahi's eyes stare at the floor, contemplating whether or not he really should confess, but the self control part of him always swoops in and tells him no. 

"Well," Kai says, his voice softening, "whatever you decide to do, I'm here for you okay? And anyways that kid would be so dumb to turn you down, I mean he'd be honored to be liked by an Azumane,"

Asahi laughs, "whatever you say," he yawns and feels the exhaustion catching up, Kai notices it too. "You need to get to bed, I know you have that tournament tomorrow, I'll be there alright?" 

Asahi nods, watching as Kai turns to leave, "do mom and dad know about you?" 

Even though he doesn't specify what he means, Asahi already knows, "no, you're the only one I've told,"

Kai smiles warmly, and he resembles his mom in that instant, a genuineness in the way he carries himself, "I'm glad you trusted me...I'll see you in the morning, thank you for talking to me,"

"Thank you- for supporting me even after I've been an asshole to you for no reason,"

"You had a reason, it's okay, It'll be better now yeah?" 

Asahi nods, "yeah."

After Kai leaves and Asahi settles down in bed, He ends up dialing Noya's number anyways, he'd thought he'd be done talking to people for the night but for some reason Noya's voice makes him feel at ease, He picks up and Asahi only smiles drowsily when he says, "what did I say about you going to sleep?"

"Can't remember"

"Jesus Christ Asahi, Go to bed,"

"Only if you do,"

Theres rustling on the other side, Noya moving around in his bed, "fine,"

And they fall asleep with their phones on their pillow, listening to the droning of white noise from the others room over the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re closing in on the end, I’m sorry these filler chapters always end up so long, but they should shorten soon I promise!! Thank you for reading:)


	8. Moments you stole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of recollection and time skipping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Haikyuu has ended, and I’m literally so bittersweet and heartbroken over it. But the ending was truly the one we could ask for. There’s no way to describe how these characters and their stories have changed my life, and I’m gonna miss them so much:( but anyways, I said the chapters should start getting shorter but I accidentally lied because after writing them, I ended up having to split one into two so yikes ig. This really ended up being longer than I thought. This whole chapters just me being emotional about the third years and I’m a little repetitive but bare with me. Hope you enjoy, spelling errors probably will show up but it’s because I’m writing this on my phone so rip. Also I apologize if my characterizations are way off or if any plot holes surface, I’m still so new at writing these boys characters.

Asahi stares at himself in the mirror. He used to do that a lot, but with more self loathing. Though It's different now. 

Asahi's not quite sure when it changed, when he stopped hating his reflection and rather came to accept that it's just him and Asahi alone. It's Asahi and everything that makes him up. 

He used to hate everything about what he saw, He used to hate how grown up he looked when he was younger, how his family and everyone else would point out just how much older he appeared than he actually was, and it made him feel isolated or weird for it. Then he got to highschool and it still followed him. Except now it doesn't matter that much to him anymore, because now he really was grown, he was a third year, a senior who was about to start the rest of his life. 

Asahi used to hate how tall he was, how his friends didn't reach six foot but Asahi was there almost by the time he was a first year, how he felt too big for his own skin, how he drew attention to himself when Asahi hated having the spotlight on him. He finds it ironic now, seeing as how being the ace draws all spectating eyes on you while on the court. He grew into it though and like the rest of the parts of himself he hated, they were fading and he's not sure what's caused it. 

He still loathes a part of his inadequacy, How he’ll always feel like everyone's better than him but that's just who he is, he knows he has his own special part of whatever makes him different. 

Asahi had hated a lot of things. He even used to hate how hard it was to talk to people.

Asahi used to hate his anxiety for holding him back. but then he found his team. He found Daichi and Suga, Tanaka and Hinata, all these underclassman than inspire him every day. He has all these people in his life that encourage him to keep pushing even when things seem immeasurable. 

He found Noya, who seemed to believe in him most of all, and there was a comforting reassurance of knowing Nishinoya had his back. 

Asahi also hated how cowardice he could be.  
How he had walked away from the team after their date tech loss and his disagreement with Noya. He hates that the idea of coming out to the team or his parents makes him sick to his stomach. He hates how he lied to Noya about kissing him, how it'd been meaningless when it was never that to begin with.   
Asahi hates that he can't tell Noya how he feels. 

The morning of the second round of prelims, when his whole house is asleep and the sun has yet to come up, Asahi just finds himself staring in the mirror while he washes his face, wondering just how much he's changed since the first time he headed to this tournament all the way back when he was a first year. 

A lot has happened, he's not the same person he was but it's for the better he thinks, and today he'll be the ace the team deserves because it could be the last chance he has to prove he always deserved the position. He'll show that they can count on him to score every point from every ball Noya saves for him.

Asahi wants to cry because he knows the ends coming, and because soon whatever easy thing he and Noya have going right now, will all be over. 

He reminisces in the mirror and gets tired of looking at himself after he puts his hair up, and as he leaves the house to pick Noya up on the way. He doesn't leave without sighing, tilting his head up and telling himself, 

"It's been a long run,"

•••

Sentimental people lead beautiful lives.   
They understand that time can not be turned backwards, that it moves on and never stops for anyone. 

Sitting on the bus headed towards Sendai early in the morning, with Noya's head in his lap and curled up beside him in the seat they share, because the kid can fall asleep anywhere, Asahi realizes he can’t just not be sentimental about another of this. 

He thinks about how he can't help that he takes things heavier than others, how he makes sure to let everything around him burn itself into his memory, So he can relive it later, because he knows the same exact moment under the same circumstance will never happen again. 

Asahi likes to keep feelings alive after they've passed and the only way to do that is to remember all of this, remember Daichi and suga in the seat in front of him, both asleep with their their hands intertwined secretly under the blanket Suga had brought to use on the bus. He wants to remember the hushed talking of a tired ukai and Takeda driving the bus, Remember kageyama sleeping while hinata messes with him, amiss to how he could have so much energy this early. 

And there's tanaka who's also passed out, and Tsukkishima who gazes out the window with his headphones while Yamaguchi falls asleep on his shoulder. Asahi takes in the peace and quiet, How nice it feels to just exist in that moment, and he still can't help but feel how this is one of the last bus rides they'll have all together. He can't let that be true though, not when he's determined to make it to Japan, to play in the Tokyo gym against all the other representatives.

The ace can't think they have a chance of losing, so Asahi takes all of the negativity and shuts his eyes, letting the low rumble of the bus driving along the road lull him into a nap before they arrive at the Sendai city gym.

•••

The sun is shrouded by the clouds, the sky waking up overcast by the time the team gets to the sendai city gym. 

The teams awake and ready to play when the bus pulls in, Asahi stretching when he stands and Nishinoyas already out of his seat and grabbing his bag with tanaka. They load out, Asahi rolling his neck as nerves flutter through him upon seeing the familiar gym, today could make or break them, That much is clear and harrowing at the fore front of his mind.

As if his friends can just sense his unease as they walk towards check in, Daichi grabs his shoulder gently and squeezes supportively, Asahi turning to meet his captains reassurance. "This won't be the last time okay?"

Asahi just nods and hopes with all his heart that he's right. 

Asahi’s painfully aware of everything around him, it's like a part of him feels like it's obliged to take in these last few starting moments because this in the end, is the last preliminary tournament for the third years, because after today they either move on to finals and then nationals, or they go home for good. Asahi needs to capture every moment, every part of what's going on.

Hinata and kageyama trudge ahead, Kageyama grumbling and holding onto Hinata's hoodie as hinata drags him forward, Tanaka and Nishinoya hover over by the side where they probably talk about impressing girls or whatever it is that the two second years like to be loud about. Asahi smiles to himself after glancing at Nishinoya, who'd caught his eye mid conversation with Tanaka and smiled back. It's small things like that, that can release Asahi of even the most severe nerves.

Then there's Kinoshita, Narita and Ennoshita over beside Noya and tanaka too, But they hang back more so, tsukki and Yamaguchi are inseparable as always, though Yamaguchi’s engaged in a conversation with Yachi who has Kiyoko walking beside her with the best posture out of all of them.

Everyone walks with purpose in the end, into the gym and past their opponents, where they'll face another set of teams that will decide if they move onto nationals or not. 

Asahi blinks, no they don't decide, Karasuno does. If they work hard, if they want it enough, they'll get there.

And Asahi has so much faith in his team, and as the ace, he hopes they have faith in him.

"Joh zenji," Suga says, they're warming up on the court, peppering, standing near the ball carts and stretching to the side. The third years have banded together of course to stretch and Asahi pulls his knee up to stretch his hamstrings, feeling more tense than usual. "Their third years already left, That means their captains still a second year" he goes on.

"Terushima right?" Daichi questions pulling his arm across his chest and craning his neck, trying to get loose. 

"Yeah, apparently coach was telling me their playing style has been completely changed or something like that," Suga tells them.

"Really? You think we gotta shot?" Asahi asks. 

"We went three sets with aoba Josai before remember, we've got it don't worry, we'll just have to see what they throw at us," Daichi doesn’t miss a beat.

Daichi and Suga go on talking about the opposing team while asahi zones out, still focusing on stretching his legs, he absentmindedly gazes towards the stands, a part of him wanted to see his family, and the other expected to see kai, but when he couldn’t recognize anyone except a familiar short lady with eyes that match Noya's he was let down but he had prepared himself for it anyways. 

But upon seeing Mrs.Nishinoya, Asahi smiled and waved up towards her, she spotted him and sent the kindest smile his way in return.

Asahi's eyes settled down back on the court where Noya was, Tanaka stood by the net and was hitting random balls to spots for Noya to dig. 

And as expected, he manages to get almost every single one. 

Asahi will never not be amazed by Nishinoya. 

Then the time comes when they line up, Terushima and Daichi shake hands and they bow, before circling up like routine. Asahi feels the security of his team beside him as they huddle and Ukai goes over rotations; Takeda gives them one of his famous peptalks. And it comes down to Daichi, Putting his hand in as he says, "let's take this one, we've got this guys," and shouts of agreement, before the starting line up heads onto the court. 

There's the familiar sense of stepping past the line and into his position. They're backed up one because Johzenji got the serve but Asahi's ready anyways. 

the whistle blows, Asahis aware of his teammates and where they are on the court. The crowd hushes slightly but another game continues on the court next to them. Asahis low and ready. 

Here they go. 

•••

They're sweating, they're moving and they start to struggle. It's odd at first, because it's clear Joh zenji doesn't outmatch Karasuno in skill, It's their playing style that gives them an odd advantage. They’re high energy and sporadic, and it takes Karasuno off gaurd. Their captains a talented wing spiker, and Asahi is so pleased that Daichi and Noya seem to pick up their served and hits. The wall isn't much of a threat but yet Asahi internally hopes it's because he's outgrown that fear and now no wall really scares him anymore.

Asahi plays his part, does his job. And when They pull off synchronized attacks, They score. When Kageyama entrusts Asahi with the ball, They score.

And then comes Kageyama getting the first touch, and Noya finally putting the practice in play as he jumps before the ten foot line and sets the ball to Asahi. Asahi jumps, he raises his arm and the ball falls to the other side and the points theirs again. 

They have the momentum. 

And then Johzenji tries to replicate their synchronized attack on set point. 

And Karasuno wins. 

They worked hard for it and those on the sidelines meet the others on the court to celebrate.   
And Yet even when Asahi glances at the team, they may not be ecstatic but their captain isn't upset. And he knows that that's a team that knows how to have fun, that knows they're purpose and put up a good fight. 

Asahi startles when noya jumps to throw an arm around Asahi's shoulder which drags Asahi down so he hunches. Noya cheers, a victorious fist in the air. Asahi just laughs and feels the achievement with his team. And yet there's so much more left to go. 

But they'll take the win. 

•••

And then comes wakutani south. 

"Listen guys, these guys are real competition, this isn't the time to get comfortable," ukai addresses the circle as wakunan warms up on the other side of the court. 

Asahi has his hands on his knees, resting and catching his breath like the rest of them, Suga slaps Asahi on the back roughly in support. Asahi never realized it much but it occurs that he’s played in every game with no breaks, and as much as he adores the game and loves his position as the ace, It's exhausting sometimes. 

But he wouldn't change anything for the world. Noya appears at Asahi's side and while Ukai’s talking, offers Asahi a side smile when he looks up. 

Asahi catches his breath finally and straightens, everyone listens intently to their coach and Daichi's input.

"Just because these guys aren't Seihjoh doesn't mean they aren't a threat," Daichi tells them, and ukai nods, "we still have to give it our all, we're just getting started here guys. Play hard out there okay?" 

And then captains are called over again and the next game is under way. 

Noya rotates in with Tsukkishima and jumps around in place to stay warm. Asahi laughs quietly to himself, noyas never not moving, and for some reason it's just something he likes, because it's just a part of who Noya is.

"We've got this guys, piece of cake," tanaka encourages. And Asahi's tossed the ball to serve, and It starts.

Asahi hears Daichi and Sugas encouragements, and Noyas classic "give em hell Asahi!" And Asahi moves to toss the ball up, taking his approach and putting as much power as he can behind it. 

Wakunan receives it, but it doesn't discourage Asahi too much, and he moves into position as the teams start to rally the ball.

Daichi digs the spike from Takeru, The captain of Wakunan who's family is loud and who has the whole crowd cheering for him. It's a long first rally and eventually Karasuno gains the first point. 

And that's all they need to know to realize this is going to be a long game. 

And they're willing to work for it.

•••

The first set wavers, and Karasuno is feeling the heat. Time outs are called, Subs are made, and Daichi really shines as his roll of the captain. 

Everyone knows next years going to be different without the steady support of Karasuno's captain, An expert at receives and keeping the team under control. Daichi and suga are the teams support systems, Suga makes sure no ones left behind, Daichi makes sure everyone's playing their hardest. They're a set that can't be replaced on Karasuno. 

Daichi works his hardest digging up takerus spikes, Theres times where Noya digs up blocked balls, and even moments hinata even shines brighter than usual. 

It's an intense first set, and They're not ready to give it up so easily. 

It's towards the end, set point is getting closer and The ball is heading towards the floor. Asahi watches as his team isn't going to let it hit, He’s on the left side and moving away front he net as he sees Noya throw himself across to the right side of the court to dig up a ball Daichi had dug initially. The ball goes up but not quite far, and As Asahi shouts praises to Noya and Daichi’s dig, Daichi’s on his feet again hustling forward, throwing his body and momentum to save the ball.

But tanaka is also. 

Asahi shouts something to look out, there's a lot of energy around the gym and cheering as the momentum is high and the tension is increased with every save, But it seems Daichi doesn't register Tanaka diving after the ball as well. 

Tanaka gets the touch on the ball, just barley getting it over as he collides with the captain.

There's cheering as the points Karasuno's, But it quickly dies down as Daichi lay still on the floor.

The court goes still, Noya crouches on one side of him, Tanaka sits up where he collided with Daichi, cluthing his arm. Asahi moves forward hesitantly, panic rising in his throat. Daichi wasn't moving. 

Coach ukai quickly jumps from the bench to call a timeout and Those on the sidelines move forward slightly to see what's happened.

"Daichi?" Tanaka asks quietly. 

Noya sighs, "aw great, look tanaka you killed him,"

"I didn't mean to!" Tanaka shoots back and Daichi groans as he lifts himself up, "Damn," he's clutching his head, and ukai and Takeda are at his side quickly, checking for a concussion.

Noya moves out of the way and next to Asahi, everyone holding their breath.

"I'm fine- it just knocked the breath out of-" Daichi pauses as he stands, and spits a tooth out into his palm.

"Holy shit- ba- Daichi-" Suga helps and moves to his side, no longer bothering to stay out of the way. 

No one registers what Suga says except the fact that he's clearly concerned with Daichi who just lost a whole ass tooth.

"Oh damn," Noya says at Asahi's side and Asahi blinks, "Daichi I don't think you're fine," 

"Oh yeah- that's uh blood, yeah my mouths kinda- ew," Daichis handed a towel to hold to his mouth as Suga grabs his arm to keep him steady. 

"Shit- Okay well," ukai starts, you need to go get checked out anyways- do we have anyone to sub for him?" Ukai turns to the others, and After a moment of silence, Tanaka points, 

"Ennoshita can do it,"

•••

Ennoshita is a lot like Asahi was. Full of self doubt and nerves. Asahi tries his best to step up as the oldest upperclassman on the court now that Daichis gone to get checked on, Suga had insisted on going with him for just a minute and So here they were, completely thrown out of their groove, Having lost their captain, Tanaka feeling guilty, Ennoshita a nervous and doubtful wreck, And Asahi, The one who's supposed to be in charge but is sort of awful at it.

"Ennoshita," Asahi addresses him as they get ready to start again, "don't worry too much okay, Ive got us. Just get the ball up, and I'll get it over."

"Look at that," Noya grins lopsidedly slapping Asahi in the lower back, "you're almost talking like you're an ace or something,"

"Shut up," Asahi laughs, "I'm serious though, we're gonna be fine."

Ennoshita nods, Letting out a breath. Asahi knows how it must feel, he remembers the first time being put in a highschool game, being a first year on the court with a bunch of upperclassman was horrifying. But eventually he stepped up and now he's making sure his underclassman feel like they belong here too.

If anyone deserves to play along side Asahi and the others it's ennoshita. He'd ran away once and came back, just like Asahi. They weren't too different really. 

Tanaka and Noya give encouragements to the second year as Ennoshita goes in to serve. And from there, They all try to adapt to this.

Everyone ends up putting in their Maximum effort and they take the first set after Asahi kills the last ball, And he can't help but feel proud of himself as he gets set point for the first one and Wakunans libero dives and misses.

The whistle sounds and Asahi feels his heart soar because they've won the first set, they can take this second one and he can keep playing. Every set is what matters to him, More chances to play with hinata as his successor, Kageyama as his setter and Suga being subbed in to change things up, Suga having been his setter since he can remember. He can get sentimental all he wants, but he's still playing.

They move to switch sides, Asahi still breathing hard from that last kill as Noya catch's up to him, looking up through his sweat and exertion to grin at Asahi, "That was an awesome kill," 

Asahi clenches his fist and grins, "it felt good," 

"Let's do it again," Noya wipes at his face with his jersey and jogs ahead to his spot. 

In the few minutes they take inbetween sets, Asahi stands there and his eyes travel from his overworked teammates, to the stands, where this time, he meets the eyes of his brother.

He's standing there, waving and leaning over the railing. His little sister is with him, waving happily. "Asahi!" Kai shouts and Asahi beams. "Hey!"

"Is that kai?" Suga appears at Asahi's side.   
"His hairs gotten really long," 

"Yeah It's him," Asahi doesn't mean to sound as fond as he does, but he can't take his eyes off the stands, feeling a new sudden surge of strength he hadnt felt before.

"I'm glad you've got someone up there for you this time," Suga pats Asahi on the back roughly, "Anyways, We need you on the court more than ever today man,"

Asahi turns, locking eyes with suga and its a silent plea, ‘don't let the teams work be thrown away because of a doubtful substitution’. They can get past this, Ennoshita can step up, he has the potential and everyone knows that. Suga is just praying Asahi can help bring it out like the rest of the them.

Suga, without a word conveys his grief, This game can't be the last time he'd step foot on the court with Daichi, Suga unknowingly already having their last moments on Karasuno together, he doesn't want that. And Asahi knows this because he feels the same, Maybe not to the extremes that Suga has for the captain, but in a sense of the third years friendships. Asahi can't bare to think he'd already played his last game with Daichi.

"We've got this," Asahi assures him, "I won't have it any other way."

The coach calls them forward, a minute left on the clock in between switching sets, Crowding around ukai, everyone pats each other roughly on the shoulder, The team leaning on each other as they should.

"Ennoshita, Keep a cool head out there for me okay? I know going in for someone like the captain is a big role to fill but you would'nt be out there if it wasn't because we didn't believe in you," coach ukai addresses Ennoshita specifically. All eyes are on him, and hinata adds in words of encouragement, everyone does, excerpt the ever so allusive Tsukki But he still nods in acknowledgement to the second year.

"You know," Tanaka says once they stand in their positions, awaiting for the start of the second set, he places his hands on his hips, "Ennoshita is in store to become Daichis successor anyways," 

"What?" Asahi asks thoughtfully. 

Noya stands up straight from where he crouched to stretch his legs, "well yeah, Once the third years graduate we're gonna need a new captain, And who better than someone as reliable and calm as Ennoshita," 

Asahi looks from Noya to tanaka, blinking, "You've already decided on the next captain?"

"Well," Tanaka shrugs, "delaying the inevitable gets you nowhere, no one will ever be Daichi, but we think Ennoshita is the best choice for us,"

Asahi makes eye contact with Noya who smiles lightheartedly, "I agree with Tanaka, As much I hate to see Daichi go, Ennoshita is perfect to carry On the captain position,"

"You guys give me far too much credit," Ennoshita groans from the serving line, he looks nervous still, but slowly Asahi knows he's going to find his comfort on the court soon. It took Asahi a while to adjust to playing in a real game, to find his groove and where he really felt like he deserved to be on the court. 

Ennoshita just needed a few more points to get there.

The second set starts, and all to quick they fall behind. Wakunan is sending so much their way, the rally's are long and tiring, and the teams stability is wavering with the absence of Daichi but they try and hold together. 

Eventually the score falls and karasuno finds themselves down by four. Asahis trying his hardest to stay focused and in a positive headspace, he always high-fives Noya for the moral and Nishinoyas become head of keeping the energy up. Hinata and him both are the highest strung players and they manage to keep everyone from losing their composure. 

And then, Hinata's subbed out, and the one and only yamaguchi stands at the serving line. 

Asahi grins, happy to see the first year and his chance to serve again. They could use the moral boost from a few service aces at the moment, and Asahi holds his breath as yamaguchi trudges forward to serve.

At first it's barely flies over but the points earned and they cheer. They cheer in recognition and pride that yamaguchi managed to finally get the chance to show his worth. Noya cheers, "nice job yamaguchi!" And even it elicited a polite nod of encouragement from Tsukki.

But then, The next one is a regular serve, a basic pick up that ends with the other team acing it in their side. 

And the just like that the momentum's dead.

And yet they still try to fight. Ennoshita is working so hard to live up to Daichis name, Asahi can tell. He's overexerting himself and a part of Asahi wants to tell him it's no use pushing himself past his limit, but the other is telling him he needs to in order to get their hands on what they want. 

And what they want is to make it to the top. And for that sometimes comes getting through self doubt and unsureness and taking what's yours.

But in the end the second set goes to wakutoni south. 

The third set begins abruptly, still no sign of Daichi and Ennoshita is finally finding his confidence, no longer doubting what he can do and instead focusing on using what he can.

Asahi has heard of the second year running away once, but he'd found the strength to admit he was wrong and he came back, he came back and worked hard and he deserved to play just as much as the rest, and so when Ennoshita receives a ball, quiet nicely, and Noyas quick to Praise it, Asahi's right behind him with the compliment too.

"That was a great receive Chikara!" Noya beams. He's breathing hard and wipes at his forehead, despite being sweaty and tired from the hard work, Noya still looks as charming as ever and Asahi tries hard not to focus on it for too long.

"Thanks Noya," Ennoshita grins and Tanaka whines, "why doesn't he ever compliment my receives like that," 

"Maybe if you worked on them a little," Asahi shrugs and Tanaka scoffs, "you're just saying that cuz he compliments yours all the time too,"

"Well- I don't see why he does that-" 

"He's obviously biased towards you," Tanaka pokes and Asahi blinks at him, face blank. 

They continue on. Suga gets his moment on the court, Hinata and Kageyama pull off attack after attack, Noya receives blocked balls, And Ennoshita really steps up.

And as the final rally for set point approaches, Asahi can't let it be the last. He will play with Daichi again, He will make them win, And he won't let this be the last time he steps foot on the court.

Ennoshita saves a ball that could have cost them everything, The games never over until the ball drops. Everyone knows that, and Everyone takes it to heart as they hustle their butts off to get that ball back over: and when the ball goes up, Hinata's there slamming it down, jumping as high as the eye can see.

And they win.   
They beat wakunana, and they're going to progress. This wasn't the end.

They erupt in cheers as per usual, and Asahi feels overjoyed that they're moving onward, Ennoshita is the mvp for the game as his second year peers throw their arms around him. Suga grips Asahi on the shoulder in celebration, Tsukkishima is engulfed by yamaguchi and when Asahi turns unexpectedly he runs into a jumping and celebrating Noya who grins happily as he throws up his arms to high-five Asahi, who meets him halfway.

Noya's smile after they win will always have a place in Asahi's heart, and it will always steal his breath every time. And for that, 

Asahi wants to keep winning, forever and ever if it means getting to see Noya smile like that.

•••

Daichis face is bruised but other than that, no damage is done. 

"uh- hey guys, look I'm really sorry about that-"

"DAICHIIII," Noya shouts, thrilled and excited. "You're okay!!" 

"Daichi!" Suga is at his side before anyone can register that Daichi has even walked back in the gym. He'd approached with an ice pack and a timid smile, followed by Yachi. 

Before the rest of the team can crowd around their captain, Sugas hugging him tightly, and Daichi relaxes into the vice captains arms. It's a soft moment Asahi feels they've stolen from the world and so that is what they deserve. He can't imagine what it'd feel like to be afraid he'd played his last game with Noya and hadn't even known it.

"Koushi," Daichi sighs, "I'm alright," 

Suga steps back, painfully aware of the eyes on them, "good- I- that's good. No concussion?"

"Maybe a tiny one," Daichi jokes and Suga shakes his head.

"Daichi-" Asahi steps forward, "I'm glad you're alright,"

"Yeah, we were worried" Hinata says.

"Thanks everyone," Daichi smiles briefly, moving a hand to the back of his neck, he nods to Asahi, "I saw you step up today ace, You really killed it out there, and you too Ennoshita, They wouldn't have done it without you," 

Ennoshita blushes and shakes his head, moving to protest but Tanaka's there covering his mouth. 

"You feeling up for the next game boss?"  
Tanaka asks.

"Actually I probably could have came back in for the last part of the third set but-" he glances from Yachi to Ennoshita, "we agreed you guys had it covered and Ide just throw off the rhythm you'd found,"

"Wow-" Noya grins, "look at us,"

"You guys played great," Daichi nods, "now let's do it all again."

"Also-" Tanaka adds, "I'm sorry for sort of, running you over,"

Daichi laughs, "it's fine- It wasn't your fault, I saw you headed towards the ball, but it's like my body was already in motion, We won though, and every point counted. Now let's go take our break while we wait for the match against seihjoh and date tech to finish,"

"This one will determine who play in the semi finals right?" Noya asks out loud, though he’s mostly facing Asahi when he says it. 

Asahi nods, "your bet on date tech?"

Noya shakes his head, but smiles as he crosses his arms anyways, glancing from the mingling team around them to up at Asahi, "date tech may had been a tough opponent before but against seihjoh? I don't think they have the same threat level as them. I doubt Date tech will be the ones we're playing,"

Asahi’s quiet, and while the team recovers and they head towards the stands for the seihjoh vs date tech game, Asahi and Noya discuss about how far they really have come since that fateful game against date tech that led to a relationship being broken and rebuilt and the growth between the two boys that has bettered them in the long run. Perhaps they needed that loss to show the other how much they really meant to each other, to show how one can't play without the other, to show how much they really needed each other to be fulfilled.

It's cheesy and Asahi can admit it, but Noya's his partner, always will be, even if they won't be on the same team after he graduates, even after Asahi moves away and he's left with picture frames and simple memories like this.

"Asahi!" Asahi feels a small weight bump against his leg and he looks down to see his little sister gripping him tightly, grinning the biggest smile he’s ever seen her wear. 

The teams already walked through the entrance to where the stands are, while Asahi and Noya had trailed in the back talking. But now Asahi's held back as his sister hugs him tightly and he looks up to find Kai not far behind, Approaching with a smile.

Asahi realizes too soon that Noya's still with him, going quiet mid-conversation as they're stopped outside. Noya messes with the zipper of his jacket .

"Sakura," Asahi grins as he leans down to pick her up, holding her so she can sit against his hip, "hey kid,"

"You were amazing!" She claps, and Asahi smiles, heart swelling. 

“Hi!" Sakura leans forward and waves at Noya, who looks at her with big eyes, But before Asahi thinks Noya forgot how to talk, he seems to regain his composure and he smiles sweetly, "hi sweety,"

"Sakura, this is Noya, my bestfriend,"

"How come I haven't seen him before if he's your best friend?" She eyes Noya skeptically. 

Noya blinks between Asahi and his sister before Asahi shakes his head. He moves to speak but kai appears, eyes panning from Asahi down to Nishinoya, who notices him as well.

"Asahi," he greets smoothly, "you played really well, congrats on winning the first two games,"

"Thanks," Asahi smiles, adjusting Sakura on his side as she still looks at Noya skeptically, before squirming to be let down so Asahi let's her. "Why don't you go find uncle daichi and Koushi, they went that way in the stands," Asahi says to her and points in the direction of the hall leading up to the stands.

She whoops and nods eagerly as she runs off. Asahi’s not too concerned because if she does get lost theres no doubt a player would return her, and also because she can easily find Daichi in any crowd, she has a huge little girl crush on him and he loves to adore her as if she's his own sister.

"Asahi, are you gonna introduce me?" Kai says after a moment and Asahi looks up, "oh- right- Noya," Asahi turns to the libero who still fiddles nervously with his zipper of his Karasuno jacket, it’s out of character for him. Asahi feels a newfound nervousness bloom in his chest, "this is my older brother, Kai. And Kai, this is Nishinoya, My- my friend,"

Noya smiles holding out a hand and Kai eyes it before taking it. "Nice to meet you, ive heard a lot about you. You've got some incredible talent as a libero kid," 

Noya blushes, pulling his hand away and side eyeing Asahi, "I- well, thanks a lot man."

"I can't wait to see who you'll be beating next," Kai pats Asahi roughly on the shoulder, "me and Little miss Sakura are gonna be cheering you on," 

Asahi feels a security in his heart that he can't describe, and a thankfulness for his brothers support more than anything. He can't believe he never gave Kai the benefit of the doubt and took his resentment for his parents expectations out on Kai, who all along wanted his best.

"It means the world to me," 

"Im gonna go buy me and Sakura some water from concession, want one?" Kai starts towards the concession stand in the foyer of the gym and Asahi shakes his head, "we better be heading back to our team anyways-"

"Okay- See ya Asahi- you too Nishinoya," and Kai starts off in the other direction, leaving Asahi feeling strange and Noya fidgeting beside him.

"So that's your older brother huh, the one in college?"

Asahi nods, feeling Noya accidentally brush his arm. He swallows, "he came home early before summer break to be here,"

Asahi meets Noya's eye and it seems they shine, "that's great, I'm really glad for you Asahi,"

And then before Asahi can say anything back a woman approaches them and noyas face lights up even more, "hey mom," 

"Yuu," she greats fondly, she nods in acknowledgment to Asahi as well, "Asahi, Talented and handsome as always,"

Asahi blushes and shrugs bashfully, Noya's mom always makes it a point to compliment him and it gets to him every time. 

"Mrs. Nishinoya," Asahi smiles, "I'm glad you could make it,"

"Of course," she smooths down a pieces of Noya's hair who swipes at her hand, "wouldn't miss it for the world, this is a very big day for you boys,"

"It is, which is why we gotta get focused and go watch the game-" Noya says and grabs Asahi's hand who freezes slightly. No matter what, Noya will always have that unfiltered affect on him.

"Come on Asahi," Noya starts to drag him towards the stand. "Guess I'll just go join the Tanaka's since you're in such a rush," his mom calls and Asahi can see she's smiling even so. "Love you mom!" Noya calls and continues to drag Asahi away, who turns to wave at the woman. 

She sends a small wave back and an even more supportive smile. 

Like she knows.

•••

"You're brother seems nice," Noya leans back in the seat next to Asahi. Sakura sits on Daichi's shoulders who stands at the railing beside Suga watching the seihjoh game closely, whilst Asahi sits back behind the first and second years. 

Hinata and Noya had been caught up in the fact that there was a lot of hype surrounding seihjoh, and now hinata and Kageyama were all focused on the game, kageyama grumbling about what a buttwad Oikawa was and hinata loudly agreeing. Tanaka was busy trying to get the attention of some girls near by and Noya had just sighed and leaned over and whispered to Asahi "He’s just trying to make kiyoko jealous," and It all made perfect sense.

Asahi didn't know where the other second years were, and was vaguely aware of Tsukki and Yamaguchi a few seats down from where Asahi was sitting.

"Kai is nice I guess," Asahi glances over across the way to another part of the stands where kai sort of hovers by himself, he's talking on the phone and watching the court. "We've got our faults" 

"And Sakuras an absolute angel," Noya grins as he catches the attention of Asahis little sister, waving and scrunching his nose, that ensues a bubbly little laugh from his sister as she turns back around to mess with Daichi. 

The whole scene makes Asahi's stomach wild, and Beyond warm. It's too adorable to really keep Asahi from having a stroke before long, He never knew how much he needed Noya to know the best part of his family till now. 

"She is," Asahi agrees wholeheartedly, and he feels Noya's eyes on his face, spectating. "I think she's going to grow up to play volleyball, She seems to really love it," 

Asahi glances away at Noya's smile in fear of being too blinded and hides his own grin with a hand and turn of his head.

Noya sits up straighter, “that'd be awesome, She could follow in your footsteps and become an incredible Ace,"

"Back at it with giving me way too much credit Nishinoya," Asahi sighs softly. 

Noya just shakes his head, before he's interrupted by Hinata looking back from his seat ahead and asking Noya a question. A conversation follows that Asahi naturally drones out but he knows it's something about getting food after the game that traveled to talking about tanaka and his incessant hitting on girls, respectfully though.

After a little while of watching seihjoh against date tech with baited breath, The first sets finished and it seems seihjoh is gonna take the win easily, but Asahi knows not to underestimate Date tech, even with their new setter koganegawa who tanaka said was an inverted Nishinoya.

The entire team didn’t let Nishinoya live that down. 

Suga sits back in his seat on the other side of Asahi, watching Daichi move Sakura off him so he can sit down in one of the front seats, propping her up on his knee so she can see over the railing anyways. He turns to catch Suga and Asahi's eye and smiles, Asahi giving him a mocking look that Daichi returns sticking his tongue out.

"He's gonna be such a great dad," Suga sighs with soft eyes and Asahi almost gags, "I thought the tournament was a safe place from your gross relationship,"

"Oh shove it you're just sad because it makes you feel lonely," Suga pokes at Asahi. 

"That may be true-" Asahi tries to defend himself but in the end he ultimately fails.

Suga grins stupidly and turns back to watching both Daichi and the court. 

And after Suga gushes on about Daichi a little too long, Asahi thinks he'll have better luck sitting by Daichi himself, so he ignores the offended look on sugas face and the slightly confused one on Noya's as he gets up to move to where Daichi sits close to the railing with Sakura. She cheers for the game despite not being here to support either teams.   
She's just happy to be there after all.

"Oikawas really upped his game hasn't he," Asahi leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"He never really ever surpassed the way he's playing today, so I think-" Daichi smiles, eyes still on the game, "we're in a for a challenge" 

"That is if-"

"There's no question on who's winning this match Asahi," Daichi chuckles, "but even then- Date techs new setter has a whole lot of potential" 

"Koganegawa right? A second year?"

"I'm pretty sure," Daichi nods, leaning back in his seat, "date techs third years left early, so that may put them at a disadvantage today,"

"Could you imagine if we would've done that?" Asahi says, thinking back to when they'd lost their last game against Seihjoh, he can't imagine what it would have been like to think of that as his last game in highschool.

"Left early? No" Daichi says, "the team that's made it this far is the team with us on it Asahi," 

"That sounds sort of harsh-"

"I didn't mean it like the underclassman aren't capable," he says, "I meant like, The way the team is now, With you as the Ace, with Suga rotating in as the setter every now and again, with me trying to lead- It's our combined strength with the already talented underclassman that got us far right now."

"I see what your saying," Asahi says as Sakura hops off Daichis lap to climb onto Asahi's who ruffles her hair sweetly, his little sister says something about Kai before she hops back off Asahi's lap and runs to find her oldest brother. 

Asahi smiles as he watches her go, "it's hard to think we have to leave at all in the end though,"

"That won't be today and you know it," Daichi scolds him, and Asahi notices as he looks back behind him. Asahi doesn't have to turn around to know Daichi’s looking at Suga. "Today's not the end. Not by a long shot."

Asahis quiet as he watches Oikawa set the ball, and Iwaizumi sends game point down on the other side of the net, "yeah"

•••

Asahi watched idly as Hinata approached the net, powerful as he jumps high and extends his arm to swing at kageyama's set. Warm ups for the seihjoh match are tense and the team is feeling the heat before the games even begun. 

Everyones standoffish towards the team and it's clear the last major loss was running through each players mind. The way it felt- Asahi remembers it all too clearly, hitting the floor just inches away from the ball, Daichi and Noya in the same boat, too late to save the point. 

For a while Asahi had blamed a lot of that game on himself, It was a hard loss, but he knows his teams recovered and every single one of them has worked to improve themselves and the way they play. 

They're more than ready to face them. 

Seihjoh had beat date tech by a land slide, and Thus it really hit Asahi that this was happening. Their second and last chance for the third years to beat seihjoh and try for nationals. If they won against Aboa Johsai today, it's a chance to play against shiratorizawa, an opponent just as tough if not more threatening than seihjoh.

It's assumed aoba johsai’s only such a threat because of Oikawa, but Asahi and the rest of the team know better than that. 

Asahi glances over, watching the way Noya silently evaluates the team across the net as they warm up, there's a newfound intensity in his eyes, and Asahi can't wait to see what tricks Noya pulls in this game, Because when Noya gets determined- when his eyes go focused and he hones in, He does some pretty amazing things. 

Everyone has this quiet intensity about them too while they warm up, everyone's aware of what happens when they win or lose, and The sting of the last loss is pushing everyone to show seihjoh just how far they've come from that.

And one of the ones ready to overcome it is Hinata and Kageyama. 

Asahi stands back near the edge of the court, watching his team with a weird weight in his chest. He's sure it's nerves, who wouldn't be nervous. This is a big game, it marks the start or the end of Karasuno's rise to nationals, finals and on after this. 

Sugawara and Daichi are glued to each other’s side over by the side lines where they talk with coach, with their hands behind their backs, Daichi reaches over and hooks his pinky with sugas, and they stay like that, no one seems to notice except Asahi who smiles because he’s glad they manage to steal moments like that. 

And it makes him glance to Nishinoya, who stands a little ways away digging spikes from Tanaka in a repeated motion. He takes them gracefully, platform firm and he shuffles to adjust. Maybe one day if his world was different, if the circumstances weren't how they were, He might have been able to steal moments with Nishinoya too. 

Noya seems to feel Asahi's gaze on him because he looks over last minute to meet Asahis eyes, which results in the next passed being botched and shanking across the gym. 

"Oh sorry man," Noya turns quickly to apologize to tanaka who waves him off and jogs off to get the ball.

"Asahi-" Noya calls, "what's up? You look like you're gonna be sick,"

"Oh-" Asahi blinks, "just nervous,"

"Me too," Noya sighs walking over, "but that's all the more reason to get over it and kick ass," 

Asahi regards Noya with a raised eyebrow, but with it comes the slight smile Noya always manages to pull on Asahi's face. 

Noya adjusts the pad on his elbow, waving at tanaka who retrieved the ball, nodding over to where Asahi and Noya stand. "Hey- are we gonna do some shuttle passing or-"

"Yeah that works," Asahi nods, he needs something to do to get his mind off the impending doom that is this next match. He's worried but passing back and forth with Noya and Tanaka alleviates it. He's so caught up in the way Noya moves, nothing really gets to his mind in the moment.

By the time warms up are over and Daichi finishes shaking hands with Oikawa, they circle up and the tension is high throughout Asahis teammates. Hinata's practically vibrating in place, Kageyamas staring ahead with an evil look on his face, which tells Asahi he's getting focused. Noya's grinning with determination in his eyes that would intimidate even Asahi except for the fact that Asahi finds it extremely attractive and he attempts to not stare for too long, and well, suga and Daichi wear matching smiles that tells Asahi they're ready to win this. 

None of the third years mention the possibility of losing because they can't let it happen.   
Tanaka slaps Asahi and Noya on the back as he circles up inbetween them and ukai starts the talk.

And in the end, It's Suga who says, "let's go out there and show them just exactly who Karasuno is."

•••

It doesn't take long before the game is full swing. Even as the teams intensity and the huge weight of this being an important game threatens to crush the team under nerves, It seems everyones more excited and ready to show their skills rather than cracking under the pressure. Everyone's in game mode and Asahi is no exception.

He feels his heart race in the pregame adrenaline as the whistle blows and He crouches in serve receive, knowing exactly where his team mates are placed around the court as they await Oikawa’s serve, the first one of the game. 

And Karasuno is ready. 

Oikawa fires it at them, but Karasuno can't be phased again. It's like muscle memory as Asahi retreates when Daichi receives oikawas serve to get ready to hit. 

It's a tight dig, and It results in Hinata jumping up to joust joust for it against seihjoh’s middle blocker, both trying to push it over. The winner out of pure strength is the opposite blocker, who pushes it past Hinata's hands. And as it seems the balls going to drop and the first point of the game and the momentum is going to aoba johsai, Kageyamas there.

Kageyama diggs the falling ball back up and Asahi and Nishinoya move with no hesitation. Putting their trick into motion.

Nishinoyas ready as ever as he runs, jumping before the ten foot line and setting the ball in kageyamas place, calling Asahis name in a way that has his heart racing even more than the adrenaline of the game. Asahis already approaching Nishinoyas set with grace and he goes up and knocks it across the court onto the other side, where their libero misses the dig and the point goes to Karasuno.

A promising way to start the game.

Asahi and Nishinoya go wild over their successful move, surprise on both their faces that they pulled it off and Asahi's never asked for a better partner, Noya high-fives him as praises go around and the game begins with momentum and a point run they have to keep up with: Suga even shouts from the side lines as Asahi and Noya gush about the play they just made, "why are you two so surprised, you’re the ones that did it!" And from there everyone knows that every point in this game means something. 

And Karasuno's fighting hard.

•••

And then comes mad dog. The new member is a bitch to play against. That's the gist of it. 

Asahi and pretty much the rest of Karasuno is taken very off gaurd when Mad Dogs subbed in towards the end of the first set. But they take it anyways, And there's a newfound relief in Asahi when they manage to take the first set right out from under seihjoh. Asahi walks right past Aoba johsai’s ace with his chest high and unwavering confidence as he gets into the game. His whole purpose is engulfed on the court now and he can only focus on winning. Winning with this group of people.

It's a challenge, everyone expected it. The games intense and the rally's are long. At some point Sugas subbed in and Asahi is beyond thrilled to have him back as his setter if only for a little while. 

They play their hardest, Yamaguchi pinch serves and does it well, everyone praises him as they should, They try to adapt to mad dogs cut shots, Tsukki blocks the hell out of them, Hinata flies, and everyone brings all they've got.

The second set is ripped from them in the end, and The airs heavy as they circle up before the third set.

Asahi, having no breaks the entire game, is resting his hands on his knees and catching a moment to breath. His bloods pumping and he isn't the only one into the game. Noya slaps him in the back to support him fully and Asahi just smiles to himself. 

It isn't over yet. 

The whistle blows and Asahis back on the court, Standing tall, he knows Nishinoyas behind him, crouched and ready to guard the front rows backs. 

"What a little bitch boy," Noya mumbles, Oikawa bouncing the ball as he waits for the confirmation to serve and Tanaka snorts. Asahi has to hold his own laughter behind a stoic face that doesn’t break his concentration.

Oikawa sends it over and Noya receives the ball, it goes over the net as Noya calls out "shit, sorry guys I'll get it next time," but the free ball Noya had sent ended up deep, causing the left back on seihjoh to dive and bring it up, it gets a messy set up and Iwaizumis there jumping to spike it over, But Daichis there in an instance receiving the cross court shot and passing it up for kageyama to jump set it to Hinata who surpasses the blocks and scores them the first point of the third set. 

Asahi sighs in relief, wiping at his sweat, maybe the momentum was in their favor again. They had to take this set. This is their game. 

"We've got this guys, send it over Asahi," Tanaka calls as Asahi moves to serve after the balls tossed to him.

He jump serves with one more controlled than usual and yet it's still a chance ball as their defense mistakingly sends it over the net. 

And the game continues, until they find themselves at a tie midway. Everyone's exerted and losing energy but they're pursing anyways. They've worked so hard to get this far and no one refuses to let down.

Neither teams are willing to give up any point. 

A chance ball flies over the net on Karasuno's side and it's the perfect height and placement for Asahi to spike it down, so as Daichi and Tanaka call for him to hit it then and there, he's already approached it and hitting down as hard as he can, surpassing unsuspecting blockers and scoring a point. 

There's praises from Karasuno, Hinata grinning with wide eyes, Noya cheers, "that's our ace for you! You smoked em,"

"Yeah you knocked the crap out of that one Asahi," Daichi hits him on the shoulder in support and Asahi feels the praise in his chest and he feels strong: he feels like the Ace. And it's a feeling he never wants to leave him. He has to keep playing as long as possible. 

Because nothing will ever quite feel as exhilarating as playing in high stakes games like this with the people he's learned are more than a team but an extended family. 

"Let's finish this you guys."

•••

It's Hinata who scores game point. 

As it goes, Kageyama has moved back, An intense situation that brings back all too many memories of the last point of their last game against seijoh. It's déjà vu Asahi feels as Kageyama sets the ball to Hinata as they've done so many times, And hinata flies. Asahi can pinpoint the moment Hinata sees the opening in the block, And his hand connects with the ball. 

Instead of last time, when the ball had ricocheted and hit the floor behind hinata and they'd lost, this time Hinata hits the ball to deflect off the edge of kindaichis finger tips and heads towards Oikawa, who's reading Hinata's movements anyhow.

Except this time, The ball hits oikawas platform, but even then, his extended arms aren't enough to keep the ball in play and it's shanked behind him. 

Then it's silent. Silent as the sound of the ball hitting the floor echos around the heads of the players. Asahi stands frozen like the rest, The realization hitting him and everyone else when the whistle sounds. 

They won. They were moving on. 

Seijoh is collapsed on the other side, the weight of the loss hitting them like it had Karasuno formerly. 

Except now all Asahi could feel was excitement, invigoration, and victory. The euphoria that his team shares when they all erupt into shouts and cheers, their supporters going just as wild, is insane. 

Their celebration is well earned, and though Asahi knows how seijoh must feel in the loss, it's all covered up when he’s embraced by his teams excitement, Suga and Daichi Practically diving for each other, only to grab Asahi as well, the third years relieved that they’ll play another game after today, it's emotional and rewarding. 

And then asahi has a familiar libero jumping in his arms, shouting frantically in his usual excitement and hugging Asahi tightly. Asahis arms go instinctively around Noya as his heart continues to go wild from winning, and from the way he feels in the moment. 

More games with Noya. More practices with Noya. 

They'd won and they were moving onto finals. Asahi hugs Noya tightky, and Neither have to explain the way they feel about winning because the other knows, and they are both so greatful it isn't the end for them yet. 

Asahi wants to kiss him senseless in the moment, But even with his adrenaline levels off the charts and euphoria going wild, even he knows not to. 

But it doesn't stop him from stealing one more victory hug from his libero.

•••

"I saw you with him, I don't think I've ever seen you smile like that," 

Asahi looks up from the dining table, eating the left overs his mother had made for dinner after he'd gotten home from the tournament. Kai sat across from him, the house was asleep and Sakura had just been put down in bed, exhausted after the long day out. 

Nothing has ever been as rewarding as her jumping into Asahis arms after their win against seijoh, cheering Asahis name and his little sister looking at him with big glittery eyes.

Kai had even hugged him tight and congratulated him for the win. Asahi could only smile and tell him only now could the real games start. 

"I'm sure I have before," Asahi says quietly. He feels worn from the day, but still with a successful heart and a newfound relief, he can come home and remember today with ease, remember Daichi and Suga, and even Kiyoko faces when they all realized it hadn't been the end for them. 

Remembering Hinata scoring the last point, the look on his face as he clenched his fist in victory because he knew he deserved it. 

"No, I don't think so, Not like that Asahi," Kai smiles, leaning his elbow on the table. He sends an accusing look at Asahi who pauses eating. 

The team had gone out for a victory meal but Asahi had been too riled up and anxious to eat after the game. So he'd sat by Nishinoya and talked to him a lot of the time, Noya went on and on about the game and how his mother had been so incredibly proud. 

Mrs. Nishinoya had even approached Asahi afterwards to let him know how proud she really was. It seems Noya's mother had really warmed up to Asahi. Nothing made him happier.

"Well," Asahi mumbles, he's on the verge of blushing, because he hadn't really realized he was that obvious around Nishinoya, but then again he couldn't control it, and then again, Kai had known Asahi all his life so maybe he was just better at picking his emotions out.

"You can't only just like him, I think this is a little more than that," Kai suggests and Asahi sets his spoon down, staring at a spot on the table.

He's right, and Asahi knows that. He has for a while now.

"So what, what's the point of any of it anyways,"

"What- Asahi you can't be serious,"

He looks up, meeting Kai's incredulous look with one of borderline hopelessness because it seems Asahi's already come to terms with the fact that he'll never have what he wants. 

The day had been going so well, and here he was, remembering the dread that came with knowing he'd given Noya all the power in the world to break his heart, and Asahi being too cowardice to let him know that. It's funny how his emotions can affect him so much. 

"I'm dead serious," Asahi shrugs.

"You're kidding," Kai deadpans, "you cant just- Asahi you're in love with this kid right? I mean the way you looked at him- the way he looked at you, you really can't tell me you've already given up before you even tried,"

"I did try, he ran away," Asahi says bitterly. 

"And what did you tell him next?" Kai looks at Asahi like he knows his brother too well, like he knows Asahi has probably shot down any chance of reciprocation by playing it off as a fluke.

"I told him it didn't mean anything," 

"How is he supposed to react then? How is he supposed to know he can reciprocate when you've shot down any chance of meaning behind it?"

"He ran, that's all I needed to know," Asahi says, he doesn't resent Noya for doing it, more so for himself for kissing Noya at all. He's greatful they can be normal though, that it hadn't ruined everything between them.

"Have you thought that maybe it was out of surprise? Maybe he hadn't been out to himself yet, maybe you are what made him realize-"

"Would you just shut up about it already?" Asahi snaps, Kai hesitating as he closes his mouth. 

Asahi leans forward on the table to kneed his forehead, he's exhausted, mentally and physically worn. He's not sure he's cut out to talk about the heaviness of love right now. And not with Kai.  
"Sorry" Asahi sighs.

Kai sits a little straighter, "I just want what's best for you Asahi, you can't break your own heart. If you leave Karasuno without him in your heart, then you'll regret it forever, and you'll be miserable, trust me."

"You're talking like you know from experience," Asahi fixates him with a look.

Kai smiles sadly, "there was once a girl, except she graduated before me. I watched her walk onto a plane for America without ever telling her how I felt. After that we fell out of touch, and a year later she passed away," 

Asahi stares blankly, seeing the way Kai regards his words with sympathy and the slightest bit of heart break. Asahi eyebrows furrow, hed never known about that story. 

"Kai I didn't know-"

"It's fine," he shakes it off, "just, tell him, if not for yourself than for him."

"I could never be with him though, if mom and dad were to find out-"

"They need to know too Asahi."

Asahi's eyes snap up, "no fucking way Kai-"

"Asahi just listen," Kai cuts him off, "they're going to still love you no matter what, I know they will because they wouldn't think of loving any of their kids less because they're only a little different in the way they love others, okay?"

"But what if..." Asahi feels a heaviness behind his eyes, it was either fatigue or the urge to cry, or both.

"If they react badly than you're leaving soon anyways, and you'll still have me, you'll still have Sakura and if I have anything to do with it then Riku and Mei, You'll have family here for you matter what."

"Kai..." Asahi can't speak too clearly, because it's genuine and Asahi knows this. He knows he needs his parents to know if he plans on ever being with someone. 

"Just think about it, but the choice of the matter is, it's yours. You decide when and where and how you come out Asahi, not me. Take your time."

Asahi stands, his chair scooting back and echoing around the sleeping house as he moves around to hug his brother tightly. 

"Thank you for supporting me, in everything. I'm sorry I used to hold my own insecurities against you,"

Kai's hands hover over his back before he hugs back, and Asahi sighs in relief. 

"I'm going to tell them," Asahi says quietly, "After this is all over, after Our game with Shiratorizawa, after we win and we go to nationals,"

"That's perfectly good," Kai smiles at him, "I never asked but- What do you plan on doing afterwards anyways? After you graduate?"

Asahi is beyond over the heavy and scary topics of the night and he just wants a long shower, to finish his small meal that his stomach can handle, and to pass the fuck out, but he answers anyways because what else could he get more off his chest. He'll sleep well tonight is all he thinks.

"Fashion school, In Tokyo, I want to run my own line one day, help with Shows, coordinate them, design them. I've never told anyone really, but it's what I want, it's what I see myself doing," 

While he expects a critical look from Kai, it's not what he receives. 

"I think that's perfect,"

"Mom and dad don't know about that either. They think I'm going to go into engineering or something equally as important like you did,"

"Don't-" Kai says, "don't do what they want okay, It's not worth it in the end if it's not what you want. Are you not playing volleyball? Like on a college team or anything?"

"I would love that a lot," Asahi smiles, sitting back down, "probably more than anything, but it wouldn't be the same without Daichi and Suga, it's just not in my future."

"You've done good you know, no matter what anyone says, you've grown up Asahi," Kai tells him as he stands up, stretching slightly, "I think you should go after what will make you happiest. And whether you tell mom and dad what that is or just go after it all on your own, you'll have me in your corner ya know," he pats Asahi roughly on the shoulder, yawning.

"Thank you kai, that means a lot to me." Asahi's not sure how much he had needed to hear those words from someone until that moment.

"It's late, you've had a hell of a long day, go get some rest," and Kai leaves to turn in for the night. "Oh and Change out the laundry before you go to bed, And make sure you clean ur plate cuz I'm not getting stuck on dish duty while I'm visiting,"

"Hey- you've been exempt from dish duty for like three years!"

"Still, I'm a guest, I don't do dishes,"

"Kai!"

"Night Asahi-"

"Hey-"

Kai leaves with a casual wave and Asahi rolls his eyes, sitting back with a long sigh.

Sitting alone in the dining room in a sleeping house hold is a new type of heavy quiet for Asahi. But the droning of the ceiling fan in the living room blocks out a lot of the impending doom that Asahi had always associated with silence he couldn't fill.

He was alone but Asahi didn't feel like he ever would be again. 

He'll tell his parents. After all of this is over, he'll tell them everything and it's up to them whether they decide to accept him, not whether Asahi is happy or not.

Because Asahi's learned he doesn't need others opinions and ideas of him to be the leading cause of his happiness. It's his own acceptance of himself that determines it, it's all in his mind and he's getting closer, working in finding it in himself.

Noya's helped him a lot in the search, Daichi and Suga have as well, and now his brother too.

He'll have people in his corner in the end, so what is he so afraid of.

When Asahi turns in, he checks his phone one more time before he goes to bed. There's a text from Daichi in the third years group chat, a long paragraph telling them they did great today and deserved the win, for a moment Asahi could've teared up by how much it hits him that they really have come so far from their first year at Karasuno. 

And now only to leave a legacy behind in their first and second year counter parts. It's their turn to leave behind a name for Karasuno to live up to. That they will live up to. 

There's also a text from Nishinoya, it's the selfie he and Asahi had taken on the way out of the gym as they had left with the sun setting after a long day of cloudy skies, orange and pink in the back as Noya smiles and throws his arm around An unsuspecting Asahi. He’d smiled just in time for him to snap the picture. It's cute, and Asahi smiles to himself as he saves it and sets it as his home screen. 

"Good job today" he texts.

Not a minute later and Noya replies, 

"You too ace."

"You ready for the match against shiratorizawa? Only you could be able to dig Wakatoshi's spikes,"   
Asahi types, the oncoming nerves for shiratorizawa match is even worse than seijoh, so he's trying to talk himself up about it, and his teammates.

"More then ready. If I can dig what you throw at me, it'll be nothing from him,"

"That's a lie," Asahi laughs as he sends it. 

"No talking down at yourself,"

"I'm not, we both know I'm not Japans canon"

"Okay sure but you're just as good as him Asahi"

Asahi stares at his screen, not quite sure what to say. Out of the entire time he's known Nishinoya, no one's believed in him quite like he has. 

"Thank you Nishinoya. We're gonna get to nationals. I know we will."

"No doubt about it. Now get some sleep"

"Only if you do."

"Call me."

Asahi blinks in surprise and suddenly his phones lighting up with Noya's contact and he yelps as he drops it on his face. 

He accidentally answers and Noyas voice is drowsy, "you need to go to bed,"

"Then why did you call me," Asahi chuckles quietly, getting over his initial panic, though his nose hurts from the phone hitting it. 

"Because I need to sleep too,"

"Makes a lot of sense,"

"I sleep better with you on the phone,"

Asahi is so fucking relieved Noya can not see the mortification and redness of his face when Noya tells him that, and the way his heart picks up significantly for being borderline exhausted. But the fact of the natter is, Asahi feels the same way. 

Nothing is the same than falling asleep with Noya on the phone.

"Okay," Asahi says, voice quiet and soft.

"Goodnight Asahi, you played good today. I knew you would," 

Asahi sets his phone on his bedside table face up, knowing Noya's there as the sound of his air conditioning unit can be heard from the other side of the phone, the sounds comforting to Asahi for some reason. 

'Just tell him, if not for yourself, than for him.'

Asahi settles into his pillows and pulls his blanket up, closing his eyes as he says "goodnight Nishinoya. You did good too,”

•••

The day The match against shiratorizawa is supposed to go underway starts off in the most normal way possible. Nishinoya calls Ushiwaka a bitchass and Tanaka adds on until they have a long string of insults for the captain of shiratorizawa. They spend just about the entire bus ride discussing it and when Noya decides to share with the team when they have the perfect, insulting name for the captain, Daichi just holds onto dear life in a disappointing pinch of his nose. 

"What did ushiwaka ever do to you," Tsukki rolls his eyes and Hinata pops in over Noya's shoulder, "no I met him once, He really is a bitchass,"

"He's right," kageyama deadpans from Hinata's side, he's unbothered like always. 

"Can you guys not insult the Ace of Shiratorizawa, That's not very nice" Daichi sighs and Suga laughs only to be shot with a glare from Karasuno's captain. 

"Uh yeah, don't insult other players, bad sportsmanship?" Suga gives Daichi a thumbs up.

"Still a bitch ass" Tanaka whispers to Hinata and Noya who snicker because Daichi can't tell them what to do. "You guys get to pay for food after this if you keep it up," Daichi casually adds in as he leads the group inside. 

Okay so apparently he can tell them what to do. 

Asahi walks alongside Suga and Daichi as they enter the gym, their underclassman behind them and the lights blinding as they find themselves at center court. It's still unbelievable Asahi finds himself here at all. 

There's so much to take in. So much to think about. So much to process. 

center court is looming ahead and Asahi focuses in on himself, breaths in and out, abandoning the nervousness and devoting so much into the next few moments. 

Asahi could see Ushijima across the gym but even then the world narrows down and Asahi feels small despite practically being the same height as Ushiwaka. Something about the Ace, the captain, It threatens to crush Asahi and the inferiority he'd been so accustomed to feeling a while ago comes creeping back up.

And when Asahi thinks he's done for, eye contact with Ushiwaka in a split second almost breaking him down, Someone startles him back into his body. 

Whether Noya sensed the way Asahi had tensed when he'd seen Ushiwaka, or his timing was just perfect, But the grab of his arm makes Asahi jump as he comes back to his side of the court where his team warms up. "Asahi-" Noya says, nimble hands tugging at Asahi's jersey sleeve, "don't let him get in your head. You are on his level."

"I'm not, I can't compete," Asahi shakes his head, but he doesn't say this with self pity, he says it with steadiness and he’s sure of himself when he meets Noya's eyes, shining catlike irises that fixate him with every part of himself, "but you are, Noya. We may not be able to block his hits...but you are the only other person in this gym with the skills to counter him."

"Asahi-" Noya blinks up at him, and Asahi shakes his head, smiling, "don't try to argue, I'm not letting up, now let's go warm up,"

And from there, No one tries to think about how possible it is that this could be the last game this time, and how hard it'll be to beat the team even seihjoh couldn't win against.

•••

It hits Asahi hard when he and Suga and Daichi stand side by side as their names are announced. Their names are called and they line up as the rest of Karasuno's line up is called. Asahi felt both invigorated and sick to his stomach as he took his place beside Suga. The three of them stood ahead, heads held high. Neither of them had to say it. 

To the possibility of the end, they'd said together not so long ago. Make this match count, whether it's our last or not. 

And then Nishinoyas lining up beside Asahi too, and it doesn't take much for the libero to ignite a sense of peace in him, It's the simple fact, The unwavering support and belief that Noya has in him can be conveyed with just a tilt of his head and a supportive smile. Asahi knows no matter how this game turns out, Noya will play his hardest, so long as Asahi does the same. 

And when the time comes that Asahi stands in the ace position on the court, facing Shiratorizawa with his team behind him if not for the last time, he takes a deep breath and makes sure he remembers everything about today. Kai's in the stands, But this time his mother had made it. Mrs Nishinoya had managed to show and was near the Tanaka's, Even Tsukkis big brother was in the stands, cheering along side Tanaka's big sister. There was a crowd packed full of Karasuno's supporters. For the flightless crows who didn't go by that name anymore. 

The whistle sounded and Asahi moved into ready position, glancing back just for a second to see Noya wink at him. 

To the possibility of the end

•••

it's different than winning against seihjoh. Where as they'd had a token of revenge in their hearts against aoba johsai, and the tension had been more intense rather than nerve wracking like it was with shiratorizawa, The winning point for them is far more emotional.

When Hinata has the honor of scoring the game winning point again, showing the world just how an underdog really can overcome more than conventionally born advantages like height, with his aptitude for jumping and his hard work and determinitation and utter confidence that Karasuno can win, He more than earns the game winning point again.

And the third years are stunned when The ball hits the ground against Shiratorizawa’s side, and The slowly racking up of points is stilled as Karasuno's is flipped to 21. 

This is the moment Asahi knew He wasn't ready for it to be over. 

It's far too emotional. Asahi feels the tears rush to the surface as his heart sinks in the best way possible and he wins, Daichi grabs him and Suga and the third years threaten to collapse with relief through their tears of victory. This meant what they'd fought for this entire time was going to come true. Karasuno had fought their ways to nationals. 

They would be the representatives. They were going to leave something big behind. The third years time at Karasuno wasn't over yet. 

Through the overwhelming tears of excitement and grief and the cheering erupted across the gym after the long and harrowing and more than eventful match against shiratorizawa, filled with memorable plays by not only Tsukki and Hinata, but Nishinoya who after a few adjustments had picked up Ushiwaka straights. Then Suga subbing in and Asahi getting kills off his sets. So much had happened and everyone's legs are close to giving out as exhaustion takes its hold on all of them but the euphoria of winning overbears all of it in the moment.

"We did it," Suga cheers, his voice hoarse. "We did," Daichi says and They aren't the only ones crying from the realization. Kiyoko, on the sidelines, covers her mouth in shock, The stands are going wild, Asahi distantly hears the shouts of his brother and The rest of the teams family all scattered through out to support.

And the moment Asahi pulls away from the group hug with Daichi and Suga to let the two embrace on their own, letting them have their moment, Is when Nishinoya barrels into him. 

What had started off as an excited and over joyed Noya jumping to hug Asahi as he had with Tsukki and Tanaka and every one else until Noya had seen Asahi through his own tears and he hadn't hesitated, ending in Noya slipping, and asahis own legs failing on him as they tumble onto the gym floor. The loudness of the gym is fuzzy as Asahi lands back on the floor with Noya's albeit light weight pressing against him. 

Asahi flashes back to the time they'd snuck into the gym. It felt like ages ago now, And here they were again, The adrenaline coursing through them in the way Asahi feels Noya's own heart about to beat out of his chest. Their noses brush as they hit the floor and their eyes go wide. But neither move, rather stare at each other as they go still, lost in their own version of the world as the cheering and celebration rages on all around them.

All Asahi can focus on is how his heart feels like it's going into cardiac arrest, and Noya’s so so close to him, sweaty from the game. His arms are pining Asahi's head between them as he had tried to catch them from falling, but he doesn't scramble away. And when Asahi thinks maybe he’s going to lean down and kiss him from the way Noya's eyes flutter shut and his breath hitches, Asahi Remembers where they are, what they'd just accomplished and Noya buries his face in Asahi's neck, even if the ace is dripping with sweat and his hair can't be much better. 

But even then, Noya hugs him tightly as they lay collapsed on the court around their celebrating teammates, and there’s pure emotion in Noya’s voice as he tells Asahi so he can hear throughout the chaos, 

"I get to play with you again Asahi, We did it. We're going to nationals,"

"We are- We really are," Asahi hugs him tightly, "Noya I-"

Just tell him, if not for yourself, than for him. 

"I'm so proud of us,"


	9. End of the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Noya is a dramatic little bitch and Suga and Daichi don’t know how to lock their hotel door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the one shot that spawned this out of control mess of words, and I’m glad we’re finally here! Don’t get too frustrated with me, I’m a sucker for slow burn and mutual pining:) this got inspired from the one direction song the title of this chapter is, Their music is literal great source material.

"Mom!" Noya's in her arms before she can blink, he embraces her with all his strength and she doesn't have to hear it from him to know how much this win means to Noya.

"Hey honey," she squeezes back, holding her sons beaming and red face when he pulls back, he's practically bouncing and he can't even begin to put into words how he feels. 

"We made it mom," he says with the purest outpour of emotion, His moms own face is red from the tears, "I know, And I'm so proud of you,"

"Thank you," he hugs her again, "so so much for being here."

"Your aunts proud too, So is grandpa, Just so you know that."

"You think she's here?" Noya says in a tone that could break anyone's heart, and His mom just nods and pushes the hair from his eyes, "I know she is."

"Nishinoya!" 

Noya's head snaps to the side when that familiar voice (that has his heart jumping for a different reason) calls out and his mothers hands drop from his shoulders to hold tightly to his arms. Nishinoya watches as Asahi approaches with a short woman and a boy as tall as Asahi but with darker hair. Noya recognizes it as Asahi's mother and brother, Sakura is with them too, holding tightly to Kai's hand. 

"my uh- My mom wanted to congratulate you-" Asahi stutters slightly when he sees Noya and his mothers eyes on him.

"I just wanted to say how amazing you were! You and my son make a really great pair you know," Mrs Azumane clasps her hands together, her usual social self is in full gear as Noya smiles, eyes trailing from up at Asahi to his mother, "thank you so much mrs. Azumane, I like to think we do," 

Asahi's face is red but Noya assumes it's from the exhilaration of the game, the team was outside the gym, having calmed down from the big celebration and award ceremony, Noya felt the weight of the medal on his chest and every time he remembers what it is, his heart swells with pride for himself, and for his team. Asahi wears one as well, And it all still seems unreal.

"Oh- You must be Ms. Nishinoya," Mrs. Azumane Regards Noya's mother, who clasps Asahi's mothers outstretched hand. "And Youre Asahi's, It's good to meet you, you've brought up quite the son," she compliments. 

And just like that Asahi and Noyas mothers are talking and If Noya knows anything it's that his mother can befriend anyone easily, and that they could be there all day just talking. So Noya smiles and slips past the talking parents to visit with Asahi. As if they weren't about to leave for the post game dinner, Noya doesn't even care that He never seems to leave Asahi's side, he's always finding himself with him and at this point what should he expect but this. 

And seeing Asahi's mom smiling and talking with his own, well it ignited a weird feeling in his chest that he decides to disregard. 

"Looks like they're getting along," Kai says, leaning down to pick up a yawning Sakura. 

"Seems like it," Asahi crosses his arms, and Noya catches the fondness on his face, "I'm glad that you had family in the stands today," Noya says, he knows Asahi's families opinion on his passion for volleyball, and seeing his mom show up made him truly happy for the ace.

"Yeah, it was a surprise too, thanks kai, for dragging her along today," Asahi nudges his brother. Sakuras fallen asleep with her head on her brothers shoulder, Kai rocking slightly as he smiles, "of course, Sakura did a lot of the convincing to, she wanted to see you play,"

"I really appreciate you guys,"

Noya sits back and watches, and he wonders what it'd be like to have an older brother like Kai, or a little sister like Sakura. 

Of course there's Yua, and Saeko, and Ryuu who all act as family for Noya on every occasion, The Tanaka's had been one of the first ones to congratulate Noya and Tanaka after they'd walked from the award ceremony. Saeko was loud and excited and hugged Noya so tight he thought he might've suffocated, and Tanaka had whined but you couldn't miss the way he smiled when his family praised him. 

Everyone had people in their lives they'd made proud, and Noya knew two of the most important ones in his had let him know, he'd fought to the top with Asahi, who he wanted to grab and hug again but couldn't justify it other than the fact that Noya just adored him.

"Ride home with me on the bus?" Asahi nudges Noya after a moments pause, and Noya doesn't even hesitate, "of course."

•••

The praise Karasuno received from their school and supporters was spectacular and more than enough to boost their moral and ego when it came to spring nationals. Noya wanted everyone to know how good a team they were.

They'd worked so hard, played their hearts out, and they deserved to represent miyagi in the spring nationals. 

But something ate at Noya, and it was him knowing that this truly meant after nationals, the third years were graduating. 

Asahi was graduating.

He supposed the inevitable never used to scare Noya, in fact he never let much scare him after he'd lived by the idea of not being afraid of what you can't control, had he spent the past few months being afraid because his friends were graduating, then he would have missed out on a lot of moments he'll never forget. 

But he's still allowed to be sad. Sad that their times almost up.

"Hey guys!" It'd been two days. Two days after winning against shiratorizawa and Karasuno learned they were getting to go to nationals, they'd been practicing, working extra hard as they had miyagi and their school to represent. Their captain called them over, practice was close to ending anyways. 

"I just got a text from kuroo," Daichi waves his phone at the group, Noya pokes his head over Hinata's shoulder to look, holding his water bottle tightly. 

"He's throwing a party and wants us to go,"

"Kenma mentioned something about that" Hinata nods, "something about celebrating"

"It's this weekend, In his parents penthouse in Tokyo, apparently they're gonna be out of town, and he wants to throw everyone a party for nationals ya know, Fukurodoni and a few other teams are gonna be there," Daichi explains. 

"Tokyo, isn't that a little far to go for something as trivial as a party," Tsukki comments from off to the side, he pushes up his glasses with two of his fingers, heads turn to acknowledge him.

"Well Maybe, But I was thinking we make it like a team trip, we can go to a few practices and stay the weekend in Tokyo, Like one last team outing for all of us," Daichi says and Sugas at his side nodding, "we just have to talk to coach ukai and you guys gotta meet with your parents but we think it could be good for us,"

"We'd like stay in a hotel?" Hinata asks, his eyes are big and Noya suspects he could start bouncing up and down any second.

"Well yeah, it'd be no different than the training camps we've gone to,"

They don't have very long before nationals, and the idea of one spending one last trip with this team the way it is appeals to Noya, though he gets stuck on the word last because that means afterwards, it's over. 

Noya can adjust to change, he can adapt and he can learn not to dread what he can't control, but For some reason he knows he feels different about all of this. He's excited, he's proud that his team is going to nationals, he's happy to play with them all again, but he's also sad and uncertain. 

Because what comes next? for Karasuno when their third years leave and Noya becomes one, When their ace graduates, when their captain and vice captain graduate and move on.

Everyone has a habit of not mentioning the fact that this could be in fact, the last trip Karasuno takes together before Nationals, and they decide to focus on the trip itself rather than the implications. It seems no ones really ready to admit what's coming. 

"So what do you say everyone?" Suga grins, Asahi shares a glance with his third year classmates, before Noya catches his brown eyes on himself, and Noya meets them with fluid movement. Tsukki scoffs as yamaguchi excitedly tries to convince him to go, Kageyama and hinata are excited for the sole purpose of Hinata's enthusiasm, "I've never been to a party before! Will there be drinking? Oh my gosh will there be drugs, on second thought-"

"No you idiot that stuffs illegal," kageyama tells hinata and Tanaka's throwing his arms around the first years, laughing, "course there's gonna be drinking, but drinking safely of course, A highschool party doesn't NOT have alcohol you guys,"

"Nu uh no getting intoxicated under me and Daichis watch, we'll get in so much trouble if we plan this and then you guys get shitfaced," Suga scolds and Tanaka whines.

"What about adults? Is there gonna be any supervision?" Asahi asks and Noya elbows him in the side, "that's no fun Asahi,"

"I'm just saying- what if-"

"if we can convince coach ukai to go with us then it's a no brainer- course there's gonna be adults- or close to adults, we're sort of mature adults are not?" Suga asks Daichi. 

Daichi sighs, "no we're not."

"Says you." Suga sticks his tongue out at the captain who rolls his eyes with a playful smile.

"Okay let's just wrap up practice and everyone go home and talk to their parents, we'll confirm everything tomorrow, I'll let kuroo know if we'll show or not," Daichi announces and everyone disperses, Hinata still going on excitedly to Kageyama who Noya suspects is trying not to smile.

They've been getting along so much more since both learned about going to nationals, and we'll, Noya reminisces just how far those two have come. 

And then his gaze falls on Asahi as he reaches up to take the net down, everyones shagging balls into the ballcart, or getting mops to mop up spilled water or sweat, and well Asahi has always got the net, because his height and strength makes it convenient. Noya's only stared a few times when he takes it down, sort of abandoning his own task of cleaning up. 

But who can blame him when Asahi's so strong and so tall and-

"Noya can you come help me?" Tanaka calls from the supply closet, And when he gets there Tanaka's handing him a broom and Noya groans in indignation.

Eventually, the team finds themselves back in the club room, changing. 

"Noya," Asahi startles his friend, who'd just barely got his t-shirt over his head before Asahi's voice had appeared very near to his ear. He yelps and turns abruptly, Asahi jumping back, "oh sorry! I was just gonna tell you that I was walking with Daichi and Suga today if that's alright?"

Noya stares at him, then glances towards Tanaka who looks up from his phone, Noya blinks, "oh yeah that's fine-"

"Oh okay," Asahi nods smiling, he's already dressed and ready to leave, Daichi and Suga awaiting by the door.

He holds an umbrella tightly in his hand and nods goodbye, Noya waving slightly as Asahi maneuvers past Tsukki and Yams, and out the door towards the stairs outside with Daichi and Suga, Ennoshita, Narita, and Kinoshita trailing behind.

Hinata and kageyama wave goodbye silently to the rest and leave until eventually it's just tanaka and Noya. "You good dude?"

"What?" Noya looks up from tying his shoes. He's been spending a lot of time in his head the past few days, and as always it rarely slips past his bestfriend.

"Is it the third years again?"

"How'd you-" Noya furrows his eyebrows before Tanaka cuts him off again, 

"It's Asahi right,"

"What' do you mean?"

"Nothing let's just-"

"Hey Noya," The door opens and the Ace walks in abruptly, Noya had assumed he'd left already but it seems something brought Asahi back, and he was calling his name.

"Asahi?" Noya's a whole lot of conflicted and confused and he has always hated when he didn't have full control over his emotions, so in his odd frustration with himself, he stands up, wondering what brought Asahi back.

"Here, take this," Asahi starts forward, holding out an umbrella, and Noya hesitantly takes it. It’s then he hears the quiet patter of rain on the roof of the club room. "I noticed you didn't have an umbrella, and since we aren't walking together, you could use mine"

"What about-"

"Daichi has one I can use," Asahi smiles, and Noya can feel Tanaka's gaze on him and Asahi, speculating. Noya swallows and puts on a smile, which is never hard around Asahi, not when someone can bring something so genuine from him so easily. He's touched, just another sign of compassion in Asahi's heart that makes him undeniably amazing. 

Noya is in love with Asahi and his kindness. 

"I- thanks," he says and it almost sounds like wonderment. 

"You don't have to thank me, I'm just looking out for you, I know you never come prepared" 

"Hey," Noya laughs, and he remembers the first time he befriended Asahi really, when this sort of all started. When he began to notice Asahi as more than that faceless scary upperclassman of his. 

When Asahi had walked him home under his umbrella, only for Noya to drag him into the middle of the street in the pouring rain, just to dance and waste all the time in the world.

"It's not wasted time if you enjoyed it," his aunt used to say. 

Time was never wasted with Asahi. 

"I'm not wrong," Asahi smiles shyly and Noya looks at him fully, It's an enigma how someone so big, strong and broad, someone as tall and empowering as Asahi, who if he'd only stood up straight and embraced himself would fill the entire room with his presence, tries shrink into himself with bashfulness.

It's like on the court, Noya never missed a beat when it came to noticing just how much Asahi embraced himself, took control of his body and played his part on the court. Used every bit of himself to be the ace, someone so powerful, someone Noya could watch play volleyball all day. Someone he could retrieve every blocked ball for until he couldn't feel his legs anymore.

Asahi was an enigma, a big scary man, with a soft smile and a shy demeanor that threw even the most judgmental person off by how different Asahi was from the assumptions made of him. 

He's handsome. he's handsome and So much bigger than Noya and Noya loves it, he wasn't envious of his height or size, rather worshipped it practically because It's part of how Asahi is just a walking contradiction and it's amazing to him. And Asahi never seemed to cared about the fact that Noya was nimble and short, not like how the girls did.

His hair was falling out of its bun, his clothes damp probably from the rain and he was walking back to Noya just to give him something as simple as an umbrella. 

Here Noya is, romanticizing everything about Asahi in a moment of letting his feelings and attraction run rampant, after all, for a second it feels like it's just them, and Asahi's eyes on him make him feel important. But then Tanaka's eyes are on them too so he snaps out of looking Asahi up and down and takes the umbrella gently. 

"I'll Uhm- see you Tommorow," Asahi nods and waves bye to tanaka and him, and Noya lifts a lazy hand almost like it's dazed as he watches Asahi leave.

"Oh yeah, it's definitely Asahi," Tanaka snorts when they're alone again.

"Maybe," Noya whispers to himself.

•••

"I want to marry her."

Noya almost trips, it's raining but to the boys favor, it's only light. Still, Tanaka and Noya walk under their respective umbrellas, because yeah Noya forgot his but apparently Tanaka had always kept a spare one in the club room for this reason, surprised tanaka had any ounce of responsibility like that.

"You..." Noya furrows his eyebrows, catching himself. That was adurpt, but Tanaka’s always made those claims about many girls, it's part of his charm, but the ways he'd said this, it was dead serious, and Noya wasn't sure if he was hallucinating.

Tanaka had been babbling on about Kiyoko and how she's warming up to him, if giving him a water bottle and asking him to clean up the other water hinata spilled counts as warming up to, and then he drops something like that.

"Don't you have to be dating someone for a long time to want to marry them?" Noya asks, turning to side eye Tanaka, they watch where they walk, and Noya feels the cool mist from the rain. It's refreshing, after the day he's had. 

"Well I mean yeah," Tanaka rubs his chin, he snaps his fingers, "but get this, I'm already in love with her and I doubt I'll ever find someone more beautiful ya know,"

"Is it still based purely on looks? I mean I know you and I had a crush on her last year, and this year is only slightly different but-"

"No!" Tanaka waves his hands frantically, his umbrella moving slightly, "no way man am I that shallow, Kiyoko is just," he sighs, "everything, you know. She's so well meaning, gentle and independent, strong, I just really didn't mean to let a simple crush get so out of hand,"

Noya stares at Ryuu, blinking, he knows what that feels like. Except his situation is just a little more complicated. 

"I get that, but as far as marrying her? That's a big claim, ryuu," Noya shoulders his bag, Tanaka's stride has sped up so Nishinoya walks a little faster to catch him. 

"Well I don't mean now, duh. We've got volleyball to worry about, and literally the rest of high school, it's just...I'm worried about letting her slip past me after she graduates,"

Noya pauses, "so it's getting to you too then,"

"What?" Tanaka looks up, "no of course not,"

"Ryuu, Everyones a little sad that the third years are graduating soon, you're allowed to be,"

"What about you Noya? I've seen you get that old gloomy look on the side, you play it off in front of Asahi but you are just dreading the day he leaves,"

Noya flinches though nothing comes flying at him, "well yeah I am, I don't see why there's an issue with being sad my friend is leaving me,"

"He's leaving the team Noya, Not you."

"You don't know that," Noya almost hears his voice crack and he shuts his mouth, ducking his head. He's never this emotional, he’s always been dramatic and loud and spoke his mind, but now he wants nothing more than to shut up and stop thinking.

"I do, you don't think Asahi has it bad for you too?"

"Of course not!" Noya practically shouts, "how could he anyways! I'm short and loud and annoying and-"

"Noya," Tanaka says, "don't get carried away, you aren't any of those thing- well you are short and loud but that's just you Noya, Asahi likes that I know he does, you're a complete contrast to him and that's why you guys work!"

"But-" Noya's words die in his throat.

"Look, I really am sad Kiyoko is graduating, it won't be the same playing without her as our manager, but I know she won't cut ties to the team, She cares too much for that, and The same goes for the rest of the third years, they may not be playing with us afterwards anymore, but you know they're always gonna support the team, and I don't think the friendships we made are gonna go to waste at all,"

Noya stares at tanaka, wondering just where this wisdom came from, especially from someone who's last braincell is off doing acrobatics into a foam pit at some trampoline park.

"I think I need to tell Asahi how I feel," Noya says out of nowhere. 

"You've never been the one to stray away from showing affection, or to hold something back, so I don't know how you haven't yet," Tanaka snorts. 

"I just, I don't know how to, or when or where or if he'll hate me afterwards," Noya groans, "feelings are so overrated," 

"Just come out with it ya know, if he really cares about you, He won't hate you just for having feelings for him,"

"You don't know that," Noya sighs.

"Since when are you so pessimistic,"

"I'm not being pessimistic Ryuu I'm being real," Noya scoffs, propping the hand without the umbrella on his hip.

"Be a little less real then, I don't like you being all moody about your lover man,"

"Tanaka!" Noya shouts.

He laughs, "I'm sorry, just tell Asahi,"

"Tell One of my closest friends I have a big gay crush on him?"

"No that you're in love with him,"

"Even worse," 

"Noya!!" Tanaka nudges him, their umbrellas bumping. The rains picking up again so their voices get louder to talk over the sound of it coming down.  
"I'm serious, Here what if I tell Kiyoko how I really feel if you tell Asahi,"

Noya thinks about it, imagining Every scenario that could go down. In the normal sense, Noya couldn't give two shits about what anyone thinks, if anything he was used to rejection when he asked girls out because well he wasn't ever their type, and yeah it always sting but it never terrified him like this did. 

Because like he'd known all along, Asahi was different. 

"What's our time limit?"

"Before graduation, or before they leave for college or whatever Asahi and Kiyoko plan to do afterwards,"

"That's..." it gives Noya enough time to work up to it.

But it's the what if's that hurt him. He never overthinks like this, why is he starting now.

"Nishinoya I feel like you've heard this enough, but think about it, about how miserable you'll be letting him get away,"

And Tanaka walks ahead, waving as he splits off for his road, leaving Noya on the corner in the rain, under the protection of Asahi's umbrella, wondering what'd it'd be like to love Asahi more than from afar. 

•••

The rain doesn't let up for the next few days.   
Noya and Asahi walk to school together huddled under his umbrella and Noya has to act like he doesn't enjoy having to be pressed up close to Asahi. 

He had half a mind to drag Asahi back into the rain to mess around but the time never calls for it and Noya slowly loses his nerve around Asahi anyways. 

He'd prided himself on being confident and never really nervous around those he admired, But the more time he spends with asahi, the worse he fills with worry that they won't ever be this close again. 

The team trip to Tokyo is approved by Coach Ukai and Everyone gets consent from their parents, So as the celebration party put on by Nekoma’s captain nears, The more excited the team becomes. 

Noya's on the edge of being excited and losing his mind. 

Turns out, since the trip isn't technically school issued, They can't get the bus for it so everyone has to find a ride themselves. 

Tanaka and Noya catch one from Saeko much to their displeasure and Hinata and kageyama end up carpooling so the entire ride to Tokyo is one of chaos, sharp turns, a lot of bickering from hinata and kageyama From the back seat (and cuddling, but neither will admit even with the photo evidence) and Saeko and Tanaka's renditions of America's greatest indie hits.

For a moment on the ride there, Noya forgets everything that's bothering him, and He just laughs and let's himself bury his feelings of doubt and sadness about Asahi and the fear of him leaving, And let's Hinata and Tanaka and even kageyama cheer him up in their usual feral way of just being themselves. 

Noya really does enjoy himself when he surrounds himself with his friends. 

"Alright guys, make good choices this weekend, Ryuu, no bringing home any animals you find on the street,"

"That was ONE Time big sis," Tanaka groans smacking his forehead, Noya snickers and waves as Saeko shuts her car door, having dropped the four Karasuno players in front of the hotel Daichi And Suga had arranged for them this weekend on their 'team outing.'

"Bye big sis!"

"Watch Ryuu for me, see you guys soon!" She calls and she starts her car up and drives away. Tanaka grumbles beside Noya, who watches her car disappear around the corner with a smile that genuinely feels carefree. 

Maybe this weekend is gonna be good for him. 

After all, while Noya may be worked up over the fact that Asahi and the third years are leaving, they are headed to nationals, something they'd worked so hard for all season. They'd made a name for Karasuno again, so what really does Noya have to worry in the moment if Asahi's not leaving until after that. 

When Noya, Tanaka, Hinata and kageyama drag their suitcases into the lobby, they find the rest of their team, Last ones arriving to the scene. Noya finds Asahi as soon as he enters the crowded lobby, It's become a habit of his. 

He's the first person he looks for in a crowded room. 

He's wearing his Karasuno jacket and his hairs half up, he looks good, really good and he's yawning so Noya assume his ride here was tiring too, everyones a little exhausted. It was just barely 2 in the afternoon and the party wasn't until later that night, so it gave those of them who wanted to take naps and settle into their rooms time to do that; The others who want to go explore around either the hotel or Tokyo in general have time to get lost and for Daichi, Suga, or even Ennoshita time to find said lost teammates.

"Glad everyone could make it here safely," Daichi beams when he has his teams attention, "Me and Suga are going to go check in, Theres 7 rooms for us, so two people per room just about," 

"I call Tanaka!" Hinata waves his hand around and Tanaka throws an arm around the red head, "sorry kiddo, But I'm rooming with Chikara over there," he points towards Ennoshita and Noya blinks just as baffled as Ennoshita is, "Ryuu!"

"Sorry Noya but You're rooming with Asahi, I don't make the rules," Tanaka shakes his head and Ennoshita holds his hands up, "hold on I didn't sign up to room with Tanaka-"

"Hinata why don't you room with kageyama!" Yamaguchi suggests.

“oh hell no I can't share a room with him! He'll...keep me up all night!" Kageyama grumbles. 

"Well unless you plan on rooming with kinnoshita or Narita you're out of luck," Tsukki snorts, and hinata whips around, "why don't you share a room with kageyama and I get Yamaguchi!" 

"Now hold on-" Tsukki puts his hands up, straightening his glasses to fixate hinata with an unamused look, "Tadashi is non negotiable,"

"Awh Tsukki!" Yamaguchi smiles and Tsukki looks away, rolling his eyes. 

Meanwhile Noya's both glaring at tanaka but is quietly grateful because a part of him did perhaps want to share with Asahi this weekend, but the other part thought it might be a little too painful. 

The third years stare at each other, questioning their sanity as the underclassman debate living situations since they haven't had to really share separate rooms before. "You guys realize we're gonna have to do this for nationals too right," Suga sighs, but to Noya's notice, he's smiling. 

"Hey guys-" Daichi gets their attention back, "kageyama, hinata, just get through one weekend. maybe sharing a room will be good for you, it's not like you have to sleep in the same bed,"

Kageyamas face goes red and hinata looks curious and wide eyed, "I uh-I knew that," kageyama straightens. 

"Tsukki and yamaguchi, You two can be together, Same for Narita and Kinnoshita, Kiyoko and Yachi together of course, and as for Tanaka and Noya...yeah Tanaka go with Chikara, I don't think letting you too share a room is the wisest idea for mine or Sugas sanity," Daichi sighs. 

"You've got a point boss," Tanaka shrugs, now moving to elbow Ennoshita, who looks less than thrilled. 

"So that puts me with Nishinoya," Asahi says and Noya doesn’t miss the way Daichi and Suga grin at each other, "yeah, no harm no foul though, you are friends after all, plus you can babysit"

"I don't need a babysitter!" Noya protests and   
"Think of it as chaos control," is all Suga supplies.

And then it's settled and Noya decides to approach this entire situation with his carefree outlook and not overthink it, because he can't let himself be bogged down this weekend of all weekends. It's the teams last trip together before nationals, Noya wants to make it count. 

Suga and Daichi leave time check in, and Noya leaves Tanaka annoying Ennoshita to approach the ever so gentle giant Asahi, who leans against the back of one of the lobby couches, looking at his phone.

"Hey chaos control," Noya grins hopping up to perch on the back of the couch next to him, feet hanging off the side. 

Asahi blinks, and smiles shyly, It's that smile that gets Noya every single time.

"I'm sorry about Suga and Daichi," Asahi apologizes for his friends.

"No it's fine," Noya laughs, "I'm not complaining too much, you're stuck with me,"

Asahi blushes and Noya watches with a feint spike in his pulse, Wondering just what he could do to make Asahi blush harder and more intense, to illicit a reaction like that. Asahi was beautiful when he was shy or taken off gaurd, Hell in general the way he’s so big and scary looking only to be a blushing mess anytime someone vaguely compliments him is adorable in a way a 6 foot tall guy can be. 

"This'll be fun right?" 

•••

The trip starts off like this. They check in successfully, Keys to rooms are handed out, Asahi insists he keep his and noyas because out of the two of them he's more responsible, but Noya knows truthfully that when it comes to keeping up with things, Asahi is the lesser of two evils between him and Noya.

And when everyone splits off to unpack in their rooms and waste time until going to kuroos literal Tokyo penthouse, Suga and Daichi assume they finally get some privacy in their shared room. 

But on the contrary, Noya doesn't believe in knocking, and Suga and Daichi leave the the door to their hotel room unlocked. 

"Noya-" Asahi yells as quietly as possible as Noya heads across the hall to Daichi and Sugas room, he had a question about what the plans were tomorrow and and about the party that Asahi didn't have the answer too, And he insisted on going to ask, but Asahi was bent on catching him by the collar of his shirt and keeping him out of Suga and Daichis room.

Noya looks back with a confused look towards his friend as he reaches for Suga and Daichis door, he figured that since they’re friends, worst thing is he walks in on them changing, and they've all changed in the same club room since they were second years. 

"What is it Asahi?" Noya asks as he's already opening the door to walk in, Asahi moving quickly behind in a panicked state. 

But he's too late. 

Noya has one of the biggest mouths on the team, so it's only their luck he would be one of the first underclassman to find out, but there Noya is, intruding on Suga and Daichi kissing innocently on the edge of one of the beds. 

They jump apart when Noya squeaks in surprise, wide eyed and a grin starting to form as he puts the pieces together quickly, and he just grins slyly, "so I assume you two won't need the extra bed then?"

And Asahi's frantic as he grabs Noya and pulls him back, putting a large hand over Noya's eyes. "I'm so sorry guys, he slipped out from under me-"

"Oh whatever-" Noya laughs pulling at Asahi's hand, he turns a blind eye to how close Asahi's standing and to the firm hold in his shoulder, Noya rather focuses on the scene at hand. 

Suga and Daichi look slightly both mortified and exasperated.

"Do you know what knocking is Nishinoya?" Suga kindly asks, folding his hands in his lap. Daichi’s got his head hung forward between his shoulder blades as he shakes it in either embarrassment or dissapointment. 

"I didn't think I had to..." he snorts, he tries to keep his volume at bay, and hold every ounce of excitement to himself. Because Everyone had been holding bets on whether they were dating or would end up dating by the end of the year. And turns out it really wasn't anyone hallucinating when hinata had pointed out how close the third year setter and captain were. 

"You're lucky That's all you walked into honestly," Asahi mumbles and Daichi hears him, sending a glare towards Asahi who takes a step back and puts his hands up in surrender. 

Noya's trying not laugh but his grin gives away his intentions, "wipe that look off your face," Suga says, "it's not like it's a big secret,"

"Then why haven't you told the team?" 

Suga and Daichi share a look, "well, I mean It'd be a distraction, and that's the last thing we need,"

"Wow," Noya laughs, "so like dating one of your teammates isn't taboo?"

Daichi sighs, standing up and smoothing down his shirt, his jackets been shed on the floor and Noya decides not to think about how he really is lucky that's the only article of clothing on the floor.  
"Well no I guess, if it doesn't affect your playing,"

"And it doesn't," Suga stands up beside him, smiling as he rests a casual hand on Daichis arm and Noya's eyes flicker to it. 

The phrase ‘what if’ turns over and over in his mind. 

"Well! I'm happy for you guys!" Noya spreads his arms out, "wait a minute, Asahi did you know?" He swivels on one foot to face Asahi.

“well yeah.”

"You traitor," Noya squints, "and you didn’t tell me? Your best bud Nishinoya, your favorite libero, your-"

"Wasn't my place to tell you Noya," Asahi laughs softly, and Noya watches Asahi share a look with Daichi and Suga like they're all in on something Noya isn’t. 

"Well," Noya places his hands on his hip, "Ill keep my mouth shut, but you can't just not tell the team eventually,"

"Our dating lives aren't the teams business," Suga laughs, "but I'm sure it can't be too under wraps for long," Suga glances at daichi, who sighs, taking Suga’s hand.

“part of this trip was just so I could take Suga on a fancy date in Tokyo," he admits.

Tokyo's big, bustling and busy, and extremely beautiful. Noya stirs, Imagination getting the best of him as he imagines him and Asahi on a date on a starry night in Tokyo, walking the streets, seeing the lights and visiting the parks and wasting time at some fancy restaurant on a balcony. And suddenly a sour thought knocks it all over like a fluke and Noyas back to that oh so hardening thought that it's just his imagination. 

He's happy for his upperclassmen though. 

"Oh that's so cool! Who knew our Captain was such a hopeless romantic!" Noya puts on his best supportive laugh, he doesn't really have to fake it after all, "I'm happy for you guys though!"

"Thank you Noya," Suga nods, and smiles at Asahi, "doing good keeping him under your arm I see-"

"I'm not a child who needs to be babysat you know," Noya comments and Asahi grabs his wrist and Noyas voice dies, but Asahi's still looking at Suga and Daichi. "Guess I'm gonna have to keep a tighter hold of you," Asahi then smiles at Noya who sort of glares at him. 

"Sorry guys, But you should probably lock your room door if you don't want your teammates barging in, you're lucky it was just me and Noya and not Tanaka or even Hinata," Asahi already adds.

"Poor guy would be scarred," Noya nods, "hey I'm not done though, why do you guys think I need Asahi to keep me under control-"

"It's not like that Noya," Suga starts but Asahi's already turning and leading Noya out of the room, "you have fun guys,"

•••

"Am I that obnoxious?" Noya says as they find themselves back in their hotel room, Asahi leaning against the closed door with a sigh. "Like do they think I really don't have enough self control not to need supervision from my upperclassman?" A new seed of insecurity plants itself in Noya and it's foreign to him, Noya's rarely been insecure about who he is, he knows he’s boisterous and gets carried away, that he’s loud and high energy, but he thought his team- his friends tolerated and appreciated that part of him. That's what his aunt, his grandpa, and his mom always told him. Those traits make him who he is, and so long as he stays well mannered and causes no harm to others, then he can be himself as authentic as possible.

But now Suga and Daichi we're making him feel like he needed to be watched.

"That's not it trust me," Asahi says as he moves to walk past Noya, He doesn't sound convincing.

"Asahi, come on, why'd they put me with you and not Tanaka then? I've always known I was a little more to handle than the others but-"

"Nishinoya," Asahi says.

"I can tone it down ya know, if that's what everyone wants I-"

"Noya don't do that," Noyas grabbed by the shoulders, and Asahi stares at him with an intensity that makes his heart pick up more than usual around him. "Don't tone it down, don't you dare think you ever have to change,"

"I..." Noya for once in his life, can't find something to say. Here was The oh so low self esteem Asahi trying to comfort Noya on his own self doubt issues. 

"Look," Asahi blushes, his face turning red and Noya sets his hand ontop of the one still on Noya's shoulder, "They want us to stay together because they know what's coming and how much it's bothering me,"

"What's coming..." Noya furrows his eyebrows, he's genuinely lost. 

"Graduation, Leaving, leaving you. I just want to make our last few weeks count ya know? And they're trying to help but they're really bad at it,"

"Is that all?" Noya smiles softy, head tilting because He should have expected such from the big softy. 

"I- you're not weirded out or anything-"

"Asahi I literally can't stop thinking about the fact that you and the rest of the third years are leaving, but it's mostly you ya know? It's been bothering me too,"

"Really?"

"Yeah," Noya snorts, "believe it or not you make me sentimental,"

"Wow," Asahi's hands drop and Noya thinks back to when he held it under the stars not too long ago. Could they do that here? Hold his hand while they wonder the streets of Tokyo, While they visit the sky tree and-

His imagination again.

This is as close as he's ever felt to confessing. 

"Let's just-" Noya shakes his head, "let's finish unpacking alright? And look, I'll behave while we're here okay? There's a difference in being out of control and having fun,"

Asahi smiles, "I know that- yeah let's unpack, and then maybe before we head to that party or whatever, we go get a snack or something,"

"Oh Asahi," Noya mocks himsel, holding a hand to his heart as they walk to their suitcases sat on either beds, "you always know the way to my heart," he playfully laughs and yet out of the corner of his eye he notices the pinkness of Asahi’s face and Noya will never get over the big old contradiction that is the big powerful ace of karasuno, blushing and shyly looking away. 

•••

Tokyo is a huge contrast from karasuno, and even the suburbs, It's so much to take in that Noya can barely manage. 

Noya had found Tanaka in the lobby flirting with Kiyoko as she talked to the nice lady at the check in counter, something about there only being one bed in her room with Yachi, and Tanaka had given him a knowing look when he found out Noya and Asahi were going out into the city for a little while. Noya had stuck his tongue out at his friend because this was in no means insinuating anything. 

But still, even then Noya finds the Tokyo skyline to be even more breathtaking with Asahi in the picture, It's cool, a breeze blowing in, just slightly chilly enough for Asahi to pull on his Karasuno jacket as they walk side by side down town, just as they would walk home in Karasuno, but instead of hills and the Japanese country side, it was tall buildings and vendors and people. The sun was covered by the overcast clouds, and Noya wondered what Tokyo was like in the rain.

"I think Ide like to live here," 

Asahi glances at him, an amused grin on his face, "yeah? I always took you as a city type, lots a pretty girls here,"

Noya gives him a side smile, "I guess, but I just love the energy, there's so many people, Imagine how many strangers you could meet and befriend in a day, learn so many stories,"

"Is that what strangers are to you? Stories?" Asahi doesn't sound apprehensive, he sounds curious, But Noya's always been a curious person. Most think he's surface level with his rambunctiousness, but there's more to him than his social nature.

There's ambition within his chaos, and Noya likes to think whoever falls for him will love that. Noya is just sad it may never be Asahi.

The wind picks up and blows the fallen peices of Asahi's hair out of his face, Noya has to look away before he blushes too noticeably, "well, I mean everyone is apart of their own I think, I just want to hear everyones and let them know theirs is heard, it's part of why I think I want to travel, meet strangers from all over the world,"

"I swear you're always saying something so poetic one moment and the next you'll start talking about some conspiracy about cereal brands," Asahi shakes his head. 

"What's your point,"

"Not sure, i think I like it though," Asahi gives him a reassuring smile. Asahi's beautiful in the city. 

"Would you want to live in the city Asahi?" Noya asks. 

Asahi is slow with a reply, putting his hands in his jacket pockets, "well, maybe if there was something there for me,"

"Like a person?"

"Sure," Asahi nods, "like a person."

It's sad to think Asahi will have someone one day that isn't Noya. Whoever it is, Noya hopes he loves Asahi for every part of him, even the parts full of his doubt and insecurity, They better understand his gentle heart, and they better adore it.

“Is there anyone specific?”

"What do you mean?" Asahi asks, and they near a little convienice shop, a bench sits outside under a tree and a street lamp. It reminds Noya of sakanoshita, he's sat outside it with Asahi and the rest of his team so many times, He hopes it never goes out of business.

"A person. Do you have one yet?"

"Like someone I've got my eye on?" Asahi asks and the way he says it is as if he's making fun of Noya, so Nishinoya frowns and punches his arm.

"Ow- Noya," he whines. 

"It's a serious question!" 

"Why does it matter anyways," Asahi huffs.

I can't tell you that now can I. 

"I'm your friend, we tell each other stuff, duh,"

"No there...there isn't anyone,”

"You are so lying," Noya grins, and they enter the store, the door chiming as they nod hello to the cashier as they pass, still talking as Noya teases him. 

"I am not!"

"You are! You're face is a dead give away,"

"I feel like we've already talked about this," Asahi tries to change the subject as he walks to the cold drinks and moves his eyes everywhere except to Noya's. 

"We have, But you were vague then and you're being vague now, sooo, Answers please,"

"You know what, there is," Asahi says and noyas heart drops and though his smile wipes itself away he's quick to pull it back out, "I knew it, Who is he,"

"Only the most handsome guy on planet earth," Asahi says bitterly as he picks out a drink, motioning for Noya to do the same.

Noya racks his brain, wondering who on earth he could be talking about and why that makes him unreasonably upset. "More hints,"

"Short,"

"Hinata!"

"You're psychotic," Asahi says as Noya grabs a drink without a second glance and they move down another aisle, Noya still not giving up.

"Danny devito,"

"The American actor? No."

"Uhm... do I know him?"

"Nope," Asahi's eyes roam the shelves, going about as if Noya isn't being a complete idiot at his side.

"Damn, more hints,"

"He's stupid," Asahi nods to himself, reaching for a basket off the the side, "how about I get a couple snacks for the entire weekend, if you or Tanaka decide to get drunk you're gonna want snacks when you get back to the hotel at like 2 am ya know," Asahi contemplates and Noya doesn't even listen.

"He's stupid..." Noya trails off, he's at a loss. "Okay just tell me,"

"Okay okay, It's an American actor so you were close," Asahi snorts, "he was in Kung foo panda"

"Oh my god It's an American actor? So like you don't have someone you're in a relationship with?"

"God no Noya," Asahi sighs, but he finds it all too amusing for his own good. 

Noya's not sure if he'll ever get any information on Asahi's love life so at this point he gives up and pouts. Asahi doesn't miss the way Noya crosses his arms.

"I'm sorry for messing with you," Asahi says, and he tells Noya to wait there and leaves him alone in the aisle.

"Well this is great," he huffs, he genuinely wanted  
To know if Asahi really did have someone, it'd at least convince Noya to move on, it'd give him every reason to back out of telling him the truth about how he feels. 

You've never been a coward he tells himself, so don't start now. He can't find an easy way out of his feelings, he's learned that much. 

Noya feels someone move behind him and Asahi's there again, grinning, "close your eyes and hold out your hands,"

"Oh god," Noya says and listens, He winces as Asahi sets something cold in his palms. "Okay open them,"

It's his favorite flavor and brand of popsicles. 

“For you," he smiles.

Noya really can't describe in words how much he adores the man in front of him. To think he won't have this forever is so disheartening he decides to ignore all the doubt in him and smile and act as if Asahi doesn't set his chest on fire and his heart ablaze. "Like I said, you always know the way to my heart,"

•••

This isn't Noya's first party, but it is his first time at a party with Both Nekoma and Fukurodoni, and the fact that it's being thrown in celebration of making it to nationals? Well that's the first time too. Noya feels both on top of the world, and overwhelmed. 

He thought he and Tanaka were loud and excitable, But put Bokuto, Kuroo, Tanaka, Yamamoto, and a few other nameless classmates Kuroo had probably invited from school, Inside an insanely big and insanely nice penthouse with some alcohol and You have utter and total chaos. 

The team had set out to the penthouse together, Coach ukai had agreed to stay one night at a separate hotel just to supervise nonchalantly at the party, But it was mostly for the free Alcohol, not that he encouraged under age drinking but turning a blind eye wasn't so bad so long as no one goes out driving, and that hopefully everyone was alive by the next morning. After all ukai jr remembered being a teenager and parties and how annoying it was when that responsible adult came and ruined the fun, he was not about to be that person.

"Everyone behave, And respect the furniture and clean up messes- just, You know common curtesy, I know you guys are all friends and this is a party after all, but don't get too out of hand," ukai tells the team before they enter.

Kuroo is there immediately greeting them, Bokuto in his wake, they’re already shoving a solo cup of punch in Tsukkishima’s hand and Yaku is following after in damage control. 

"I'm gone go find Kenma," Noya briefly hears Hinata's voice overs the music, it sounds like it's coming from all around the house but it's source is the main room where a couch sits. It’s big and open and the ceiling is sectioned high as well as the windows that are the length of the wall, letting in natural light as the sun finishes going down, it's a nice place, modernized and clean with white marble counter tops and pristine white walls, round lights built into the ceiling, it's very classy Noya would attempt to call it. There's a lot of recognizable faces, Somehow LED colored lights had been stripped along the edges of the walls so Part of the penthouse is illuminated in deep purple lighting, the others with warm and neutral lighting toned down however to let in the natural light from the windows, the living room is practically a wall of Glass pane leading onto a balcony that over looked part of Tokyo. Noya imagines it'd be breathtaking to stand outside of it and see the city from this point of view.

There's light fixtures hung from the ceilings, windows everywhere, low lighting, it's atmospheric and it's loud. It's Noya's sort of place, him and Tanaka could thrive somewhere like this.

Karasuno somewhat splits up, Noya hovers by Tanaka as he adjusts to the room, he can hear what he assumes Is karaoke from the main part of the pent house, he can see it from here, Yamamoto standing on top of the coffee table singing badly with one of his teammates, his shirts off.

And They're afraid him and Tanaka aren't gonna behave. "Yo who's on Kiyoko duty!" Tanaka shouts over the music even though Noya's standing right next to him. It's not even that loud from where they stand near the door. Daichi and Suga have dissapeared, Tsukki was dragged away by Kuroo and Bokuto with yamaguchi chasing after them like an out of place puppy. Hinata and kageyama had dissapeared too, Noya was slightly worried about the first years, they'd be fine hopefully. And well Asahi hasn't left Noya's side and was looking the place over, hands in his jean pockets, quiet. Noya could already tell his anxiety was getting the best of him.

"You Take first shift! I'm gonna go walk around," Noya grins at tanaka, "I'll make sure nobody messes with her," he holds a thumbs up, "that goes for Yachi too," Noya confirms and Tanaka's off looking for the girls so he can guard their drinks and make sure they stay safe and no one hits on them because their managers are too good for any guy there. 

And when Tanaka's off is when Noya finally turns to Asahi, "let's go get a drink,"

•••

the run down is simple. For all the teams there being representatives at the nationals, it's hard to consider any of them a threat or intimidating at all when they're all plastered and throwing it back in the living room to Nicki Minaj. 

Asahi's not the party goer, that much is clear. He sees his teammates lingering in the crowd of volleyball players, despite the chaos, there's camaraderie in almost everyone there. At some point kuroo makes a toast to Karasuno for making a name again and Congratulating them on beating shiratorizawa, Bokuto chipping in that'd hed much rather hang with the crazy crows than stuck up eagles anyways or whatever that means. 

Suga and Daichi dissapear for a while halfway into the party, and Asahi tells Noya he saw them go up stairs to the second floor to which Noya decides he would not be going towards. Kenma’s practically curled up on the couch playing on his video game console with hinata looking over his shoulder and talking to him, it seems the first year handles himself very well, and Kageyama well, he awkwardly sits by hinata too because he doesn't know where he fits in to all this. 

Kiyoko had been doted on by Yamamoto and Tanaka, Noya pitching in every now and then, he even holds her drink when she need to go to the restroom. Tanaka drags Noya up onto the coffee table for a round karaoke that Asahi watches from the side. Noya glancing to him every other moment, wondering what on earth he's thinking. It seems he can't leave Asahi's side. 

But then eventually they’re separated, And Noya gets roped into cup pong, not beer pong as Kuroo had said because they're responsible and no one has alcohol, but the punch is very much spiked and there's a secret ice chest in the linen closet people are sneaking beers from. Ukai hasn't left the kitchen, Talking to Nekoma’s assistant coach who'd shown up for the same reason as him, to make sure no one commits any crimes besides under age drinking.

Tanaka and Noya beat Yaku and Lev at cup pong, and Lev is not surprisingly horrible at cup pong despite his advantage. Then Kenma somehow gets convinced by kuroo to play against Akaashi and Bokuto and Kenma literally destroys them.

There are happen to be girls from Nekoma there too, so it isn't just a bunch of sweaty volleyball guys grinding on each other all night, And Nekoma girls aren't half bad, even Tanaka said so and he's devoted to Kiyoko (who hasn't strayed from his side at all, bless those two, Noya's so glad Yachi has her upperclassman to protect her from gross boys).

Noya ends up crowded up on the couch between Yamamoto and two of the girls from Nekoma in really short skirts. They're trying to flirt and Noya can only stomach very little charm to entertain them until he has enough and gets a little too overwhelmed from the girls voices and the loud music and his loud friends surrounding him in the penthouse that makes everything feel so fucking Loud. 

He has had a lot of fun but there's a point when even Noya gets tired. The girls are pretty, The punch is good and the buzz helps him relax, but it still doesn't take one name off his mind. It doesn't help when some faceless girl pulls him in and kisses him while they're still on the couch and Tanaka hollers and Noya can only think about one name.

What's wrong with him? He should be so proud of where he's at right now, A tall, pretty girl with black hair is pursuing him, even if it's influenced by the one off of alcohol in the drinks, he’s at a cool party with people as cool as bokuto or kuroo and Akaashi and everyone else on Fukurodoni or Nekoma, he’s supposed to be celebrating the fact that he's going to nationals.

But he can't be proud of himself under the gaze of some girl who's name he doesn't know, of some girl who only knows that Noya is the cool libero and "didn't you pull of that really cool foot save in that date tech game last tournament where you lost to seihjoh, can't believe you guys beat them, and shiratorizawa, ya know I had a thing with their setter-" 

Nothing feels right about it. And it's because he doesn't have strong hands tugging him forward like they should be, Or a gentle well meaning smile above a strong stubbled chin on a friendly giant looking down at him with more kindness than this random girl or anyone else Noya has ever known.

He wants Asahi. He doesn't want this. He never did.

"I'm sorry-" Noya had pulled back a while ago, "you're a nice girl but I-"

The girl, who's probably the height of Kiyoko, looks at him with big brown eyes, they hold no bad intent, only a strange fuzziness that doesn't touch Noya the way they should. No, her breath smells like the punch, and Now all of it is starting to smell rancid to Noya, but maybe it's not that that's making his to stomach turn over.

"I'm sorry? Did I do something?" She asks, her hand falling from his shoulder to his leg. Noya shifts, "no it's not you, There's just someone-"

"Oh you're taken, I'm so sorry I didn't know-" she moves away to apologize but Noya shakes his head, "it's okay, It’s complicated, I just, I need to find someone," Noya stands, handing his drink to Tanaka as he leaves the girl, "I'm going to go look for Asahi, and probably get some air," he calls over the music.

"I saw Asahi leave the room like 30 minutes ago," Tanaka tells him and Noya freezes, "do you know where he was headed?" 

"My best bet would be the other balcony on the second floor, the one at the end of the hallway," Kuroo appears talking over his shoulder, "I think I saw him go up there earlier,”

"Oh- okay, Don’t do anything stupid while I'm gone," Noya says to Tanaka and his heads starting to hurt, Tanaka just laughs and downs the rest of his cup, "you're the stupid one Yuu," 

Noya rolls his eyes, smiling just a little, he gives one last apologetic goodbye to the girl he left hanging to go after the person he really wants to see, the person he owes it to to tell the truth. 

•••

Noya finds him. He sees him through the glass doors on the balcony at the end of the hallway when he climbs the stairs. It's just him, his back to everything, facing the view of Tokyo.

Noya hesitates when he moves to open the door, They’re so high up but the view even from behind the glass door is spectacular. 

Asahi leans against the railing, eyes up towards the sky. The overcast from earlier had cleared and the moon was in full view. 

Noya tugs open the doors, hit with the cool gust of wind and spring air, It's quiet and peaceful and yet the sounds of the city echo below. The view is not short of amazing, The buildings and lights, The way it's alive even as the suns gone down and the stars have come out in tune with the moon. 

It's a new type of peaceful out on the balcony, and Noya catch's his breath, feeling more than refreshed with the wind that whips past. It's windy up here he thinks, He almost thinks he has to shout for Asahi to hear him. 

But Asahi senses him anyways and turns, startling him. "You scared me," he says.

The wind dies just lightly, but it still cools Noya off as he nears the railing beside Asahi, feeling the spark where their shoulders brush, "I'm sorry,"

"It's okay,"

They fall into silence, enjoying the view and each other's presence. 

"How long have you been out here?" Noya asks glancing at Asahi, he looks good in the harmony of the city and the moonlight. Noya thinks there isn't much more he can take of the silence without telling Asahi everything.

"I'm not sure, I just, I like it out here, it's quiet," a car honks from way below, and Noya laughs softly, "I get it, I didn't think you liked parties very much, I'm sorry I left you,"

"It's okay," Asahi smiles, "are you having fun?"

Not really. 

"Yeah," Noya grins, "I still can't really believe it,"

"Believe what?"

"Nationals, Asahi," Noya touches Asahi's arm, leaning into him more bodily than he means to, but he can't gauge Asahi's reaction because he's cool about it, at least he acts like it. Meanwhile Noya wants to close the distance, "we're going to the top, we've made it and on your last season with us too,"

"Gosh I don't want to think about that,"

"Nationals?"

"It being my last season," Asahi clarifies, and Noya tenses, his hand drops to the railing, "right,"

"Do you have any idea what comes next for you?" Noya asks quietly.

"A lot of saying goodbye it seems." 

"I guess so," Noya glances up, and he'd been so captured with the view of Tokyo he neglected to really look at the sky. They were so high up, but Noya felt safe, safe when his arm brushed Asahi's, safe when Asahi moved his hand just barely on the railing so their pinkies touched. 

The stars were out and the moon was shining. 

"Asahi?"

"Yeah Noya?"

"This sounds really stupid but what do you think about actual love?"

Noya feels Asahi's eyes question him and he fires back with his own glance, he wants to hear what he says. Wants to see what the boy with the glass heart has to say about something so fragile.

"I think it's frightening."

"You think a lot of things are frightening," Noya laughs, Trying to cut the tension from himself, he doesn't see how Asahi seems at ease, maybe because he's out of the party element and is in the peaceful quiet of the sky and the bustling city below. 

They can hear the music muffled downstairs, it's probably midnight at the latest, Noya was getting tired though it's probably his emotions bogging him down most of all. 

"Well it's not the bad kind. it's a big thing to realize you know,"

"Yeah, it is." Noya agreed, Noya's world was sort of turned upside down when he learned he'd finally found what he'd dreamed about having for ages. He'd found love, but he wasn't sure if he'd have it in the way he wants. That crushes him.

"But, I also know that when you love someone, You'd do anything to be near them, you find this person who believes in you most of all and they make you the better version of yourself,"

Noya stares, he stares and he's left without words because he knows what he's talking about, Noya understands every word and Asahi speaks like he knows what love is. Like he's felt it before for someone.

"Like you Noya, You make people the better part of themself, Someone could easily fall in love with you,"

Noya covers his smile with his hand, training his eyes on the sky as to not give away the fact that he's slowly losing his steel. 

The wind picks up, The moon glows in the sky and Asahi looks more than ethereal under it, to think he'd never have met him if he hadn't come to Karasuno, if he hadn't chose to be on this team. 

Asahi was his ace and would always be his ace regardless if they shared the court or not. 

The parties dying downstairs and the quiet can be heard in the breaks between the sweeping wind.

"Im in love with you Asahi," 

Asahi doesn't say a word, He just continues to gaze at nothing in particular in the distance, Fixated on the stars and everything beneath them. And it's then Noya realizes he hadn't heard him. 

The wind had muted him and taken his words before they could reach Asahi, and he isn't sure he could will himself to say it again. And he supposes, if Asahi hadn't heard him then, Maybe it was the universe’s way of telling him Asahi shouldn't find out. If not now then never. 

Noya shivers, heart settling in the hollow of his chest as he sighs. 

Asahi stirs, “Are you cold?"

"No I'm alr-“

But Asahi's already slipping off the sleeves of his Karasuno jacket, and draping it over Noya. It's twice his size but it's warm and it smells like fresh laundry detergent. A hand rubs between Noya's shoulder blades and he knows Asahi must feel the tension inside him. "I'm going to go find Daichi and Suga, If you decide to head back to the hotel before me, stay safe please, and call me when you do," Asahi tells him, his hand slipping away and leaving Noya to feel like he's missing something valuable.

"Wait Asahi," Noya turns and their noses bump, not aware of how they got here again. It seems, Noya loses his nerve and jerks head back, blushing. Since when has he ever ran away from things like this. 

"stay safe too then"

"Of course, Nishinoya,"

Noya watches Asahi leave, missing him already despite having his jacket enclosed around him like a symbol that tells everyone he's Asahi's. 

It’s just he’s not Asahi's. He'll never be his.

•••

Noya let's himself breakdown when he arrives at the hotel first. He curls up in the farthest bed and hugs Asahi's jacket to his chest, and he cries quietly. He's been holding in so much, his emotions have become heavy, his chest hurts with every memory he makes with Asahi. 

"I don't want it to be over,"

There's so much Noya can't have. But in due time he'll move on, but should he grow from what he feels for Asahi, he'll never forget him as the person who brought out the best in Noya, who Noya looked up too and wanted the world for. 

Noya falls asleep, exhausted from the day and what entailed, and when he wakes to Asahi walking in, trying to be quiet, he pretends he wasn't disturbed, because Asahi would apologize like no other if he found Noya to have woken up because of him.

"I owe it to you and I owe it to myself to tell you," Asahi whispers, "but I don't think I can. And I'm sorry," and then Noya feels the blankets adjusted around him, Asahi had pulled the covers up for him, and then the mattress on the other end of the room creaks, and soon the gentle buzzing of the ac unit is all that's heard in the dark room, where Noya's mind wonders and his dreams become fuzzy as it blends with fantasy.


	10. Holocene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No more running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Minor spoilers for the manga!!-
> 
> I still can’t believe how long this ended up, it was supposed to be like 7 chapters but I kept writing and Basically this entire thing is me venting about the third years leaving and how I cry every time I think about it. This entire fic was self indulgent honestly, but if you’re still here after the pointless fillers and abandoned plot points and plot holes, I congratulate you and I love you. You’re all my best friends.

Quarter finals. They make it all the way to quarter finals in the Spring National Tournament. 

It's over too soon.

And it's so surreal Noya can barely process any of it. 

There was a moment in time where he never thought something like this, could end really. 

It seemed impossible. But the closer it neared as they played their final game, the more the threat of goodbye seemed to take hold. But when the time finally came, it couldn't compare to anything Noya had experienced before. The amount of bittersweet emotion, the adrenaline and the heartbreak but the feeling that followed is that of success and their own victories, it was unreal, and Noya couldn't explain the depth of it to every detail even if he tried. 

There's something that tugs on anyones heart the way the third years embrace after their final defeat. It's a moment of tears, of sadness and the feeling that they've finally completed what they came to do all those years ago, since they were novices.

And the second years, seeing the upperclassman they've played with for two years now, playing their last game at their sides, Tanaka, Nishinoya, Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita, They all feel the shock wave when they lose against Kamomedai High. 

Before, Noya had known that any game in the national tournament could be his last with Asahi Daichi and Suga, but he’d just hoped it'd been against the top team in the finals.

But Karasuno had only made it to the third round. But in the end, no one was as crushed as they thought they'd be, But It still hurt to feel defeated after working so hard. 

They'd played their whole hearts out, They put every part of themselves into every game. The Tokyo gym had become their aspiration and Hinata had fulfilled his role as Karasuno's next little giant.

They'd even met the tiny giant himself, Tenma Udai, had been in the stands. Noya couldn't believe it when hinata had met his idle. 

And well, In the end, The third years had their final moments together, before they'd broke off to hug their team in the sad loss. 

Noya doesn't know how to approach Asahi, At first he hugs Suga and Daichi tightly and tells them they've been the best leaders he's ever had, and then comes his Ace. The last play they'd made, when Noya had dug up a hit that got set to Asahi in the backrow, him shining in Noya's eyes as he jumped, High, powerful, and brilliant. 

And Noya doesn't even care that he had tears streaming down his face as he clutches Asahi tightly, Asahi's arms instinctively going around him to hold him up and his feet come off the floor, everyone else is crying, Everyone knows how it feels.

The crowd and the lights, the squeaking of their volleyball shoes on the floor, the spectators and the whistles, all of it is muffled when Noya hides his face in Asahi's neck, no longer caring that they're sweaty from their last match, and it seems Asahi doesn't care either.

And then the time comes when they line up one last time, and they thank their crowd of supporters, Their families watching with sad smiles and tears, Saeko is sobbing and Tanaka tries to comfort her, Noya's own mother stares down from the stands, her hand on her heart. She doesn't cry, because she knows Noya wouldn't want her to look at this like a bad thing. And when they have to leave, Noya turns to call for Asahi to follow, but he sees Asahi, Suga and Daichi all standing together, Suga’s arms around both of them.

Number 3, Number 2, and Number 1. The set would be passed on to those of them they're leaving behind in Karasuno's legacy. Ennoshita would be given Daichi’s. Nishinoya isn't sure he wants anyone to be given Asahi's. No one could be that number to Noya except him. Number 3 belongs to Asahi.

They're watching the court, the gym lights are painfully blinding, and Noya feels his chest tighten. 

You did so well, you guys. 

He doesn't say this, but he knows that they know it’s true. 

And with that, Noya turns and follows his team out of the gym, wiping at his face and letting the third years have their last moments in the gym where they competed for victory. Where they played their last game with this team. 

Noya hopes they know just how good they'd been to Karasuno. 

•••

Turning in their jerseys is worse than those last game moments. It's finalizing what everyone knew was coming.

Hinata is, to put it flatly, a Blubbering mess. The first year is crying into kageyamas shoulder who is trying his hardest to act stoic and void of any emotion but failing horribly because even he looks sad. Yamaguchi is crying too, Tanaka is wiping his face, and it brings out just how much this team is going to miss them. 

"No one will ever be as a great a captain as you were boss," Tanaka presses his forearm to his eyes as he tries to hide the fact that the ever loving badass that is Ryuunosuke Tanaka is crying because the third years are leaving. Nishinoya feels sort of numb as he watches Asahi pull the folded up Jersey with a number three on it out of his bag.

The volleyball net was still up despite practices being over, the season has ended and there's the short break in between. Everyone is wearing their school clothes as they stand near the stage in the gym with boxes lined up to turn in their uniforms. Coach Ukai leans against the stage, next to Kiyoko who holds the clip board, ready check off who has theirs turned in. Even Yachi is crying as she sticks to her side, It seems everyone, despite the bittersweetness, is going to miss the four third years. 

"Don't say that Tanaka," Daichi laughs, there's that sadness in his voice, Suga holds it too, the third years themselves are trying so hard to keep it together too. Noya can see the way Asahi looks around the gym, holding his folded uniform tightly, like he doesn't want to give it up just yet. Everyone else had already turned in their uniforms to the boxes to be put up till next season. 

Noya's heart has been aching all day, and the moment then is no exception. 

"I'm sure you all are going to carry Karasuno even after we've left you know? Ennoshita, I’m putting this team in your hands, I know you're gonna do an amazing job as the new captain," Daichi smiles, and Ennoshita blushes, scratching his neck, "even so, You were the best captain we've ever had,"

"I don't think I was anything special," Daichi smiles, "but I'm..." Daichi's words fade and he stares down at the number one jersey in his hands. Suddenly sugas there, taking his hand and holding it tightly. Noya isn't taken aback, he knew after all, And him and Asahi share a look.

"We're lucky to have even been apart of something like this, right Asahi?" Suga turns his head to the ace, who smiles though it's only half of the joy Noya's ever seen it contain.

“We made it to nationals this year, we got to the third round, that's a success story even if we didn't win the tournament," Asahi tells the underclassman.

"And I completely agree with that," ukai adds in, crossing his arms, Takeda is at his side watching, and smiling, though even he has a bittersweet edge to himself.

"You all have surprised everyone so much, especially you two," he motions to the freak duo, hinata wipes at his face and kageyama looks up, "you started from almost nothing didn't you hinata? And you kageyama, you learned how to be a team player, and Look how far both of you have gotten,"

"Coach..." hinata says, a smile forming, kageyama rests a hand on Hinata's shoulder beside him. "He's right" 

Hinata whips his head to look up at him, "all of us have changed for the better this season, I'm really glad I have two more years with you other first years, except you Tsukkishima" kageyama mumbles towards the end and Hinata's eyes go big but Tsukki just shrugs and goes "fair enough,"

"The biggest win out of this entire season is the connections you guys made, within your teammates and even others," Takeda adds in, everyone's eyes turn to him, "I want you all to know that a team like this comes once in a thousand years, you've all made Karasuno a name again, and for that the staff and I thank you, Kiyoko would you mind getting the present?"

"Present?" Sugas eyes furrow, and Kiyoko nods silently, handing the clipboard to Yachi who watches as she leaves the gym, only to come back a minute later holding something.

She hands it to Takeda as everyone watches with baited breath. 

Noya has maneuvered to stand by Asahi and Tanaka and he and everyone else have about the same reaction, big eyed and a swell of the heart. 

"It's to be hung up above the gym doors, reminding future players that we all start somewhere and with the right amount of hard work, You can not only build success here in this gym, but a family and life long connections," Takeda presents the framed picture of the team, Their wearing their jackets and it's more like a giant team selfie than a professional photograph, and yet it makes it all the better. 

"Wow, Mr. Takeda..." Daichi says, "That's, Thats great, We're-"

"Honored," Suga finishes, Their hands are still held and no one seems to bat an eye. "Thank you for all you've done for the club,"

"There's no need to thank me," he smiles, "now, I know how hard this is for you third years,"

Asahi Suga and Daichi, and even kiyoko, who's hands are clasped in front, nod, "saying goodbye to a big part of my life feels wrong," Daichi agrees, "but everything comes to an end doesn't it?"

"It does, but you're leaving great players behind to carry on the clubs name" Takeda grins.

"I don't want you guys to leave," Tanaka huffs, "I mean, It won't be the same without you scolding us for doing stupid shit or Suga making sure everyone gets snacks and the right amount of water breaks, or Asahi being our badass ace,"

"Ryuu," Noya laughs, "i thought you said not to worry about what we can't control,"

"Yeah but," he sounds sad, and Noya has probably come to terms with them leaving the most. The day has come and he'd run out of tears to cry so now he's trying to put on the best smile he can. And when he thinks about how proud he is of Asahi and how he feels like he's just been lucky to even be apart of a team with them, it makes it easier.

"Don't think of it as the end ya know," Ukai starts, "You guys made a lot of memories, be happy you got the chance to do that."

"Exactly," Suga says, "I'm going to miss you all so much though,"

"Me too," Daichi adds in.

"And I'm going to miss you all as well" Asahi says but he's quiet, and Noya turns to look at him, and he lifts a hand to comfort the big guy, but drops it for no reason he can find.

"Let's take one last picture!" Hinata suggests and Noya nods, "yeah! What shoyo said," and they huddle together, Noya squished between Asahi and Hinata as coach Ukai holds the camera, and they crowd around one another. 

And then they finally decide to hand in the jerseys. After holding onto them, Daichi, Suga and Asahi pushes their jerseys forward for Kiyoko to put in the box, and she takes them gently, smiling sadly to her classmates. "I'm happy I got to be a part of this too you guys," she says, and the smiles she receives are that of adoration and appreciation for their manager. "And Hitoka?" Kiyoko turns to Yachi who jumps, blushing as she holds the clipboard with shaky hands, "take care of these boys okay?"

"Kiyokoooo," Tanaka and Noya say in unison, their hearts touched, and she rolls her eyes but her smile gives her away. 

"Now for the jackets-" Daichi says and they pull their Karasuno jackets out of their bags to turn in as well, but Takeda stops them, "how about, this year, We make an exception, You three keep them, as a parting gift,"

Noya's heart jumps as Asahi pulls his back, looking down at it like it's fragile. 

Goodbyes are hard. Noya has always thought this one would be the worst, but the moment before the third years leave the gym for the last time, he isn’t overtaken with heartbreak, but pride and happiness, because he's happy Asahi had found something precious in the sport. He'd been his best self on the court and Noya hoped the best for him off of it, even if he couldn't be there with him. 

The net is taken down after they turn in their things, Tanaka follows Kiyoko around like a sad puppy, and Noya tries not to crowd around Asahi and give him his time with Daichi and Suga as they unlatch the volleyball net straps and pull the poles from the holes in the floor. 

Instead he decides to help put up the boxes of jerseys with hinata, Tsukki and Yamaguchi. Narita and Kinnoshita are off to the side talking to ukai, and Takeda discusses future captain duties with Ennoshita.

"C'mon, You aren't a little sad they're leaving?" Yamaguchi asks as they clear off a spot on a shelf in the equipment closet for the boxes of jerseys.

"Well It is saddening but I don't feel any personal attachment really," Tsukki sighs, "they were good players, And I supposed Ide rather have Asahi be the ace than Hinata or Tanaka," 

"Hey!" Hinata grumbles. Noya pats him on the shoulder, "don't worry, he's just trying to act all emotionless to seem cool,"

"I'm not being emotionless," Tsukki deadpans, "I'm saying that I'm not that close with them you know, however I'm sure the team won't be the same without them I guess,"

"Oh my gosh admit it!" Noya points, Yamaguchi grins beside him, "you're gonna miss them too!"

"Of course not," Tsukki scoffs but they’re still unconvinced. 

And then time goes too fast, and the gyms closing up and everything's put in storage until the start of the next season. Noya's trying to keep a box of workout bands form falling off a shelf after he'd bumped into it when someone comes from behind to steady it, he turns and finds none other than his favorite Ace of Karasuno.

It's sad that Noya almost corrects it to Former Ace. 

That's not a title he'll ever give Asahi. He's always going to be the ace. He'll say it a million times.

"Hi,"

"Hey," Asahi smiles. 

"OH MY GOD DAICHI SINCE WHEN WERE YOU TWO DATING," a shout rings from the gym and It’s clearly Hinata, And Noya and Asahi start laughing, not even needing any context to know what's happened.

"Guess the secrets out,"

"Guess so," Noya stifles another laugh, "I'm happy they have each other though..."

"Yeah," Asahi gazes outof the entrance to the closet, and then both of their eyes settle on the mop against the rack, the metal bar screwed in the middle of it.

"It's been fun hasn't it," Asahi sighs.

"No! No getting sentimental on me in a closet Asahi that's too ironic, And I don't want to cry right now-"

"Noya," Asahi laughs, grabbing his arm before he can walk out, "just let me talk,"

"Okay," he blinks, and Asahi's hand drops from his arm to his wrist, and Noya only vaguely wonders why he doesn't pull it away completely.

"I just wanted to say thank you, for making these last two years some of my happiest."

"Asahi-"

"I want you to take this,"

And it's then Noya realizes he's offering his Karasuno jacket forward. 

"Asahi I can't take this from you,"

"You have to Noya," he smiles, "it'll give me every excuse to come back if you have something of mine,"

"You need an excuse to come back?" Noya smiles at him, there's amusement and the detectable trace of sadness. 

"Maybe,"

"Look Asahi I-" Noya isn't sure what he was going to say, he knows he shouldn't let Asahi get away, should tell him everything but if his last try wasn't a sign he shouldn't, that what else could it have been.

But Asahi cuts him off anyways, "this isn't goodbye for us okay?"

Noya leans forward and hugs him tightly, pulling Asahi down, "I know that dummy,"

•••

Graduation isn't much different. A picture is snapped here and there, the third years walk in their gowns and the team crowds around to congratulate them and ask about their future. Families gather, Asahi's entire family is there including Kai. Suga and Daichi share a kiss when they throw their caps up like the American tradition they romanticize in the movies and the team cheers for them.

They'd taken the surprise well, and No one supported the couple more than the team did. It was a day of celebration, and the sorrowful last few moments of the third years with their classmates and teammates they'd been brought up with.

"Asahi! Let me get a picture of you and Nishinoya," Asahi’s mom had pushed the two into each other and Noya had blushed the entire time as she snapped the picture. Noya and Asahi's eyes met and he looked good in the dark blue of his cap and gown. 

He looked real and Grown up, Like everything Noya wanted to be, except Noya knew even though this guy looked like someone about to step foot into the adult world, he would still be his friend no matter what. At least he hoped so.

Don't let him get away. He hears his mind tell him all day, Don't let it be the last chance you get to tell him for real this time.

Now there's a difference between being in love with someone and Loving someone. Loving someone is in the way they make you feel, In the case Noya loves Asahi because Asahi supports him, believes in him, makes him feel important and heard, and well, being in love is about the other person. It's wanting that persons happiness over your own, and Noya knows Asahi can manage without him. Knows telling Asahi the truth about it all would cause unwarranted stress and Noya would hold him back, So Noya does what's best and stays quiet. He needs Asahi to be happy, That's all he wants, even if that's without him.

It's their last moments together the day Asahi graduates, Noya pulls him aside from Daichi, Suga and Kiyoko, and He hugs him so tight it almost knocks him off balance. Noya really likes hugging Asahi. 

"Don't forget about me out there okay?" 

Asahi holds him tighter, "I won’t.”

•••

Noya stupidly thinks he needs to adjust to not seeing Asahi everyday, So the week after graduation, Noya doesn't make any plans to reach out to him. He knows it's a loaded idea, and he frequently visits the Tanaka's to make up for his lack of company from the big guy, but Tanaka isn't Asahi. 

"You're so gloomy," Tanaka throws a piece of popcorn across the room at Noya who lays on the floor, staring at his phone.

"I am not," he says.

"You literally are,"

"Ryuu I am as happy as I can be," Noya sits up, deadpanning.

Tanak leans against the wall, spreading his legs out on the bed to set the bucket of popcorn between them, "you didn't even wanna play video games with me earlier, and our favorite dudes online too!"

"Pussysmasher4269?" Noya raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah!"

"Well that sucks I guess, you could go play without me,"

"You know what I think you need a kick in the ass,"

"Don't be rude Tanaka," Noya scoffs, But a smile works it's way onto his face. 

"Is it because you let ur dumb hero complex keep you from getting a tall boyfriend?" 

"Ryuu!" Noya gasps, "be quiet,"

"No I'm right! You're sad cuz You figured Asahi would be better off without you so you wanted to do 'what's best for him' and Keep your feelings to yourself!"

"No!" It's totally true though Noya will not let Tanaka expose him to himself like this.

"Well newsflash, just fucking shoot your shot and it'll work!"

"How would you know-"

"I got kiyoko's number at graduation remember?"

Noya does, he had been so shocked he almost stole the slip of paper she'd given Tanaka with the digits for himself, it was a rare specimen and somehow Tanaka had gotten his hands on it.

"Yeah well! It's not the same,"

"I am so done with talking to you about this, buck up and go for it, Worst thing that happens is he ghosts you, and we both know he's too nice for that,"

"I doubt it," Noya grumbles.

"We've already talked about his," Tanaka sighs flopping back, Noya figures he's debating throwing the bucket of popcorn at Noya's head. "You know if you told him you loved him, HE would probably apologize to you."

"I guess you're not wrong there," Noya shakes his head, he can imagine it, Asahi fixating him with a sympathetic and pitiful gaze and saying sorry that Noya went through the trouble of falling in love with him, as if it’s any trouble. “look, let's not talk about this,"

"No I'm not dropping the subject, you go call him right now and talk to him,"

"I don't think so," Noya stubbornly says, and that's when Tanaka does decide to throw the bucket of popcorn.

•••

"Shoyo!" 

"Noya!!"

Noya had decided to start his break from school with avoiding being alone. Because if he's not distracting himself with his other friends, that leaves too much time to think about Asahi and the fact that he's leaving. He's not sure where Asahi's leaving to but he can't shake the feeling that It's better if he stay away so it makes whenever he does leave a lot less hard.

And thus, he arrives at the Hinata Household. Tanaka had to help his parents in the restaurant so he was off the table and plus he never stopped guilting Noya into calling Asahi, whom, has in fact tried to call him four times in the past four days, it's only been over a week since graduation and the school term coming to an end until the next year, but even then, It feels too long. 

He wants to see Asahi, but he doesn't want to experience the effects of seeing Asahi during this time when things are so uncertain, when The best thing in his life, Playing with Asahi, Being with Asahi constantly, was ending because he was moving up in the world to greater things, and Noya was still stuck in highschool.

"What's that?" Hinata points at the bag in Noya's hands and he hands it forward, slipping his shoes off as hinata moves to let him into the house, looking curiously through the bag. "You brought me take out?" Hinata grins as he follows Noya deeper into the house. Noya had visited Hinata's house more than once, and was familiar with his family, after all it’s just his Mom and his little sister, but even then. 

"Shoyo? Who's here?" Shoyo’s mom pokes her head out of the study, and Noya greets her with a smile, "Hi Mrs. Hinata,"

"Oh Nishinoya! Hi dear,"

"Noya's here?" He hears a voice from the room say and Natsu appears by her mothers leg, and her eyes light up, "Noya!! Shoyo you didn't say he was coming over,"

"Well I didn't think-"

"I thought you said Tobio was coming over though," his mom frowns and Noya glances back at Hinata, Not for a second missing the way his face blooms red. 

"Something came up for him, his dad is uh, sick,"

"Oh that's no good," his moms frown deepens, "how about I cook him some dinner and you send him some, you need to check up on your friend,"

"Mom I'm sure he's fine," 

"Nonsense, I'll start on it later, You doing alright Nishinoya?" The ginger haired woman smiles sweetly, and Natsu's already at his side, he leans down to let her jump on his back, piggybacking on Noya despite Hinata's protests of "don't annoy Nishinoya, Natsu!"

"I'm good! Im enjoying the time off,"

"That's great! You played great at nationals by the way, you picked up a lot of Shoyos slack-"

"Mom!" Hinata groans and she laughs, "I'm kidding son- you two go have fun, Natsu don't pester the boys too much," and just like that she leaves and Hinata's grumbling as He leads Noya down another hallway, Natsu giggling as Noya gives her the piggy back ride. 

She always used Noya for piggyback rides because her brother wasn't good at them, and Noya was closer to the ground so she felt safer, Noya had been offended at first but he adores little Natsu so he looks past it. For someone who only has his mother, Noya really does have a lot of external family. 

"So Kageyama’s dad is sick?"

Hinata had called Noya asking him to come over to hang out, and practice a little volleyball since the kid never seemed to stop playing. However he hadn't told Noya the reason he called was because a certain setter canceled on him.

Hinata's smile drops as they enter his bedroom. Hinata's room is the epitome of someone who forgot to update their room as they went from a toddler to a teenager, he still has a race car bed from when he was 7, he hadn't outgrown it and it seems he didn't ever think about replacing it. Posters covered almost every part of the walls, Some of D1 volleyball players, The national japan team, And Shows he liked. He had a bookshelf piled with sports magazines and manga, And well, It was all just so hinata.

"Yeah- hed been talking to me lately about it, he's worried about him,"

"I never really knew anything about his family," Noya says as he prepares to flop Natsu on Hinata's bed, who squeals with delight. "Natsu can you bother mom for a little bit?" Hinata asks as nicely as he can and Natsu sticks her tongue out at him and waves at Noya as she walks off, "love you too!" He calls.

"Yeah well," hinata turns, continuing as he attempts to throw all his sprawled out laundry into the open closet door, "he doesn't like to talk about himself that much,"

"Is it just him and his dad?"

Well he lives with His father and his grandmother, she's a nice lady," hinata grins more towards himself.

Noya leans back on his palms, looking at hinata. Something's a little different in the way he's speaking about his rival turned teammate turned bestfriend that he bickers with quite often than not. "You've met her?"

"Course I have," hinata says trying to force his closet door shut but he's stashed so much nonsense in it, it barely budges. Noya laughs for no particular reason.

"Your mom seems to like kageyama too,"

Hinata blushes and Noya eyes him suspiciously, "well yeah, hes my friend. She thinks he's respectful when he's really just shy around her,"

"Kageyama? Shy around Adults? I'm surprised he doesn't insult you in front of her,"

"I know right, he never calls me a dumbass around her, it's sort of cute,"

"Cute?"

"Uh well- not cute but-" hinata back tracks and Noya laughs, "do you like kageyama?"

"Like as in like like?" Hinata looks at Noya in slight mortification, leaning his back against the wall. 

"Yeah as in like like,"

"No of course not!" Hinata gets red easily, Noya has always known this but it's almost alarming how red he gets answering the question. It confirms Noya's suspicion he's had since the beginning. "I mean how could I? He's angry and stupid and really freaking tall and he likes milk- who just drinks regular milk as an everyday beverage? It's weird, and we're both guys..." hinata finds himself trailing off. 

Noya sits forward, "I don't see how that's a problem,"

"Well we're teammates too! Noya would he think it's weird if I liked guys? Wouldn't you think it's weird?"

"No, I like guys too so I don’t think it’s weird," Noya shrugs nonchalantly and Hinata's mouth falls open, "but I thought you had a crush on miss kiyoko,"

"I like girls too," Noya states. 

Hinata's eyes go wide at that too. 

"You can do that?" He almost sounds in awe and Noya laughs, "of course you can,"

"So if I did like stupid kageyama and his stupid volleyball skills and his stupid mean face, It wouldn't be weird?"

"You guys are best friends aren't you? It wouldn't be weird,"

"But...what if he doesn't- No it's- No nope This isn't happening, let's pretend we aren't talking about Tobio,"

"Tobio?" Noya grins.

Hinata glares at him and heads for the take out box he sat on his desk that Noya brought, "fine then imagine, what would you do if you liked a close friend,"

"I don't really have to imagine," Noya sighs and it takes a moment for him to register that he said that out loud.

"What?"

"What?"

"Noya-"

"Shoyo." Noya says.

"Do you like one of your friends?"

"Course I do," Noya sighs, "but he's gone now so, what is there to do,"

"Oh my god he died!?" Hinata gasps as he opens the take out box, and then he gasps again because Noya had brought him eggs over fried rice. 

"No!" Noya laughs, "just...he graduated,"

"Graduated..."hinata furrows his eyebrows as he starts to stuff his face, leaning against his desk. 

Realization dawns on him, "it's Tanaka,"

"Ryuu didn't graduate you idiot,"

"Oh yeah that's right," Hinata pinches his chin, like he's pondering the worlds greatest secrets. 

"Daichi?"

"He's literally dating suga," Noya face palms. 

"Then..." hinata takes a long bite of his meal, Noya had gotten tonkotsu ramen and he didn't even know why, until he remembered it was asahis favorite food, and He just can not let go of the ace as much as he’s trying to force himself to. 

Tanaka had made it clear he didn't understand why Noya was running from him again. They'd danced the same dance over and over, Noya avoids asahi, Asahi thinks he's done something wrong because of Noyas tendency to not communicate despite how blunt he can be at times, and Then they make up only for Noya to get in his head again. 

Tanaka knows Noya is trying to soften the blow, but it's not as if Asahi won't make the effort to keep in touch after Hes graduated. It's so self destructive. Noya can be so painfully stupid sometimes.

Nishinoya isn't really sure why, He wants to be near Asahi more than anything, wants to go back to holding his hand under the stars like that time ago, Wants Asahi to come over for left overs again and Watch movies and have his mother dote on his tall friend. 

"Is it Asahi? It's gotta be,”

"Ding ding ding," Noya snaps his fingers, he sounds tired himself when he says, "But it's unlikely he loves me back,"

"You love him?"

"Uh-" Noya hesitates and Hinata's eyes go big and his face brightens again, "that's so sweet!! Noya you're a such a romantic,"

"Yeahhh no, I came here because I knew I wouldn't have to talk about my sad love life with you so don't bring it up again,"

Hinata's smile falls and he looks like half a kicked puppy and half a sympathetic friend, "I'm sorry- If you do need to talk about it I can listen even though I don't have much expirience with liking people,"

"It's okay" Noya laughs, "I cant believe you like kageyama though, bet you're middle school self did not expect that,"

"I don't like him!”

"Yeah, Well when you're both Third years and you play your last game together, you better know for sure by then Cuz if you let him get away," Noya looks at the ceiling, hinata looks up too wondering what he's looking at.

"Its gonna be awful,"

"You know technically you're a third year now Noya," Hinata says. 

"That must make you a second year then Shoyo,"

Hinata grins, "I guess I am."

•••

It's almost two weeks into summer break when Noya finally answers Asahis calls. he's not sure what brings it on but keeping his distance makes him miss Asahi more than if he'd left for college and kept in touch. 

Long distance, Noya ponders iddly, staring at the street ahead. He's sat down on his front porch, the suns set a while ago and Asahi was supposed to come over earlier, but it's been an hour and Noya just waits on his porch. Wondering if this is Asahi’s revenge for Noya ghosting him for two weeks. 

Could Noya do long distance? He's gone so long without a relationship, without touching someone and feeling that connection. He's still a virgin, despite the fact that tanaka just does not believe someone as cool as Noya hasn't got laid yet. But he is and he thinks he ought to wait till he's not a literal underage teenager to do anything like that, or at least find someone he trusts enough. 

He trusts Asahi. 

Noya slaps his cheeks hard, shaking away that uncalled thought. He could handle long distance if he cared about the person enough. If anything Noya assumes long distance would make a relationship stronger, it'd make them realize never to take the time they have together for granted. 

"Nishinoya,"

"Asahi," Noya stands abruptly, he’s snuck up on a flustered Nishinoya lost in thought. He isn't sure what to make of the man in front of him. He hasn't seen him since graduation. He's as tall and handsome as ever and Noya's almost winded from seeing him. 

He feels slightly embarrassed because well, he has to explain why he's being weird. And Asahi really didn't do anything and Noya prays he doesn't feel like he did. That's the last thing he wants.

"I'm sorry I was late, kai was leaving for vacation with some girl, Had to take him to the airport," Asahi’s out of breath. 

Noya blinks, "did you run here?"

"Course I did," he stands up straight, like he's trying to keep his composure. 

Asahi's face is lit by Noya's crappy porch lighting, and He really wants to see his face better, or maybe he doesn't because he might lose it if he does. Is crying in front of the guy you've purposely avoided for two weeks after almost confessing to sort of lame? Maybe.

They look at each other, a stand still. 

"So," Asahi starts. He's timid, but that isn't a new thing with him.

Noya thinks he should start off with apologizing, Tanaka would be applauding right now if he did.

"Did you eat yet?" Noya asks instead. 

Asahi shakes his head. 

Noya steps forward, His fingers itch to hold his hand. "Why don't you come in and eat dinner then?"

•••

"This is not safe," Asahi says as he shakily climbs the ladder. "Don't be a baby, you climbed up your roof once didn't you,"

"Yeah but not on the very top," Asahi curses as he follows Noya up, who's angular nimble body climbed up the ladder and onto the top of his roof with ease, he sits on the part that runs along the very top. It's a flattish area and the roof, thank god, Isn't too slanted. 

"Come on Asahi, I beleive in you!" Noya mock cheers as he perches at the top. The sky spans out around them, miyagi is asleep but Noya and Asahi are awake. The night is clear, and the stars are out and it reminds Noya of looking at them beside Asahi at the party thrown before nationals.

When he'd told Asahi he loved him but the wind carried it away. 

Noya supposes it's dangerous to climb onto a roof in the middle of the night but in the end life is too short, and what if this is one of the last times he ever gets to see Asahi, he'd want it to be something cheesy and cliche and at least say he got to watch the stars with his first love.

He's so contradictory, but love can be that way, he's figured that as much. Push Asahi away only to want to pull him close again. It's annoying and Noya would just wish he could make up his mind on what's best for Asahi and what's best for himself.

Noya wants Asahi's happiness more than his own, so he'll choose whatever path he need to to get there. That's what it's like to be in love with someone. 

"Sometimes I wonder why I go along with your ideas sometimes" Asahi sighs heavily as he settles down next to Noya, balancing himself. He seems tense, but when he raises his eyes to the sky Noya feels him relax.

"It's beautiful up here isn't it," Noya grins. He's been trying all night to clean up the mess he’s made by having tried to distance him and Asahi. He's so well meaning, and Noya just wants him happy. 

He hasn't considered Asahi needed Noya to feel that way. 

"Yeah, It is," he looks up, he hasn't really met Noya's eyes all night. 

They watch the sky for a little bit. Listening in on the chirping of grasshoppers nearby. Noya has a lot on his mind that he wants to say. He wants to reach out and touch him, but instead he pulls his knees to his chest. 

"I told my parents,"

Noya gazes at Asahi, Always with the vague conversation starters. "Told them what,"

"Everything,"

Noya opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

"I came out to them, I told my parents what I'm going to do. I told them how I felt about the way they withheld me to live up to kai, told them everything."

Noya only manages to let out an oddly weak, "oh"

Asahi swallows thickly, turning his face away from noya, who as if he had a right to Asahi after literally being the worst friend, rests his hand on top of Asahi's that sat between them. "Hey- I'm happy for you, That's a big thing to do, I know how much strength that must have taken,"

Asahi whips around to look at their hands, then at Noya, if it weren't dark, Noya could almost see his face flush under the light of the stars. 

"Yeah- It was hard, but I'm glad I did it. I need to start living for myself now."

"I'm proud of you, how'd they take it?" Noya smiles at him.

Asahi scratches his cheek, "well, They were shocked, But my mom was really happy I told her, and my dad well...he's learning to accept me, But I guess the effort is what counts,"

"Thats really really good Asahi," Noya tells him, "And you decided on what comes next?"

"Fashion school," Asahi grins widely, and Noyas heart skips a beat. "In Tokyo, I applied a while back, I go in September."

"Oh," Noya blinks, "that's really awesome, Youre gonna kill it out there in the real world, ace,"

Asahi let's out the quietest laugh, rubbing his neck, Noya watches the way he smiles, takes in every piece of him because he's scared he'll slip away again. No more avoiding. He decides. Who cares if goodbye is hard, don't put yourself through the pain twice when it's unnecessary.

"I'm not the ace anymore...Life's going to be weird without volleyball," Asahi sighs.

"I bet it is, But You are still the ace, To me at least,"

Asahi looks at him, his eyes reflect the starlight but it's feint, despite the dimness, he sees just fine and Asahi's eyes are no exception to the way the stars make everything beautiful. Asahi was beautiful to begin with. "Really?"

"Course." Noya smiles. And the quiet comes again, and Noya knows what he has to say next. "Look, I'm sorry for not answering any of your calls lately, I've just been...Going through something,"

"Do you need to talk about it?" 

Noya tried not to let how soft Asahi's voice goes affect him. "No I'm okay, I just I'm sorry for leaving you hanging,"

"It's okay," he says and Noya wants to say it's not because it was a shifty thing to do to a really good person. 

"Noya I have to tell you something," Asahi musters out like he's been keeping it in since he's arrived. Noya's eyes snap up to peer at his, "What is it?" It sounded serious. Noya's heart speeds up like it does after a really long volleyball rally.

"I'm...I'm not staying in Karasuno for the summer,"

Noya's heart sinks despite the fact that he had expected this all along, but oh does it hurt anyway.  
He's been preparing himself for a goodbye.

"You're not?" Noya sounds most certainly too small. 

"I'm going to meet and stay with my aunt and her wife in France, she Uhm, Shes a designer, she has a lot of doors she can open for me. My parents think it's a really good opportunity."

"You have an aunt? That lives in France?" Noya gapes, missing the point.

Asahi laughs, "yeah, I've never met her, She's on my fathers side, she was sort of cast out I guess? From my dads family so my mom and my siblings have never heard of or met her,"

"Why?" Noya creases his forehead in curiosity. 

"She was just different than what they wanted, She was her own person, And that person wasn't who her family wanted...but when I told my family about who I was, well, my father got in touch with her, It's a really big deal for me," Asahi smiles sadly, though Noya doesn't know why it seems sorrowful, perhaps it's the fact that Asahi's leaving for France, and Noya can't follow.

"All the way in France Huh," Noya leans his elbow on his knee to rest his cheek against his hand. "That's far away from here,"

"I know," Asahi's smile falls flat, "I almost don't want to go, I can't leave Karasuno yet, I can't leave Suga and daichi, I can't leave you." 

Noya stirs, "don't stay because of me, please, Asahi this is your dream, Youre meeting probably the one part of your family that will understand you, you're getting out there, you're getting the chance to live."

"I know Noya but in the end I won't be with the people I care about-"

"Screw them! It's about you! I'll be here when you get back! Daichi and Sugawara are a phone call away, I'm a phone call away!"

"Only If you answer it-" Asahi mutters and Noya laughs, grabbing Asahi's hands, the stars seem to flow a little brighter as Noya clutches onto a reason to be positive about all of this, As he tries to make sure Asahi doesn't throw something so good away so he can stay with someone like Noya who has been nothing short of useless to him.

Why are you convincing the one person you want most to leave you, his subconscious nags.  
He throws a sharp blade at it and destroys all of it. Asahi comes first, his happiness comes first and Noya can worry about himself later. 

"I will! You have to go Asahi,"

"Don't be in a rush to get rid of me," Asahi laughs, he removes his hands from Noya's grasp and then before Noya can frown he's grabbing Noya's hands. And the way he looks at Noya, nothing short of deeply into his eyes like a bad romance novel, makes Noya's ability to form words fly right off the roof and his the ground in a homicidal expedition of Noya's dialect.

"Noya, I will still if you ask me to."

"I can't do that, Im just a frie- It's not like we're-“ Noya grasps at words, But he can't let it out.

"I know I know it's dumb that you hold this much power over me but I'm serious."

"When are you set to leave?" Noya says quietly.

Asahi goes silent, staring at his lap, pulling his hands away. "Tommorow night"

Noya blinks, "Tom- tommorow night?" His voice cracks rather embarrassingly.

Asahi nods, "I'm sorry, but I won't go if you wish,"

"Asahi I can't do that- But is that why you insisted on hanging out tonight? Is that why you were so damn insistent this time?"

"That was luck," Asahi sighs, "I was scared if I didn't excessively call you wouldn't answer like usual, I just had to see you again, I couldn't leave Karasuno without a goodbye,"

"That's What this is then?" Noya says quietly, trying to process it all. There they sit on the roof under a large expanse of starry sky, oblivious to the others true feelings, About to say goodbye for a long time. 

Noya can't get carried away. 

He’s gotten carried way so many times when it comes to Asahi.

The broom flashes through his head, Sneaking Into the gym, the kiss in front of Asahi's home, the datetech game they'd won after their first date tech loss, the seihjoh loss, the seihjoh win, the last game they'd played, seeing Asahi spike for the first time, for the last time, the moment they'd danced in the rain the day they'd became friends, it all just plays in his mind like a really depressing scrapbook of the last two years with Asahi. 

"This is you saying goodbye to me?"

"It's me asking you to tell me not to," Asahi confesses.

Noya fixates him with a look he knows is intense, and It comes across as such successfully when Asahi shifts and rubs the back of his neck.

What Noya would give to kiss him and tell him to stay. 

"I can't do that." Noya says.

Asahi nods like he already knew that. 

"Youre leaving tomorrow then, All the way to France,"

"I’m coming back, For school, Tokyo isn’t so far, I can visit I can-"

"I know Asahi" Noya smiles, "I'm happy you've got something so great ahead of you, you're gonna make the world your bitch."

"Noya-" Asahi sighs in slight exasperation at his very clever choice of words.

"I'm sorry," he laughs, "but seriously. It's okay. I'm not gonna hold you back, what kind of a friend would I be?" Noya's voice snags on the word friend.

"You're too good for the world you know that?" Asahi leans back on his hands, careful to keep his balance so he doesn't in fact, fall of the roof. "You make sure everyones the best they can be, and you put your own feelings aside,"

"I'm not that deep Asahi," Noya says.

"I bet that's a lie, Theres more to you than being loud and energetic," 

"Oh yeah?" 

Asahi cocks his head, "yeah, like you have a soft spot for little kids, Youre Critical of others but not in a bad way, you're blunt but you're considerate, you really like popsicles and you like to live instead of just be alive, you yell in the middle of movies a lot and you particularly like fast action paced ones, but you secretly every now and then will watch a romantic comedy and enjoy it-"

"Hey that's top secret-" Noya goes to input because he's blushing so incredibly hard and his heart is going to beat right of his chest if Asahi doesn't stop laying out everything he's collected on Noya and keeps saying it like it's all somethings he finds endearing. 

"In the end Noya," Asahi grins, "I've never been much of someone who makes friends easily, I have really bad self esteem and I get anxious around people I feel like are a million times better than me, But with you, somehow it was really easy letting you in."

Noya's at a loss for words. A very small list of people can render Nishinoya speechless, Asahi's at the top of the list, followed by kiyoko, his 8th grade math teacher who told him he'd probably grow up working as a fast food worker, and the girl he'd shared his first kiss with.

"Asahi..." Noya almost follows this very fine revelation of his with, ‘I'm very much deeply and fondly So fucking in love with you.’

But instead comes, "I don't think anyone's ever noticed me like you have, thank you for that, I think. You make me feel..."

Appreciated, Fond, lovey Dovey, horny- Nope scratch that, wrong time, Happy, sappy, Seen.

"Important, no one is like you."

"Thanks I guess?" Asahi laughs but it's not the condescending type, "I want that for you, because you are important, to me at least."

Tell him you blubbering idiot. You've never held back before, why have you now? For the two fucking years. Times almost up.

"It's getting late," Noya says stupidly. 

Don't end the night yet! You dumbass!

"Yeah I guess so, but I think I like it up here," Asahi says as he leans forward, a breeze blowing past. He moves to dig his phone from his pocket and Noya watches quietly as his big friend opens an app on his phone and holds it up to the sky. "Come here," Asahi says and motions for Noya to scoot closer, who has to gain control of his breathing fast as he presses up against Asahi to see whatever he's trying to show him on his phone.

"It shows the constellations- Like Ursa Major, right there you see it?" Asahi says and he sounds excited, "I haven't got to use this app before, Daichi said it worked really well,"

"Look there's Virgo," Noya grins as he points to it through the phone. It paints the pictures at the sky, and Noya isn't even looking at it half as much as he looks to Asahi to see the way he smiles at the constellations.

"And Leo," Asahi says in awe, "wow,"

They sit atop the roof for a while like that, pointing at the stars, taking in each other's company as long as they can. Neither want to come down from the world they make up there in just a short little time, where all they have to worry about in the moment is stars and the constellations meanings and how bright they shine. 

When the clock reads 2 am, They finally get down, sore from having sat up there for hours though Noya swears it was minutes. 

And in the morning after Asahi sleeps in Noya's bed and Noya sleeps on the floor out of respect and the fact that Noya's bed is too tiny to fit both of them despite Noya being small (Asahi is just so tall and broad and beefy) The goodbye comes when Asahi stands in front of Noya on his porch. Noya’s mother had already wished him his farewells and a safe trip home and to France. Noya can't really process, not believing this may be the last he sees of his friend for a while. 

It's his last chance to confess. But he chickens out again and he's already kicking himself later when he's missing Asahi. 

Instead what happens is as it goes. They look at each awkwardly quiet for a long time, like each are prolonging the words. 

But then Asahi's the one that hugs noya. The ever so touchy feelyNoya who is the one who engages the physical contact, is caught off guard by the big softy with a heart of glass, who leans down to hug him tightly like he doesn't want to let go. And Noya hugs back, remembering every post game embrace, trying to remember everything as it is.

He's turned into such a cliche, damn Asahi. 

"Don't you dare ignore my calls agin, if something's wrong, talk to me," Asahi pulls back but his hands stay on Noya's shoulders. "Didn’t take you as the threatening type Asahi," Noya smiles crookedly. 

Asahi looks like for a moment he might faint and it'd be concerning if Noya wasn't used to that look in Asahi after being friends with him for so long.

"I'm not- just this isn't gonna be the last time I talk to you,"

"Of course." Noya nods.

Asahi looks frusturated at himself, he's showing his emotions on his face though Noya doesn't think it's intentional, he seems to be going through every emotion possible in a single minute.

"Noya i...Thanks for the last two years, They've been my happiest."

"Don't thank me for that," Noya squints, "just- go be you're cool adult fashion designer self and surround yourself with hot french supermodels and text me everyday." Noya nods sternly, "no exceptions,"

"No exceptions, right." Asahi grins.

"I guess I have to get going,"

Noya chews on his bottom lip, making sure to commit everything about Asahi in this moment to memory. "Okay, yeah okay. just get it over with."

"Goodbye Nishinoya," Asahi says, there's resignation, softness, a bit of bittersweetness. 

"Goodbye asahi" Noya prides himself on the fact he didn't let his voice crack.

Asahi moves to step off the porch and only when his back is turned to Noya, does it hit him for real.

"Asahi Wait-" Noya doesn't know where it comes from but somehow he lets something out he'd been keeping in.

He grabs Asahi's wrist and leans up, kissing him gently on the cheek, beaming as he comes down, "for good luck, have a safe trip," 

It’s not exactly a confession but the look on Asahi's face is enough to help Noya sleep better after saying goodbye. 

"Thank you Nishinoya, Goodbye for now."

Noya appreciates the for now addition, letting it feel like this isn't permanent. He doesn't think it is.

"Goodbye for now." And Noya has to watch with a panging heart as Asahi parts from his house, leaving Noya alone, the butterflies and regret fighting in his stomach. 

•••

Noya sighs into his pillow. 

This is where the story ends isn't it. Everything's been for nothing if not to learn that Noya is so bad at loving someone. He can't possibly be the worst can he? He thinks he might. 

He debates calling Shoyo, or Tanaka, or even ennoshita, maybe Daichi and Suga are around, he does miss them too. He hasn't had much to do since volleyballs been on break, and now he really had just said goodbye for real to Asahi.

He spends the rest of the day baking with his mom. Nishinoyas mother always used it as a coping mechanism when she was younger, it's part of why Noya likes sweets.

When he was little she would bake constantly, it's when his dad was still in his life but in a way that was toxic and not good. Noya didn't remember much of it, just that his mom had been sad a lot and she made him cookies just as much.

So as if sensing just how much it affected him about Asahi leaving, she offered to spend her day off of work baking with him and watching movies.

Noya felt a little better. 

Nishinoya checked the clock constantly, wondering if Asahi was on his plane yet, wondering if he was packing, If he was saying goodbye to Daichi and Suga. It just wouldn’t get off his mind.

But then, Then Noya sends a text,

"Have a goodbye flight, stay safe." For good measure, five minutes later the doorbell rings.

And when Noya's confused because surely it's not who he thinks it is because he's supposed to be on a plane, he opens the door and there he is, The same boy hed said goodbye to that very morning, out of breath whose hair half falling out of its bun and clothes are askew like he's just ran a half marathon. 

What was it with him and running to Noya's house.

"Asahi?"

•••

Asahi Azumane is royally and utterly fucked.

First Nishinoya avoids him for almost two weeks. Then When he does see him again he has to say goodbye and on top of that he decides to almost, just almost confess to the kid that “Hey by the way I've been in love with you for a while haha but I mean sucks now cuz I have to leave to go to another country to visit my Lesbian Aunt whos a fashion designer and who I didn't know existed,”

And then Noya kisses him on the cheek and it’s quite the memorable goodbye, but Yuu Nishinoya, despite how hard Asahi works to move on from the feelings, worms his way into his head all day. He lives rent free in Asahi's mind and he gives up on trying to forget about his friend because it's just utterly impssible. 

The blunt, Obnoxiously noble and loud, short friend of his is just infuriatingly hard to forget and just as contradictory but who is Asahi to speak on contradictions.

Something In Asahi snaps. It's like he was a fine tuned wire winding up the day he's supposed to depart for France. The trip was a big step in him becoming a member of the functioning adult world. 

He was supposed to learn about what its going to be like to do what he's secretly has wanted to do for forever; he's supposed to want this, he's not supposed to consider dropping something so important over what should have been a sappy highschool crush he got over once he graduated.

But as par, Asahi doesn't go with the stigma and he really is willing to give up everything to stay in Karasuno it it means being by Noya's side, But the more rational part tells him he'd be wasting away being stuck in Karasuno just for a 'friend'. 

If Asahi ever found the braveness to change that, well Maybe then he'd rationalize that'd he'd rather be in love and happy than in France, lonely and miserable.

But he's going anyways because he knows this is what's good for him. What he's going to experience is going to set the course for the rest of his life.

And so he trails his suitcase after him as he walks towards the departure area of the airport, His family walking with him to send him off. 

What he doesn't expect to see is Suga and Daichi there too, Standing together with hands locked, smiling at their friend near where Asahi will walk through those doors to leave for the prologue to his future. 

"Daichi, Suga," Asahi runs forward and hugs his friends tightly. He partly wishes his entire ream was here, but he knew that would be unrealistic, but he's so greatful at least Daichi and Suga are here to send him off. He's almost glad Noya isn't or he isn't sure he could step onto that plane at all.

"Look at you, From a stuttering little first year to going to France to learn about becoming some fancy CEO of a fashion company, our Asahi's growing up," Daichi cooes and Suga smacks Daichi's chest playfully, "stop that," 

"It's fine, I sort of can't believe it either,"

"We're super proud of you big guy," Suga grabs his shoulder and squeezes gently.

"Thanks guys, I'm gonna miss you a lot,"

"Hey we don't leave for Sendai till September you'll be back before then," 

"I sure hope so," Asahi smiles.

"Koushi! Daichi!" Asahi's mother greets his friends, "gosh I can't beleive you three are all so grown up," she sighs. 

Sakura is clinging to daichis leg in an instant, Riku and Mei are bickering over sharing a salted pretzel, and his father stands quietly to the side, checking his phone every three seconds.

"It seems like yesterday we were in middle school doesnt it," Suga laughs.

"Awh and I was making you guys little sandwiches when you'd have after school sand volleyball tournaments in the park," Asahi's mother beams, "i miss those times,"

"We sure have changed," Daichi nods, "We're gonna miss you Asahi,"

"Oh I can't believe you're gonna be gone for a whole 2 months," his mother's voice says, and she pats Asahi's cheek, "you have to call constantly okay! Updates updates updates,"

"Yeah updates Asahi," Suga grins and Asahi rolls his eyes, "of course guys,"

"Design some next level stuff for us okay?" Daichi pats Asahi roughly on the shoulder.

"My flight leaves in 5," Asahi checks his phone, glancing at the entrance to his flight. He really should get going. But something keeps his feet glued to the floor.

"I guess we have to let you go sometime," his mother sighs sadly, and the rest of his family gathers to give goodbye hugs, Sakura whines about wanting to go with, and Asahi even receives a hug from his father, along with, "make us proud son."

And then Suga and Daichi are smiling at him and he's not sure if they’re crying or not, or maybe Asahi's the one crying, is saying goodbye always filled with so much crying?

One word turns over and over in his head as he waves bye one last time to his family and friends, and the name just pounds and pounds at his skull as he turns his back and heads away to the entrance, This is it he thinks.

Goodbye for now.

He can't leave it like this. How can he leave it like this. 

You owe it to him, to yourself.

He didn't go through all this fucking turmoil and waiting through so many months and games and tournaments and arguments and misunderstandings to end it like this, walking onto a plane without even hugging him bye one last time, or kissing him with the confirmation of meaning. 

He's lied to noya. He told him he hadn't meant it the first time. He'd denied his feelings for so long. 

Asahi catches site of a girl and a boy, the girl hugs the boy tightly, she's crying and it's a goodbye Asahi can understand. And they kiss and Asahi wishes he could have that. 

You owe it to him.

Something snaps in Asahi. 

"I can't do this-" Asahi shakes his head and without letting himself rationalize what he's about to do, he's running. 

He turns on his heel and he's walking back from where he came and when his family sees him, they’re puzzled and Asahi just runs past them, ignoring how anxious he feels with the eyes on him, how stupid he must look, like a lovesick idiot running to catch his lover. He's living every bad romance novel he's ever read. But his story surpasses all of them, he knows it does. It has to.

"Asahi Wait- what are you-" he hears Suga shout after him and the confusing shouts from his parents, But Asahi's already almost out the airport entrance.

•••

The suns just barely begun to set and the sky's a peachy orange with pretty clouds hanging low. It's gorgeous but Asahi doesn't have time to stop and romanticize it. He's going to lose his nerve if he slows down. He hails a cab, and he arrives two blocks away and he sprints the entire way because he can't wait anymore. He's done. If Noya can be blunt, so can he. And if worst comes to worst, he has a whole other country waiting for him to flee to.

No more running like a coward, Be the person you were on the court he tells himself.

And then he's at Nishinoyas door, and he's so out of breath but he knocks anyway because his hearts racing and oh god this is happening; he's just missed his flight out of impulse. 

But there's no more waiting.

Noya answers, he's wearing sweats and a hoodie in the middle of summer, He has a smudge of flower on his cheek, his hairs up in its obnoxious adorably spikey way, He looks with wide eyes, he seems so confused and yet happy to see him. 

Asahi thinks he should come out with it right then. But he can't ruin a moment like that. He has to play this right or it could fail worse should he get rejected.

"I need to talk to you."

"We talked this morning? Aren't you supposed to be on a plane?"

"This is more important."

"Asahi?" Noya sounds uncertain, and Asahi's aware of how serious he sounds at the moment, but he can play around this.

"Can we go somewhere? Please?"

Noya regards him with a tilted head and a confused smile, "alright, yeah, let me uhm- change I guess,"

And he disappears, leaving Asahi to stare at the door and wait, heart hammering because he's doing this. He's going to confess under a sunset sky and all his dreams will come true.

Except self doubt tells Asahi that He's only here for rejection so he can get on the plane easier. 

But who cares, as Noya would say, you can't be afraid of what you can't control. 

He has to tell him the truth, he at least owes the boy that. They've been through so much, how can he leave it like this.

4 minutes later and Noya appears again in a white t-shirt with lettering across the back and his jeans and sneakers. He's always been so simple with his clothes and Asahi just smiles because he has it so bad for this boy, "Asahi you look constipated,"

"Oh," Asahi tries to smile In attempt to wipe whatever look he'd been making off his face. "Come on- lets go,” and he grabs Noya's wrist and ignores the butterflies erupting at the contact. And Noya goes with him, and yet Asahi doesn’t even realized Noya would go with him anywhere.

•••

Nishinoya is more than confused when his friend who's supposed to be 1500 feet in the air and leaving the country shows up out of breath on his door step.

Then the next thing he knows Asahi's asking him to go talk somewhere and he sounds so incredibly serious Noya briefly wonders if someone died or Asahi learned he had some terminal illness and was about to dramatically break the news to Noya. 

Noya scrambled to find clothes that weren't his pajamas he'd spent the day lounging in and when he paused for a moment to check his reflection, he spent a good amount of time rubbing at the flour on his face. He looks really tired for some reason, he hopes Asahi doesn't remember him when he's clearly not looking in his prime. 

"Yuu?" His mom had appeared in the doorway, clearly confused as Noya moved past her, grabbing his tennis shoes and racing down stairs. "'Uhm Asahi’s here, he needs to talk or something so we're gonna go somewhere," he explains in one breath.

"Asahi? Isn't he supposed to-"

"Be leaving for France? Yeah, but he's sort of at our door,"

"Well that's-" his mom furrows her eyebrows "strange, I guess you can go but uhm, fill me in when you get back," 

"I will mom," Noya nods and kisses her on the cheek before moving to open the door, Taking a solid breath. Relax, Don't freak out. Its probably not bad news right? Why else would Asahi be missing his flight right now. 

He opens his door and There he still is and Noya stares because he hadn’t been hallucinating then. He was really here, and he nervously chewed on his bottom lip. 

Noya quickly avoids his eyes because nows not the time and Asahi blinks at him, "oh, come on let's go," and he grabs Noya's wrist and Noya just wanted to know what's going on and what the hell is the big deal?

"Asahi what's wrong? Why aren't you on your flight?" Noya asks looking for an answer and Asahi just shakes his head.

"I'll explain- I will-"

"You can't just give me something vague-" Noya protests and their walking towards town, Down the route they'd take to school, Asahi seems breathless and the sky may be pretty with him silhouetted against it but Noya's still utterly confused.

Not that the sight of Asahi still here, still seeking him out after what he'd thought was goodbye for a long time didn't make Noya's heart go crazy, and a fire erupt in his chest.

"I'm sorry- I'm being dramatic I just-" Asahi stops, and Noya bumps into him from the sudden halt in his step, "I just- This- I don't know how to- I can't do this thing very well,"

"This thing?" Noya quirks an eyebrow.

"Yeah this thing, don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about," 

Noya may be oblivious but even he thinks he knows, but Asahi can't simply be talking about that can he? That can't be why he's here.

They walk the ten minutes until they arrive at a familiar park near sakanoshita, the one with pathways and cherry blossoms and even a little duck pond and fountain, It's the place Noya almost threw hands with a bunch of 12 year olds that one time. But it's also the place him and Asahi would visit a lot on their free time to play volleyball or just get out of the house.

The sky hasn't darkened much, It grows increasingly more vibrant with color as the sun goes down and when they near the bench under a cherry blossom tree, their respective spot as always, Noya finally turns to Asahi, looking for something in his face.

And that's when he notices the way Asahi shrinks away almost, he looks like he wants dissapear, and he's fidgeting, tense. 

“hey-" Noya touches his arm, Asahi blinks at him and Noya almost thinks he's going to pull away, which would be a little detrimental to his confidence.

"What's wrong? You're so...just relax Asahi, please it's just me," Noya looks up at him, and Asahi doesn't- won't meet his eyes,

"that's exactly why I'm nervous,"

"Why," Noya laughs but when Asahi doesn't, his face falls, as does his hand. He thinks maybe Asahi's uncomfortable and takes a step back.

"What's going on? What did I do?"

"Nothing! God why can't I just say it," Asahi groans and Noya is still so oblivious as to what's going on in his friends head. A few blossoms fall from the tree and float down around Asahi, Noya opens his mouth to say something but his words are caught. 

"Asahi-"

"I Lied to you."

Noyas blood runs cold. He stills, watching as Asahi looks on in guilt and something else undetectable. Noya isn't sure what to say to that. 

"What"

"I lied. When I told you that kiss meant nothing. I lied. It meant everything to me Noya because I-"

The ground under Noya's feet seems to come out right from under him, being pulled out like a rug and Noya's sure he's fallen face first but no he was just standing there like an idiot who forgot how to react and show said reaction. For the first time in Noya's life, Something feels too good to be true. He hadn’t even felt that when he'd gone to nationals, when he'd found Asahi at his door step just 20 minutes ago.

Noya hates lies but this one, its the worst and best lie he could ever tell.

"You what," Noya says, and his heart has picked up too fast to be healthy. How on earth can one person make him feel so on edge and so comforted at the same time, how his pulse is picking up at a dangerous pace, all because the words need to reach Noya's ears before he can make the realization himself.

This isn't happening,

"I lied because The way I feel about you Noya isn't-" those words force Noya to jump to a conclusion before he can finish and the word ‘isn't’ rings loud and painful.

But then, Asahi finishes, taking a deep breath and it seems Asahi's trying gain control of the blush spreading across his face.

"This needed to be perfect, I need to have a rose, I need to play music from some boom box and have like- a basket of your favorite things,"

"Asahi-"

"But I don't have any of that and this is last minute and I seriously didn't plan this out but I was leaving and I saw this couple- and I thought I've waited so long and I've been a coward for like my entire life and You make me feel so brave Noya and Yet I'm terrified even right now because you're you-"

"That’s right- I’m me." Noya grasps at Asahi's hands and they freeze up, he's shaking Noya feels, and he steadies them, nimble small ones holding tightly to his strong ones that shake like the poor boy is terrified. 

“And that's why you don't have to worry about whatever you're trying to say Asahi, because it's just me, Nishinoya,"

Noya smiles at him and Asahi blinks down at him, face reddening even then and Noya's sure his is a little red too.

"Is there anyway I can get you to hate me so I don't have to tell you this?"

Noya snorts, "That's impossible at this point, I can never hate you dummy, not when I met you, not when we lost against date tech and fought in that stupid supply closet- Asahi that’d be a waste of a good friendship,"

Noya notices Asahi cringes at the last word, and he pulls his hands from Noya's, he looks to the side and Noya really wants to meet his eye, just what is going on with him?

What's happening?

"You say that but- You know I thought I'd made it really obvious," Asahi starts to laugh and Noya blushes because it's a beautiful sound but it's just so out of place in the moment. 

"Made what obvious,"

And suddenly Asahi finds resolve Noya didn't know he had, and his heart jumps to his throat when Asahi takes a step towards him, "I'm so scared to tell you because Ide rather have you as a friend than someone who can't look at me,"

"Asahi please-" Noya starts but he shakes his head, "let me finish- Nishinoya I had no idea what I was getting into when I became your friend, or maybe I did and I was just ready for it because you're the person I see who lives instead of just simply exists." 

"Asahi you're getting all sentimental," Noya smiles softly but his heart continues to beat erratically and his mind races as Asahi says all of this and he can't possibly be leading up to what Noya desperately wishes is the case.

"And you make me sentimental, You- Noya You walked into my life like you always belonged there, And I just, The way I feel around you is insane and I really hadn't felt like this around anyone before, and I just want to kiss you."

Noya stalls, not sure he's hearing right until Asahi fixates him with this nervous glance, and he's still shaking. 

Noya couldn't hear anything but the blood rushing to his face, And he has been left speechless by Asahi Azumane once again.

Since his words seem to stall him, Noya lifts a hand to the back of Asahi's neck, wishing his confession had worked all those weeks ago so he could have had this sooner.

You’ll never know until you try. Noya had ran Anyways, but even after he'd let Asahi go he'd come back to him. he was his, he was and is and always will be.

Noya pulls him down and the weight of Asahi's lips is intense, it's startling and refreshing all the same. There was one clear message in it, that Asahi didn't need to be scared because Noya felt the same way back; and Noya has never felt more relief than when he sighed into Asahi and kissed him with reassurance, heart beating in his ears. As far as first kisses go, despite it not being his and Asahi's first kiss, he knows nothing will ever come close to it.

and when it ends, Noya's face is flushed. He’s the first one to say it. "I don't know the extent of your feelings for me Asahi," he says and he's surprised by how serious he sounds, "but For me, Im in love with you; I have been since I think I’ve met you”

"And you were gonna let me go just like that?" Asahi mumbles softly, Noya sighs into his chest as he wraps his arms around his torso, Asahi seems to melt into the contact. "I didn't want to but I thought it'd be best for you, there was no way I could have known you liked me too,"

"I'm in love with you Noya," Asahi clarifies and Noya whips his head up, knocking against Asahi's chin who laughs, they were a mess, but it's okay.  
They were going to be okay. 

"I thought I'd been so obvious and that you just didn't feel the same, not that you didn't pick up on what'd ide been feeling,"

"Look I may be perceptive on the court but you take me off and I think I have borderline ADHD, I don't think I would have figured it out if you hadn't told me,"

"That’s okay,” Asahi laughs and The sound could be put on repeat and Noya wouldn't mind it at all for the rest of his life. He always wanted to make Asahi laugh, he always tried to. He couldn't really fathom what was happening, that he had Asahi finally, after a lot of dancing around each other and ignoring blatantly painfully obvious hints, Asahi was with Nishinoya. Nishinoya was with Asahi. 

"I'm not too intense am I?" Noya asks quietly, the sky had started to deepen into the darker hue of purple and orange and the moon was out already, but it wasn't quite dark yet, it was just perfect. "I know love isn't something you throw around but I'm serious asahi, I've never felt sure about anything except you."

"You're intensity is what makes this interesting," Asahi looks down, and as if Noya wasn't already going to combust, and by the looks of it, Asahi too, Asahi lifts a hand to rest it against Noyas cheek, and he subconsciously leans into the contact. 

"It's something I love about you, so don't worry too much okay?"

"This timing is awful, why are we like this," Noya sighs.

"I guess it's fitting, what do you think comes next for us then,"

"I'm gonna kiss you again." Noya states.

Asahi smiles and holds noyas face as he leans upward to do exactly what he said, and Noya can't believe he can do this now and know the boy he loves loves him back. 

He'd been so stupid to think it could be any different. 

"I want to be with you, Noya," Asahi tells him. Noya's heart blazes, everything about the sight of him, in contrast to the setting sky, Still ruffled from the run and walk here, out of breath from kissing him, it's beautiful and he wants to look at him forever. 

"Then be with me Asahi."

"But I'm leaving and-"

"And I'll wait for you to get back, You don't have to sacrifice one good thing for another, not after We took so fucking long to realize this,” Noya smiles up at him, raising his hand to Asahi’s face, running his thumb under asahis eye and over his cheek bone, "we can make it work. I don't want anyone else."

"Chase your dreams you big dummy, I'm gonna be behind you through it all, I've got your back, just like on the court okay?" Noya says.

And that's when Asahi starts crying. He'd made it so far too without shedding years, but there it comes and Noya just smiles and wipes them away and leans up to kiss him again, "are you rescheduling your flight then," he says quietly.

Asahi hugs him tightly, knocking Nishinoya so off balance that he has to wrap his arms around Asahi's neck to stay upright, "course I am, But for a few days, so we have a little bit of time you know,"

"Are you gonna use the little bit of time for a first date?

Asahi leans back, grinning, "yeah, Yeah I am, I can't leave the day after I finally got you"

"I won't hold it against you-"

"Nope," Asahi shushes him, "I'm staying with you a little while longer, and It'll be easier leaving knowing you'll be waiting for me after it all anyways."

"I'm always going to Asahi," Noya feels his heart somewhere up in the clouds. The day had been such a reverent landslide he isn't sure what to think: or how to process any of it. But one fact stood, Asahi was kissing him and it wasn't an accident or a mistake.

"I'm always going to have your back,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a shit show but hey, look at the idiots who finally got the memo. Thank you for reading! All that’s left is the epilogue:) pls comment so I can interact! I love talking to people.  
> (Sorry for any grammar/ characterization errors!)


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold kisses and declarations.

It's winter in Miyagi. Christmas break looms around the corner and everyone begins to look forward to it, families reuniting, Christmas lights begin to go up around the city, Its Asahi's favorite time of the year, well it is now because it means a short little break in the distance between him and his favorite person.

Asahi steps off the train, The cool December air washing over him and filling his lungs. Karasuno in the winter has always been breathtaking to him; he hadn’t realized how much he missed home.

It's barely been six months and yet it feels like it's been years from the nostalgia that grabs at him, but all he can focus on is that he's here finally. He can breathe again. 

His phone buzzes in his coat pocket, and he grabs for it, his screen lighting up with the familiar contact. 

Yuu: ‘finally got a water break, Ukai is having no mercy on us today, and the two first years keep earning us down and backs’

Asahi pulls off part of his glove to type a reply, 

‘I’m sorry:( go easy on them, you remember being a first year’

A split second later

Yuu: ‘yeah but I didn't make the team run- oh I gotta go coach said the team we're playing is here’

‘Play great:)’

Yuu: ‘Always do x’

Asahi lets out a breath and slips his phone back into his pocket.

He adjusts the collar of his tan trench coat, and pulls his suitcase along, looking around as he moves to leave the train station. He’s sure of who he's looking for, though there's no special reunion with the most important person just yet. His appearance in Karasuno is a week early, and he can't wait to see the look on his boyfriends face when he finds out he's in town before he was scheduled to be.

Asahi was waiting for two familiar faces however, Who he'd planned the surprise early visit with around his boyfriends knowledge in the case it didn't work out: but here he was, in Karasuno and looking for the faces of his two old friends.

And when he sees the head of silver hair across the train station, Asahi grins, holding tightly to the strap of his bag as he walks a little faster. And then a head of brown cropped hair comes Into view beside him and Asahi can't wait till they finally see each other in person again-

"Koushi, Daichi," Asahi’s calling out and they turn with no hesitation, as if they recognized the voice without the miss of a heartbeat.

"Asahi!" Suga beams, hes wearing white gloves and a long coat, He hasn't changed nearly at all. Neither has Daichi. 

They all look at each other, either trying to sort through the flooding memories or just in awe that they're back together again, even if it is only for a few weeks. 

Daichi had ended up going to the police acedmy in sendai along with where Suga was studying for his degree in teaching. When they'd video chatted Asahi quite often, he'd learned they shared an apartment and ended up adopting a corgi. Asahi knew they'd always end up having the perfect life together. They had each other and were on track to being happy. 

As for Asahi, he was happy too. He may not get to sleep in the same bed as Nishinoya every night, but he calls him every morning, and they fall asleep on the phone and they still talk constantly. It's been six months since he's last hugged Noya. He’s tried to get visits to Karasuno but with his classes at the fashion university, he was studying all the way in Chuo city in Tokyo, he never got a break on top of the side job he had at the coffee shop down the street from the little apartment he was sharing rent with. 

His roommates were a girl and her boyfriend he'd met in France who found out she was going to the same fashion school he was and her boyfriend was an author. They were good people, but it made him miss his old friends, His team. 

He was just holding out till he saved enough to buy his own apartment. 

"You guys ready to see the old team?" Daichi smiles throwing an arm around Asahi and Sugawara.

"I'm sure Asahi is," Suga laughs.

They both give him a look as Asahi blushes but he uses the cold weather as an excuse as to why his face is probably red, Of course the others had rosy faces from the wind, but Asahi's was always particularly sensitive to the cold. He didn't mind though.

"You have no idea,"

•••

"This really takes me back,"

"It's been like half a year Koushi," Daichi sighs, but even Asahi can see the nostalgia on his former captains face. 

Walking along the old path through Karasuno highschool to head towards the gym does bring back a lot, And Asahi can't help but feel like it really was yesterday when he, Suga and Daichi were first years, and we're so nervous approaching the gym they forced the most anxious of the three through the doors first so the other two didn't have to. 

Asahi smiles, Suga and Daichi bump shoulders and hold hands, they'd kept strong for this long, and Asahi was convinced not too long and they'd probably get engaged given another year or maybe less. That would be something, marrying your highschool sweetheart and vice captain of your old volleyball team.

But it gets Asahi distracted and he thinks maybe he wouldn't mind marrying someone he knew from high school. Maybe a certain libero of his.

They were still so young, so new, he couldn't really imagine putting the word fiancé in his mouth just yet, but he could see it. A future after Noya's graduated and they've settled into a normal togetherness.

They arrive outside the Karasuno gym, a hollow feeling almost consuming them Asahi suspects, it's just the nostalgia biting away, there's no doubt each one of them have missed the place. They all can recall their last moments in the gym, their last practice. It's weird how something could mean so much in the moment only to be a happy memory in the future. 

Volleyball had been their entire world at the time, but now they've moved on, but not from the people.

"Who goes in first," they stare at the doors, while they usually were cracked open, the cold winter air was being kept out as the sound of balls hitting the ground and the squeak of volleyball shoes were muffled from inside.

"They’re having a practice game," Daichi realizes, "I saw their bus on the way in,"

"Oh-" Asahi blinks, That means they're gonna be crashing another teams practice. He feels guilty, but his excitement and the ignition of his pulse at whos through the double doors alleviates it in the end. 

"Well we're familiar faces, they'll be glad to see us," Suga supplies, "it'll be fine,"

"You should go ahead Asahi, I'm sure someone's gonna be happy to see you,"

"Shut up," Asahi says but his smile can't be tamed. He has waited so long to hug his boyfriend again, It seems what little time they'd had together before and after he went to France wasnt enough, nothing will be until they get to wake up next to each other instead of a phone, "let's go in together guys,"

Seeing Suga and Daichi has made Asahi already feel lighter than air, but seeing his old teammates and Noya again, he knew it would be a whole different story. All of them together again for a little while. 

The team had been the source of a lot of Asahi's happiness, the court had been where he drew his strength, or at least initially until he realized it was the people, not the sport itself.

But even then, He was here and he missed all of this so much. 

"Alright, you ready?"

"I wonder how tall Hinata's gotten," Suga ponders.

Asahi and Daichi illicit a laugh, "I wonder if Tsukki actually smiles now," Daichi adds.

"Or if Tanaka finally got a girlfriend,"

"That reminds me-" Daichi starts and tugs on his jacket, "kiyoko said she couldn't crash today's practice because of work but since she stayed in Karasuno, she visits from time to time so it would be fine,"

"She ended up staying huh," Suga tilts his head.

Asahi smiles, "yeah, she and tanaka have become really good friends, he goes and sees her after school all the time,"

"How do you know that-" 

"Yuu told me," Asahi laughs, "I'm sure she's happy,"

"I wish she could be here so we could see her," Daichi sighs, "how about we all stop by her store then, after we visit them,"

"The reunion of the former seniors," Asahi smiles.

"That sounds so sappy," Suga crinkles his nose, "now are we gonna crash this place or stand outside lamenting?”

•••

Nishinoya isn't having the greatest practice. His day had started off pretty great, normal and not at all insufferable really. He's developed a routine and he's stuck with it, but the moment he stepped into the gym he was just having an entire off day. 

Every athlete he knows has off days but he didn't want it to be the day they had a practice match in their own gym. It's not that he wasn't digging up a single ball, it's just that his passes kept ending up too tight, and he missed three perfectly diggable tips if he would have just dove, but his feet feel heavy. 

He suspects it's maybe the weather, or the fact that exams were the next morning and he was weirdly stressed he wouldn’t pass because, because if he didn't then no club activity for him and this was his last year, he couldn't afford another month suspension from volleyball.

He's not making excuses however, and tries to focus in on the game. Practice would die down soon, it's their last one before break anyhow and Noya had heard from tanaka it was supposed to snow the next day and he was psyched because hell yeah he loved the snow. 

Just get through this one practice and you'll be fine, he grunts readying his arms as the opposing team serves. It's the last few points of the supposed practice match but there's no doubt they'll probably play another one, if it were up to hinata and kageyama they definitely would.

"Ennoshita nice receive!" Noya shouts as their captain shuffled and dipped his arms to take a relatively deep ball. he had covered area 6 on the court for Noya seeing as how Nishinoya was in the left back position at the moment and had called to cover the short zones 1 and 2. 

Kageyamas shoes squeak against the floor as he abruptly jump sets right to where Tanaka approaches in first tempo, but the other team digs it out of an ace point and Noya moves into defense in the middle, reading the other teams shoulders and where the ball is headed. 

It's a clear ball to the middle blocker, So Noya lines up his body with the edge of the block as does Ennoshita and they get ready to receive. It's the same thing over and over and Noya is grinning despite his exhaustion.

The ball falls in the corner but Noya sees it coming a second before, his reading when it comes to the hitters had become so much better after his round at the nationals, Going up against aces good enough to get to the nationals makes everyone else on an average day so much less of a threat. 

"Great pick up Nishinoya!" Hinata calls and he's moving in sync with the other hitters, Tanaka's approaching the net, as Hinata, Tsukki, and Ennoshita are too. It's Karasuno's updated version of the synchronized attack. 

“Go shoyo!!" Noya calls as the ball goes to hinata and He scores the point for them in a short lived rally.

They celebrate, Noya grins when kageyama slaps hinata on the back in a supportive 'good job but don't get cocky' way like always. 

The next points Karasuno's and they win the practice match by a landslide, the other team is sweaty just like Karasuno however. Everyone put in work despite the game not having any weight on their record. 

It's after the coaches meet up to talk and the teams go on a short break that doors to Karasuno's gym are opened, a gust of cold winter air blowing into the gym and Noya shivers at first, Turning around to see who had appeared, figuring it's probably Takeda showing up late with more plans to practice over the break.

But it seems thats not who it is at all. 

Noya's frozen at first, but it lasts for barely a second as gasps ring out around his teammates and Noya erupts in the biggest grin, his day had did a full 180.

"Hey Yuu," Asahi's timid smile is there in person, and not through a video screen. Trailing him are Sugawara and Daichi, in the flesh, and it seems the former third year's appearances have the entire team taken aback for just a second before their excited shouts follow. 

The new first years, there's only two of them, stand back a little lost before hinata kindly tells them they're the teammates that graduated six months ago. 

"Asahi!" Noya runs towards him with no hesitation, he's scared this is may be him hallucinating but now, he jumps towards the big guy and when strong arms catch him and hugs him tightly, he knows he's real, and he's here, in their old gym, with flushed cheeks from the cold air and a long trench coat that looks so good on him.

"Hey," he says softly as they reunite, in their own little world despite the onlooking team over across the gym, and the others reuniting with Suga and Daichi. It's just Noya and Asahi in the moment. Finally embracing after so long of being apart.

"I wish I had gotten to do this sooner," Noya says hugging him tightly around his neck, he wants to bury himself in Asahi's arms and never face a world without seeing him everyday ever again. 

"Me too," he sighs, and this times it's Asahi who presses his face against Noya's neck and Noya can feel the relief in Asahi, It’s the same thing he’s feeling.

"Uhm- are you gonna say hi to us too or-?" Daichi laughs behind Asahi and Noya looks up, Asahi letting go as Noya's feet hit the floor again.

"Don't be rude," Suga elbows his boyfriend, "hi Noya!" 

"Hey guys," Noya laughs, moving around his teammates to hug his other former upperclassman. 

"You grew!" Daichi cries. 

"No he didn't," Ennoshita comments and Noya glares"hey!"

“Don't lie to him Daichi" Suga scolds him again and Noya points his attempt at being intimidating and offended at Suga too, But Asahi swoops in and grabs Noya's hand, who's face softens and a grin breaks out, "it's okay, I like your height"

"Who wants to date someone short tho," Tsukki mumbles and Hinata whips around, he himself had grown maybe barely a centimeter but who's counting right? "Yamaguchi’s shorter than you! Hipocrit!"

"He doesn't look like a grade schooler though!" Tsukki retorts easily and the third years share a look. 

Nothing's changed. 

"Shut up and be respectful both of you," Ennoshita snaps, and hinata turns back around, "we're so happy to see you guys!" 

"Yeah it's super unsuspecting," Narita adds in by Ennoshita, everyone's smiling, even Kageyama. Noya's too distracted looking at Asahi to really gauge in the teams reunion with their former third years. 

"I can't believe you're actually here," Noya smiles at him, holding his hand tightly, he'd almost forgotten the feeling. 

"It was supposed to be a surprise," Asahi smiles, "thought it'd make you happy,"

"I'm more than happy!" Noya almost shouts and It's taking all of his control not to climb Asahi like a tree and kiss him breathless. They’re at practice after all.

"Hey you three," ukai appears in the middle of the others to shake their hands in acknowledgement, "what’re you guys doing here," Coach ukai grins.

"Thought we’d stop by while we're all in town and check on our favorite team," Suga grins, his hands held within Daichi's and yet no one bats an eye, it makes Noya smile because it's the same with him and Asahi, no one cares at all. 

"We just finished up a practice match and we're gonna go for round two," ukai explains, "yeah we saw the bus," Asahi adds, and Noya leans into his side, he feels the need to be as close to him as possible because He's really in front of him, he has no idea how long he'll be here but he has to be with him for as long as it is.

"You guys wanna stay and watch?" he suggests? Maybe call lines?"

They all share a look, "yeah come on boss, you can see how kickass we still are!" Tanaka pats Daichi on the shoulder.

"You should watch." Kageyama adds in, and hinata stares at him with big eyes, "what he said!" Hinata adds.

"I guess we don't have anywhere to be right?" Suga smiles. 

Noya stares up at Asahi, "you mind seeing your libero in action again?"

"Well it won't be the same as watching you from on court but I suppose it might make my day a whole lot better," Asahi grins, leaning down to peck Noya on the forehead. Noya tenses just slightly because it was unexpected and physical touch with Asahi has just been limited for so long, he's not sure he's gonna know how to act when he finally gets Asahi alone. He blushes, like a lot. His face probably hasn't been this red for ages and it does not go unnoticed by Tanaka who comments on it.

"Shut up Ryuu! I'll tell Shimizu you sleep with a body pillow with her face tapped on it!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

And so the chaos that is Karasuno goes on like it always has, and the third years find their spots on the sideline, not helping but to reminisce as they watch their former teammates carry on the legacy they'd left behind for them.

And the only thing they can say for sure is that they're proud of them.

They're proud.

•••

The sun is barely setting by the time practice ends and everyone agrees a well deserved catching up dinner is in need afterwards, so While the Karasuno graduates let their old teammates get dressed and clean up after practice, they head on over to the restaurant, aside from Asahi who waits in the cold by the stairs to the club room. 

Suga and Daichi had just glanced back and smiled knowingly, "waiting for Nishinoya,"

Asahi nodded quietly, "of course."

"Don't stand too still though, you'll freeze into a big sensitive piece of ice," Daichi teases and Asahi mocks them in retort, they laugh like they used to and he watches the couple walk off.

He can't believe he's really back here, his normal had shifted so much, but it's not hard to imagine his younger self here, Him a first year, following Suga and Daichi down the steps from the club room, scared to get in the third years way. Second year Asahi getting a little more confidence as he stepped up to be the ace, Meeting Noya and tanaka and Ennoshita and the other second now turned third years. Walking home with Suga and Daichi, walking home with Nishinoya. 

Asahi blinks in thought, his face is numb from the cold, it's oddly windy for Karasuno. He feels it could even snow if it got any colder, He wonders briefly if that broom is still in the closet, fixed and layed against the wall. Who knew Asahi could feel sentimental over a broom.

They'd fixed it together after all.

"Asahi!" He hears his name but it's just hinata bounding down the steps with Kageyama behind him. Hinata walks with vigor and energy just like always, Kageyama’s stood up straight and tugging at his earmuffs slightly as if to listen if Asahi said something. 

While it seems Kageyama brought layeres, Hinata's just in his Club jacket and a scarf. Suga probably would have reprimanded him to wear something warmer and given him another jacket had he still been on the team.

"Are you out here waiting for Noya?" Hinata grins, his face already red from the cold.

Kageyama pauses beside hinata. "What else would he be doing?"

"it was just a question!" Hinata sticks his tongue out at his friend, Kageyama just rolls his eyes. 

"You ask questions that already have very clear answers," Kageyama shrugs. 

"Yeah-" Asahi answers, lifting a hand to the back of his head, "I wanted to walk with him,"

"Well he is your boyfriend-" Hinata starts and Asahi blushes despite the fact that he shouldn't after dating the boy for almost six months, but even then hearing it come from his former teammates mouth is something else.

"Exactly, now lets go, I'm cold-" Kageyama starts.

"Awh Do you wanna borrow my jacket Kageyama,” hinata cooes and Kageyama smacks him in the shoulder before grabbing Hinata's collar and dragging him off, "course not! How are you not cold anyways! You don't have layers!"

"Because I'm immune to the cold obviously" hinata comments and their voices fade as they walk off in the direction Suga and Daichi went.

Asahi smiles, they haven't changed a bit either. 

It's less than a few minutes when the person he'd been waiting for appears. Tanaka had ran past him first, Saluting Asahi quickly as he turned and sprinted off calling after hinata for some reason.   
Then when Asahi glances to the top of the stairs, There he was, But to Asahi's horrification he wasn't wearing a jacket.

"Nishinoya,” Asahi shakes his head as he climbs up the steps before Noya can come down to him. "Where the hell is your coat?"

"I uh- forgot it?" 

"You forgot it? Don't you walk to school?"

"Well it wasn't that cold this morning!" Noya says as Asahi shrugs off one of his jackets, unlike Noya, he'd come prepared and he drops his north face jacket over and around him. Noya seems to smile like a child and slips his arms through the jacket despite the fact that it's twice his size of course.

"You didn't have to-"

"Of course I did, who do you take me for? Not tsukkishima I hope-"

"I heard that," Tsukki mumbles as he passes the two, tugging at his scarf as he slips his headphones on, yamaguchi following along.

"Sorry Tsukkishima," Asahi laughs, he's not as indifferent to him as he was when he first met Tsukki, he'd almost consider him a friend after blocking together during all those matches last year.

"That was great," Noya grins stupidly, "by the way- I don't need a jacket though, The cold is my bitch,"

"Why do you have to say things like that," Asahi sighs grabbing Noya's (freezing) hand as they move to walk down the steps and towards their destination, not far behind Tsukki. 

"I'm just saying!" Noya chuckles, "I'm way too tough for the cold,"

"That's a lie, Youre shivering,"

"I am not," Nishinoya denies. 

"Whatever you say Yuu," Asahi shakes his head with a smile, squeezing his hand tightly, trying to warm them up. 

"Besides if I do get cold, not that I will, but you’re like a giant space heater so what do I have to worry about,"

"You have a point," Asahi hums. 

"Oh! Also-" 

"What-" Asahi looks to the side as Noya jumps up, grabbing the collar of his trench coat to pull him down. He kisses him for the first time in forever and it's still just as invigorating. It’s perfect in every way and Asahi will never be sure he's had enough. 

Kissing Noya is revitalizing, It's the cure to anything and everything and now he can finally kiss him with no repercussions other than his want for more.

"That's long overdue don't you agree," Noya smiles.

"I love you," he lets it slip but he doesn't have to be mortified about it. Because Noya just smiles a handsome smile and leans up to hug him tightly, right there half way off the grounds of Karasuno in the cold, he tells him, "and I love you Asahi,"

•••

Yuu Nishinoya has decided what comes next.

He's spent a lot of time wondering about the future. He never wanted to worry too much, because he knew whatever comes will do just that and he'll go along with it, because he had a constant to keep him steady. A constant that was a big soft, kind man that he'd never believe was truly his if he didn't call him in the morning when he woke up, and at night before he went to bed. 

Noya had been counting the days until he'd see Asahi again. He'd thought long distance would be too hard, how easy it could be for Asahi to fall out of love for him when he's miles away. 

And yet they never went a day without talking, even if he was all the way in Tokyo, even when he'd been all the way in France, it'd felt like he was right next to him. 

When Noya was studying to pass his first semester exams, Asahi had told him he'd be coming home for Christmas, but it'd been a week away. Noya couldn't even perceive how good it'd feel to hold his hand again. 

Nishinoya had known he and Asahi could manage long distance, and having him back beside him, he really has decided what comes next. 

Noya may not be sure what'll happen or how it'll happen, but he knows one thing: that his future isn't set in stone, but Asahi is. 

Asahi will be apart of it. He'll be Asahi's for as long as he'll have him.

"Yuu," 

Noya will not be sure he'll ever get enough of hearing Asahi say his name in person. Noya peers up at him, admiring silently how beautiful he looks beside him, they'd taken a long walk In the park, despite its chilliness, the park is somewhere they hold close to them.

"Yeah?" He says, gloved hand tightening around Asahi's. It's freezing, It’s mid December, And yet here they are sitting by a frozen fountain, looking at the graying sky. It’s peaceful, and Noya enjoys the coldness nipping at his nose. He loves how it flushes Asahi and makes his cheeks permanently pink. 

"What are you going to do, After you graduate?"

Noya knew the question was to be talked about soon, they couldn't avoid it for long, after all the first semester was ending, Not long and Noya would be the one in the cap and gown, playing his last volleyball game.

Noya sighs softly, watching his breath crystalize in the air, he stands, moving in front of Asahi and looping his arms around his neck. 

Asahi smiles, looking at him like he's all he's ever wanted. It fills Noya with unprecedented butterflies he'll never be able to get rid of. A fire that's been there since day one and has only burned hotter and bright since each day they’ve known each other. 

Asahi lifts his hands, Adjusting Noya's beanie, "you need to cover your ears, They'll freeze off," 

Noya snorts, bumping his head against Asahi's, "Asahi, do you think you see yourself with me in six months?"

Asahi stills underneath Noya's gaze, he's dead serious and his heart picks up, Asahi's hand moves from the back of Noya's neck to his jaw, "I do."

"What about a year,"

"Yes."

"Two years?"

"Until I die nishinoya," Asahi tells him, he says it so quietly Noya almost thinks he misses it. "I know that's a serious thing to say but I don't see any future for me without you in it. I don't care if we're still young. You're everything to me."

Noya looks at him, tilting his head and pressing a soft kiss to Asahi's temple, Asahi's warm despite the cold. Noya’s the one looking down at Asahi, who still sits against the edge of the fountain. His face is calm, Noya knows there's no hesitation behind what he says.

"Then I want you to know that when I graduate, I'm traveling the world."

"You-" Asahi blinks, eyes going owlish, "that's fitting for you,”

"But I want you to come with me," Noya grins, taking a step back and grabbing at Asahi's hands to pull him up to his feet, grabbing his forearms as he looks up at him, "I know you have fashion school, and I know traveling can be difficult with anxiety and things can always change, But I've saved up the money, I'm going to do side jobs, I'm gonna fish for marlins in Italy, I'm gonna see the pyramids in Egypt, And I want to do it all with you." 

Noya thinks maybe Asahi will turn him down, will tell him it's unrealistic, how could they possibly make that work. 

But then Asahi just smiles softly, and leans down, cupping Noya's face with tenderness. Noya can feel his breath hit his face. Warmth radiates through Asahi and seeps into Noya's skin. 

“It's snowing," he says after a moment and Noya realizes that it is. Tiny flurries have begun to fall around them, and it almost reminds Noya of seeing cherry blossoms fall around Asahi in the spring, getting stuck in his hair, his smile more beautiful than the flowers.

He wants to remember all of this. They went through so much to get to this point, so much tiptoeing around each other, so much uncertainty, yearning and discovery. 

They deserve this, and they deserve their futures together. Because they'll always be partners long after they step off the court.

Asahi kisses Noya, snowflakes getting caught on eyelashes and jackets, and Noya can't wait to see the world with Asahi as he says to him, 

"Of course I'll go with you, I'll go anywhere as long as it's with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I can’t believe I actually finished this, I started it back in May as a self indulgent one shot and it spiraled but I don’t regret it at all. It’s sort of rushed and I know there’s a lot to fix, but I hope the story got across, Asahi and Nishinoya’s dynamic is one of my favorites in hq, and I never see enough fics centered around them.  
> Thank you for reading this mess!! I really am gonna miss it, but I’m starting another asanoya fic soon!!:)


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